Blind
by LovelessDestiny
Summary: AyaYohji, Yaoi. Yohji isn't sure that Aya really loves him, he vent his frustrations on the redhead and in addition to that Schuldig takes control over his mind for a few fateful minutes. Can he make up for it?
1. Betrayal

I own nothing and I make no money.

Here I am … again. Yeah yeah yeah Aya I know I'm mean, a sadist and … mad Oo hmm maybe, in any case you have to suffer like always. I put my emotions into my storys so sorry for the up and downs

I hope I get some reviews but no flame please.

Oh before I forget when I say "cry" I don't mean the girlish whiny kind … our boy still have their pride and aren't cry babys. So don't get me wrong I don't want to make wimps out of them.

**Blind**

Aya and Yohji stood on the roof of the Koneko, it was a cold and rainy night and not only the weather wasn't peaceful.

„Why did you do this? " Aya asked cold but in his eyes mirrored hurt and despair.

"Why?" Yohji asked angry "We are a couple for four months but you`re still so cold and I have needs too" he looked down on the street to avoid Ayas gaze.

"That's no reason to fuck the first that comes along" Aya hissed and Yohji finally turned around.

"Why are you so damn cold? Still now you're cold as ice, why can't you show any emotions?" Yohji yelled frustrated "I can't stand you".

"Do you love me?" Aya asked, he knew it was the wrong topic but he must know it.

"What?" Yohji asked confused "… of course" he added a bit softer.

"But you couldn't wait for me" Aya looked to the ground; he tried to hold his protective wall upright.

"How long should I wait, we didn't make any progress" Yohji asked serious and stared at Aya.

"You don't love me enough, if you would love me you had given more time to me" Aya said and sent Yohji a death-glare mixed with hurt, despair and disappointment.

"Don't look at me like that" Yohji hissed dangerous "I love you but you can't change"

"No you don't "Aya said in a tone which could let your blood freeze.

Yohji was swamped, he felt how rage boiled inside him and without to think or realize it, he slapped Aya.

It was the first time he could really see emotions in Ayas icy violet eyes, the hurt and shocked look in Ayas eyes let his heart ache.

Aya looked helpless for the first time, he was speechless and only stared at Yohji but after a few seconds he was ready to defend himself.

"I should be the one who ask if **you** love** me** … Don't look at me like that" Yohji yelled, Ayas sight was so unreal "don't ever look at me again"

Aya turned around and vanished inside the house, on the way into his room he met Omi and Ken and he knew they heard everything, he could see it in their eyes.

Aya passed them without a word and locked himself inside his dark and cold room; he fell on his bed and touched his burning cheek

_~ It hurt … it hurt … I should have shown him what I feel, it's my fault!_

_On top of that I made him angry, the look in his eyes scared me… so full of rage._

_I want to see the beautiful emerald eyes never again…_

_My fault my fault my fault my fault ~_

As Aya ran away from him, he felt guilt wash over him but Yohji still stood on the roof and looked into the sky and ignored the cold rain on his skin,

_~ I didn't want that … it wasn't my intention to hurt him … oh god I really slapped him and said he isn't allowed to look at me_

_I must fix it … I will fix It (sigh) I love him, I really do~_

Yohji went back into the house and stopped in front of Ayas door, he wanted to knock but he couldn't find the strength.

He rested his head on Ayas door and touched the strong wood of the door "I'm sorry" he muttered but he was kicked out of his thoughts as he heard Aya sob.

_~ Aya cries? … __Did I break him?! … What have I done again, why couldn't I trust him … help him?_

_I' m so sorry ….. so sorry, are you really crying ~_

Somehow he found the strength to knock but he got no answer, he tried it again and again but Aya was too tired and hurt to answer him.

"Yohji give up" Omi said, Yohji didn't notice that the young boy stood next to him "give him time"

"but" Yohji whispered "… I want to see him, to tell him the truth, to care for him"

"I think it's too late to apologize … I mean you hit him and you betrayed him" Ken interfered, he was pissed that Yohji ruined their halfway intact family life.

"I will make everything all right" Yohji said serious and went into his room he couldn't stand the reproachful look in their eyes.


	2. Sorry

"Morning" Yohji mumbled "did you see him?" he asked hopeful, but Omi shook his head "No, he's still in his room"

"Ok" he answered before he took a cup of tea and some toast "What do you do?" Omi asked confused, Yohji and tea?

"He didn't eat for two days" he said and left the kitchen, he knocked on Ayas door but he didn't respond.

"Aya open the door or I will open the door, you know what that means" Yohji tried to sound friendly and calm with success; Aya opened the door but went back to his bed,

"It's important for you to eat" Yohji said worried "you know when we get a job respectively we have a mission…" Aya sighed "I know I need my strength" he whispered.

"Yes you do" Yohji confirmed "I don't want to see you die" he added truthful "hmp" Aya made and turned around to look out of the window.

The whole time he didn't look at Yohji, he wanted too but he was afraid of Yohjis reaction and he was afraid of the things he could see in his emerald eyes.

"Aya I want …" but Aya didn't want to hear it "let me alone … I don't want to hear it"

"but I …." Yohji tried to touch Aya but he shivered and slapped his hand away; and Yohji had the feeling that Aya was afraid of him? "let me alone" he hissed and Yohji had no other choice as to leave him.

"Don't forget we have a mission tonight" Yohji said before he left the room, but Aya ignored him.

"Yohji, is he able to fight? Maybe we should cancel the job" Omi asked worried but Yohji gave him a `you-know-the-answer-already` look "I know stupid question … Aya won't miss an opportunity to kill someone or himself" Yohji gave Omi a shocked look, he didn't consider that Aya had the turn to be suicidal.

"Please help me to take care of him" Yohji pleaded and didn't notice that he said it out loud. The boys were astonished, Yohji was distressed enough to beg for help "You're serious" Omi noticed and nodded "we will protect him as good we can" Ken said nothing but gave them a light nod to confirm the request.

Yohji sighed and went back upstairs, he knocked at Ayas door to make sure he's more or less ok "Aya can I come in?" he asked.

"As if I had a choice…" he heard Ayas tiered voice and entered the room carefully, just in case Aya wanted to try to kill him with his Katana, his heart clenched as he saw Aya next to the window.

He looked so small and young and not dangerous and all mighty "Aya can we talk?... please?" Yohji said soft but got no response "I want to say sorry … I'm so sorry"

"How can I believe you" Aya said cold, all of the sudden he was the cold and mighty Aya again.

"I didn't sleep with her" Yohji confessed "she flirted with me and I was angry that you were so cold … I think I wanted to make you jealous … I think I wanted to see, if you love me" he sighed "but in the end I didn't think at all"

Aya turned around but avoided Yohjis eyes "You didn't sleep with her" he raised an eye brow "and you think I believe it"

"I hope one day …yeah" Yohji tried to look into Ayas beautiful violet eyes but he avoided his gaze and that made him angry "Aya look at me" he said frustrated "look at me"

"I won't look at you anymore … It was your wish, do you remember?" Aya said in a low tone and stared out of the window again.

Yohji grabbed Ayas shoulders and pinned him against the wall "ouch" Aya gasped, he saw stars for a few seconds but Yohji ignored it "look at me" he repeated and touched Ayas pale cheeks and raised Ayas head so that he looked at him but Aya closed his eyes and his whole body tensed

_~ I don't want to look … I don't want to …._

_Why does his touch hurt so much … what if he says the truth but what if he's lying ~_

"Aya" Yohji yelled frustrated "please" he begged but Aya ignored his wish "let go" Aya hissed and struggled against Yohjis strong grip "let go"

Yohji tightened his grip "Aya calm down or …" he sounded harsh and Aya knew he must be careful but he didn't care anymore "or you will hit me? Or crash my head against the wall?" Aya resigned and stopped to struggle.

Yohji loosened his grip around Ayas shoulders and gave Aya a shocked expression, he wanted to say that he's sorry and that he didn't meant to hurt him on purpose but he couldn't make a sound.

_~ He's afraid of me? … He's really afraid … how can I make everything all right?_

_I need more patience but he's the only one who drives me crazy … Maybe we need some distance between us ~_

"I'm sorry" Yohji whispered and rushed out of the room, he needed air, cigarettes and something to drink.

_~ There's nothing to be sorry for … It was my fault … I can't be a loving person… I can't be a caring person … ~_

Aya thought and slid down the wall, he stared at the ground and felt a heavy weight on his soul.

"Yohji it's time" Ken said as he entered the kitchen "Is it this late already?" Yohji said absentminded and went into his room to change.

"Aya" he knocked carefully at Ayas door "it's time to go" he added in a warm tone and waited for Aya to come down with him.

He opened the door and was surprised that Yohji still stood in front of his door "You don't need to wait" he said cold but Yohji took him into his arms "What the …"

"Aya please I swear I didn't want to hurt you that much" Yohji said serious and kissed Aya very gentle, after they parted Yohji pressed Ayas head against his shoulder.

"Please calm down" Yohji whispered into his ear as he noticed that Ayas body tensed but he didn't struggle and for Yohji this was a successful first step.

Aya loved Yohjis warmth and the touch of his strong hands sent a shiver through his body, he wanted nothing more than to believe him.

"You still can't look at me?" Yohji asked sad "Can you do me a favor?"

"What do you want?" Aya asked suspicious, he won't let him off that easily, it was still too early to trust him.

"When we're back … let us sort our problems out I mean you need me do you?" Yohji asked hopeful while he caressed Ayas head and tightened his hug a little bit, Yohji were so gentle that Aya hadn't another chance as to nod.

"Aya what's that" Yohji froze as he felt a big bump on the back of Ayas head while he stroke trough his soft red hair.

"…" Aya didn't answer and Yohji could feel that Aya started to be more nervous than before "was it me?" Yohji asked and pushed Aya gently away "Aya was it my fault?" he repeated and stared at the red head.

"Yes" he said cold and went away from Yohji "fuck" Yohji cursed as he watched Aya go.


	3. Messed up

The mission was easy until Schwarz appeared, they made everything difficult again and that pissed Balinese off.

"Damn it what do you guys want" he hissed and tried to catch Schuldig with his wire but failed "Oh my … I could think you don't like us" Schuldig mocked before he took control over Yohjis body.

"Yohji what happened" Omi yelled during his fight with Nagi, he saw that something was wrong with Yohji; he kneeled on the ground and held his head as if he was in pain.

"Ohh nothing little Bombay … I only play a bit with his body" Schuldig grinned.

Abyssinian was busy with Crawford and couldn't see Yohjis misery "You're distracted … what happened" Crawford laughed as he saw Ayas confused expression.

"Nothing" Aya hissed angry, he didn't like the fact that his emotions are obvious for them "liar" Crawford said and cut deep into Ayas flesh, the wound began on the right side of his hip and ended on the left side of his ribcage.

Aya held his side and glared at Crawford as he realized that he allowed Crawford to distract him, but now Aya was pissed and fought like crazy he was fast and agile in spite of his wounds.

Schuldig watched the fight and was worried about his lover, so he decided to send Balinese into a battle with Abyssinian.

"Balinese what?" Aya asked confused as Yohjis wire wrapped around his wrist, Yohji pulled in the wire until blood dripped down Ayas wrist and he dropped his Katana.

Aya looked at Yohji and could see an empty look in his emerald eyes, not a glitter, no power and no love.

"Aya I don't want … "Yohji tried to say but Schuldig took over again "ohh killed by your own lover isn't it a suitable death for you" Schuldig said and laughed happy before he sent a new order into Yohjis mind.

It wasn't easy because Yohji fought with all his power but it was useless "Aya kill me … don't let me kill you" he whispered and Aya stared at him with wide eyes, he couldn't really hurt Yohji and he couldn't save himself without hurting him.

"Is it you or Schuldig who talks to me" Aya asked, was Yohji ready to die for him or was it a trick from Schuldig; Schuldig grinned "who knows"

Yohji ran towards Aya and took him into a stranglehold before he dragged him towards the partly broken window.

"Yohji" Aya gasped and gave him a scared look but Yohji couldn't win against Schuldig in his mind and tossed Aya with a hard punch with his elbow out of the window, the glass splintered and glittered in the moonlight as it swirled around Aya the whole way down.

Ken sent Farfarello into the land of dreams as he saw that Yohji threw Aya out of the window "Yohji nooo" he screamed but it was already too late Aya fell from the third floor on the hard asphalt.

Schuldig released Yohji from his mental attack, and he couldn't believe that he throw his lover out of the window, even Schuldig got scared as he saw Yohjis expression he looked lost and willing to kill everyone who crossed his way, he never looked so dangerous before.

"We should go" Crawford yelled as he saw Yohji ready to hunt down everyone, Schuldig took Farfarello and Crawford dragged Nagi out of the building after Omi knocked him out with an arrow full of Novocain.

Yohji watched them leave before he turned around and went slowly to the window, he was too afraid of what he might see, Aya lay on his back his arms and legs were outstretched and it looked so surreal to him.

He took a few deep breaths before he ran down the stairs to Aya, he panicked and the way seemed to be endless, the whole way Yohji repeated Ayas expression in his head over and over, the shocked and hurt look in his eyes broke his heart.

Omi and Ken were already there and checked Ayas lifeless body "He has a pulse" Omi sighed

but Yohji ignored him he kneeled next to Aya and checked him again just to be safe that he won't break his neck, when he took him into his arms.

"Yohji" Ken whispered as he saw Yohjis lifeless expression "It must be a shock" Omi whispered to Ken as he saw his confusion.

They sat in the hospital and waited already for four long hours, Aya was still at the surgery.

Yohji sat on an uncomfortable chair, he stared at the wall as if it were his only support, and his hands shook, it was the only sign of life Yohji showed.

"Yohji" Omi squeezed his shoulder while he held a cup of coffee under Yohjis nose, Yohji turned his head to look at Omi "drink this" the young boy said soft "thanks" was the only answer before Yohji continued to stare at the wall.

Two hours later Ayas doctor appeared and Yohji was fully awake "Doc" he gasped "how is he?"

"He will recover" the Doctor said "but it will need a lot of time" she added, she was one of Kritikers doctors and knew that they won't make money the next few months.

"It doesn't matter the most important thing is that he will recover" Yohji sighed relieved "can I see him?" he asked nervous.

"Ok but only one of you" she said and Omi gave Yohji a gentle smile which said `go-and-take-care-of-him` "thank you" Yohji whispered before a nurse lead him into Ayas room.

"Doc how bad is it?" Ken asked tiered and knew he won't like the answer.

"He has a bad brain concussion, his collarbone is cracked, his left forearm is broken, four broken ribs, bruises, scratches, cuts from a wire and sword… and some inner bleedings but we could stop them… he had luck"

Omi stared at the Doc with wide eyes, he knew a fall from the third floor is a bad thing but to hear it was painful "luck" Omi whispered "yeah that was really luck" Ken put an arm around his little lover.

"But there's another thing … "the Doc said in a serious tone "he was awake for a few minutes and we are sure …" she paused "You're sure?" Omi pushed and felt fear wash over him, he squeezed Kens hand tight.

"We think it has a psychological cause…."

Yohji went into Ayas room and stopped in front of Ayas bed, he was so pale and he had so many bruises in his beautiful face.

Bandages covered his athletic body and Yohji could see the wound which Crawford caused him, he could notice it on the blood which gets through the bandage.

"Aya" Yohji whispered and sat on a chair next to Aya before he took his cold and fragile hand into his own.

He kissed Ayas hand gently and studied all his wounds and broken bones "I'm so sorry" he breathed against Ayas hand "How can I make up for it?!"

Yohji held Ayas hand for three hours which felt like an eternity before Aya slowly woke up "Hm" he winced as he tried to move a bit "Aya!" Yohji stood up like a flash "Shhh be careful" he said soft.

As Aya opened his eyes and recognized Yohjis voice, he got panic "Aya calm down shhh" Yohji whispered and stroke through Ayas hair, it hurt like hell but he struggled against Yohjis touch and his presence.

Aya rolled up into a fetal position, he was afraid … he was afraid of Yohji "Go … go away" he whined but Yohji tried to calm him down.

" Shhh I won't hurt you … Schuldig lost the control over my mind … I won't do anything to you" he said and tried to sound as gentle as possible.

He caresses Ayas arm and tried to turn him around, his position was bad for his wounds and it must hurt like hell "Shh" he whispered "come on the position is bad"

Aya started to calm down, he felt that Yohji won't hurt him, not now "ouch" he hissed barely audible, his breath was heavy but it was better to lie on the back.

"Aya please look at me" Yohji said as he noticed that Aya avoided eye contact again "No" Aya whispered and turned his head to the side.

"Aya please" Yohji touched Ayas cheeks and turned Ayas head slowly into his direction "Aya" he whispered "open your eyes"

Yohji was so gentle that Aya couldn't ignore his wish and granted it, he opened his eyes again and looked at Yohji.

Yohji thought his heart stopped, Ayas eyes were empty, he couldn't see a glitter or emotion… neither a glare "Aya …. Y-y-you" he stuttered, Aya touched Yohjis cheek he knew were the blond was because he felt his breath.

Yohji touched the hand on his cheek and gave him a kiss on his palm "I didn't meant it when I said that you're not allowed to look at me ever again … and now you're blind" Yohji said guilty, Aya could feel how Yohjis body shook "Don't cry" he said as he felt how a hot liquid touched the skin of his hand.

"I pushed you out of the window" Yohji sighed "I almost killed you" he couldn't forget the look in Ayas eyes as he fell.

"Will you hurt me again?" Aya asked shy, he still loved his blond but he was afraid at the same time what if he vents his frustration on me again? He mused.

Aya couldn't see Yohjis hurt expression but he felt him tense "No, I won't" Yohji sobbed "I swear I won't hurt you again"

Aya sighed and decided to believe him for now, he was extremely tiered and fell asleep right after Yohji finished his sentence.

Yohji stroke a strand out of Ayas face before he lay down next to Aya and snuggled up to him, he didn't want to let go even when they can't get along with each other at the moment but he hoped that Aya will come back to him.

"Ohh do you think they sort everything out" Omi whispered to Ken but he shrugged "I don't think so"

"Why?" Omi asked disappointed "Omi you know them, Aya won't forgive him so easily and Yohji will be angry about Ayas behavior" Ken sighed "Yeah that's true" Omi chuckled frustrated.

The Doctor entered the room to check on Aya "Ohh cute" she smiled before she woke them up "Hey sweeties wake up" she yelled and Yohji almost fell from the bed and Aya winced as his body tensed with shock.

"Ok let me see your wounds" she said serious "don't be afraid it's only the Doc" Yohji tried to console him "It's fearsome to be blind am I right?" she asked with pity in her voice "Yeah it is" Aya confessed.

"It looks good, when your team will take care of you, I could release you in fourteen days" she said and looked at the boys; she must grin as they nodded synchronously "Ok then I leave you alone" she said and vanished.

"Aya, how do you feel?" Omi asked concerned and Aya tried to find out where Omi stood.

"It's ok" he said finally and tried to move a bit he felt everything sore "ouch" he whispered and tried to play the strong leader but his team knew better.

Omi gave Yohji a sad look before he took Kens hand "we should go, we have to sell flowers … see you tomorrow" Ken nodded " Take care of him Yohji" he said blunt as ever.

Yohji sat down on chair and sighed, he thought he could handle it, he thought he could live with what he did but he couldn't.

He dreamt from Ayas fall again and again and again, involved with all the emotions he felt that night.

"Yohji can I have some water?" Aya asked tiered and Yohji put his thought aside for a while "Sure" he said and lifted Ayas upper body up and put the cup carefully on Ayas mouth.

"Thank you" Aya coughed a bit his throat was dry and the water hurt but Yohjis touch comforted him his touch was gentle and so warm.

"Sleep …good boy" Yohji whipped a strand out of Ayas face and gave him a soft smile before he went out of the room, out of the hospital with the intention to never come back to the hated building.


	4. Guilt

Two weeks passed and Yohji didn't show up again.

Omi and Ken came sometimes, when they could make time but it wasn't what he wanted, he wanted his Yohji.

He sat alone in his room and stared into the dark, he couldn't read his beloved books and he could only hear the movies on the TV.

He felt lonely and forgotten

_~ Why don't you come, when I woke up after the incident you were by my side and I had hope that you would take me back._

_I love you so much; to see your scared face and your will to die for me was…. I don't deserve it. … I will forgive you everything like I always do but_

_Why aren't you here?_

_D__o you have a new lover? Or do you hate me this much? … I should have died! ~_

Aya stood up and searched the window as he found it he touched the glass carefully, it was cold "the weather must have changed" he whispered to himself "Do the trees lose their leaves already?"

The door opened and someone entered his room, since he was blind, he was afraid when it wasn't obvious who visited him.

"Hey Aya" Omi said cheerful and Aya was relieved, he thought it was an enemy but on the other hand he was sad … it wasn't Yohji.

"We came to take you home" Omi smiled, he knew Aya couldn't see it but sometimes he still forgot it.

"Home" Aya whispered but Omi didn't hear it, he was too busy to put Ayas things together.

Ken waited in front of the hospital, he hated hospitals "Hey Aya" he yelled as they came out of the damn building.

Aya couldn't walk properly, so they needed time to reach the car "Hey Ken" Aya said cold.

As they arrived at home, Yohji wasn't there to greet Aya.

"Where is he?" Aya asked himself "He feels guilty" Omi said as if he read Ayas mind "he blames himself for the events"

"It wasn't his fault" Aya said in a cold tone "Yeah… but how would you feel, when you threw him out of the window?" Omi asked gently, he knew how Aya felt and he could understand what Yohji felt but everything he could do was to give them a little push at the right time.

"Terrible" Aya whispered "I would feel terrible"

"Yeah" Omi said soft "I bring you to your room"

"I want to wait here" Aya said, he knew sooner or later Yohji must pass the living room and Aya felt that he wasn't even able to reach his room.

"Ok" Omi sighed it would be useless to discuss „Do you know where the sofa is? "he asked, it was important for Aya to learn to move around the house without help.

Aya tried to see the living room in front of his mind eye, strange how we think we know our home but in reality we know nothing.

Aya turned to the side and grope for the sofa; he was right after a few seconds he found it.

He walked carefully around the sofa to sit on it but on his way he hit the little table "ouch" he hissed "I forgot the damn thing" it was embarrassing and the collision with the table let a wave of pain shot through his body.

"I saw nothing" Omi said as he saw a shade of pink on Ayas face.

"Good" Aya said cold and sat down "Do you want to eat?" Omi asked while he watched Aya, he looked so helpless.

"I'm not hungry but thank you" Aya said and starred into nowhere.

Omi put off the light and went into the kitchen where Ken waited for him "And?" he asked "how is he?"

"It's bad" Omi sat down on a chair "I think only Yohji can help him now, we can only watch and help here and there"

"Then let us hope that Yohji won't abandon him" Ken sighed and reached some cookies to him.

"Guilt is mighty but I think nothing is stronger than love" Omi bit into his cookie.

"You're right" Ken said "let's go to bed it's late"

Aya sat on the sofa and waited for Yohji, he didn't know how late it was or how the weather was, he could only say that it wasn't raining.

His whole body ached and he thought that the doctor was maybe right.

She said that it was too early to release him, his fever didn't go down and he didn't eat properly so his condition was as bad as before but he couldn't stand the hospital anymore … the loneliness and the empty feeling deep in his heart.

It was past midnight as the front door opened and Yohji entered the living room, he hoped that Aya was asleep and he could hide a bit longer.

"You're late" Yohji was near an heart attack as the voice appeared, Yohji put on the light and saw Aya on the sofa.

"I needed air" he answered and tried to avoid a conversation.

"Don't hide" Aya said and stood up; he tried to find Yohjis smell or a little noise.

"I don't hide" Yohji said, though it was obvious that he did.

"Ahh … I found you … I think" Aya smiled a little bit as he reached out to Yohji.

Yohji was surprised that Aya found him without an accident, like table in the way or a bruise.

"How have you found me so easily?" he asked gently "and why do you smile about that, you never smile at me"

Ayas little smile died and he put his arms down, he was so proud that he found his Yohji but now he made a mistake again "I followed your smell and your voice" Aya answered casual before he turned around "I should go to bed".

"I show the way to you" Yohji said and took Ayas arm "You only want contact with me when you can ease the feeling of guilt?" Aya asked hurt "I don't want this kind of attention from you … not from you"

Aya turned around and gripped Yohjis arm, he was happy that he reached him even he didn't exactly know where he was "Do you have a new lover?" Aya asked and gripped Yohjis shirt with both hands, he looked up and hoped he looked more or less in Yohjis face.

"There's no one" Yohji said, Ayas touch sent a shiver through his body, suddenly Aya fell on his knees and Yohji kneeled in front of him to support him.

"Then tell me why do you hate me this much?" Aya asked, his tone was cold; he tried to hide all the pain …mentally and physically.

Yohji was shocked how could Aya still want to be by his side, it hurt him that Aya thought he hated him and especially that his question had nothing to do with the last job.

His hand shook as he wanted to touch Ayas face but he looked into Ayas empty eyes and he took his hand back before he touched the pale skin.

"Are you stupid?" Yohji yelled "why aren't you angry with me? Why don't you try to kill me or ignore me?" he stood up and left Aya alone.

Omi heard the conversation and decided to watch the situation, if Aya needed some help and he was happy that he didn't go to bed with Ken because of his strange feeling.

He stood at the kitchen door as Yohji stormed out of the living room into the kitchen.

"He can't hate you because he loves you" Omi said as he passed Yohji to check on Aya.

Yohji was surprised about Omis presence and he must think about Omis sentence.

"Aya are you Ok?" Omi asked gently and helped him up "I make him sick" Aya said simply and Yohji, who stood still at the kitchen noticed for the first time that his behavior hurt Aya more than the wounds from the fall.

"No you don't" Omi tried to console him "he needs time"

"I can't show my emotions, I can't show my love" Aya said a bit frustrated and needed Omi as a support.

Omi who knew that Yohji still stood at the kitchen door used his chance "You show your emotions in your own way" he said "Ken and I noticed"

"Really?" Aya asked surprised "I'm cold"

"No, not always" Omi said "you protect us from harm, you always watch us during a job and try to protect us, you watch us at home … you yell at us because you're worried.

You yell at Yohji because you're jealous when he flirts with the girls and you always look at him when you think he can't see"

"It's enough" Aya sighed gently "I understand"

"Good" Omi smiled "and now go to bed … don't worry I'll help you"

"Thank you" Aya felt a bit better.

Yohji went into his room he needed time to think about everything he heard … had he missed all the signs of love, was it so important to hear the words for him…

"Ken wake up breakfast is ready" Omi yelled cheerful and knocked on Ken's door, which came out very sleepy "I'm ready" he yawned.

Omi smiled and knocked on Yohjis door "Wake up" he said before he went to Aya.

He knocked and opened the door slowly, he didn't want to scare him "Aya breakfast is ready"

"I'm not hungry" Aya answered tired but he knew it was useless to discuss, Omi won't accept it so Aya searched his clothes "Can you…"

"Oh… Oh of course I wait in front of your room" Omi blushed; he forgot that Aya must change his clothes.

After a while Aya opened his door, it wasn't easy to dress when you can't see, he must search for the labels to make sure he wears it right and it was painful to get dress, Aya needed a few minutes for the pain to fade after he got dressed and he hoped Omi wouldn't come in.

"I'm ready" Aya said and tried to play the strong leader but in reality everything hurt nothing

was better, the broken bones healed up slowly and his bruises were still flashy.

"Good morning" Ken said cheerful after he drank his fourth cup of coffee "Morning" Aya answered and tried to find a chair on his own.

After Aya sat down Omi filled tea into his cup and gave him toast "Thank you Omi" Aya said.

Yohji entered the kitchen as he saw Aya he thought about to return into his room but Aya noticed him already "You should eat you're too thin" Aya said after he smelled Yohjis unique scent.

"I'm not hungry" Yohji said and wanted to go but Omi gripped his arm and dragged him to a chair "Sit down and eat" he ordered.

"Ok,ok" Yohji said defeated and drank a cup of coffee while Omi prepared more toast.

"After our breakfast we should change the bandages" Omi said and watched Aya and Yohji

"I think Yohji should do it, it needs a lot of time and I have to go to school and Ken has to train the kids"

"No" Yohji gasped, he didn't want to see what he has done "Yes" Omi ordered, Aya was sad about Yohjis reaction and stopped to eat "I go back to my room" Aya said and walked through the kitchen, he found the stairs with the first try and went upstairs.

"Wow, he learns fast" Ken said surprised "I think it was instinct" Omi said.

"What do you mean Omi?" Ken asked clueless and even Yohji was confused

"Hide and Seek" he answered before he cleaned up Ayas dishes.

After Omi and Ken were gone, Yohji sat in his room with the medi kit in his hands

_~ I don't want to see the wounds, I did it to him I still can't believe it…_

_But someone has to change the bandages…_

_What do I do? … I can't hide forever ~_

Yohji decided and went to Aya.

Aya sat on his bed his back lent against the wall. It hurt like hell but it doesn't matter to him it helped to forget.

Yohji opened slowly the door to Ayas room he tried to find Ayas figure in the dark before he put on the light.

Aya looked up and searched for a hint but then he could smell it "Yohji?" he asked hopeful

"Y-yeah it's me" he answered unsure "I want to treat your wounds" he added and sat down on the bed next to Aya.

"Thank you" Aya said cold, it wasn't his intention to sound that cold but he didn't know what to do.

"It's my fault" Yohji said casual, he didn't know how to react, what should he do?

"It's Schuldigs fault" Aya said gently, he was surprised about himself, when was the last time he showed emotions as he talked.

This sentence let Yohjis wall brake; Aya could hear that that Yohji tried to hide a sob.

He reached out his hand to search for Yohjis face at the first try he touched into nothing, the second time he touched his shoulder, now Ayas fingers slid over his shoulders to his neck and from there up to his face.

With his thump he wiped a tear away "Don't cry… please don't cry" Aya whispered, Yohji touched the fragile hand on his cheek and kissed it.

"You don't have to talk when you're not ready" Aya said gently "and I want you to know that I will try to change, I will try to tell you how I feel" Yohji cried even harder, Aya was gentle and blamed himself

_~ He blames himself?! But it's my fault; do you love me this much like Omi said? ~_

Yohji took a deep breath "Time to change the bandages"

"It isn't a nice view be prepared" Aya warned him, he knew the sight would be hard for Yohji, the doc explained to him how his body looked like and it wasn't good.

He removed the bandages carefully and wished he hadn't done it.

The cut was still half healed, his rips were blue, his whole back was blue, purple, yellow and green, he still had scratches on his hips, arms and legs and a lot of bruises, on his belly were a few scares from the surgery.

His broken arm and cracked collarbone needed more time to heal and what hurt Yohji the most was the half healed cut from his wire and the big bruise in Ayas beautiful face where Yohjis elbow crashed into Ayas face and sent him out of the window.

"H-how can you move like that?" Yohji whispered as he starred at Ayas body.

"Pure willpower" Aya said, he wanted to say, it's not as bad as it looks like but that would be a lie.

"Willpower?" Yohji asked "what is it worth for?"

Aya felt hurt, wasn't he worth to get back on his feet? Wasn't he worth to stay by Yohjis side?

Yohji stood up and left before he bandaged Aya.

Aya was lonely again, Yohji didn't wait for an explanation and he missed his touch, now he must wait for Omi to come home because without the support from the bandages it hurt even more.

Yohji sat on his bed and cuddled one of his pillows

_~ It looks like the bandages are the only thing that holds Ayas body together._

_Why do you walk through all the pain? You should stay in bed … and you shouldn't run around to search for me._

_I can't believe they released you like that!_

_He should go back to the hospital ~_


	5. What I think ?

Omi came home earlier to check on Aya, he almost got a heart attack as he saw that Yohji didn't do his job "Yohji" the little boy hissed "How dare you …"

"I'm sorry" Yohji said carefully "I couldn't…"

"Do you really thought, he would come home with a few scratches and can see all of a sudden" Omi yelled.

"No … but" Yohji didn't know what to say.

"Omi it's ok" Aya interfered, he found the way to the kitchen without big accidents

"No, it's not" Omi said "nothing is ok"

"Right" Yohji looked at Aya "you should go back to the hospital"

"What?" Aya answered cold "do you want to get rid of me?"

"No … I wondered how they could release you in this condition, also I talked with your doc"

Yohji looked at Omi now "He should had stayed at least two weeks more at the hospital, he still has a fever and he won't eat … you can't get back on your feet like that" he sounded sad.

"Aya, why do you do that?" Omi asked shocked, he didn't notice that his condition was that bad.

Aya remained silent "Aya only your willpower isn't enough you can't stand it any longer" Yohji tried to get an answer but he got nothing.

"Aya, talks with us … tell us how you feel … what you think…" Omi yelled.

"You want to know what I feel and think" Aya said cold "I felt lonely at the hospital and forgotten, the darkness scared me but I was alone" he added cold.

"And I'm useless, I can't work anymore, I can't take care of Aya-chan, I can't protect you and who know if Yohji will ever take me back so I THINK that I should had died that night" Aya said casual, Yohji needed time to realize what Aya told them and Omi looked as if he wanted to cry.

"How can you talk about that so casual" Omi sniffed

"I have nothing left" Aya said simply and Yohji realized how selfish he was, he tried so hard to avoid the painful reality that he forgot how Aya must felt.

"I won't take you back" Yohji said and Ayas eyes widened "I want that you take me back"

Aya was confused at first he said he won't take him back and his world broke and now he said he wanted him back, he didn't know what he should feel.

"Do you want me back?" Yohji asked full of hope, Aya reached out his hands, he couldn't find the right words at the moment, only a single tear found the way down his cheek.

For the first time Yohji could see something in Ayas blind eyes, the glitter of tears mixed with joy.

He took Ayas fragile hands and Omi decided to leave them alone.

"Aya I need time to be like before" Yohji said afraid, he didn't want to ruin everything

"I'll give you as much time as you need" Aya said "and now where Asukas date of death is over …uhm…. Please don't vent your frustration on me" he added resigned.

"It had nothing to do with Asuka" Yohji said surprised "I was only unsure about everything between us"

"Every year … you vent your frustration on me, good you never got the chance to actually uhm … you know … but it's always around her date of death" Aya replied serious.

"Do I do this? I never realized that I hurt you at that time" Yohji stammered

_~ Every year? …. Do I…_

_We always fight …. !!_

…_. You're a cold hearted bastard (Yohji threw a glass at Aya, he dodged but got a scratch on his face)_

…_.Don't drink that much we have a job tomorrow (Aya took Yohjis bottle and dragged him out of the bar)_

_(Yohji struggled and pushed Aya hard enough that he crashed into a wall) You're not my mom you damn redhead_

…_It was something like a suicide mission … I know your sister is as good as dead but when you want to follow her then without us (Yohji threw one of Farfarellos knifes at Aya)_

_Oh god! He's right all the really ugly fights were around her_… ~

"I know you loved her but I can't bring her back for you and to tell the truth I don't want to die … I want more time" Aya justified and interpreted Yohjis silence as a bad sign.

"I caused you so much pain … I swear I won't release my frustration on you again and I beg you to forgive me" Yohji kissed Ayas hand.

"You don't need to beg I forgave you long ago" Aya said and shivered as Yohji kissed his hand.

Ayas breath was heavy, he tried so hard to fix his mistakes for days but after everything looked all right between them he legalized he reached his limit long ago.

"What's wrong?" Yohji asked worried, Aya gave him a gentle smile "I think my willpower isn't as strong as I wish"

"Hospital?" He only asked but Aya shook his head "Home" he answered.

Yohji brought Aya to his room "Ahm … Can you help me? I have problems to find my way in my own room" Aya asked and blushed; he never paid much attention to his own room.

"Sure" Yohji held his hand and led him the way "I will think about something to help you" Yohji said confident.

"Do you want to eat?" Yohji asked but Aya knew it wasn't a question but an order.

"When you will eat, too" Aya answered "you're so thin, you will be sick when you don't take care of yourself" he added.

"You're only worried about me?" Yohji said frustrated "take care of yourself before you worry about me"

"For me … you're the most important person" Aya said but Yohji didn't believe him.

""I'm only number two" Yohji said and stared at Aya.

"You're as important as Aya-chan, you and she are the number one" Aya explained "and at the moment she's safe and still asleep, so you're most important now"

_~ I'm his number one? I always thought no one could be as important as Aya-chan._

_My heart feels so warm ~_

"I will bring you something to eat" Yohji said and went into the kitchen as fast as he could; he wanted nothing more than to go back to Aya.

"Did I do something wrong?" Aya whispered to himself as he felt Yohjis presence disappear.

Yohji came back with a plate of food and tea "Hey I'm back" Yohji shook Aya gently "wake up it's time to eat"

Aya opened his eyes slowly and tried to sit up; he wanted to scream as he moved his body because everything ached badly.

"God" Aya gasped and shut his eyes "Wait a moment" Yohji said before he disappeared, two minutes later he came back with two big and soft pillows.

He helped Aya into an upright position and placed the pillows behind Ayas back "take a deep breath" Yohji said as he saw the pain in Ayas face.

Aya took a few deep breathes before he opened his eyes "Thank you"

"Let's eat" Yohji stroke a bang out of Ayas face before he helped him to eat.

After Aya finished his meal, Yohji ate his own food because Aya nagged that he can't forget to eat too.

"Is it ok for you to stay?" Aya asked a bit shy "I will stay" Yohji confirmed and lay down on the bed next to Aya.

"Tell me if I hurt you" Aya nodded slightly before he rested his head against Yohjis shoulder, they missed the touches and to share the same bed.

Aya had a bad dream and breathed heavily.

Yohji tried to wake him up as he opened his eyes Aya started to struggle against Yohjis touch as if he was afraid of him.

"Don't hurt me" Aya whined and Yohjis heart clenched.

He didn't know what to do, leave him alone or care for him? What will be the right choice in a situation like that?

_~ If I go he will feel lonely I'm sure and he could dislike me …_

_When I stay I will trouble him but maybe I can make everything all right … more or less ~_

Yohji decided to stay; he put his arms around Aya and pressed him carefully against his chest "Shhh I won't hurt you"

"Don't hurt me" Aya gasped, Yohjis action scared him but Yohji didn't release him "I won't hurt you I promise" he said gently and rested his chin on Ayas head.

Aya calmed down and woke up completely "Yohji?" he asked confused "Ahh it was a dream"

"Yes it was a dream, I'm sorry that you're afraid of me" Yohji said, he had wondered how Aya ignored the fact that he almost killed him but now he knew that Aya still fought against the memories.

"You don't scare me" Aya sighed "It was only a dream"

"No it wasn't a dream, it was a memory" Yohji stroke through Ayas hair, the bump was gone from the day he pushed Aya rough against the wall.

"I remember the look on your face as you kicked me out of the window" Aya said, he tried to make fun of it for Yohji but it didn't work.

"I remember your eyes too" Yohji said "and I can't get the image out of my head … how you fell"

"I'm alive so you can forget it …" Aya caressed Yohjis arm.

"But I don't want to… It will remind me to never hurt you again" Yohji whispered.

"Then I hope the image will fade" Aya took a deep breath "I'm afraid I could forget your face so I will treasure the image I hate the most"

Yohji looked at Aya as if he didn't understand what he wanted to say.

"The look in your eyes hurt but it was the last time I saw you"

"Aya don't remember something like that" Yohji begged "That's the eyes of a monster"

"No, it was you not Schuldig or someone else at this moment, it was you …I saw panic, fear and self abhorrence" Aya remembered "Your emerald eyes are beautiful"

"Remember something else please" Yohji begged, he didn't want that Aya will remember something so terrible.

"But what if I forget … I don't want to forget your emerald eyes, your face and your smile"

"You won't forget… you won't" Yohji kissed the top of Ayas head "and one day you will see again"

"Maybe" Aya sighed "one day"

"Let's get back to sleep" Yohji said and took a painkiller from the table next to the bed.

He lifted Ayas upper body up and gave him the pill and water.

"Kiss" Yohji said and gave Aya a soft kiss on his forehead.

"Hey Omi" Yohji said as he reached the kitchen, Aya was still asleep so he used the time to take a shower and make breakfast for them.

"Morning" Omi said unsure, he hoped they didn't fight again.

"I will take care of him don't worry" Yohji smiled "You fixed the mess?" Omi asked relieved.

"We have a long way to go" Yohji sighed "I still feel guilty and Aya is afraid of me"

"Fear of you?" Omi knew it wasn't unusual.

"He had a nightmare and begged me not to hurt him as I tried to wake him" Yohji explained.

"Oh … but I think the time will heal the wounds" Omi answered.

"Can you and Ken do me a favor?" Yohji asked "he must go for a checkup today, can you go with him?"

"Why?" Omi asked suspicious but Yohji only grinned at him "… I have something to do" he said simply.

"Morning Aya" Yohji said as he entered his room "time to eat" he placed a tray on the table.

"Morning" Aya mumbled, he stood up and shivered as his feet's touched the floor "It's cold"

"Wait I search warm clothes" Yohji opened Ayas dresser and took a comfortable pair of trousers and Ayas orange pullover, Yohji was sure it must be a present from Aya-chan maybe she was a fan of Velma from Scooby-Doo.

"Thank you" Aya said after he got dressed with Yohjis help "It's better now"

"Good and now let's eat I'm starving" Yohji chuckled, Aya loved the sound of Yohjis voice and was happy to hear him chuckle.

"Aya, why do you smile?" Yohji asked surprised "I missed the sound of your voice, when you chuckle" Aya confessed "We fight the most of the time and you seldom laughed for me"

"From now on I will laugh only for you" Yohji said "No, you can laugh as much as you want and with everyone you want … I only want a few laughers for myself" Aya said and knew it was a selfish request.

"Ok" Yohji took Ayas hand and led him the way to the table "but I want a few laughers too"

"Oh … Ok" Aya stammered, he laughed so seldom and Aya decided to let his guard down for Yohji.

"Omi and Ken will bring you to the hospital" Yohji said and watched Aya as he tried to eat.

"Why?" Aya asked "Did I do something wrong again?"

Yohjis eyes widened

_~ Again?_

_Does that mean you think you made many mistakes?_

_Do you blame yourself for the times I hit you?_

_And that I shoved you out of the window? ~_

"No, of course not" Yohji said gently "I have something to do, that's the reason so don't worry"

Aya nodded and took a sip of his tea, as he put the cup down he almost shoved a glass from the table "Damn it" Aya cursed.

"It's ok Aya, it even happen to people who can see" Yohji consoled him, Aya sighed.


	6. For you

After breakfast, Omi and Ken went to the hospital with Aya.

Meanwhile Yohji had time to make the preparations, he ran through the house like he wanted to win a marathon.

A check up needed a lot of time but Yohji wasn't sure, when he had time left he could take care of the little things.

Yohji had four hours before they came back, Omi looked unhappy but Aya was as …ever so he thought it can't be that bad.

"What's up Omi?" Yohji asked worried "I try to get the image of Ayas wounds out of my head" Omi said "but she said you healed his mind and his body will follow soon, she isn't **that **worried anymore"

"It was his mind?" Yohji asked more to himself then Omi "Mostly … yeah"

Aya and Ken sat at the kitchen table "Aya what do you want to eat?" Ken asked, he hadn't realized how bad it really was "Do you ever ate Couscous?"

"No" Aya answered but he heard that it was good.

"I found the receipt at the internet, should we give it a try?"

"Sounds good" Aya said, it was nice to taste something knew from time to time.

"Hey Aya" Yohji said cheerful "when we finished our meal I have something for you"

"Did you work?" Aya asked sarcastically "you smell like flowers"

"Work? …I?" Yohji mocked "Noooo"

"Then why do you smell like flowers?" Aya turned his head into Yohjis direction.

"Don't worry, no women, no work … it's only for you" Yohji grinned, Omi and Ken were suspicious, Yohjis behavior was a bad sign or not?

Ken needed almost an hour for the food but it was really good, Aya needed help from time to time because he couldn't find his cup or he picked on the already empty side of his plate "That's embarrassing" he blushed "It must look kinda stupid"

"You need time to figure out the tricks" Ken consoled him "Ken is right" Omi confirmed.

Yohji patted Ayas head "We will learn it together" Aya was confused, Yohji never did something like that in front of others before but he must smile because it felt nice.

Yohji noticed Ayas confusion "I'll work on my behavior, … you said that you can't show emotions so **I** will show my love to **you" **he whispered into Aya ear "Great deal" Aya whispered back.

Omi and Ken looked at each other and smiled, they knew it will be better.

"The food was great" Yohji said with a smile "Very good" Aya confirmed.

Ken was proud to hear compliments from them "Thanks" he beamed.

"Aya you should sleep for a while, you look tiered" Omi said worried, he knew Aya was in pain.

"Aa" he grunted, he hated it to be the weak one. Aya stood up and pain shot through his whole body but he tried not to show it.

"You're in pain?" Yohji asked "Your movements are stiff"

"The painkiller are still working, when the effect fades … that will be pain" Aya sighed, he didn't know why he told them his misery, he tried so hard to hide it but somehow he felt it was right to tell it.

"I don't want to know how this feel" Omi shuddered "Me neither" Ken shook his head.

"I will stay with you and wait for the painkiller to fade … and then I will pump you up with more painkillers" Yohji said and touched Ayas arm "let's go"

Yohji stopped in front of Ayas door "I hope you will like it" he said before he opened the door.

In the middle of the room they stopped again.

"Can you smell the lilac?" he asked but Aya was confused, what did he mean? With `I hope you will like it? ` What could it be when he's blind … lilac?

"Yes I can" Aya answered "The lilacs are on your desk" Yohji explained "Can you smell the lilies?"

"Yes, I can" Aya confirmed "They're near your dresser" Yohji said "Can you smell the roses?"

"Yes, where are they?" Aya asked, he began to understand and it made sense "On your table" Yohji said proud "aaaand can you smell the orchids … they're on your window seat, at the bathroom I used potpourri and at the living room are flowers again"

Aya was over helmed with joy, Yohji did all this only for him, tears ran down his face.

Aya never cried in front of people and was surprised as he felt the hot liquid ran down his cheeks, he lifted a hand and caught unbelievingly a tear.

"When you don't like it I will remove them" Yohji panicked, he thought he made Aya sad again.

"No it's a great help" Aya said and groped for Yohjis arm "thank you … I never cried in front of people it's unused"

"I hoped you will like it … and uhm I don't think it makes you weak when you cry in front of me"

Aya didn't feel embarrassed anymore, Yohji sounded honest and Aya wanted to believe him.

Yohji tried to change the topic as Aya remained silent "I didn't know, what to use for your bed?"

Aya pushed Yohji gently away and it looked like he searched for something, then he smiled "I know already where my bed is" he said with a happy undertone.

"What? How?" Yohji asked confused "It has the best scent of all" Aya remembered where Yohji stood and wrapped his arms around his neck even the pain couldn't stop him "and how does it smell like?" Yohji asked and put his arms around Ayas waist.

"It smells … like you" Aya chuckled, Ayas chuckled sounded like the voice of an angel for Yohji.

"Like me?" he asked suspicious, "Even if I'm alone I can smell you, I feel warm and safe" Aya confessed, it wasn't easy for him to admit that he needed the blond.

Yohji knew how hard it must be for him to tell him how he felt, he felt honored and thought he will start to cry "Then … I will make sure that the scent won't fade" he said and gave Aya a soft kiss.

"I should had showed my emotions from the start" Aya said sad "You have but I didn't watch" Yohji said "Omi told the truth, you always take care of us and do little things for us"

"You heard us?" Aya stuttered, he thought only Omi could hear …Omi?!

_~ I should thank him … ~_

"Yeah I did" he answered simply "and now … move your sweet little as into your bed"

Aya blushed like hell; Yohji never used this kind of language for him.

Yohji started to laugh, Ayas face was so adorable "You're so cute" he said.

"I'm not cute" Aya said cold but Yohji had noticed that Aya was only that cold when he didn't know what to do.

_~ Was it that easy? … I should have noticed it I know him for years! But only now … I start to understand him and I love him even more ~_

"No, you're adorable" he answered confident "and that's my last word"

"I never understood what you see in me" Aya sat down on the bed and inhaled the scent of the flowers.

"You're beautiful, elegant and with the time I fell in love with the icy orchid" Yohji sat next to Aya, it was strange how easy it could be between them.

"Icy orchid … suitable title" Aya sighed.

"I didn't understand the signs and I think I misjudged your behavior" Yohji said and patted Ayas head.

"I always thought I'm one of your whores" Aya said as he lay down, his body ached.

For the first time Yohji was happy that Aya was blind and couldn't see the stupid expression on his face "I never thought of you as a … never … you're my one and only" he stuttered.

"You did a lot for me" Aya said sleepy "a whore weren't worth the work"

"You're damn right you're my life-partner and not a whore" Yohji kissed Ayas forehead and got a smile from Aya before he fell asleep.

"Hey love" Yohji shook Aya gently, he noticed that the painkiller lost their effect.

Aya looked like he was in pain and his breath was heavy but he was still half asleep and didn`t feel how painful it really was.

"Aya wake up" he took a bottle of water and painkiller from the little table and lifted Aya up "Shhh … don`t worry it`s me … take this … drink slowly that`s good" Yohji tried to comfort the redhead and he was successful "Why does it hurt so much?" Aya whined.

"Maybe because you`re relaxed, you tried so hard to be strong and to fix our relationship that you were too busy to notice the real pain … you can`t blind the pain out any longer" Yohji caressed Ayas head and stroke a few bangs out of his face.

"To be with you is worth the pain" Aya closed his eyes and took a deep breath "I want to sleep longer"

"Sleep as long as you want" Yohji smiled as he watched Ayas sleepy expression, he looked so adorable … and young.


	7. Playboy

Two weeks passed and Ayas bruises almost vanished and he was able to move through the house without a problem.

"Hey Aya" Omi said cheerful "we want to go to the park and I thought … maybe you want to join us"

"I think it isn't a good idea" Aya replied, he didn't want to leave his save home.

"You can't hide forever you have to move on" Aya knew the kid was right but it was scary, he wasn't able to take care of himself and needed them and he had the strange feeling that he wasn't a part of Weiss anymore.

"People will see … what if Schwartz finds us; I'm not able to help"

"We will protect you and I don't think the people will gossip" Omi tried to change his mind.

"Hey Omi do you invited him?" Yohji yelled while he put on his jacket.

"Almost" he answered "Come on Aya it's almost dark … no one will see"

Aya thought about it and decided to give it a try; he still could hide here when it was unpleasant "Ok"

Yohji gave him his coat "It's time for you to go out" he said and grabbed Ayas hand.

The noise of the cars were almost unbearable loud, it was hard to concentrate "Aya?" Yohji was worried.

"It's loud" Aya said simply, he didn't want to look weak "I have to get used to it"

"Ok" Yohji didn't pay attention and let Aya ran against the curb but he steadied him before he could fall "Sorry"

Aya nodded, it was a terrible feeling to be reliant on him. He was sure Yohji must have enough of him soon.

They walked through the park for almost two hours; Aya hated it he hated every damn minute.

His orientation was useless, it was loud and he needed Yohji too much.

Yohji had a firm grip around his arm, he let go of his hand soon after they left the house but it was ok. It was enough for him to stay by his side.

"Aya" Omi looked at the redhead; he wasn't sure how to ask "I want to stay near the sea for a while … to watch the full moon with Ken … is it ok?"

"Sure" Aya gave him a fake smile but the boy didn`t notice "Thank you" he beamed.

"We will see you at home" Yohji waved.

"Don't you want to go too?" Aya asked cold, it wasn't right to occupy his whole time.

"No" Yohji answered simply but Aya knew better "Yes you want"

"Together … one day" he squeezed his arm; Aya looked down while he chewed on his bottom lip "I like the full moon"

"I know" Yohji looked up to the sky where the moon was burning "I watched you for a long time and saw a lot of things"

"How long?" Aya was interested did the blond love him this much?

"2 years … maybe a bit more"

"This long" Aya was surprised "I watched you only for more than one and a half years"

"What changed your mind?"

"I got used to you and I started to understand your behavior. At the beginning I thought you're a lazy playboy but I learned that you're lazy but trustworthy. I would lay my life in your hands anytime. But I noticed my love for you as you got hurt. You were unconscious and I though you won't wake up … you would leave me like Aya-chan, hiding in the world of dreams"

Yohji was stunned, he never heard Aya talk so much but it was a great feeling. It was the first time Aya had told him the whole truth "I will never let you go and I won't hide"

He pulled Aya closer and gave him a soft kiss but as he heard footsteps he shoved the redhead away. Aya almost lost his balance "Don't forget I can't see what you will do next" he nagged.

"Sorry" it wasn't his intention to shove him away but the footsteps startled him.

"It's ok" the redhead turned around, he tried to find the source of the footsteps

_~ I'm so useless. __I can do nothing without him. It's so frustrating, I`m not used to it…_

_I have to be strong; I have to take care of them._

_I better die instead of seeing them fall… I want to go, why do I want to go so badly?_

_I have friends and I feel loved … sometimes so tell me, why do I want to die… Aya-chan? ~_

"What are you thinking about?" the blond approached him carefully, he didn't want to scare him "I …" he was interrupted by the voice of a girl.

"Yohji, you promised to call" she pouted while she pounced on him.

Aya heard a light gasp from Yohji and heard her pounce on him, he was sure she flung her arms around his neck. He heard it often enough the last years.

"Let go of me" he pushed her away "You can't pounce on me like that"

"Ahh don't be so prissy … the last time we saw each other you was more passionate" she purred. Aya felt sick, when was the last time? Did he lie? He said he lied about his affair, was that the lie?

"I had only a few drinks with you"

"But you promised you will call for more … or were the important issue this night a lie?"

"No, but I tried to turn you down … I thought you understood after I hadn't called" Yohji tried to show Aya that he was still trustworthy.

"Come on I'm horny" she grabbed his crotch "Wow, don't touch me" he yelled shocked as he understood that she hadn't the intention to let him go.

"Come on I can feel him twitch and your sweet friend over there can play too, when you want" she didn`t notice him before, he wasn't interesting for her.

Yohji looked at Aya before he pushed her ungentle against a tree "Don't you dare to touch or seduce him"

She looked shocked, she never saw him furious. Normally he was gentle and lazy "What the … it was only a suggestion, when you don't like a threesome then only the both of us"

"There is no you and me" he glared wholes into her eyes "Leave me alone. You're not my type, you were only a potential fuck nothing more"

Ayas eyes widened, Yohji didn't cheat on him and he yelled at one of his sluts … for him.

At the same time he found proves, for his futility…

_~ He needed a while before he decided to turn her down, had you slept with her when I weren't here? You ignored me and I'm sure she didn't even notice I'm here with you … I'm invincible, huh?_

_Just like before, just like always. Nobody saw me as Ran and no one sees me as Aya._

_Only you … when you want … I love him I want to be the middle of his world._

_Say … Aya-chan, do you think it's too selfish … to wish for unquestionably love? ~_

Aya felt tired, he spent the last weeks with … nothing, he lazed around and licked his wounds while Yohji did everything for him.

But the lack of exercise was noticeably, the little walk was tiring and even to stand a while without Yohjis strong hands to steady him was strenuous.

"I want to go home" Aya said before he turned around and tried to remember the way.

"Ok, let's go" Yohji grabbed Ayas arm and ignored the damn girl "You damn #%#, you turn me down for your blind whore … what do you want with him #%#" she cursed until they were out of earshot.

"I'm sorry" the blond sighed nervous "Don't apologize every time you talk with women" Aya said cold "You don't need to feel guilty"

"But she couldn't keep her hands by herself and I was to slow to prevent it, so I have a reason to say sorry"

"You said the truth" the redhead changed the topic.

"Huh?" Yohji was confused but decided to wait until he talks on his own.

"You didn't cheat on me" he said after a while, Yohji had the feeling he kept his breath for the whole time.

"I never lied to you, I'm a playboy and lazy but I'm not a liar"

"I know" Aya interrupted him "but sometimes I'm not sure"

"Not sure? I think I give you many reasons to worry…" Yohji thought about Ayas words, he flirted too often, he drank too much and he had a violent temper. Aya had a bad temper too but he realized that the redhead never hurt him physically but how did he release his anger?

_~ I never paid attention, should I ask? But when he doesn`t want to … I don`t want him to be angry at me. I think the best way is to watch._

_Ohh baby talk to me, it`s not healthy to bottle up your emotions ~_

"I understand why you do what you do" Aya stumbled "I think I should stop to distract you"

"Sorry, I thought about the things you told me" _~ Come on baby continue to talk_ "I will pay more attention but I don`t want to end the conversation"

Aya nodded, he hoped he could end the conversation before he talked too much.

Yohji let go of Ayas arm "I do what I do because…?" he put his arm around Ayas waste.

"People could see"

"Don't change the topic … and besides it doesn't matter, you're my baby" Yohji smiled, for one moment he forgot that Aya couldn't see his beautiful smile.

The warm feeling inside the redheads heart grew stronger and stronger, it was like a dream but on the other hand his death wish didn't disappear.

"I'm not good to you, I don't show affection and now I'm u…" Aya stopped himself as he noticed that he was on the best way to make him angry.

"You are?" Yohji tightened his grip almost possessive "You're my redhead, my friend, my problem child"

He felt Aya tense "I never know what you think, it drives me crazy I never know if you love me, if you're happy or extremely sad…" he added but he made the situation more awkward.

"I do love you and I`m happy when you're by my side" Aya said cold as ever he seldom showed emotions in his voice but Yohji figured it out, it was his way to cope with his feelings.

"It wasn't so hard or?" Yohji pushed Aya slightly therewith he wouldn't stumble again.

Aya blushed as he noticed that he confessed to him, he talked and talked but didn't notice his failure or maybe it wasn't a failure after all…

Yohji chuckled as he saw the cute blush on Ayas pale cheeks "I will take care of you, forever"

The swordsman was surprised, it was a vow for the eternity "Do you vowed to stay alive for me just now?"

"More than that … I will return from every damn mission, I will hold you, I will protect you from harm and I will make you happy … really happy"

"You take on quite a task" Aya answered somehow gently "You're worth it" his heart made a jump at the blonds words.

They walked for a while in silence, it was a comfortable silence. They spoke about their feelings and Yohji didn't feel as guilty as before. Even though his guilt faded, he still felt like a bad guy, because the guilt changed into something like relief? Aya couldn't leave him anymore, he was bound to him. Yohji knew it was wrong and not fair but love was a rancorously fight.

They almost reached the Koneko as a woman approached them, Aya hated her voice, it was loud and shrill. He held his ears because of the blindness his ears worked better than before.

"Aya?" Yohji shoved her away "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, her voice is too loud" he said casual, at the same moment a car hooted and a child started to cry.

Aya always loved the silence and it was hard to get used to all that noises "Oh poor boy do you have sensitive ears" she made fun of him "What do you want with a wimp like him" she approached him and admired his emerald eyes before she pressed their lips together.

Yohji suppressed the urge to kill her, he knew Aya recognized the sound of a kiss "Go away … stupid girl" he pushed her hard.

"Ahh come on are you shy in front of him?" Aya had enough, the first time he could bear it but this time not.

Aya heard her movements and knew she wanted to touch his man again. Before she could touch the blond Aya had grabbed her arm "Don't touch" he tried to give her a death glare.

"Huh? You're blind? Do you found a stray kitten?" she laughed at him. It hurt but he would never admit it.

"Don't laugh at him" Yohji fumed, how could she dare to laugh at his love.

"Ahh I understand … he's your new toy … I must admit he is a beauty … do you want to share him or have I to wait until you dump him?"

"He's my partner in life, I will never let him go … Too bad!" Yohji mocked, he wanted to hurt her, to rip her heart out until she cries.

"You and serious … nooo" she said cold while she raised a brow.

"He's a beauty, a wonderful person no one is able to compare with him"

"Ohh really" she started to be angry, Lucy the girl from the park was a close friend and called her, she said Yohji cheated on them. She knew Yohji had a lot of girls but there are only a few girls which had actually thought they had a chance.

"Yeah, you're not cute at all you're not strong and you're lousy in bed" she slapped Aya instead of Yohji because the swordsman couldn't fight back and she was more angry at him as at Yohji. He stole the man of their dreams. They thought it was only a fight between them girls but now there was the blind fag which stole the blond away.

She stormed away before Yohji realized what happened "Aya are you ok?" Yohji put his arms around his shoulders; Aya liked it when Yohji hugged him from behind.

"Why me?" he sighed "You made her angry"

"You stole my heart" Yohji kissed his neck "I think she will spread the news very fast"

"Is it ok for you?" how could Aya be so cold but at the same time he was so adorable "Of course, they will be green with envy"

Yohji watched Aya in surprise, did he see a smile? He was sure, it was an innocent smile.

"You're smiling" Yohjis voice sounded cheerful "You smile at me?!" Aya was confused it was only a smile…

"It`s the first time you gave me a smile … a true smile" he decided to treasure this moment.

"Let`s go home, maybe you`ll get another smile" Aya made his decision, it was time to make the blond happy and when he had to smile to reach his goal he will do it.


	8. Don't be afraid

Aya awoke early; he didn't sleep well even though he felt loved in Yohjis embrace. The night before had created a few new wounds on his soul

_~ I don't want to believe I'm one of his whores. No he loves me he really does…_

_Yohji don't leave me behind; don't let me rot in this darkness of mine…. ~_

Aya was lost in his thoughts so he hadn't noticed that Yohji turned around in his dreams and hit him accidently. Not hard but Aya got scared and fell almost out of the bed, for one moment he though he made the blond angry and got punished.

Yohji woke up as he heard a hard breath and felt the fitful movement next to him "Aya?" he rubbed his eyes.

"It's nothing go back to sleep" the redhead tried to calm his hart down before Yohji could notice his lie.

Yohji watched him before the realization hit him, his arm lay near Ayas chest

_~ I scared him. I shouldn't sleep so soundly! I must be careful before I scare him off ~_

"I'm sorry if I scared you" Yohji approached him slowly "do you want to sleep more?"

Aya nodded, he snuggled closer before he wrapped his arm around Yohjis slender waste.

He won't let him go, it doesn't matter how high the price would be he had to pay, his hearing, his voice, he would even sacrifice his soul only to stay with him forever.

"You're possessive" Yohji detected it was unusual for him to cling on him

_~ They must have hurt you … stupid girls. I should hang them on the next beam. It doesn't matter if you stay blind but I want to see something in your eyes … they're so beautiful._

_Even Asukas eyes weren't so beautiful … she was nothing compared to you ~_

Ayas answer was to lose the tight hug but Yohji were stupid when he won't stop him. He took Ayas hand and led it back to his waist "Don't you dare to let go"

The swordsman smiled, the blonds voice were friendly so he wasn't angry at him "I won't"

Yohji rested his head on top of Ayas while he caressed his pale shoulder "Good"

They slept peaceful until Omi knocked on the door "Yohji wake up, you're late for your shift"

Yohji grunted, he hated nothing more than to work early in the morning but know he had a good reason.

He had to work harder to cover for Ayas shift. Aya didn't notice Omis knock he was too far away in his dreamland again.

Yohji got slowly out of bed; he didn't want to wake his redhead. He grabbed his clothes and disappeared to the bathroom.

As Aya finally awoke he felt Yohji absence. It was cold and he couldn't get used to the darkness. He felt invincible

_~ I was never a part of the outside world but now I'm far away from being a part of them._

_I can't live with the darkness, I want to see him. I want to see all the things he wanted to show me. Can you live with me like that? Can you really give your heart to me?_

_Once you said you like beautiful and perfect things but I never was perfect and I will never be, especially now._

_Will I start to be more and more invincible to you and the world? Will I be a fading memory of the past? ~_

Aya felt the darkness in his heart and knew it was time to release his frustrations it was time to get rid of the nagging feeling of death.

He headed for his room and searched for his Katana "Where is…?" he spoke to himself while he tried to remember where it was.

After a few minutes he found it, Yohji must have taken it out of the way to protect him.

Aya made his way to the roof, it was chilly and the air smelled like it rained last night.

He started to practice at the beginning he had to be careful not to slice himself but he got used to it.

He wanted to master his weapon even in his current state. It was important to be strong because he had a family to protect and he didn't feel so useless and weak anymore.

He swung his sword with grace, his movements didn't look as elegant as normal but he would work on it. Aya felt how his breath became heavy and his muscles ached "I only train for maybe an hour" he sighed.

He was totally out of practice and this was disturbing

_~ I have to be faster and more concentrate__d. Even if I have to stay the whole day on the roof I will train until I'm pleased with me ~_

Aya wanted to get rid of his frustration but he got more and more frustrated instead. His weakness and blindness made him angry with himself.

After two more hours he broke down, every part of his body ached and he was out of breath so he decided to stay there. As if he had another choice.

The kids were shocked, Yohji worked he really worked "Is he sick?" Omi whispered to Ken as Yohji helped an old lady.

"I don't know but it's scary" Ken whispered back while he watched the blond "Maybe they fought again?"

"I hope not you know how it ends the last time" Omi shivered as he remembered Ayas fall.

"Should we ask?" Kens eyes didn't leave the blond.

"Buy something or leave!"

Omi dropped his cup of tea and Kens chin fell, did they really heard what they heard?

"Has he said buy or leave?" Omi stammered.

"I think so" Ken stared at the blond as if he gone nuts.

The girls shrieked and ran because of the Aya like glare they got. They decided it was a bad day to annoy him.

"That's fun" Yohji told himself before he turned around and faced two shocked kids "What?"

"Nothing" Omi headed for a pot of flowers and pretended to work.

Ken wasn't sharp enough to flee and wrangled with himself if he should ask or not "Why did you kick them out? And why the heck do you WORK?"

Yohji looked surprised "Aya can't work so I have to do it instead and I always wanted to try Ayas buy or leave trick"

"So you didn't fight?" Omi plucked up his courage

"No" he shook his head "I think it's even better than before"

Omi beamed "That's great" he loved them like brothers and was happy they got along well.

"But I'm worried … I have the feeling he keeps a secret from me" the blond leant against the counter.

"What's wrong?" Ken asked serious and looked around to make sure there weren't any customers.

"What does he do with his frustrations?"

"What do you mean?" Omi wasn't sure what he meant.

"He's scared of me, I turned around last night in my sleep and accidently hit him not hard but he freaked out. He didn't show it but his breath was heavy and his heart beat fast.

Yesterday in the park and on our way home we met two girls I had dates with, they offended him but he didn't show what he felt. I don't know what happens with all the emotions … I'm afraid he vents his frustrations against himself. I mean I hit him when he pissed me up but he never raised a hand"

The boys remained silent, they thought about it for a while and came to the conclusion they didn't know either.

"I don't know" Omi said thoughtful and Ken nodded "Me neither"

"But we never saw anything like cuts or drugs…" Omi mused.

"I think his way of punishment is different, like you said we never saw wounds or drug and alcohol abuse" thanks to the boys Yohji was more concerned than before.

"Maybe it's not as bad as we think" Omi smiled at him "He's our Aya"

Yohji smiled back, the kid was right maybe it was only his imagination. He felt better than before even though he will keep his eyes open.


	9. Katana

Aya felt better and managed the way back to his room. He placed his Katana back at his place before he took fresh clothes and went to the bath. The others didn't need to know.

The shower was relaxing and his muscles didn't hurt so much anymore "Maybe I should eat" he noticed as his stomach rumbled.

It was almost noon, he had to show his face once in a while otherwise they started to worry and their pitiful attention was the last thing he wanted.

Aya knew he stood in front of the mirror and touched the glass gently

_~ I hated it to see my face in a mirror in the past. I only saw a bloodstained murderer but now … I almost miss the view because my inner is much more obnoxious ~_

"Aya?" Omi called him from downstairs "Dinner is ready"

He continued to stare in the mirror before he sighed "Time to pretend"

"Hey Aya" Ken placed the food on the table "Hey" he said polite. He knew the way to his chair but someone displaced it as a result he ran against the damn thing.

He sighed and took the chair and placed it where it should be "I'm sorry, I forgot to put it back" Omi turned red, he hoped he didn't made him angry.

"It's ok, I should pay more attention. It's not your job to keep things out of my way" he sat down and waited for an answer.

"No but we want to" Yohji entered the kitchen and patted Ayas head "How long did you sleep?"

"I don't know" Yohji forgot that Aya can't see his watch "but I think I'm awake for at least five or six hours … I heard the bells of the church"

"So the damn thing is of use" Yohji stroke through Ayas hair.

Aya enjoyed the contact, nothing was better as to be the middle of your lovers attention "You smells like flowers … Did you work?" Aya tilted his head.

"Yeah" Yohji said proud "I worked, no flirts no lazing around"

"Yohji even scolded the girls `buy something or leave` he said" Ken grinned satisfied as he saw Yohji expression.

They turned their affection to Aya as they heard a soft laughter, the thought of Yohji yelling at the girls was hilarious "Do you laugh at me?"Yohjii pouted "What cheek!" he grinned and started to tickle Aya. He was surprised he hadn't seen something like that coming so he had no other choice than to enjoy the tickling. He tried to suppress a chuckle but he couldn't. Yohji and Ayas soft chuckles echoed through the kitchen.

The kids smiled, they never saw them so carefree it was more worth than all the money they earned.

Aya felt good he had thought he had to pretend to be groovy but Yohjis affection made him really and truly happy.

"Your voice is beautiful" Yohji whispered into his ear before he placed a kiss on his blushing cheek.

Ayas heart fluttered and he felt butterflies in his stomach like a schoolgirl. It was a strange feeling as if he fell in love all over again. The last time he felt like this was the day he realized his feelings for the blond. As Yohji woke up after his coma and he could see into the beautiful emerald eyes, he knew he wasn't only a friend or colleague. What he felt all the time was a lot more than that. And now he felt even more love than before, the blond was his purpose in life like a candle which god placed at the window for you to show you the way back home.

He looked up at the blond and smiled. Yohji was taken aback, the smile was exceedingly beautiful and his eyes glittered with joy. He watched him; he wanted to memorize every little detail. It was important for him to make nice memories; he needed something to replace the image of Ayas eyes as he fell out of the window. He didn't want to forget but he didn`t want to see it in his dreams anymore. The eyes of his fey lover haunted him every night, Yohji knew nothing was all right and they still had a long way to go but moments like this were worth all the effort to create a future together.

Aya blushed even redder as his stomach grumbled "There is someone hungry" Yohjis voice sounded happy.

"I skipped breakfast" he confessed, it was useless to lie Yohji knew what it meant when his stomach grumbled.

"Then you will eat twice as much" Yohji filled up Ayas plate.

"Twice?" he said a bit cold but it was useless to discuss Yohji was the boss when he wanted to be "Yep, twice" the older said satisfied.

The kids grinned but remained silent it was their time and no one had the right to interfere.

They spent the whole evening together, the main reason was Aya. They didn't want to leave him alone too long.

The next morning was like the morning before Yohji went to work and Aya used the time to train. His team was worried because Aya looked pale and was always so tiered in the evening.

Aya tried to be careful but he hadn't thought they would keep a watch on him. He managed it to continue this for almost eight days until he got caught.

He sat on the roof bathed in sweat as Yohji rushed to help "Aya … What the heck do you do?" he yelled.

"Train" he said simply before he leant against the wall. He overestimated his condition and had to pay the price.

"You could hurt yourself and it's too cold to train outside" he put off his jacket and covered Aya up.

"I know how to use my Katana" Aya felt hurt. He was a swordsman and one of the best, how could Yohji say he wasn't able to use his sword.

"That's not it … but you can't see" he was so worried that he dug his own grave without to notice.

"So I'm useless" he panted slightly, he was still out of breath.

"Nooo of course not" Yohji didn't meant to offend him.

"But you said so" Aya tilted his head backwards as if he wanted to watch the sky.

"I never said your useless" Aya could hear that Yohji got angry.

"I am useless when I'm not able to use my own sword" Ayas tone was as cold as he felt.

"You're not … I meant you could slice yourself accidentally" He dug his grave deeper and deeper "hmpf" Aya grunted. He didn't want to continue the conversation, how could Yohji try to take his beloved Katana away.

"I will take it with me" Yohji noticed that Aya was pissed and decided to lock the Katana away, at least until they solved their little problem.

"No" Aya frowned "don't take it away" he added cold as ice.

"I won't allow you to get into danger" Yohji took the Katana and left, there was nothing left to say.

Aya felt naked without his Katana, he felt strong when he held the cold and pestilent sword in his hands. But the main reason was that his parents gave him the Katana, it was a present for his graduation. Originally the sword has not been sharp but after his parents death it was time to grow up. He was too nice and weak as if he could have survived like this so he decided to change, to be strong and seek revenge for his beloved family.

_~ I'm a fool … It's only a sword how can I pout like a little kid … even so I need my Katana._

_I survived eight days without a scratch how can he say I'm not able to handle my Katana…_

_I feel so frustrated but I can't exercise without it. Maybe I should train single combat ~_

Aya threw Yohjis jacket away and started to train again. He dodged imaginary enemies and kicked and punched the air with grace.

The sweat dripped down his already cold skin; because of the strain he didn't notice the cold.

He was still angry and frustrated he couldn`t do what he wanted "Damn it" he cursed.

He kneeled on the ground, he was totally exhausted "I hate it" Aya clenched his fists.

His heart raced and it was hard to breathe so he closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths before he was able to return to his room.

Aya fell on his bed, he felt sick and tiered because of his training but the way to the bathroom was too far away in his current state also he decided to wait for the pain to fade.

After his heart calmed down and his stomach stopped to ache he fell asleep almost immediately.

Yohji sat in his room and drank his third glass of whisky. Ayas Katana lay in front of him; he couldn't stop to stare at the sword.

_~ Why can't he understand? I'm only worried about his safety._

_I would like to know why he loves the Katana so much …_

_We will talk tomorrow … both of us have to calm down though it was a pointless fight ~_

He emptied his fourth glass and locked the Katana away "Don't you dare to fight" Yohji sighed "Don't you dare to die on me because you want to protect us"

Yohji was haunted by nightmares, he sat up with shock. Ayas sad eyes won't leave his dreams it didn't matter how hard he tried to remember his smile and glittering eyes.

He looked at his clock and noticed that it had rung in twenty minutes anyway.

"Should I look after him?" he talked with himself while he opened the curtains "the rain is heavy, it's depressing"

Yohji got dressed and made up his mind … he wanted to see the redhead.

He opened his door carefully and approached Aya slowly, he wanted to avoid noises.

The curtains weren't closed and Yohji could see him clearly. He still wore his jeans and long sleeve shirt and he lay spawled on top of his blanket.

He touched Ayas cheek in order to check on his temperature. His skin was sticky and cold "I shouldn't have left you alone … what did you do?" he whispered to the sleeping redhead.

Without thinking he went into his own room to get his blanket, he didn't want to wake him so everything he could do was to get a second blanket.

He covered Aya up "You're drunk" the redhead opened his sleepy eyes "How much did you drink?"

"This isn't your concern" he watched him.

"Don't stare at me" Aya could feel his gaze, Yohji always gazed at him when he was angry.

"Don't nag" Yohji hissed, he still felt a bit drunk and his tongue was loose "I don't nag" Aya sat up but fell back as his head felt like it spun. He was still exhausted and his muscles felt sore "Don't drown your sorrow with alcohol"

"It's my choice" Yohji braved.

"It's our life … I have the right to interfere" Aya was stubborn, they're both equal.

"It's my life we're talking about and when I want to drink I drink" Yohji felt offended and had the feeling as if he must protect his pride as a playboy.

"Ok" he took the blanket Yohji gave him and threw it at him, his muscles hurt but it didn't matter "Live your life" he shoved the stunned blond out of the room.

"Aya!" he knocked on the closed door but got no response "Aya come on"

"You did it again…" Ken sighed "Why can't you be nice to him, you're friendly to everyone but Aya … Do you hate him this much?" as he got no answer he left.

Yohji stared at him until he left

_~ Hate him? Never! Does it look like I hate him? Do you think that too?_

_I'm stubborn and hate it to be dominated but I don't hate him ~_

Aya stood in front of the window and touched the cold glass "It's too cold to practice"

He devoted himself to his desk

_~ If he found it when he decorated my room? I didn't use it for a long time … I know I shouldn't._

_Are you angry Aya-chan? That I started again after mom and dad's death? I tried to suppress it but he took my Katana away and I'm not able to train today … please forgive me! ~_

Aya took the razor blade and made a few fine cuts along his waste. He avoided his wrists because they could see it when he wasn't careful enough. No one ever noticed the cuts on his waist, it was easy to hide.

It didn't hurt much but the thick blood and the light pain gave him the feeling to be alive.

His anger faded partly and he could breathe again, the fight and the frustration were a heavy burden "Aya-chan … I'm sorry"

Aya hid the razor blade and went back to bed; he lay down on the injured side only to feel the pain of being alive.

"He stopped to call for me" he closed his eyes and drifted into the land of nightmares.

"I vented my frustration on him again" Yohji confessed.

"I know, Ken told me" the boy sighed "You were so damn happy, what happened again? Why can't you live in peace for more than a day?"

"I think we release our frustration the wrong way" Yohji mused "No one pisses me of like him, I don't know why"

"You take him as granted, he loves you but he isn't Asuka and he isn't immortal respectively he could leave you on his own accord one day"

"I know he isn't Asuka" Yohji yelled "I love him more and I know he won't leave me … he won't"

"Maybe that's the problem" Omi looked serious.

"What do you mean?" Yohji understood nothing.

"You think he will stay so you can do what you want, he thinks you will leave him and clings to you … talk about your problems try to stay calm and listen, you can't help each other when you're not in peace with yourself"

"Why is it my fault again?" it got on his nerves that he was always the bad guy (AN: Sorry-_-) "Did he yell at you?" Omi asked but he was sure he knew the answer.

"No" Yohji started to understand, he was the one who fussed again.

"It's a wonder he didn't hurt you physically until now" Omi sighed before he left the kitchen.

"I think the kid is right again. I have to solve my own problems before I'm able to care for him" Yohji went into the shop to prepare a bouquet.

He wanted to say goodbye, he had to leave Asuka behind in order to let go of her. It was important for his future to make peace with his past.

Aya called a taxi; it was time to visit his sister. He didn't visit her for the last five weeks.

The taxi driver was a friendly older man; he spoke with him the whole way to the hospital.

"How long are you blind?"

"Almost two months" it wasn't correct but he didn't have to know the details.

"Can I ask …"

"How that happened?" Aya knew he would ask "Yeah" the man nodded.

Aya thought about a lie "A car accident" he said serious as if it was the truth.

"My son in law is blind too" he started to tell "but he was born without eyesight"

"Is he happy?" he wanted to know how other people live with the darkness.

"Yes he is … my daughter gave birth to my grandson two months ago. They're more than happy" he beamed with joy.

"Maybe I will be happy too" Aya mumbled "What?" the taxi driver asked.

"I said congratulation" he answered with a faked smile.

"Do you want to visit a friend?"

"My little sister … she's in a coma for almost three years now" Aya had the feeling he could tell him besides Aya knew he had asked anyway.

"Oh I'm sorry" it was awkward to enter a tragic part of live "How did that happen?"

"A drunkard overran her" Aya could see the scene in front of his mind eye "She's my last relative, my parents died only a few … days shy of her accident"

The taxi driver felt pity for the young man, he was so young and yet so experienced.

"We are there ….. What happened with this world were children have to suffer so much?" the older man said absentminded "It changed into hell" Aya gave the stunned man some money and left, he found a friendly nurse who helped him to find Aya-chan.

"Thanks" Aya said polite "You're welcome … I tell the other nurses to keep an eye on you. Someone will call a taxi and help you" she sounded young and friendly. He was sure he heard the voice somewhere before, she must be one of Aya-chans nurses or one of his own.

They spent a lot of time at the hospital and meanwhile they knew almost every nurse and doctor.

"Hey Aya" he groped for her hand "Sorry I hadn't visited for so long"

Aya wanted to cry. He couldn't see her beautiful face and her angel like aura.

It was strange to feel only her skin; it was as if something was missing and in addition to that he knew he couldn't pay the hospital bill anymore

_~ What will happen with my little sister? What will Kritiker do to her?_

_I wish you could talk with me; I want to hear your advice …_

_Don't you think it's time to come back home? Do you know that I need you?_

_Don't get me wrong I don't need you because of the advices no I need you because you helped me through the life and I know that you're fond of me … ~_

He sat down next to her bed and started to tell her everything what happened since his last visit. Aya believed that she watched over him but she always wanted to hear it from him personally. She always knew everything about him but she didn't tell him until he opened up to her on his own accord, he appreciated it and felt as if she was his guardian angel.


	10. Only guilt?

Yohji was pleased with his plan to set himself free of her. It wasn't as difficult as he thought, he laid the flowers on her grave and explained the situation and with an honest apology he left her. He promised her to visit sometimes, not as a lover but as a friend.

Now he had to finish off all his ladies, he called every girl and said he was sorry and they won't see each other again and he wished them happiness and so on.

Some of the girls were totally pissed but the most of them wished him good luck. The angry girls had interpreted too much into their flirts, for him it was only no-strings sex but for them it was a lot more.

They hoped they could capture his heart but who would chose a cheap slut instead of the hot and proud redhead.

After he finished his tasks he wanted to repair his relationship.

"Where is Aya?" he couldn't find him.

"Isn't he at home?" Omi asked the stupid question.

"Would I ask?" Yohji snapped "Hey boys" Manx waddled into the shop.

"What happened with you … did you get finally laid?" Yohji grinned shameless.

"Funny" she grunted "I sprained my ankle …sod"

"Do you have a job for us?" Omi changed the topic.

"Yeah" she went into the mission room.

Yohji was worried about Aya but even though he hated it now was not the time to search for him; he could only hope he was all right.

"Manx I have a question" Yohji was serious.

"What do you want?" she was curious.

"What will happen to Aya-chan?" the blond whispered, he didn't want the others to know.

"We give Aya more time but when he can't see at the end of this year, we won't pay for her"

Yohji knew the meaning of this; Aya-chan would be transferred to a cheap hospital with terrible care and busy nurses. Aya would rather die than to send her to a low level hospital "Can I pay for her, if he can't see again?"

"What?" Manx was surprised, Yohji was an ego-maniac and now he wanted to pay for Ayas sister "Why?"

"It's my fault" Yohji said truthful, it wasn't the only reason but it was enough for Manx.

"I think it should be ok" she gave him a light smile "and I always thought you hate each other"

_~ Even Manx thinks we hate each other, we must be a strange couple ~_

"Can we start now?" Ken urged "We have soccer game"

After Aya left Aya-chans side he met his doc in the hall "Hey Abyssinian, how are you?"

"Fine" he tried to sound honest.

"Really?" she asked suspicious, she knew him long enough to know he was lying.

"Oh sorry" an old woman jostled him "It's ok" he answered polite.

"How often?" it wasn't the first time that day, she could see it in his face.

"Fifth or maybe sixth time" he felt even more invincible than before, how could they run into him every time? He was the one who was blind.

"Don't you think it's time to see?"

"I wish I could but I don't know how" Aya was honest.

"We will find a way" she fetched a card "Here … that's the number of a psychiatrist I think you need it… not only for your eyes" she pressed the pen deep into the paper so he could feel the number; there was no other way than this. She was sure he wouldn't allow her to make an appointment.

He blushed slightly, was it that obvious?

"I saw it at the surgery" she tipped against his waste "How long?"

"I was fourteen and stopped with sixteen, after my parents death I started again not often but when I can't release my anger…" he looked so sad even though he tried to be strong.

"Come to me when you need someone to talk" he nodded and bowed out before she could find out more about his soul.

It was late at night as Aya returned; the nurses let him stay longer because they pitied him even more now.

He went upstairs and slipped into his room, he didn't want to wake his friends up.

Aya changed into his pyjama and wanted to lie down as he noticed Yohjis presence.

He grazed Yohjis warm hand while he searched for his blanket

_~ Have you wait__ed for me the whole time? Don't do that it's not healthy._

_Do I sleep in my bed or in his? I don't want to wake him … when I'm not there in the morning he worries even more … ~_

He groped carefully for Yohji and settled down next to him.

He inhaled his nice scent and listened to his soft breath, it was like they never fought.

They always fought about stupid things or because of jealousy, why were it so difficult to be together. They worried about each other, they fought and killed to protect their beloved but in the end they were their real menace themselves.

They destroyed and hurt each other without mercy, what was left was guilt and sadness but sometimes they spent a beautiful time together.

_~ I should accept his decisions; I shouldn't say something when he wants to drink._

_I should ignore it when he wants to flirt or a one night stand._

_Everything is all right … as long he comes back home to me ~_

He fell asleep while his thoughts circled around his worries and wishes.

Yohji cursed he wanted to stay awake and wait for Aya and now he slept through the night.

He rubbed his eyes and froze as he heard Aya whimper.

_~ When did he come home? … Do you have nightmares again? ~_

The blond tilted his head to get a better view "Aya" he caressed his cheek "Aya wake up"

Aya felt a gentle touch and hoped he won't wake up now where his nightmare changed into a nice dream.

Yohji pressed his lips against Ayas. The redhead opened his eyes as he noticed that the touches were too real for a dream.

"Awake now?" Aya could hear his worry and nodded.

"Why did you leave alone?" he lay down on top of Aya and rested his head on his chest, he listened to his heartbeat.

"I visited my sister" he answered cold but he felt insecure, Yohji never did something like that before.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he didn't want him to leave the house without him, the world was bad and especially when you're a blind assassin.

"You were angry and not at home" Aya actually wanted to ask but opt against his company.

"You could have waited" Yohji wanted an answer to his question.

"I have to learn how to live in this world like that" it was time for him to get used to the blindness. He hated it to go outside but Aya-chan needed his care and for that he had to go outside.

"I can lead you" the blond sighed "tell me when you go out"

"Ok" Aya put his arms around Yohjis upper body, it was a soothing feeling.

"I don't want to live my life" Yohji said after a while, Aya tensed and Yohji understood the sign "I don't mean I want to die … I want to live our life"

"Me too" they were on the best way to sort their problems out, again. Aya knew the peace won't last; he was too worthless to make him happy. It was only a matter of time until he made a mistake and thereon the blond will lose his temper.

"I buried my past today… yesterday" Yohji lifted his upper body up, his arms rested next to Ayas head therewith he could look at the beautiful face.

Ayas eyes widened, what did he mean with bury?

"I officially dumped Asuka … I visited her and told her everything about us. After that I dumped all my girls too" he sounded proud.

Aya was speechless; Yohji sacrificed his love for Asuka and his ladies. He was swamped by all the informations.

"I thought you would be happy" Yohji still tried to settle the situation in a calm manner.

"I am but I never thought you would give up your playboy image"

Yohji stroke through Ayas soft hair "You're mine … mine alone"

"Of course I am" Aya was sure he would never submit to someone and now he was his doll, but he loved the blond so much. He never loved someone like that, maybe his job made him crazy or paranoid but he wanted to stick with him forever, was it wrong?

"We have a mission today" Yohji rolled to the side he was afraid of Aya, he wasn't sure the redhead wouldn't attack him. Aya could knock him down or he could chain him up to the bed or both. Yohji was sure he would do something drastic when he had to.

"What?" he shot up, panic crept into his heart. His family was sent into a war and he had to stay at home.

"I knew you would freak out" Yohji tried to sound gentle, it wasn't a reproach he could understand how Aya must felt.

"Don't die … don't you dare to die" Aya said cold and sent him a death glare.

He approached the redhead and put his arms around him "I won't" he gave him a gentle kiss.

It was strange how affective his glare was even though he was blind but it was his own way to cope with the situation.

Aya suppressed his tears; he was weak enough to cry would be like a death sentence to his soul right now.

"You're heart beats so fast" Yohji noticed while he pressed Ayas body against his own.

"It was the shock" Yohji knew it was a lie, it wasn`t the shock it was by far more than that.

It was panic mixed with a cruel kind of fear. He wanted to say liar but it would be a bad idea.

"Do you want to cuddle until we go?"

It was a joke but to his surprise Aya nodded "Then come over here" Yohji shifted to the side and leant against the headboard.

He held Ayas hand and led him into his arms. They spent hours together without to speak a single word. Both were lost in thoughts. Yohji planned the mission and tried to include every petty little matter. Aya used the time to envision every bad think which could happen to them.

After a deep sigh Yohji started to talk again "I'm sorry"

"Why?" Aya loved it when Yohji stroke through his hair.

"I wasn't fair. You're able to use your Katana … but I'm afraid you could fight somehow.

I almost killed you. I'm responsible for your safety"

"You're not `responsible` for me" Aya was angry but hid it perfectly; it wasn't the time for a quarrel.

"I ruined your life even more. You can't sell flowers, you can't kill, you can't survive in the real world … and that's my fault"

_~ So that's it? You feel guilty! Are you holding me to ease my fear because you're sorry for me? Do you say you love me because you think you're in my debt?_

_I knew there's a rub in it! You were violent and doubted my love for you but after the `accident` you changed too fast._

_I have to be the old Aya again blind or not I want to be strong and proud._

_And I will call the psychiatrist … I`m sure the psychiatrist is able to help me because I don't know what to do ~_

"It's Schuldigs fault" Aya said simply and tightened his hug a bit.

"He will pay for what he'd done" Yohji vowed, no one had the right to lay a hand on his lover.

"I have to go" a soft alarm signal sounded through the room, Yohji had set his clock.

Aya stood up and got dressed "I will wait for you" he went into the living room.

Yohji was stunned Aya was quick "He's nervous" he smiled; it was a nice feeling to be loved.

"Aya" Omi said cheerful, the young boy sat on the couch and watched a soccer game together with Ken "Is Yohji ready? We want to go" Ken asked.

"He changes his clothes" Aya answered and sat down on the arm chair.

"Are you all right?" Omi asked worried "You're so pale"

"Maybe I caught a cold" he would never admit to fear something.

"I'm ready" Yohji entered the room and Aya wished he could see, Yohji was a hot assassin.

"Oh before I forget … I prepared dinner for you. It's in the fridge you only need to heat it up" Omi sounded cheerful and not worried. Aya didn't dare to ask what they had to do because he knew he won't like it.

He wasn't hungry and the TV program was shit. He decided to call the psychiatrist; he was supposed to be at the emergency service.

Aya was lucky he got an appointment for the next day, he was sure the doc had a finger in the pie.


	11. Boring day

The mission went smoothly; they had a few little scratches here and there but nothing serious.

They talked happily as they went back to the Koneko "The mission was almost boring" Ken said but in his heart he was happy about the fact.

"Yeah" Omi chuckled "I'm hungry do we want to eat?"

They looked at him as if he wore a dress "How can you think about food at the moment?" Yohji asked disgusted "We're bloody"

"Hmm but I have to admit I'm hungry too" Ken scratched his head.

"Don't talk so loud Aya sleeps most certain" Omi pressed his index finger against his mouth.

"Sorry" Ken whispered.

They entered the house, it was dark and silent. Omi got a shock as he switched on the light.

Aya sat on the couch with drew up knees "Are you ok?" he asked tiered.

He was extremely tiered but he had to stay awake for them. It was his duty to wait for them.

"Why don't you sleep it's five in the morning" Yohji scolded him.

"I couldn't sleep" he lied, the truth was plain and simple he didn't want to.

He stood up and listened to every noise "Your blood?"

They looked confused, was the smell this extreme? "We have only one or two scratches nothing to worry about"

"Is it the truth?" it was difficult to keep the eyes open.

"Yes it is we swear we aren't seriously injured" Yohji made a bit fun of him.

"Good … good night" he left and headed for his long desired bed.

"Couldn't sleep … bullshit" Yohji nagged, it was obvious that he didn't want to sleep.

What did he think? That he could help? But after a careful consideration he came to the conclusion he had done the same.

"He has a guilty conscience about the mission" Omi get rid of his bloodstained coat "He has the urge to protect us. He had the control about our actions but now he has to stay behind. It must be hard"

"I think we should talk about it soon. He seldom talk to me on his own accord so I must find a topic to initialize a conversation" Yohji thought about it but he was too tired to think about it.

"Good luck" Ken raised a brow, he saw a disaster coming.

"Come let's eat" Omi headed for the kitchen, he was starving.

"What do we have?" Ken sat down.

"I can make sandwiches" he opened the fridge and frowned.

"What's up kid?" Yohji took the chair next to Ken.

"Aya didn't eat" he sighed "When was the last time he ate?"

Ken and Yohji remain silent, it was a good question and no one knew the answer.

"We will have a long talk" Yohji lightened a cigarette.

Aya slept almost through the day, as he woke up he felt Yohji next to him "When did he?"

Once he was in bed his brain said goodbye to the real world, a bomb could blow up the neighbor building he hadn't even noticed it.

Aya crept out of the bed and headed for the roof, he needed some air before he went to the hospital. The psychiatrist said he would call his cell phone therewith he knew when he had to go.

He trained a bit till he got a call. Aya was almost out of the house as Yohji caught him "Where do you go?" he asked confused "You promised to tell me"

"I want to visit Aya-chan and I didn't want to wake you" Aya lied, it was an unpractical situation.

"Wait a moment!" Yohji ran upstairs and returned after five minutes fully dressed "Let's go"

"You don't have to…" Yohji hushed him up "I want to" he opened sevens door.

Aya thought about a way to get rid of Yohji but there was no way out maybe he could find an excuse when they're at the hospital.

The doc walked through the corridor as she saw them; she knew Aya won't tell him about his appointment so he was in a spot.

"Abyssinian" she called "good you're here"

"What do you want?" Yohji watched her carefully.

"We have to make a few tests" she lied "I kidnap him for a while; you can visit Aya-chan"

"I won't let him alone" Yohji glared at her.

"It`s ok, please talk with Aya-chan she must be lonely" Aya used his best innocent voice.

Yohji chewed on his bottom lip while he thought about it "Ok but take care of him" he warned.

"Sure I'm his doc it's my job to protect him" she said serious "Now come on"

"I'll be right back" Aya was thankful for her help "I'll will tell her every dirty secret while you're away" Yohji mocked before he went to Aya-chan.

"Thank you" Aya said honest, the doc saved his honor. It wasn't the right time to tell Yohji about it, he was too afraid at the moment.

"You're welcome" she smiled satisfied "Why is he here?"

"He has the urge to protect me from everything. He keeps an eye on me as often as he can"

"He loves you" he could hear a soft chuckle in her voice. He could understand Balinese fondness for the redhead, he was a beauty and extremely cute when he blushed like now.

"He feels guilty" he didn't want to tell her something about them.

"Maybe" she said simply, it wasn't to overlook that it was much more then guilt.

But she remained silent, she won't ask when he didn't want to speak about it and as long it wasn't necessary to know "Here it is, I hope he can help"

"Hn" he grunted, Aya was nervous and not sure if it was a good idea.

He knocked and opened the door slowly.

Yohji sat next to Aya-chans bed and held her hand "What did he tell you?"

It was always a strange feeling to spent time with her, she was beautiful and innocent but yet so different from Aya "Was he like you?" he mumbled to himself.

_~ Aya is able to look innocent like her from time to time; I really want to know if he was a happy and gentle kid before Takatori destroyed his life and dreams._

_Dreams … did you have dreams? Do you have dreams now? What are your dreams?_

_I know nothing about you but one day you will tell me who you really are…_

_I'll wait for you ~_

"We are a couple now but he told you already right?" he watched her pretty face; they looked so different for siblings.

"I want you to know that I really really love him and I'll do everything to keep him save"

The unfamiliar silence got on his nerves; it was strange to get no response even though sometimes Aya was as silent as Aya-chan. He hated the silence especially Ayas kind of silence it was as if he was in a coma and not his sister. His kind of silence was expressionless and cold, he hid something important from him. Yohji was sure it wasn't his imagination, Aya needed help, he needed care and someone who repaired his soul bit by bit.

And he wanted to be the one; he wanted to be his lifeline "I think you should fight to wake up, don't you think?"

"Even though I'm worried he could throw his life away when he knows your safe" it was a daunting thought.

"Do you think I'm important enough to keep his will to live alive? Yeah I know he loves me but I'm afraid he could leave me one day because of my bad temper and lazy way of life.

I will show him that I can work and that I can discuss about problems.

I dumped my ex partner for him … I know she's dead but I banned her from my heart isn't it the same? I must be careful I think the other girls I dumped are a risk for him.

They could tell him lies or hurt him physically.

I have one last question, why does he love his Katana so much?

Ahh I know I'm stupid to ask you… but I hope I find answers this way; I mean sometimes you find a solution when you talk about things.

You must think I'm stupid, your brother chose a stupid variety of man" Yohji felt like an idiot, he talked with a comatose girl and in addition to that he actually asked her questions "I lose my mind … He must talk with her like that I can't believe that he sits by her side and remains silent the whole time" Yohji sighed and stroke through his hair.

"Yohji" he jumped up, he didn't notice that someone entered the room "Aya" he was relieved.

"Are you ok?" Yohji grabbed Ayas arm and led him to the chair "Yes, they took my blood, checked my bones and head nothing more"

The blond was sure it wasn't the truth but decided to accept his excuse, he knew the time will come were he'll tell him what they did to him.

"Do you want to be alone with her?"

"Yeah" Aya nodded, he loved his presence but he couldn't tell her everything when he was present.

"Ok" he caressed Ayas head and placed a soft kiss on his forehead before he left.

Yohji was bored, he waited for an hour and hoped Aya would end his visit soon.

He visited his best friend at the hospital for the fourth time, the coffee maker.

"Hey Balinese" the doc touched his shoulder "Don't stalk… god" he decided to pay more attention to his surrounding otherwise he will get a heart attack soon.

"Sorry" she laughed "How is your boyfriend?"

Yohjis eyes widened "B-boy friend?" he asked unsure.

"Ahh come on. It's obvious" she patted his shoulder "I'm clueless, I don't know if he will see again or not"

"I will protect him" she never saw him so serious "Your job is it to stay alive" she warned.

"What?" it was his duty to live, he had to take care of him and he had to provide him.

"Your life is the key to his peace of mind" she left without to wait for an answer.

"I'm the key? I don't think so" he looked at Aya-chans door while he drank his coffee.

Two coffees later Aya left the room "Can we go?" he rushed to his lover.

"Yeah" Aya told his sister about the psychiatrist and told her what happened between Yohji and him.

"Good, let's go home" he held his hand; it didn't matter if someone saw it. The redhead was his and he wanted the world to see.

"Let go of my hand" Aya tried to escape him "Don't forget it's Kritikers hospital"

"It doesn't matter besides you're blind you need someone who lead you the way"

It was an unpleasant feeling too know that his lover didn't want to be seen.

"They will kill us when they find out…" Aya was worried; it wasn't easy to love a team member.

"When they lay a hand on you they will regret it" Yohji squeezed Ayas hand "We are safe as long as Weiss makes a good job"

Aya sighed, it was a miracle for him how the blond could be so optimistic "I want to go Home" he didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"I know" Yohji wasn't as optimistic as he wanted him to believe but someone had to cheer him up.


	12. Overprotective

"Hey" Omi said serious as they entered the house "Where have you been?"

"We visited Aya-chan" Yohji helped Aya out of his jacket.

"Leave a note" he nagged, they were worried and had to do the work in the shop alone.

"Hn" Aya grunted, he hated it when the kid lectured him. He was the leader it was his job to worry and lecture them.

"Not `Hn` but yes" Omi walked on a dangerous path.

"Omi" Yohji grouched, he felt Aya tense and that was a bad sign.

"We were worried, what if something happens to him and we don't know where he is" the boy nagged.

"I take care of him" Yohji hugged Aya from behind; he wanted to prevent a disaster. He was sure Aya wanted to pounce on the kid.

"We didn't know that you accompanied him" Omi didn't peg away with his nagging.

Aya fumed, he was an adult and strong "Hn" he stormed out of the living room before he hurt Omi.

"Good job kid" Yohji glared at him "You don't know when to stop"

"But you do" he said sarcastic. It wasn't his intention to make them angry but he was worried and stressed.

"Omi what do you do?" Ken watched the conversation "You're too hard"

"I know" he lent against Kens shoulder "But what if something happens to them?"

"You can't observe Aya nonstop, he needs freedom" Ken rested his head on top of Omis.

"He's blind we can't give him too much freedom. I mean he's an assassin"

"Omi" Ken said harsh "Yohji cuts down his freedom, you too. What will happen when he feels caged?"

"He's safe" Omi thought about Kens words, he was right "He will be unhappy" he added after a while.

"Yeah desperately unhappy" Ken patted his hair "Cheer up and let's order something for dinner as a little apology"

"Aya wait" Yohji said soft "He`s only worried"

Aya remained silent; he didn't want to talk about it, not now "Aya talk to me"

He started to be angry "Aya it wasn't my fault so don't punish me"

Aya stopped, Yohji was right. It was wrong to hurt him because of Omis words but he was so angry. He was mad at them and especially at himself; the boy showed him how weak they thought he was.

"I'm a bother" he said finally and continued to walk.

Yohji grabbed his hand and pulled him closer "You are not a bother"

"I'm the leader Yohji, it's my job to worry" Aya almost yelled.

"First: it's not your job to worry, second: like it or not but you are not our leader at the moment" Yohji didn't thought before he spoke.

"Who's the boss, you? Do you like the position?" Aya was frustrated, he knew he was worthless for the team, he knew he lost his position as their leader but he didn't want to hear it. He tried so hard to dispel the hard truth.

"Aya" Yohji sighed "We need someone who leads the team during a mission and I try to make a good job so you can relax a bit"

"Do you want to be the leader?" Aya wasn't sure if Yohji didn't want to snatch his job away.

"Hell no. Too much work and it's too much for my bird brain" he tried to ease the situation.

"I know you're not stupid. You're quite intelligent when you want" He knew the blond acted stupid on purpose.

"Ahh you give me too much credit" Yohji started to be angry. He could say what he want it was always wrong.

"No" he answered cold. It was hard to see that his position was no longer his. To be the leader was his part in his little family. He nagged, yelled and lectured them. But where was his place now? Ken was the sport freak and hero of the kids; Omi was their mother hen and Yohji the lazy playboy with a gentle side.

_~ Where is my place? Tell me!_

_I'm a useless burden. Maybe I'll be the cleaner … no. Cook? Blind … better not. Florist … never more._

_So tell me where is my place? ~_

"Aya I swear I don't want your job and I'll give it back to you … when you can see" Yohji hated it to be the leader, it was too much responsibility.

"Where is my place?" he mumbled out loud, it wasn't his intention but it was too late.

"What do you mean?" Yohji didn't understand what Aya wanted to hear.

"Nothing" he turned around and vanished into his room, he tried to close the door before Yohji could follow him but the blond was faster.

"Oh nooo" he hissed "don't you dare to hide from me" he entered the room.

Yohji pushed Aya onto the bed "Talk with me" he ordered.

Aya felt how fear crept into his heart, Yohjis behavior was threateningly "I have nothing I want to talk about"

"You asked `Where is my place`, what did you mean?" he sat on top of him and pressed him against the mattress.

"I lost my part in Weiss, what am I worth now?" he said finally, it was useless to deny it.

"What …?" Yohji was shocked, he knew there was a serious problem but he never thought he could ask a question like that.

He shook Aya "Are you serious? … Do you think you're only our leader?"

Aya tensed he knew he would hurt him again "Tell me what I am"

Yohji realized what he did and cursed himself, he did it again. He hurt him when he needed him the most. Yohji pulled him into a thigh embrace "You're our conscience and my lover. Never doubt that you're a very veeery important part of our family"

"Am I" Aya asked serious it wasn't a question no it was more like faithless comment.

Yohji stroke through his soft hair "You are. You're the most important person for me and I don't want to hear something like that again"

Aya hugged him too and clung to him, he wanted to feel loved and warm.

Yohji caressed Ayas back; he tried his best to comfort his lover

_~ I can't believe that I shook you; I promised I won't hurt you again._

_I'm a bad guy and a miserable lover. I made you blind and stole your job!_

_I never thought you like to be our leader because you think that's everything we want you to be…_

_You're so much more than that! ~_

"I love you" he whispered into the redheads ear "I love you so much"

"….. hurt" Aya mumbled ashamed.

"What?" he couldn't understand the beginning of the sentence and was afraid that he had hurt him physically again.

"I love you so much it hurt" he repeated, it wasn't easy to tell him but the psychiatrist said he had to say what he thought otherwise he would break down one day.

Yohji was surprised; it was a nice feeling to know how much he really loved him.

"Aya" he pushed him gently away "Never doubt that I love you as much as you love me"

The request was difficult even though he loved the blond he couldn't believe in his words. It wasn't completely Yohjis fault but he suffered so much in his young life and he learned to believe in no one. Friends betrayed him, his former lover betrayed him and even Aya-chan betrayed him. She stole his former lover away from him but she was sorry, she really was.

He was angry at her but as she begged for forgiveness it softened his heart because he loved her too much. She swore she fell for his lover and it wasn't her intention to let that happen.

He caught them in his own room as he returned from school.

He was lucky it was nothing more than a passionate kiss; he knew he never had forgiven her when he had seen more than a kiss.

"Aya" Yohji hated the uncomfortable silence "Are you ok?"

"No" he wasn't ok nothing was ok absolutely nothing.

"When you want to talk … I'll listen to you whenever you want" Yohji promised, he didn't want to put him under pressure.

"I'll wait until you want to tell me what weight so heavy on your soul" he snuggled closer; he knew he needed a lot of patience and strong nerves.

Aya nodded, he was grateful for his patience and decided to continue to work with the psychiatrist to fight his inner demons therewith Yohji didn't need to wait until the end of days "Thank you"

Yohji smiled "I do everything for you" it was the truth; he would sacrifice his life for him.

He thought the same thing as Asuka was still alive but now he knew it better. The proof was that he was still alive, he drunk and whored but at the same time he fought for his life at the missions. He never seriously tried to follow her but when he thought about losing Aya… he would prepare a expensive and great funeral and then he would kill himself.

"Do you want to do something special today?" he wanted to spent a lot of time with him and he had to make his failure right, it wasn't nice to shake him.

"What do you want to do with a blind guy?" Aya didn't know what they could do. He didn't want to go to the cinema; it was frustrating to only hear a new movie, the park? Not after the last time who knows which girl hit on Yohji this time. Dinner was a bad idea too, it was embarrassing when people stared at him and he was sure they would definitely stare at him.

Yohjji thought about it and came to the same decision, Aya won't like public places "We can stay at home and watch a movie we already know" he hadn't a better idea.

"Hn" Aya mumbled, in any case it was the best option and it could be a nice evening.

"Is it a `yes`" he asked hopefully. The Koneko was the safest place for his redhead and he couldn't make stupid mistakes when they stayed at home, like flirt or get kissed by an old affair.

"Yes" the redhead nodded; maybe he was really not only their leader. Yohji did a good job to make Aya believe in him and their family.


	13. Date at home

"Ken,… ice-cream or pudding for dessert?" Omi bought Sushi, Chinese food and Italian food,

He didn't want to ask what they wanted to eat so he decided to buy everything he knew they liked.

"Let them chose" Ken was impressed, Omi knew exactly what they liked and he ran through the town for two hours to get it.

"It's time to call them" Omi was nervous, it was the first time he made Aya so angry.

"Don't worry, Yohji is still alive and he created a lot of catastrophes so I think he will forgive you easily" Ken comforted him.

"That's true" he tried to suppress his worries but in the end he did what he never wanted to do, he hurt his `big brother`. Aya always cared for them and with the time he wished Yohji and Aya were his brothers, that they were a big happy family.

Yohji and Aya strolled into the kitchen "Hey good timing" Ken smiled as if nothing happened and hoped the trick worked.

"Hey" Yohji answered, Ken had the feeling that Yohji was still a bit angry. Omis last comment had hurt him but Yohji knew he was right.

"Sit down we bought your favorite food" Omi analyzed the situation. Yohji looked grumpy and Aya looked unusual calm.

"I'm not hungry" Aya whispered into Yohjis ear, the blond held his hand so he knew where he was.

"But you must eat something. You're too thin and I won't allow you to starve" he answered and pulled him to the table "Sit down" he said audible this time before he settled down next to him.

Omi was curious what they talked about because Yohji looked unhappy after Aya talked to him "What do you want Aya? We have Sushi, Chinese and Italian food"

"Chinese" he looked up to Omis voice, the boy sounded strange, it wasn't like Omi to sound sad.

"Aya" Omi filled his plate "I'm sorry"

"It's ok" Aya answered cold, Omi had to be happy. He didn't like to make the young boy sad.

"Really?" Omi wasn't sure if he should believe him or not.

"Really!" Aya confirmed, Yohji gave him a strange look but waited until Omi left Ayas side "Liar" he whispered.

"He was sad" Aya answered simply "or do you want him to be sadder?"

"No of course not" he sighed "but I thought it's better for you to talk about it"

"I don't want to" it was hard enough to talk with Yohji about his feelings; he wasn't able to repeat it in front of the kids.

Yohji squeezed his knee "I understand", Aya laid his hand on top of Yohjis warm hand.

Aya was a good boy and ate everything Yohji gave him. The blond gave him a bit from everything Omi bought.

"Ice cream or pudding?" Omi asked after Yohji stopped to feed Aya until he almost burst.

"Ice cream right Aya?" Yohji said he didn't know much about his lover but he knew that he loved ice cream.

"Yeah" it was nice that Yohji knew he loved ice cream.

"Do we have some almond or chocolate cookies left?" Yohji remembered that Aya always nibbled on almond and chocolate cookies while he read his books.

"I think we have both" Omi looked through the kitchen cabinets "Yeah, here"

Yohji smiled and took the packages; he wanted to feed Aya while they watched a movie.

Omi prepared a nice sundae for Aya, Yohji got a bowl with chocolate pudding because he knew the blond preferred pudding.

"What do you planned for tonight?" Omi asked while he licked his spoon clean.

"We occupy the sofa and the DVD player" Yohji grinned as he noticed Kens expression. There must be a soccer game this night he wanted to see, too bad.

"Oh you can watch the game in my room; my TV is bigger than yours" Omi suggested.

Yohji had a laughing fit and even Aya choke on his ice, they knew the kids were together and Omis comment was too much for their imagination.

"What?" Omi asked, Ken blushed and hid his face behind his glass of water.

"Nothing kid" Yohji chuckled as he tried to suppress to laugh, Aya grinned and said nothing.

"Thanks for the meal" Yohji grabbed Ayas hand "Have a nice time" he added before he fled with Aya into the living room.

"The kid is so innocent" the blond laughed it was almost shocking how innocent he was, he was an assassin after all.

"I hope he will stay innocent for a while, it's nice to see him act like the kid he is" Aya liked it when Omi got the chance to be a real teenager.

"Ken why did they laugh at me?" Omi cleared the table.

"You're not serious, are you?" Ken was surprised that he didn't figure it out on his own.

Omi looked at him with big eyes and Ken knew he was serious.

Ken whispered into his lovers ear and Omi dropped almost a bowl as he blushed like hell "Oh… oh" he stammered.

Yohji sat on the sofa with Aya in his arms; they munched cookies while they watched one of their favorite movies.

It was a nice evening and Aya saw the movie in his mind eyes but it was still sad to see nothing. He missed the emerald eyes so much and his beautiful smile.

He would do everything to see one of Yohjis drop-dead smiles

_~ He never gave a smile like that to me. I want one too._

_We should do something like that more often; it's a nice feeling to sit here with you._

_A movie, cuddling and cookies, that's how a normal life must be, I never thought I'll experience a normal comfy night at home with the person I love._

_I feel good, I didn't feel so good for a very long time ~_

"Are you ok love?" Yohji noticed that he was lost in thoughts.

"Yeah" Aya answered and snuggled closer to him "Thanks for the nice evening"

"It's only a night at home" it was relaxing but nothing Aya had to thank for.

"It's more than that" Aya wasn't sure how to explain it "It's nice to sit here with you"

Yohji felt honored that he could make him happy with a simple night in front of the TV

"We can spend our free time more often in front of the TV" he caressed his head gently.

"It's not that" Aya closed his eyes "It's the way we sit together, the way we act and the calm atmosphere"

"You mean we don't get on each other's nerves and the forced peace"

"Yes … our relationship is a catastrophe or?" Aya wanted a peaceful relationship but he was sure the peace would end soon.

"No …" as Aya looked at him he added "Yes it is" he sighed.

"What can we do?"

"I think we can only continue to work on us" Yohji replied, he had to control his anger but it was difficult to ease the own temper. And Aya had to open up but he couldn't force him and that was really frustrating.

Aya smiled at him and rested his head on his shoulder; he wanted to enjoy the peace as long as possible.

"Do you want to watch another movie?" Yohji asked as he noticed the movie ended a while ago.

"You can choose this time" Aya missed Yohjis warmth as he left to change the DVD "Do you want a tea, juice or a beer"

"Beer" Aya said simply, he was jobless so he could allow himself to drink.

Yohji needed time to realize that Aya wanted a beer. It was a joke because Aya seldom drank alcohol so he never thought his answer could be `beer`.

"Ok" he rushed into the kitchen to get two beers and some left over.

They spent the whole night on the sofa in a comfortable silence.

Yohji was dead tiered but he had to work this morning "Continue to sleep" he said as Aya opened his eyes.

"You could have said that you have the morning shift" he rubbed his eyes.

"I didn't want to end our time together because I have to work" he bent over the redhead and gave him a soft kiss "See you later" he caressed his cheek before he left.

Aya rolled over and inhaled Yohjis nice scent, it helped to fall asleep.

One hour later he woke up again, he wasn't tiered anymore and totally bored "I need something to do" he sighed.

He got up and searched some clothes "I need something warm, I have to train"

Aya took a shower and went to the roof, he listen to the bells of the church so he knew he had time before someone would search him.

He kicked the air and dodged, his condition was better and he was able to fight his imaginary enemies for almost two hours before he reached his limit.

He was still unhappy with his performance and decided to train everyday whether Yohji liked it or not.

"He will hate me for that" he walked to the handrail and tried to remember the view.

"Sounds like the schoolgirls are on their way" he heard a lot of shrill voices and they giggled without an end, they must have found a cute victim.

"Here you are" Yohjis voice appeared and startled Aya.

"The schoolgirls" Aya said simply as he hid his jolt.

"Yeah I know I have only a few minutes" he rubbed his face "they're nerve-racking"

"What do you want?" Aya tried to find him.

"I want to check on you" he answered soft "I made some toast for you, please come down and eat"

"Thank you" he hated it when Yohji controlled him but on the other hand he knew it wasn't his intention to dominate him. He hoped it wasn't his intention.

"You trained" Yohji said disappointed, he thought when he takes the Katana away he would stop.

"I'm an assassin. I want to be fit and agile" why couldn't he understand? Aya wanted his understanding and maybe a bit help.

"You're blind Aya" he sounded sad but Aya ignored it.

"You said I'll see again" he groped for Yohjis hand "Let me train"

Yohji squeezed Ayas hand, he didn't like the thought but he knew Aya won't stop even when he said no "Have I another choice?"

"No" Aya was absolutely determined to continue his training.

"Do me a favor, don't overstrain yourself and be careful" he caressed Ayas soft cheek.

"Hn" Aya was relived, he was afraid they could fight about it.

"Is it a `yes`" Yohji bent forward and his lips brushed softly against Ayas.

"Yes" he breathed as a shudder shot through his body; Yohji pressed his body against his and gave him a passionate kiss.

"I have to go back" Yohji panted slightly "Omi and Ken will kill me"

"No one will lay a hand on you" Aya was deadly serious "I'm not the leader anymore but powerful enough for the kids; I mean Omis beloved laptop or Kens soccer clothes"

"You're horrible" Yohji mocked "I like it" he kissed him again "Don't forget to eat, see you later"

Aya gave him a smile he was satisfied with the result. He got a part of his freedom back.


	14. Outing

"How is Aya?" Omi asked as Yohji passed by "He's all right" he answered.

Omi wanted to know more but was interrupted by the damn girls.

It was hard to ignore the girls; they always found a way to get their attention.

Two girls bought flowers for their mothers and two old ladies wanted a nice bouquet for the graves of their husbands. It made Yohji said as an old lady asked which flowers she should buy for her beloved dead husband.

He almost killed his beloved one and the thought weight heavy on his heart, he didn't want to survive his redhead

_~ Aya could be dead because of me. It could be a bouquet for his grave._

_I feel sick ~_

"Are you all right kid?" the old lady asked worried, the young man looked so pale.

"Yes, sorry I was lost in thoughts" he gave her a gentle smile but she was old and had a lot experience of life "Did you lose a loved one too?"

Yohji didn't know what to say "Almost, I thought …" he closed his eyes for a little while.

"But your friend is all right?" she wanted to help.

"Yeah" the woman smiled "Then enjoy the time you have; it can be over … so fast"

Yohji could see the sadness in her eyes "Ten years ago … My husband went to the supermarket for me and got shot by a gunman. I waited for him to return but he never came back. I was sick and didn't give him his `good bye be careful` kiss"

A tear ran down her cheek. Yohji whipped it away "He knew you love him, I'm sure"

She chuckled softly, he reminded her of her husband. She was sure he had said the same thing "Thank you"

Yohji gave her the bouquet for free as a thank you for the encouragement. She made him even more worried but she needed someone to talk and he would listen to her again when she needed someone because she experienced one of the most terrible things of earth, to survive the persons you love the most.

A new wave of schoolgirls disturbed his bitter thoughts.

They used every chance to touch the boys and one of the girls even dared to pinch Omis ass, Ken almost jumped at her but Yohji was faster and held him back.

Yohji didn't notice a few girls which eyed him like a pray. They wanted to try their luck and get into his pants.

They chattered and giggled "Yohji I- I want … I want a date with you" a cute girl asked.

"No" he said friendly "Why not?" she wanted him so much.

"You're a minor" she got on his nerves.

"I'm well build, my skin is soft and I do everything you want" she pushed her luck.

"I don't want to date you" he said serious "I already have someone I love"

"Whaaat?" she almost screamed, and the other girls turned silent "Who is she?"

"Who said I love a girl?" Yohji asked as innocent as possible.

"You – you're … you always have girls around you, you fucked half of the female customers"

Omi and Ken weren't able to help him; they were busy to help a few girls which fainted after Yohjis outing.

"I had a few men too" Yohji frowned as a girl next to him fainted, he pitied them a little bit he never broke so many hearts at the same time.

"It won't last long" she said serious, she was sure he only found a new toy and would throw him away after a while.

"I'll never let him go" he answered angry "Now … leave and I don't want to see your face again"

She was furious and stormed out of the shop "You'll pay for the way you threatened me" she muttered.

The schoolgirls decided to leave, the mood was bad and they had to think about the things the blond said.

"Are you ok?" Ken patted his shoulder "Yeah, I hope they learned their lesson"

"I think they won't hit on you again, the most girls are honorable. They won't hit on a person who's already taken" Omi knew the most of them and was sure they were good girls.

"I hope so" Yohji sighed, it was too much stress for his liking.

"Let's close the shop" Omi was tiered too.

"You're my hero" Ken let out a deep sigh "I don't want to hear or see them for a while"

"Aya" Omi was surprised "Do you need something?"

"No" he answered honest "I heard a riot"

"Did you … did you hear what I said?" Yohji wasn't sure if Aya accept his behavior.

"Yes" his voice sounded unusually soft "I hope they forgive you"

"It's my life I don't need their forgiveness" it didn't matter what they thought about him.

"That's true" Aya hoped they won't treat Yohji badly because of him.

"Did you eat?" Yohji had enough from the topic.

"Yes" Yohji was quit a good cook but he didn't want to show his talent to Omi and Ken.

The bell above the door rang and Manx entered the shop "Damn spare key" Ken muttered.

"Hey Aya, how are you?" she examined him.

"Good" he hated the question, he knew Manx was unhappy about his current state and could take everything away from him.

"Good" was the short answer he got "Yohji, Ken, Omi come with me"

His heart ached he wasn't even allowed to join the meeting. He hoped he could help to make a plan or something like that but Manx made her point clear … he was nothing.

He went back to the roof to lambaste an imaginary Manx.

After two hours on the roof, it started to rain but Aya didn't stop to fight.

"It must be a huge mission, when they still talked" he was worried and angry.

There was nothing he could do, he was a worthless burden and maybe Kritiker would free him from his life.

He loved Yohji and wanted to stay by his side but on the other hand he knew they won't be happy, he wasn't able to make the blond happy.

Yohjis affection towards him was wonderful but what could he give him in return?

And would he leave him when he got his eyesight back? Would he throw him away like a boring toy?

He sunk down on his knees, he clenched his fists while his tears dripped down on the wet ground "Damn it" he cursed.

_~ I was nothing, I'm still nothing and I'll always be nothing!_

_He feels guilty; the boys lose their respect… I want more, I want to be loved, I want to work with you again, to fight by your side. I died years ago but I want to live again._

_Is it a selfish wish? Is it too much to dream about a life? ~_

He stroke his tears away before someone saw him like that, he didn't want to lose more dignity than he already had.

Aya went to the edge of the roof and clung to the handrail

_~ It would be so easy to climb over the handrail and jump._

_But is it right to leave? Maybe he really loves me and it's not only guilt…_

_Maybe my eyesight will return and I'm useful again but when not …_

_Aya-chan I love you but I don't want you to return, strange I always wanted you back but now I'm afraid you could steal Yohji away … I'm a bastard, Aya-chan I'm sorry._

_I don't want anymore, all the strange thoughts and feelings hurt …. I want them to stop ~_

"Aya I was looking for you" Yohji approached him carefully.

Ayas heart hammered in his chest, Yohji appearance scared him. The blond saved his life without to know it.

"Sorry, the meeting took more time than I thought" Yohji put his arms around the redhead.

"Now come in or you'll catch a cold" he was angry but hid it perfectly. It was irresponsible to stay in the rain until he was drenched to the bones.

"When do you have to go?" he asked while he lent against Yohjis chest.

"Let's talk inside" Yohji lifted him up and carried him inside.

"Let me down, hey" he saw his pried flying away "Yohji" he hissed.

Omi and Ken remained silent and hoped Aya wouldn't notice their presence but his hearing was too good.

"Let me down" he repeated cold, it was embarrassing in front of the kids "Ken stops chuckling" he added angry.

Omi slapped Ken on the head "Idiot" he dragged him into his room.

Yohji lay him down on the bed before he searched warm and dry clothes "Sorry" he said after a while. He was sure Aya would still stay on the roof when he didn't drag him down.

"I have my pride" the redhead was still angry at him.

"Pride" Yohji mumbled "You have too much pride, don't you think?"

"Should I let go of my pride and be your little submissive toy?" Aya closed his eyes, that was a big mistake. He should watch his mouth.

"What?" Yohji was shocked, a `little submissive toy` that was hard.

"Forget it" he hated himself, it wasn't his intention to vent his frustration on his lover.

"No" Yohji sat down next to him "Why do you say that?"

"I don't know" he didn't want to tell him what he felt.

"You don't know" Yohji said suspicious "Do you believe the girls? That you're only a toy"

"No one loved me before" everyone left him sooner or later.

"But I do, I really do! Why can't you believe me? Am I that untrustworthy?" Yohji didn't know what he did to make him angry. He didn't flirt, drunk or whored so what was his problem.

What should he say, he wasn't sure himself. Sometimes he believed in him but he was a playboy and broke the heart of every woman he gone out with "I…"

"I understand" Yohji threw the fresh clothes at Aya before he rushed out of the room.

"No, no, no" Aya whispered, that was bad. He ruined everything; it was a matter of time until he drove him away.

He threw the clothes to the ground and stayed in his wet clothes. It was his way of punishing himself, the cold and unpleasant feeling was what he deserved.


	15. Foreboding

"Yohji? What happened?" Omi entered his room slowly "I heard you curse"

"Nothing" he drank a glass of whiskey "It doesn't look like nothing" it was never a good sign when Yohji drank.

"He doesn't believe in me" Yohji refilled his glass "He thinks he's only one of my whores"

"What?" it was so obvious that the older blond was serious "Maybe it isn't your fault"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean it could be that a former lover or friend broke his trust and … and he's afraid. Or it's another far reaching problem"

"No it must be me, I said I cheated on him, I continued to drink and flirt after we got together. It isn't easy to trust me"

"But you stopped" Omi comforted him "You seldom drink, you don't flirt and you only sleep with him. You are trustworthy"

"We haven't slept with each other" Yohji chuckled; he never tried to get into his pants.

"Really?" Omi sounded stunned; he didn't think Yohji was abstinent.

"Yeah really" he wanted the redhead so badly but he wasn't ready "I think he isn't ready yet. I have the feeling he never slept with someone"

"Oh" Omi was not really surprised. Aya was strong and beautiful but not easy to get.

"He's the man of my dreams. I want to make him happy. I want romantic dates and fuss over him as much as possible. Blind or not he`s perfect, all that makes sex to a minor matter" Yohji romanticized.

Omi smiled it was so romantic "You're the perfect partner for him"

"Do you think?" it would be great to be the perfect man for him.

"Yeah" Omi decided it was time to leave. He had a lot of work to do.

"Yohji did you drink again" Ken asked disappointed "We leave in four hours"

"I'm not drunk" Yohji drank his coffee "I'm able to fight"

"Good"

Yohji drunk almost the whole night, he thought about Omis words and what he did to Aya.

He was still confident that it was his fault.

"Omi? Can you look after Aya. I don't want to force myself on him"

Omi nodded and went upstairs. "Aya" he knocked "Aya open the door"

"Let me alone" Aya turned around, his head hurt and his body ached.

"I prepared something to eat, it's in the fridge you know the game" he said before he left.

"I know" Aya sighed. He caught a cold but it didn't matter that was his punishment, pain was what he deserved.

"He wants to be alone" Omi explained his quick return.

"Not again" Yohji rubbed his face but decided to take care of the matter after the mission.

"We have to discuss the mission" Omi hated the mission and it was important to pay attention otherwise they won't come home.

They had to eliminate a drug lord and he had at least ten bodyguards with military education.

"Yohji come down! We have to go" Ken yelled.

"Aya" Yohji ignored Kens voice "Can I come in?"

"No" Aya didn't want to fight directly before a mission; it was too dangerous to distract him now.

"Ok, take care" he sighed and went down to the boys.

Aya stood in front of the window "You should take care" he was afraid, he was afraid he could lose his playboy tonight.

He called the psychiatrist this morning and this time they really talked with each other.

The first time was a useless talk, Aya answered only with yes or no and even the psychiatrist was clueless.

He wasn't ready to tell him everything but he told him about the thought of suicide and what he did to his lover.

The psychiatrist said he had to sort out his feelings and should try to put a line through the past. Not everyone would betray him and he had to believe.

He didn't say it exactly like that but that was what Aya had to do when he wanted to save his relationship.

But it was so difficult to get rid of his dark thoughts and his unjustified emotions "Yohji, please be patience. I'm working on it"

The problem was the only way he knew to ease his emotions was to hurt and punish himself but this had to stop too.

Maybe he had to heal himself step by step, first he had to eliminate what could hurt Yohji and then he could stop to hurt himself "I'm making our life a misery especially yours"

Aya went to the living room and sat down on the sofa "(Cough) damn cold"

He switched on the TV and waited, Aya was afraid the news could talk about his teammates and that would be a catastrophe.

Aya lay on the sofa but this time he was fully awake, he had a bad feeling "Come home soon"

He sat up like a flash as a sharp pain shot through his heart "Yohji" he shivered "No,no,no" he repeated like a mantra "Don't leave"

Aya rocked back and forth for half an hour before the front door opened.

He jumped up "Yohji?!" he called "What happened to him?"

Omi was shocked how could Aya know that something happened? "Don't worry a guard knocked him out, it's nothing serious"

Aya tried to hear where Yohjis was, Omi was alone … Kens footsteps were heavy and slow.

He approached Ken and grope for the blond "What did you do?" he whispered while he squeezed his hand.

"I carry him to his room" Ken said and dragged the unconscious blond upstairs.

Aya followed him, his heart raced and he knew it was his fault. He had hurt his lover.

The boys changed Yohjis clothes and cleaned him before they left them alone.

The swordsman caressed Yohjis soft cheek "You promised to live, you promised to stay by my side … How you want to hold your promise when you let your guard down?"

He suppressed a coughing fit, he had a high fever but Yohji was more important. He won't go away or sleep until he wakes up.

It was hard to keep the eyes open but he wouldn't give in, he had to care for him he owed him a lot of affection.

Aya sat on the ground while his shoulders and head rested on the bed. He held Yohjis hand "Don't you want to wake up?" he remembered the last time he sat next to the unconscious beauty. He felt so much fear even though he knew it wasn't the same situation, this time he knew he will wake up.

"Hnn" the blond groaned he had a bad headache, he opened his eyes slowly.

The sun shone into his room "It must be midday" he mumbled and tried to remember the last mission.

Aya stared at him and waited for Yohji to talk to him, he was too tiered and afraid to make the first step.

Yohji felt a cold hand which held his own "Aya, why do you sit on the ground?" he watched his lover.

"I don't want to hurt you" it was possible that he touched his bump or one of the little cuts.

"Hurt me" Yohji took the aspirin from his table, Omi knew what he needed.

"I could accidently hit you" he justified his decision.

"Is it an excuse for staying away from me?" Yohji wasn't sure if Aya was still his lover or when they broke up.

"I'm here" Aya squeezed his hand "I can't see you and I can't control my actions enough. It's possible that I touch a wound when I try to crawl into your bed, that's the truth"

Yohji eyed him and came to the conclusion that it was the truth but what worried him the most were the huge dark circles under his eyes "Didn't you sleep?"

"It isn't right to sleep when you're hurt"

Yohji didn't know what to say, Aya sounded so sleepy "Is everything all right between us?"

"I want to believe in you, I really want" Aya shivered slightly.

"Then we try it a last time" it wasn't fair to say it but he hoped Aya would cling to him even more. The truth was a last time didn't exist like he said he will never let him go.

_~ Last time? It's my last chance, I have to control myself. I have to trust him an__d I must be a good boy… I'll do everything he wants._

_I believe in him, I believe in him, I believe in him_

_He loves me, he takes care of me and protects me ~_

Aya nodded "Now continue to sleep"

"Stay with me" Yohji wanted to hold him in his arms "don't worry about me"

The redhead thought about it and obeyed like promised "Hn"

"Wait I roll over to the other side" it was easier for Aya.

Aya stood up and almost fell down as his knees gave in, he crawled into the bed as fast as he could, Yohji would grouch when he knew he caught a cold.

"Are you ok?" he frowned.

"Yeah, I lost my balance" it wasn't a lie "How's your head?"

"Much better thanks to the aspirin" Yohji felt only a light pain.

"Good, you scared me" the blond stared at the redhead "I was afraid you could leave me"

"I promised to live"

"Do you really think you can win against the death?"

"I can try" Yohji knew it was impossible to hold his promise forever.

"Don't leave without me" Aya closed his eyes he was dead tiered.

Yohji sighed he wanted him to be happy he would never take him with him.

The blond took his lover into his arms "You're burning" Ayas skin was hot and sweaty.

He got no response, Aya slept soundly "You still wear the same clothes; I gave you something to change"

Yohji pressed him against his own body and stroke over his arm "Baka" he kissed Ayas hot forehead.

Yohji crept out of the bed without to wake his sleeping lover.

"Are you ok?" Omi asked as he entered the kitchen "Let me see your head"

He sat down on his chair and let Omi examine his pig-head "Only a little bump" the boy was relived.

"My head is hard like stone" Yohji winced as Omi touched the bump.

"Stone, huh?" the boy grinned satisfied "Funny" Yohji grumbled.

"Miso soup?" Ken placed a bowl in front of him.

"Thanks" Yohji wasn't hungry but even though Ken asked Yohji knew it was an order.

"Where's Aya?" Omi sat down and refilled his bowl.

"He's sleeping; do we have medicaments against a cold?" Yohji wanted him to sleep as long as possible.

"You caught a cold" Omi thought Yohji caught a cold on the last mission. It was a cold night.

"Aya is sick" Yohji was angry at himself "I allowed him to train, and what did he do? He trained on the roof while it rained, I gave him dry clothes but he stayed in his drenched clothes"

"Strange" Ken mused "It isn't like him"

"Punishment" Omi had the feeling Aya did it on purpose "Maybe he wanted to punish himself for something"

Yohji chewed on his bottom lip

_~ Punishment? Do you really punish yourself? Did I disturb you by something that day?_

_Was that the real reason you were angry at me?_

_What do you wanted to do? ~_

"Don't worry we'll keep an eye on him" Omi consoled him; apparently they had to cut his freedom down even more.

"He won't like it" Ken interfered "We can't lock him up"

"I'll do everything to keep him safe" Yohji knew Ken was right but he saw no other option.

"Even if it means to kill him?" Ken was sure it was a bad idea.

"He will hate us, he'll start to hate me" Yohji was very conscious of the fact that Aya needed his freedom but on the other hand he had to keep him safe "I hate it when you're right"

"I don't like it either … this time" Ken watched Omis sad eyes, he knew how much the boy loved them all and it was frustrating to be powerless.

They stopped their conversation as they heard footsteps "I make something for him" Omi stood up and took orange juice and eggs out of the fridge "He ignored the dinner again" he threw it into the trash.

"We should feed him before we leave" Yohji frowned.

"Hey Aya, sit down" Omi said as cheerful as possible.

"Where is Yohji?" the smell of the food overlaid Yohjis scent.

"I'm here" he said gently, Aya settled down next to the blond.

Yohji put his arm around Ayas shoulder and rested his forehead against Ayas "You still run a fever"

"I feel better" Yohji kissed his neck "Liar" he whispered.

Aya rested against the blond "Later" he whispered back, it wasn't the time to discuss.

"Aya tell me one thing" Omi was curious "How did you know Yohji was hurt?"

Yohji let go of the redhead and stared at him "He knew?" he asked surprised.

"Yeah, we entered the house and he wanted to know what happened to you but there was no way he could hear or smell it" Omi explained.

"Aya?" Yohji didn't know what to think about it.

"My heart ached" Aya said simply.

"You're heart ached?" Ken asked incredulously.

"I lay on the sofa and waited, because I had a bad feeling and then I felt a sharp pain near my heart. I knew something happened to him" Aya felt like an idiot.

"You felt I was in danger?" he knew this kind of feeling, it was one of the reasons he went to the roof and had the urge to drag him into the house.

Aya nodded ashamed, it sounded so stupid.

"You must love him very much" Omi smiled, it was so romantic.

Yohji pulled his lover into a tight hug "I love you" he smiled, Yohji was overwhelmed with love. It was nice to know they were connected … somehow.

"I can't breathe" the hug was too tight "Oh sorry" Yohji let go of him.


	16. Be my first

"Your fever almost vanished" Yohji was relived; he was worried the cold could change into a pneumonia.

"You're a great nurse" Aya felt better and enjoyed the affection.

"Do you want a nice bath?" Yohji kissed his forehead.

"Sounds good" Aya liked it to bath "Good …sorry" Yohji apologized before he lifted him up and carried him to the bathroom.

He filled the bathtub and started to undress himself and Aya "Yohji?"

Aya heard him undress and blushed; did he really want to bath with him?

"The bathtub is huge enough for both of us" the blond grinned "Come" he took Ayas hand and helped him into the warm water.

Yohji settled down behind Aya and pulled him into his lap, Aya rested with his back against his chest.

"Relax I won't harass you" Yohji said honest. He took Ayas hand into his own and folded their arms in front of Ayas chest "Look … I can't harass you" he chuckled softly.

Aya loved it; the feeling of Yohjis naked skin was wonderful. He snuggled deeper into Yohjis gentle embrace.

"I know the feeling" Yohji said out of nowhere "Which feeling?" Aya asked surprised.

"I knew you were in danger" he began "I felt that I had to look for you"

Aya didn't understand what he meant "Danger?"

"I came to the roof because I had a bad feeling and I'm sorry that I embarrassed you but I felt the urge to get you inside"

Aya kissed Yohjis hand; he really saved him that day "Thank you"

"Thanks? What for?" he hoped Aya would tell him the truth about his training on the roof.

"For worrying" he didn't want to tell him about his death wish.

It was not the answer Yohji hoped for but he could wait "You're welcome" he kissed the top of Ayas head.

"You looked happy the last few days" Yohji tried to get informations.

"I'm happy when you're around" he closed his violet eyes.

"That pleases me no end, I was worried I start to be nerve-racking" he joked.

Aya soft laughter filled the room "Hey what's so funny?" Yohji pouted.

"Stop tickling me" he gasped "Oh I tickle you, maybe I am nerve-racking" he continued to tickle his redhead.

After they got tiered Yohji placed a soft kiss on his lips "Time to get out"

Aya nodded and got out of the bath, Yohji wanted him so badly and tried to ignore Ayas naked body before he got harder.

A cold shower wouldn't be enough he had to take care of it but at first he had to send Aya away.

"Wait in the living room I bought a new movie, I'll explain the parts you don't understand ok?" he gave him a kiss.

"Ok" Aya said and left, he stopped as Yohji closed the door of the bathroom.

He knew why Yohji tried to get him out of the room and felt sorry

_~ You don't want to cheat on me but I never gave you what you needed maybe it's time to repay you._

_You never tried to touch me and I thought I wasn't worth the effort but you don't want to force me, am I right?_

_I love your warm skin and the feeling of your touches but I'm afraid … I never did it before._

_Would you leave me when I'm bad in bed? ~_

Aya went back to the bathroom, he was lucky Yohji forget to lock the door.

Yohji was shocked as he saw Aya "A-Aya it's not what you think" he tried to control his voice.

Aya locked the door and approached the blond "You waited long enough" he was nervous.

"You don't have to I can wait" he pushed Aya gently away.

"You're my playboy" Aya smiled "It's not fair to make you wait any longer; you never forced me or cheated on me. I'm thankful" he touched the blonds chest before he kneeled down.

"Aya stop it … oh god" Yohji pushed him away he was too close "I almost came" where did a virgin learn something like that? Yohji mused.

Aya undressed himself; Yohji couldn't stop him he was too absorbed in the situation.

"What happens next?" Yohji could see his insecurity "Are you sure?" he didn't want to force him. "I'm sure" the redhead nodded and Yohji began.

He kissed him before he licked his long neck. He wandered down to his chest and bit his nipple gently. Aya was sensitive and enjoyed the feeling of his tongue.

Aya screamed as a hot sensation enclosed his member, Yohjii smiled as Aya moaned.

He stopped before Aya came too early, Yohji pulled him to the ground and rolled on top of him "Are you really sure? I don't think I have enough self-control to stop after we really started"

Aya never felt so much pleasure before and to lose the contact with Yohjis warmth was the last thing he wanted "I trust you" he said honest "Be my first …and my only one". He appreciated Yohjis honesty and decided it was a sign that he could slowly start to trust him.

Yohji felt happy, Ayas trust was important to him "I make you feel good, always" he pressed their lips together.

They sat on the sofa and watched the new movie it was almost like the other day.

Aya didn't regret his decision to give himself to Yohji. The blond was really gentle and he made so beautiful noises.

"Does your back hurt?" Yohji adored the redhead and that was the reason why it was the best sex he ever had.

"A bit" his back felt sore but it was worth it.

"I'm sorry we did it on the floor" Yohji stroke over Ayas arm.

"It was a great feeling" Aya blushed.

Yohji was proud he satisfied his lover but he was sad at the same time "I always thought we'll go to a romantic little restaurant and sleep in a soft bed, your first time should be special"

"It was special, you're special" it didn't matter that they had made love on the floor, it was important that Yohji won't dump him "But… I wanted to see you, your beautiful eyes and face" he caressed Yohjis cheek.

Yohji remembered Ayas eyes and his beautiful expression "We won't do it until you get your eyesight back"

Aya stroke with his thumb over Yohjis lips before he pressed their lips together.

He knew they couldn't keep the promise because he didn't believe to see the blond ever again.

They continued to watch the movie in silence

_~ I made him mine. I can't believe it._

_I will never touch a woman again or someone else, only you._

_But what do I do with you? I know there's something wrong but I can't help when you don't talk about it. Do you listen to the movie or are you lost in thoughts? I'll watch you … be prepared baby ~_

"Do you want to watch another movie?" Yohji disturbed the comfy silence.

"No, you have the morning shift" Aya stood up and reached out to him "Let's go to bed"

Yohji smiled that was his Aya, even blind he ordered him around "Yes boss"

"Why do you grin like a maniac?" Ken asked blunt.

"No reason" he still felt happy about the day before.

"Did you? " Omi whispered as he served the breakfast.

Yohji remained silent; the redhead would kill him when he answered. Omi understood his silence and felt happy for them. It was a huge step forward into a lovely relationship.

"Time to work" Omi cleared the table.

"I drag Ayas ass down and then I come to the shop" Yohji wanted to make sure his lover ate.

"Ok but don't dawdle around" Omi warned, they had a lot of work to do.

"Yeah, yeah" he rushed to Aya. Yohjis heart ached as he opened the door.

Aya stood in front of the window and looked so young and fragile; he couldn't believe he hurt him the last time they were in this situation.

Yohji tended to forget that Aya was younger than him; he was always so strong and serious.

"Omi prepared breakfast for you" it was hard to say something; he could watch him the whole day only to make sure he was all right.

"I'm starving" Aya smiled, this was the first time he was really hungry in a long time.

"Good, I have to go back before Omi throws a tantrum" he laughed "Horns will pop out of his head and he will jab me with a trident"

Aya tried to imagine a little Satan teen "That's creepy"

"Hahaha don't worry the good side always wins" Yohji tapped against Ayas forehead.

"You're so dead" Aya said serious and rushed out of the room before he could burst out in laughter.

"Hey" Yohji was outraged and smiled that was a good sign, a very good sign "hey wait for me" he ran after him.

He caught him at the kitchen and used his chance. He grabbed Aya and swung him around "See you later sweetie" he gave him a kiss.

Yohji knew he pushed his luck but it was an invitingly chance and to his surprise Aya wasn't angry at him "Hear you later, menace" Aya kissed him back.

"Menace, I like it" he chuckled before he left for work.

Aya couldn't stop to smile, he didn't know why he felt so good but he mused it could be the fact that Yohji was still the same even though he reached his goal.

"When he won't flirt then he was honest" strangely enough he didn't doubt his faithfulness.

Ayas mood changed after a while, it was boring to be useless. He waited day after day

_~ I want to work with them. I miss their laughter and jokes; it was heart-warming to work together. Their happiness is contagious. I never felt alone they're always there but now I have to wait until the end of the day to enjoy their presence._

_I never thought I need so much affection, I haven't realized it until I lost my eyesight._

_I love Yohji and our kids …. Our kids? When did I start to think they're `our kids`?_

… _Mummy Aya ….. Mummy? ….Oh god ~_

He folded his arms on top of the table and buried his head between them "I'm really lonesome" he mumbled.

Yohji stood near the kitchen and watched his sweetie

_~ Why didn't I notice it earlier? Of course he was lonely, we worked most of the day and he could only train or watch TV._

_My poor Aya … what can we do? ~_

He went back to the shop, he thought about a way to help "Yohji?! Stop day dreaming" Ken yelled "the lady talks to you"

"I'm sorry" he bowed "How can I help you?"

The woman examined him "I need a bouquet which can compare to your beauty" she wanted him no matter what. He was the best choice to make her ex-boyfriend jealous.

"Sorry but we don't have so beautiful bouquets" he answered smart.

She laughed; she wanted him even more "The second best is ok too"

"Good" he looked around and searched the right flowers. He used the flowers Aya liked the most "Almost as beautiful as you" Yohji whispered.

"Thank you" she heard him and was confident that he meant her.

"Sorry I didn't mean you" Yohji pushed her hand away as she tried to pat his hand "You're the third best"

Her eyes widened "Third-best, you're joking. Did you look at me? I'm a beauty" she yelled horrified "I see a cocky bitch" she slapped him and stormed out of the shop.

"Yohji" Omi sighed "You can't scare all the female customers off"

"Should I flirt with them? Or even hook up one of them?" he said sarcastically.

"Of course not" he sounded disgusted.

"You see" Yohji went to the back of the shop.

"She's pissed" Yohji startled "Aya what?"

"I control if you work instead of lazing around" the redhead hid a smile. Yohji was trustworthy.

"I'm a hard working man" Yohji pouted "What do you really want?" he added.

"I miss your chatter and laughter, you and the boys are so happy when you work" it was more than he wanted to tell.

"And you?" Yohji hoped he would get an honest answer.

"It was nice to watch you; it was almost … as if I was a part of it"

"You are a part of us" Yohji ruffled the red hair.

Aya gave him a knowing smile "No, I never was"

"Then we'll make sure you'll be a part of us, ok?"

"It's not worth the trouble but thank you" he gave Yohji a soft kiss "Go back to work or Omi will get a heart attack"

Yohji was astonished about Ayas insensibleness but he decided to let him go … for the time being.

"Yohji" Ken grouched "Come back and work"


	17. Sick and tired

"I start to be soft" Aya sighed but he didn't regret what he said.

Yohji had the right to know what he felt, he was his lover after all and he had to use his last chance.

Aya dialed the number of the psychiatrist

"Yeah it's me" Aya answered, the psychiatrist asked him to call around midday.

How are you? –

"I felt great this morning but now … I'm depressed, I think"

- What happened? –

"I feel all alone again"

Are you alone? –

"Not really"

Then why do you feel lonely? –

"I think I want to be like them"

You're an intelligent and strong young man; you have your own qualities. It's not important to be like the others, you have to be you. They love you how you are, or? –

"I think they do"

You see. Talk with them and don't bottle up your emotions. Tell them what you told me. Or do you think they won't understand? –

"I don't know"

Maybe you should try it. You fight side by side for years maybe they know it already and wait until you talk about it on your own accord –

"……" Aya thought about it but he didn't think they know about his problems.

Step by step, don't force yourself –

"I'm not an important part of the family but I want to protect the little things I have left"

Even when you could be what you want to be? –

"I will never be what I want to be, I'm blind and useless. I'm nothing more than a burden"

We talked about it already and we came to the conclusion that you're not useless. I mean your lover seems to adore you. Your teammates care for you. What else do you need? –

"I can't get rid of the feelings; I don't know what to do anymore. I'm happy and all of the sudden I'm frustrated"

You have a long way to go but with help and love you will be free one day. You have to be honest especially towards yourself –

"Hn"

Come by when you visit your sister – he knew the talk was over

Aya hung up, he felt even more confused than before "I have to accept that I'm blind"

He had always dark thought but since he was blind they got worse, he had to find a useful task before Weiss get rid of him.

"Aya, I have to run some errands. Do you need something?" Yohji hugged him.

"No" Aya stood in front of his window and tried to feel the freedom outside "Can I come with you?"

"We're in a hurry the next time ok?" Yohji rested his chin on Ayas shoulder.

"But I want to go out" Aya felt caged, it wasn't fair "You said I can go out when you're by my side"

"Don't be angry. We have a job tonight it's too hectic for you" Yohji noticed a change in Ayas behavior.

"Ok. Next time" his tone softened, he won't fight when Yohji had a mission.

"Aren't you angry anymore?" he asked surprised.

"No fights before you go to a mission" Aya felt guilty for Yohjis injury, he hurt himself to ease the guilt but it didn't work.

"You bottle up your anger because of the mission?" that was not good.

"No, I'll release it somewhere else for your safety" he tilted his head and gave Yohji a kiss on the cheek.

"Why?" it wasn't good when they didn't talk about problems.

"I don't want you to feel bad when you put your life in danger. What if you get hurt or die … with the knowledge that I was angry. I couldn't live with that, I want us to part in love and not filled with anger or hate" it was a frightening thought.

"I won't die and surely not with the thought you hate me" Yohji pressed Aya closer to his body. Ayas worries frightened him.

_~ His thoughts are so dark, are they always so deep black?_

_But you talked to me, that's good,__ maybe you can continue to trust me._

_Step by step my love, you don't need to rush it ~_

Aya hoped he was right, he couldn't bear it. That would be his death too.

"Good" he held Yohjis hand "Take care!"

"I promise, I'll do my best" Yohjii kissed his neck "I have to go but we'll eat dinner together before we go. We don't spend enough time together"

Yohji left without to know Ayas misery

_~ What do I do when he leaves me all alone? I don't want to be alone in this world__, again. and this time I would lose my heart too._

_I gave it to him and I'll never get it back. I fell for him … really hard._

_I depend on him but it's the first time I like it to be a prisoner._

_We go together; I don't want to live anymore when you're not around._

_Your smile, your voice, your gentleness … all that makes you to the centre of my world ~_

"Don't make a mistake Aya it's your last chance. They made your life livable again"

Aya talked to himself while he went to the roof and trained, he still missed his Katana but he knew Yohji won't give it back. It was boring to train alone so he decided to ask Yohji to spare with him. His hearing was good but it could be better and he needed a real spare partner to reach his goal.

The dinner was unbearable silent, no one lost a word about the mission and that got on his nerve. Yohji said he was a part of the family, maybe they didn't want him to worry.

"Hey love, before we go" Yohji took a pullover out of a bag "I bought a black and warm pullover for you; I don't want you to freeze while you train"

Aya felt happy it was only a pullover but that meant he was allowed to keep his little bit of freedom and Yohji thought at him while he ran the errands.

He took the pullover and pressed it on his chest, the material was soft and comfy. It was a nice present "Take care of you" he said serious while he clung to the pullover "and you too, take care of each other"

"You know we will" Ken patted his shoulder, it was a nice gesture.

"You know that" Omi added to ease Ayas fears. The way he clung to the pullover made his fears obvious.

"I know" it was always hard to let them go. Short after he joined Weiss he made their safety his life task.

"Good … see you later, sweetie" Yohji gave him a soft kiss. He never gave him a passionate kiss right before a mission; it would be like a farewell.

"Menace" Aya whispered softly.

Aya sat down on the sofa after they left. It was a habit to watch TV and wait for their return.

He changed his pullover and lay down "The TV program is trash" he was tiered but had to stay awake.

"Maybe they want to eat?" Aya stood up and went into the kitchen. The kids sometimes ate before they went to bed so he decided to prepare something.

It wasn't as easy as he hoped but after a while he knew how to identify the things.

What was his sense of smell and taste for when he didn't use them?

The butter was easy to find but the cold meats and cheese where a difficult task. He had to taste a bit from everything to identify the sort because they smelled similar.

He placed the sandwiches on a huge plate and placed it on the table, followed by three cups.

"Ok, what do I do next?" there was nothing to do so he went back to the sofa and waited.

It was almost six in the morning as he dozed off for a few minutes "No" he woke up "Don't sleep Aya not now" it wasn't easy to stay awake so long without adrenalin.

He sat up and searched an interesting documentation or an exciting movie "Wrong!"

The remote flew to the ground "why do they need so long?"

Aya had to wait two more hours before they came back.

"Did you stay awake again, you don't have to" Omi said exhausted.

"Good morning" the redhead felt terrible and ignored Omis comment "How are you?"

"We're all right" Yohji was dead tiered "I go to bed or else I will sleep on the floor" he went away.

"Good night Aya" Omi wanted nothing more than to sleep.

"Night" Ken followed his little lover.

"I missed you too" Aya felt abandoned, he understood they were tiered but he expected a bit more.

_~ Was the mission a success or not? I know you're tiered but you could have said something, only a little sentence._

_And…_

_Why didn't you take me with you? Do you want to be alone? Did I make a mistake? ~_

Aya went into his own room and locked the door; his thoughts were too dark to bear.

It wasn't his intention and strictly speaking it wasn't a reason but the tension was too high.

He felt as if he would burst when he didn't find relief. He felt guilty and hated himself.


	18. Suicide

Omi went into the kitchen, it was almost evening but he needed his sleep.

"Oh sandwiches" he was happy about the little present, he didn't felt like cooking.

"Hi" Ken yawned; he still felt sleepy "Great, sandwiches … thanks Omi"

"It wasn't me … I thought you made it" Omi couldn't imagine that Yohji prepared something to eat.

"Are you fit?" Ken grinned as Yohji entered the kitchen half an hour later "I feel absolutely whacked" he took some coffee "Thanks Omi" he grabbed one of the sandwiches.

"We thought you made them" Omi wondered.

"Ah you know me" Yohji frowned, he would never prepare the dinner at least not before the boys stood up.

"But when no one of us made them, then…" Ken was confused.

"I think we have to thank Aya" Yohji was proud of his redhead, he did a good job.

"Where is Aya?" Ken looked at Yohji.

"I don't know maybe in his room" Yohji was too tired to look after him last night.

"You don't know…" Omi never thought Yohji would let him out of sight.

"I look for him" the older blond stood up "He must be tired too"

"He didn't do anything, why should he be tired?" Ken drank his milk.

He was still angry because the mission was a mess, the target escaped and he almost blew them up.

"He waited the whole night" Omi grouched "but it would be better for him to sleep until we come back" he added softer.

"He's worried, I don't think I could sleep when he had to fight without us" Yohji stopped near the steps.

"You drank and whored while he was on solo missions, sometimes you didn't even notice his absence" Ken nagged.

"I'm not proud of it" he continued to walk but stopped again as he reached the first step.

Aya sat on top of the stairs and his blind eyes stared down on him, his expression was unreadable.

Omi and Ken approached him slowly; they wanted to know why Yohji stared up the stairs.

"Damn it" Ken sighed, Omi tried to save the situation "Aya it isn't meant like it sounds"

Aya remained silent; he wasn't sure what to say. He stood up and came down the stairs "I have to go out" he grabbed his coat.

"I come with you" Yohji wanted to reach for his jacket as Aya pushed him away, not hard but it was enough to signalize `leave me alone` "I'll visit Aya-chan, alone"

"I won't let you alone, it's a dangerous world" Yohji had a bad feeling.

Aya wasn't angry at Yohji, he didn't say something wrong but Aya had almost forgotten that Yohji never paid attention to his solo missions even though he said he loved him for two years. Maybe he was too drunk to care. And what was with last night?

Aya touched Yohjis cheek "You can't protect me, when the time comes"

"I can protect you from everything" he wanted to go with him.

"Schuldig almost killed me, you can't protect me" Aya didn't want to say it directly, he would feel even more guilty when he would say `you almost killed me`.

Yohji couldn't speak, Aya was right he almost killed him with his own hands. He wasn't able to protect him but he could try.

"I can try" Yohji sounded so serious it made Aya feels warm.

"I want you to know that I'm not angry at you" Aya placed a kiss on his cheek "but I have to be alone for a while. I need to think"

Yohji had no choice; there was no way he could accompany him without to be in his way "Don't be late"

"We will see" Aya turned around to leave "I have a lot to say"

Yohji sat at the kitchen table and drank his third cup of coffee; he had to suppress the urge to follow him.

"Yohji calm down" he made Ken nervous, it was an awkward situation.

"How can I calm down? He went out without me" he took a deep breath.

"We messed up, why didn't he yell at us or gave us a kind of death glare?" Omi sighed.

"He doesn't want to tell me what weight so heavy on his soul" Yohjis tapped with his fingers on the table.

"Have you an idea?" Omi was curious.

Yohji stood up, Omis curious tone annoyed him. He had to ask out of worry and not out of curiosity "Yeah" he left.

Omi and Ken followed him into the living room "Yohji tell us" Omi forced.

"I won't satisfy your curiosity at the expense of Aya!" Yohji searched the remote control. He was surprised to find it on the ground, which worried him because Aya was a neat person.

"I'm worried too" Omi nagged "Don't you dare to assert again …that I'm not worried about him"

"I overreacted … sorry" Yohji could see that Omi wasn't only curious.

"It's my fault too" Omi sat down next to him "Where is the problem?"

"Everything is a problem" Yohji didn't know where to start.

"What do you mean?" Ken settled down on a chair.

"He can't live with his blindness, we don't care enough, he has nothing to do, he misses to work with us, he doesn't think he's a part of us, I stole his job" he started.

"Wow" Ken didn't know what to think, there were so many problems.

"There is something else … and I think it's something serious but he won't talk about it" Yohji rubbed his face; it was unpleasant to think about all the things.

"Do you think we did a fatal error?" Omi could kick himself; they were worried all the time but lost their goal because of one failed mission. It was their job to look after him.

"No" Yohji answered simply "Where do you get that from?" Ken asked suspicious.

"I would know it" he trusted his feelings, he was sure he would feel if Aya was in danger or would do something stupid.

"We wanted to take care of him and what did we do? We go to bed and left him alone" Omi ruffled his hair "Stupid, stupid"

"We were tiered, I'm sure he understands. He was one of us after all" Ken comforted him.

"Was?" Yohji glared at him, he realized that Ayas worries weren't unsubstantiated.

"He isn't our leader anymore and he's not able to fight" Ken made his point clear "but he's still a part of us, a part of our other life"

"No" Yohji felt his heart scream, Aya didn't imagine things. He was right and that was what hurt the most. He tried to protect his lover but couldn't even see what was in front of his eyes "He never was"

"Of course he's a part of us" Omi said horrified.

Yohji looked at him, his eyes filled with a sad glitter "Aya said, `he never was` and now I understand what he wanted me to see"

"Do we really…" Ken tried to remember the events of the last months.

"Oh, we're idiots" Omi rubbed his face, "We already understood that we're a bunch of idiots" Yohji gave him a light smile.

"What can we do?" Ken felt bad.

"Nothing" was the unexpected answer.

"What do you mean with `nothing`" Omi yelled, he never thought Yohji would let him down.

"We have done nothing since he joined us … it's too late, everything is embedded in his mind. He won't believe me or you"

The boy remained silent, Yohji was right. They watched or nagged but they never did something to help. They never offered him a helping hand except for the `save Aya-chan` mission.

Aya entered the office of his psychiatrist. He looked so lost and pale "Aya?" he asked worried.

Aya couldn't hear him; he didn't even know what he wanted at his office.

The last thing he remembered was that he visited Aya-chan and one of the nurses forgot a scissor on her table.

He played with it while the memories rushed through his mind "Aya-kun" the psychiatrist tried again. His eyes widened as he saw blood dripping down on his floor.

The psychiatrist called for help while he rushed to the young redhead. He caught him before he hit the ground "Aya? Stay awake do you understand?"

The swordsman looked at him as if he told a joke "Don't tell him" Aya whispered "Don't tell him" he passed out.

The psychiatrist closed his eyes tight; it was always the same game. He tried to safe them to repair their soul but one moment later someone pushed them into the fire.

Suicide was a common practice; it was the second common cause of death. But he hoped he could help him, the poor little soul of a kid. Aya wasn't easy to handle but he got used to his behavior and now he liked the young man. He would do everything to help him, it wasn't normal to think about a patient like that but it was almost like Aya was one of his kids.

The doctors ran into his office and took care of the slashes on his wrists before they brought him away.

"What happened, Souta?" Ayas regular doctor asked while she rested a hand on his shoulder.

"I don't know, he entered the office and then… he passed out from blood loss" he took a deep breath "I failed … again"

"You didn't fail, he will fight and one day he'll be fine" she hoped she was right.

"I don't want to see him die" he looked at her "He's … he's"

"I know what you mean … he's a good boy isn't he?" she kneeled down and started to wipe off the blood.

"Yeah, he is" the psychiatrist stared down on the blood before he helped her.

"What do we tell Weiss?" she sighed, "Nothing … He said `Don't tell him`, I don't really know who he meant but I won't tell it Weiss"

"Do you remember Yohji Kudoh? You know Balinese his partner at Weiss?"

"Yeah we had a few meetings because of his drinking habit" he lifted a brow.

"Drinking habit huh?" she knew he meant his women wastage.

"What's with him?" he took a new towel.

"He's his lover" she smiled at him; they were a perfect couple so she thought. But it was obvious that they had problems … serious problems.

Souta was surprised, he didn't thought he had a relationship with his best friend "I thought they're only best friends"

"Aya loves him unquestioningly" she wiped the last bloodstain away.

"Obviously" he stood up "We'll have a long talk when he wakes up but what do we do with Weiss? I want him to stay for four days before we send him home"

"Only four days?" she didn't like the thought to send him home after only four days.

"We'll make everything worse when we keep him here" she nodded, he was right they wouldn't do him a favor.

"Tests" she said "I have to run some test therefore he has to stay here"

"But they want to see him" he interfered.

"I won't allow it" she said simply "and the reason?" he was interested what she had planned.

"No reason" she said serious "I will only tell them about the tests when they call us, and they aren't allowed to enter the hospital"

"That's hard" the psychiatrist liked the plan.

"Deserved" she gave him an evil grin "… it's time to look after him" she added.

Yohji paced the living room up and down "It's night already" he grunted.

"Yohji, why don't you sit down?" Omi offered him a seat.

"I have a bad feeling, something is wrong" Yohji had the urge to cry but he didn't know why.

"He's ok" Ken tried to console him "someone had called when he needs help"

Yohji hit the wall "Damn it" the pain in his heart overlaid the pain in his hand.

Omi stood up and pulled him to the sofa "Sit down" he ordered.

Yohji glared at him, no one was allowed to order him around except Aya "Don't order me around" he hissed.

Omi sighed "Sorry" he lifted his hands "but you make us nervous"

Yohji ignored him and stood up. He rushed to the kitchen and dialed a familiar number "Doc, where is Aya?"

"We have to make some tests" she said simply "He'll come home in four days"

"What?" he yelled into the phone "Why?"

"They need time and he can stay by Aya-chans side"

"I come by…" he was angry at her.

"No" she stole his thunder "I don't want to see you or the others near the hospital except you're dying"

"What the…" he wished he could strangle her with the power of his thoughts.

"He's a big boy and will survive a few tests" she answered cold "and you have to do your job"

"We can …" she interfered "No you can't. You'll make your job and we'll take care of him"

"He told you about the fight right?" Yohji sighed "Which fight?" she asked honest.

Yohji noticed her surprise and started to believe her "Then in four days?" it wasn't a real question.

"Four days" she confirmed before she hung up. It was easier as she thought.

"And?" Omi knew he called the hospital.

"Four days" he shoved his glass from the table "Four fucking days!" Omi jumped with shock.

"Haa" Ken was swamped.

"They keep him for four days to make some tests" he hissed, four days without his lover were torture.

"We can visit him" Omi tried to calm him down.

"No" he grunted "We aren't allowed to visit him. She don't want to see our faces unless we're dying"

Ken almost dropped his cup, what does this portend? "She knows from the fight"

"No" Yohji shook his head "He didn't tell her about it"

"I'll hack the system" Omi stood up "There is something shady about it"

Yohji and Ken knew he was right and followed him.


	19. Waiting

The psychiatrist entered Ayas room. The young man was pale like the linen but for the first time … he looked peaceful.

"Do you seek your salvation in death?" he noticed a change in Ayas breathe.

"Maybe" he whispered. His throat felt sore and his body felt heavy "It wasn't my intention"

"You slit your wrists" he sounded irritated.

"I… it happened. I didn't press the blade into my wrist with the intention of …, I did, did I?"

"You mean you had a black out?" the psychiatrist sat down next to him.

"No … not a black out" Aya tried to remember "I saw what I did but I didn't thought about it. Memories rushed through my mind and then… I watched my blood flow but I felt no pain, strange isn't it?"

Souta was worried; the redhead had reached at breaking point. It was never a good sign when a patient couldn't control his action but on the other hand there was some hope. He didn't intentionally try to kill himself; he wasn't responsible for his action.

"Let's talk, ok?" he tried to start the therapy "We promised your boyfriend to send you home in four days"

Ayas eyes widened and his heart started to race "I didn't tell him about your `accident`, we told them that we have to make some tests"

He took a deep breath, Yohji wouldn't forgive him "He'll hate me, I don't want him to know"

"But you can't hide forever" he could understand his worries "he has the right to know"

"He has his own problems; I don't want to load my problems on his shoulders. He'll break under the heavy weight"

"I know him" Aya looked surprised but decided that his doc had squealed "We had a few therapy sessions a few years ago"

"He's a wreck" Aya sighed.

The psychiatrist couldn't suppress a chuckle, Ayas tone was so soft but mocking "Yes he was, I don't know if he changed"

"He didn't drink as much, and he's faithful to me … I think. And his heart is filled with guilt"

A shocking thought, occurred the psychiatrist "Wasn't Balinese the one who…"

"He tried to kill me" Aya said blunt, he couldn't change the truth "but Schuldig controlled his mind and it is as good as impossible to escape his mind control"

"That's true, does he know that too?"

"He knows I'm not angry at him and I told him it is Schuldigs fault, but I think he doesn't believe it" his heart ached at the thought, Yohji had to be happy. He deserved happiness.

"Does he talk about it?"

"Not really, he's extremely overprotective and I have the apprehension that this is the main reason he feels compelled to care for me" Aya was tiered and too lazy to lie or escape the conversation.

"Maybe he really loves you" he was so sure that the lazy blond loves the redhead.

Aya smiled "He cares for me … he had spread flowers in the whole house, therewith I don't lose the orientation. And he worries about me … a lot"

"It's a nice idea" the psychiatrist was impressed "I'm sure he loves you, I heard a lot about relationships and worrying lovers but I never heard something like that. Believe me! Everything you told me during our sessions makes me believe in your relationship and his sincerity"

Aya thought about all the things Yohji did for him and turned the thoughts over in his mind "You're right"

"What?" he misinterpreted Ayas silence.

"I think you're right, he broke so many hearts without a second thought. He had left me when I'd be such a burden"

"What happened today?" he knew Aya said what he thought he wanted to hear.

Aya closed his eyes and started to explain, he started the night before and his story ended at the hospital.

"It's sad" he confessed "but I think they were only stressed and didn't think about it"

The psychiatrist could be right but his heart told him another story "Why can't I ignore the dark feelings" was Ayas only answer.

"It's a serious mental illness" he explained "it needs time and I'll prescribe medicaments"

"Medication?" Aya hated pills.

"They'll calm you down and release feeling of happiness" it was the easiest explanation

"Side-effects" psychotherapeutic drugs were never a good thing.

"Sleepiness, gain in weight" he answered short but honest.

"I'm afraid" Aya said sleepy, the psychiatrist stroke bangs out of Ayas face "I know" he said before he left him alone.

"Keep an eye on him" he order a few nurses.

"You're still here?" The doc asked interested.

"I couldn't leave him" he said honest as he bought coffee.

"I know" she liked the redhead too "He's like a big kid even though he kills with deadly precision"

"He wakes my daddy instinct" he sighed "what?" he noticed a big grin on her face.

"You could be his grandfather" she chuckled; he stuck out his tongue "Gramp instinct" he pouted.

"I understand how you feel" she started honest "I have the feeling it's my job to keep him safe, as if he needed the whole world to keep him safe"

"Maybe he needs a lot of care" he sat down on a bench in front of the hospital and lit a cigarette "What did they do to him?"

"Hm" she looked as if she didn't know what he meant.

"His family: dead, his sister: as good as dead, his team: opaque, his lover: overcharged.

Kritker: merciless, his time before Kritiker: frustrating" he numerated.

"I don't understand how he survived all the time" she was sure she had committed suicide long ago "he's so young, it hurt to look into his eyes"

"Yeah" he took a deep drag "so cold and at the same time so vulnerable"

"Don't get me wrong I feel sorry for all of them but he's different" it was hard to explain what she felt.

"I know what you mean. He reminds us of a violated stray kitten, Am I right?"

"Exactly" she nodded before she patted his knee "Go home, your wife is waiting. I'll look after him"

He knew his wife waited for him, she certainly paced through the house because he forgot to call her "Good night"

"Morning Yohji, did you sleep well?" Omi sent him to bed after he almost feel asleep on the sofa.

"No" he grunted "I can't sleep without him"

"You slept without him as we returned from the mission" Ken didn't like the way Yohji talked with his lover

"He was here" Yohji closed his eyes, he was so tiered "He hates hospitals"

"I know" Omi sighed, he did everything to avoid the hospital.

"Do you find something" Yohji rested his head on his hands.

"No, his medical files are top secret. I wasn't able to get them" Omi looked worried.

"That's strange" the older blond mumbled "What do they do to you?"

Ken patted his shoulder "Don't worry, they won't hurt him"

"Someone had hurt him" Yohji answered "I know he's in pain"

Omi looked shocked "Maybe we should visit him"

"No chance" Yohji buried his face in his hands "I sneaked out and tried to see him last night, I couldn't find him and then they threw me out. They said I'm on the blacklist"

Kens jaw dropped "Is he in danger?"

"I don't think so; his doc likes him too much. She would call us" the fact that she cared to much about his redhead worried him.

"You're jealous" Omi detected, Yohji blushed slightly it wasn't right to feel jealous "I know it's wrong"

"He'll come home soon" Ken wasn't sure at all.

They got no answer but it wasn't necessary, his shaking shoulders were enough "Yohji" Omi approached him slowly.

"He comes home you'll see" he lay a hand on Yohjis "Stop crying"

Ken wasn't used to a crying Yohji, he saw him drink, flirt and yell but never cry. It gnawed on his heart "Let's plan a little welcome home party, what do you think?" he suggested.

Yohji liked the plan

_~ He will feel loved when we throw a party for him._

_Four__ days …. Why feel four days like an eternity. I'm waiting love, I'll always wait._

_Ah … embarrassing. I cry in front of the kids but you're the only one who's able to make me weak._

…_._

_What can I do to make your life easier or at least less lonely?_

…

_I know! ~_

"He'll like it" Yohji wiped his tears away before he went into his room.

"I feel sorry for him. The thought it could be you makes me shudder" Omi took Kens hand.

"I know how you feel. I thought about it too" Ken kissed him "I'll protect you" he added.


	20. Home

After a few therapy sessions and a, conceal the scars from the team action, he was allowed to leave the hospital.

They cleaned his wrists and tried to bandage him as inconspicuous as possible.

The doc forbade him to wear short sleeved shirts and to shower with Yohji as long he wanted to hide it. She told him that the scars won't disappear; they would fade but never disappear.

He wanted to hide it as long as possible, he was too afraid of Yohjis reaction but the advices to hide it from him were stupid. It was obvious that he couldn't wear shirts at the moment but it was better to remain silent.

He had to `visit` Aya-chan in a few days for his check up. Aya left the hospital and hoped his team believed the doc.

He waited a while in front of the Koneko, he felt guilty for what he'd done.

"Time to go" he said to himself and opened the door. It was silent and he thought for a moment that nobody was at home.

As he reached the kitchen, he heard them talk "When does she call?" Yohji nagged "She said four days"

"Calm down" he heard Kens voice "She will call soon"

"Ken is right, you need patience" Omi sounded slightly fretful as if Yohji nagged the whole day.

"I'm losing my patience" Yohji sighed "Four days without him are like hell"

"Yohji" someone patted his shoulder, at least it sounded like the shoulder "You need some rest, the last four days were hard for you"

"You even cried in front of us" that was Ken; Aya knew no one was as blunt as him.

"What would you do when your lover" he pointed at Omi "is away for four days and you're not able to see him?"

"We were separated before" Ken frowned "Do you remember? I was at a soccer camp with the kids for a week"

Omi almost laughed "It's not the same and you know that"

"I talked too much again, huh?" Ken scratched his head "I hate it to wait"

Aya shook his head; it was so typical for them. They talked, they fought, they got along with each other. It was so easy to foresee what they'll do, always the same game.

Aya sighed deeply and earned the attention of his friends "Aya" Yohji rushed to him and pulled him into a tight embrace. His feet lost the contact with the ground "I missed you" Yohji breathed happily.

_~ I almost ruined his happiness. I have to take care of me as long he wants me…_

_He's so happy, he missed me… he loves me ~_

"Come" Yohji dragged him into the living room "Sit down, you should have called" he cupped his cheeks and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

"We bought a tart for you, no one dared to bake one" Omi laughed, it was nice to have Aya back "I hope you like it"

Aya was taken off-guard; he never thought they would throw a party for him. He was only away for a bit more than two days.

Aya nodded friendly and took the plate Omi prepared for him "It's good" he said honest.

"I'm really pleased!" Omi said cheerful "The bakery is really good, is it?" he decided to visit the shop more often.

Aya was tiered and hoped they would leave him alone. He had to get used to the medication.

Yohji didn't remove the arm around his waist "Do you want some tea?" he sounded so hyperactive but at the same time he sounded as if he didn't close an eye while he was at the hospital.

"No thank you" Aya snuggled closer to the blond. He missed his warmth and his gentle touches "Aya, I bought a movie for you. So you have something to do while we work. Ah, and when you don't understand a part we'll watch it together" Omi gabbled.

Yohji chuckled softly. "I bought a album, I looked through your CDs, I hope it's ok?" Ken was unsure.

"It's ok" Aya gave him a little smile "Thank you. But it wasn't necessary to buy something"

"It was necessary" Yohji interfered, Aya was confused "We want you to know that we care for you, that we know what you like and that we missed you" the blond stroke gently over his hand. Ayas heart raced what if Yohji stroke over his wrist? But the blond stopped a few centimeters before his wrist.

"I'll forget …continually" Aya answered and leaned against Yohjis shoulder, his mind was fogged with worries therefore he forgot to watch his mouth.

They were confused "What do you mean?" Omi chimed in.

"Not today" Aya closed his eyes; it wasn't the right time "but one day…"

"Don't force yourself" Yohji patted his head, he hated it to wait but he had no choice.

Omi and Ken didn't ask what he meant; they understood that it was the wrong moment.

They chatted and ate for a while before they had to go back to the shop.

"Yohji take the day of" Omi smiled, it was wrong to leave Aya alone.

"Thanks" Yohji pulled Aya up "Come on" he wanted to give Aya his present.

"Sit down. I'll be right back" Yohji ran out of the room.

Aya cuddled with Yohjis pillow, it was nice to be in his room. It was always so warm and comfy.

"I'm back" he panted slightly and smiled, it was so cute when he cuddled with his pillow.

"Didn't you sleep enough?" Aya asked out of the blue.

"Why do you ask?" Yohji tried to hide it, even the boys started to believe him, so he hoped.

"Your scent" Aya tilted his head "Your scent faded"

"… To tell the truth, I slept in your room. Ok I lay awake and waited for you but I was in your room" the blond stammered.

Aya reached out a fragile hand and hoped his sleeves won't slip "Then you have to make up for all the lost sleep"

"At first … I have a present for you" he took the cold hand and sat down next to the redhead "Here"

Aya took the package "What?" he asked as he felt a movement.

"Don't worry it isn't dangerous" Yohji joked but his serious eyes didn't leave him.

Aya opened it and heard a soft mew "A cat" he said even though it was obvious.

"It's a kitty" Yohji caressed Ayas hand while he caressed the kitten.

"How does he or she look like?" Aya loved cats.

"He's white and has emerald eyes, exactly like mine" Yohji didn't know if Aya was sad or happy.

"I love him" Aya listened to his soft purring "He's so warm"

"I start to be jealous" Yohji pouted "What's his name?"

Aya took him into his arms while he continued to caress his soft fur "I don't know"

"Neither do I" Yohi thought about a name, it had to be something special.

"Faith" Aya whispered; the cat was like a symbol for their relationship.

"Faith" Yohji repeated "I like it, but why `Faith`?"

"I trust you" Aya cuddled the kitten "White is a pure color, the color of faithfulness, blind trust … and your emerald eyes are so beautiful and clear, I've faith in you"

Yohji listened carefully; he wanted to remember his words and the meaning of the name.

"Hello Faith" Yohji greeted their new family member while he rubbed the cat's chin.

"We should sleep" Aya said as he heard a soft yawn. He let go of the cat and get rid of his Jeans "You need sleep" Aya warned again.

Yohji was distracted by Ayas pale legs, he missed his skin. It was so soft and warm "Yes boss" he striped before he crawled under the blanket.

He took Aya into his arm and pressed a strong kiss against his forehead "Welcome home, love. I missed you"

Aya knew he was honest "I love you too", he felt Faiths warmth on his side.

Yohji was sure Aya would be happier when he could care for someone even in his current state.

"Thank you so much" Aya clung to him as if he returned from hell and not from the hospital.

"We'll buy a collar tomorrow" Yohji whispered sleepy "with a little bell. They sound so different and I wasn't sure which sound you like. So I decided to buy it when your there"

Aya wanted to laugh, he felt his heart jump. Yohji thought about so little things like the sound of a bell because of him "Thank you" the redhead nuzzled Yohjis slender neck.


	21. Work and collars

Aya waited for Yohji to leave before he took his pills.

"Morning Aya" Yohji pulled him into a tight hug, his wrists hurt while they were pressed against Yohji strong chest.

"Morning" a female voice appeared, Yohji and the boys startled "Manx" he stuttered.

"Aya, come with me" she ordered while she ignored them.

Aya followed her, he knew she meant to follow her into the mission room and her parfum was too strong, he couldn't lose her even if he wanted to; Yohji knew he wasn't allowed to join them. Everything he could do was to hope that she wouldn't hurt him.

"How are you?" she asked cold and he knew she meant his wrists.

"Good" he answered simply.

"He's your boyfriend!? She didn't tell me about Yohji" Manx sighed.

"Don't hurt him" Aya tried to be strong "Punish or kill me but don't hurt him"

Manx was shocked, even blind he was awesome "We won't hurt him" she said honest.

"Your relationship isn't in the way" she sat down "but we're worried about your health"

"Nice" Aya mocked, Kritiker would never worry about his health.

"You're one of the best assassins we have, a genius so you're safe. You'll always be useful… as a killer, tactician or spy. Don't worry"

"What do you want?" he thought she came to end his life.

"I have a job for you" she said serious "I don't like it either, believes me. But I have to fulfill my order"

"I know" he knew Manx was one of their few friends "What can I do?"

"You have to scout out a café" she explained "We will grant you three months before you start your work. You can train with one of our agents; he's a specialist for martial arts. And believe me or not you're not the only blind assassin we have"

Aya looked surprised, it would be nice to learn how to fight without eyesight "Ok"

"He will come while Yohji and the kids are working" she stood up "see you in three months, I hope it's good for you to work, Souta said it would be a beginning when we let you do a few jobs"

She patted his shoulder before he could answer "Take care of you. … I can't believe you choose Yohji"

"He choose me" Aya smiled, she never saw it before. It was nice to see how a relationship could change someone "Now it makes sense. Now I understand why he was so worried about Aya-chans hospital bill"

"He was worried?" Aya was slightly surprised.

"I had the order to push them a bit; I said you're out of Weiss towards the end of the year. He was desperate to pay her bill if we stop to pay for her. Kritiker wanted to see how they cope with your blindness"

"Are they pleased?" Manx was frustrated, how could he look so sad. She had the urge to take him into her arms like a kid "It's ok Aya, really" she soothed.

"Good" he added before Manx left. He was totally shocked that Yohji had paid Aya-chans bill for him. It was an abysmal great gesture.

"Aya are you all right?" Aya could hear the panic in his voice.

Yohji cupped Ayas face and stroke with his thumb over the perfect skin "Talk to me" he urged.

Aya was so lost in his touches that he forgot to answer "I'm ok"

"And?" Omi continued for Yohji "What does Kritiker want?"

"It's ok" Aya tried to hide his job but it wasn't right, was it?

"Tell me" Yohji tightened his grip against Ayas cheeks until it hurt. Aya shut his eyes and groaned he was still sensitive because of the blood loss "Hurt"

Yohji loosened his grip "Sorry" he rested his forehead against Ayas "I'm sorry"

Aya took a deep breath and shoved his memories aside "Don't be upset, it was my fault"

Omi and Kens eyes widened, what did he mean with `his fault`. It was clearly Yohjis fault.

"You wanted to pay for Aya-chan" Aya smiled "Why?"

Yohji gasped, he didn't want him to know "She's your sister"

Aya felt jealous, was Aya-chan able to steal his lover away even though she was in a coma?

"She does it again" he whispered absentminded.

"What does she do?" Yohji asked interested, Aya didn't want to tell him. It wasn't his intention to mention it.

"Tell me" he said gentle, Aya sighed "She stole my former lover away"

"What?" Yohji asked unbelievingly "Why should…"

"She fell in love with him, when I came home I saw … they kissed and…"

"Shh" Yohji soothed "I don't need to hear more … she won't steal me away. I wanted to pay because you would rather die as to send her into a cheap hospital" he hugged him.

"You're too kind" Aya was absolutely serious "My love" _~ My lifeline ~_ he added in a low tone.

"I'll always watch over you" Yohjis heart fluttered at Ayas word.

He gave his shoulder a light punch before he returned to his seat "Don't scare me again" the atmosphere was too corny for his liking.

"No, it's too troublesome" Aya mocked "Where is he?" he tried to listen.

"Yohji is still here" Ken frowned.

"Not the menace … my Faith" Aya said simply. Yohji chuckled while he watched the kids. They looked as if he lost his mind "Menace… faith?" Omi repeated.

"I think you got too many pills at the hospital" Ken said blunt, he jumped up and dropped his glass as something scratched his leg "Ouch … Fuck" he cursed.

"Here he is" Yohji lifted the little fur ball up and placed him into Ayas arms.

"Thank you" he grinned, his kitty tried to protect his pride. He was like Yohji, cute and funny.

Aya liked it when Yohji got on Kens nerves; he blew up immediately and started to be clumsy. He was perfect for Omi.

"What the hell is that?" Ken panted.

"It's a little creature called c-a-t…" Ken gave the older blond an annoyed glare "I know what it is" Yohji wanted to say `you asked` but remained silent.

"That's Faith" Aya replied while he caressed his soft fur. The cat loved it; he loved his new human friend. He was gentle, warm and smelled so nice.

"I bought him, Aya needs company while we work" Yohji explained.

"A cat, … Why a cat?" Ken was surprised.

"Aya doesn't like dogs, so he got a guide cat" Yohji enjoyed Kens whiff of stupidity.

"Sure, he puts him on a leash and walks through the city" Ken took a hit from Omi.

"Aa" Aya grunted "the leash is for him" and pointed at Yohji.

His eyes widened, he was surprised about Ayas attempt to joke and he liked the idea with the leash but it wasn't the right time to play.

"You like the thought, do you?" Aya grinned while he continued to caress the kitty.

"What? I… No" Aya rose a brow "… Yeah I like it" Yohji sighed.

"You kept your breath" Aya sat down; he knew he wasn't allowed to leave until he ate.

"My own breath betrayed me… you're good" the older blond was impressed.

"Ok. Let's eat. He needs a collar" Aya put the kitten down but he stayed near the redhead.

He smooched against Yohjis leg from time to time, the blond was a nice person. He gave him a home and a nice owner.

After their breakfast, Yohji held his promise and went with Aya to a pet shop.

The people looked at them in awe, too beautiful men hand in hand. To Ayas surprise Yohji had taken Ayas hand to show his love to the world. Aya wasn't sure about his intention but came to the conclusion that Yohji accepted his role as `husband`.

Yohji was proud to see all this jealous looks in their eyes, it was nice to know he had the most gorgeous partner of the whole world, and mister playboy was of course delicious too.

"Hello" Yohji entered the shop and gave the clerk a smile. The owner was an old and friendly man; he helped him to find the perfect cat for Aya.

"How can I help you this time?" he smiled back, he liked the young man he had his heart in the right place.

"We need a collar for our little kitty" the blond answered "Why didn't you buy it the last time?" he asked interested, normally the people bought everything directly.

"I didn't know which sound he would like" he pointed at his redhead; the old man was a bit confused. It was the first time a customer wanted a special sound.

Aya looked at the old man for the first time they entered the shop "Oh I understand" he smiled sadly. That was the lonely friend who needed someone to cuddle while he worked, he wondered why he needed a cat for his lover so badly but now it was clear. He felt sorry for the young man, he had so beautiful but sad eyes, it must be hard for him; he thought.

"The collars are on the left side" he pointed to the back of his shop.

"Thank you" the redhead answered polite, he had a nice voice but a bit too cold for his liking.

Yohji dragged Aya to the back of the shop "Here we are" he said cheerful.

"I want a green or blue collar" Aya said, Yohji looked at him. It wasn't often that he told him exactly what he wanted.

"Sure" Yoohji took a dark green collar and let it jingle "No" Aya didn't like the sound it was too dull.

Next he took a middle blue collar but Yohji knew he won't like it either, it was too shrill "Too shrill" Aya said disgusted, he didn't knew that a bell could sound so terrible.

"Thought so, even I noticed it" he looked through the collars and after the eighth collar they started to be frustrated "You're complicated" Yohji mocked slightly but he had to bear the sound everyday so it was all right.

"Wait" Aya said suddenly "One of the collars you hit sounds gently" Yohji looked at them and took three "This?" Aya shook his head "This?" Aya tilted his head "No" he said finally.

"Then … this?" he shook the last bell and knew this was the right collar as he saw Ayas slightly happy face "Yes … which color?"

"Baby blue" Yohji answered and rang the bell again to make sure it was right "Do you want this?" Aya nodded and reached for the collar, it felt comfy and had no sharp edges "I like the sound" he tipped against the bell and it jingled happily.

Yohji studied him carefully; Aya looked different since he came back from the hospital.

His mood was better, his eyes looked a bit clouded and tiered but not so cold or sad like always.

He had to know what they did to him, did they give him drugs? He mused. Of course he was happy about the cat but he was not the reason for a sudden change.

"…hji" he snapped out of his thoughts "What?" he tried to banish his thoughts.

"Can we leave?" Aya repeated, he wondered what had distracted him so much.

"Yeah" he took Ayas hand and led him to the counter "I was lost in thoughts, don't think I ignored you" he said before they reached the counter.

Aya squeezed the blonds hand, he didn't want to say something but he believed him.

"Oh, that is a nice collar" he said and let it jingle, yeah truly a nice sound, he thought.

Yohji paid and waved at the owner before he left "What do we do next?"

Aya looked at him and winced as an old lady ran against him "Hey pay attention" Yohji yelled but she ignored him.

"Maybe we should go home" Aya felt uneasy and hated the people, what was so difficult with paying attention to the people you live with on this earth.

"No, we will have fun and no old hag will ruin our trip" Yohji wanted to spend more time with him and Aya needed it to spend time outside the house.

"Do you need clothes?" the idea popped into his mind "Maybe we should buy a few shirts or trousers" that was bad how could he hide his bandages when he had to wear short sleeved shirts? "No, I don't need clothes at the moment"

"Do you want to buy a few new movies?" Yohji started his second try.

"No, the most movies are boring when you can't see" Aya felt Yohjis arm against his side and he knew that the blond shoved him to the side to avoid something.

"I know a nice café and then we can look through the shops and then we will grab some food before we go home" Yohji made the decision for them and it was the best choice.

"Sounds good" Aya hid a sigh but who knows maybe it would be a nice day.

They entered a little café, the atmosphere was clear, the walls were painted in fair abricot and the wood wasn't too dark in contrast to the warm walls, the walls were decorated with beautiful landscape photographs.

Yohji explained to him how the shop looked like and led him to a table in the back of the shop so Aya could feel at ease.

"I want a coffee and a chicken sandwich?" Yohji read the menu to him "And you?"

"A fennel tea and a chicken sandwich" Aya replied, he sounded unhappy and Yohji tried to cheer him up "I think Faith will love the collar"

"Yeah" Aya smiled a bit "I love him"

"I love the little one too" he really did, the little fur ball found his way into his heart. He spent a lot of time with him while Aya was at the hospital and to see how he affects his lover strengthened this feeling.

"Why?" Yohji blinked "Why I love him?" Aya looked up "Why did you buy him?"

Yohji took Ayas hand "because you're lonely while we work"

"You noticed" it was a cute gesture from Yohji "How could I not … you looked so sad sometimes it broke my heart"

Aya squeezed Yohjis hand, it pained him to hear the blond so melancholic "Do me a favor! Don't be sad; don't ever let me make you sad. I want you to be as carefree and happy as possible in our job"

Yohji took a deep breath, carefree and happy that would be nice "I'm happy as long as you stay by my side blind or not you're my, everything. I know sounds sappy but it had to be said"

Ayas smile was so bright Yohji adored his beauty and nothing was more wonderful than his innocent kid like smile.

The waitress disturbed their peace, after they ordered and finished their meal they wandered from shop to shop.


	22. Beginning

One week later, Ayas special training began. Times runs fast and Aya knew he had to work hard to master his blindness within the time limit. So after two weeks he improved a lot.

"Stop dreaming" his trainer yelled at him, Aya took a blow to his stomach and gasped for breath.

He was strict but Aya must admit that he was good "Aa" the redhead started a new attack. He tried to hit his face but the agent was faster but before he could hit him as a countermove, Aya ducked, stretched his leg and turned around. He pulled the agents' feet away and he crashed to the ground.

"Ouch" he grunted "you learn fast that's good" Aya held out a hand to help him up "I have a time limit so I must do my best"

"I know and I think you`ll reach your goal" the agent knew what Aya thought, he worked with blind assassins for years and it was always the same, self-doubt, loneliness, inferiority complexes and broken teams "Let's stop for today" he vanished from the roof. Just in time before Yohji entered the roof "Hey love, don't wear yourself out" he put his jacket around Ayas shoulders "You`ll catch a cold when you stay in the cold while you`re soaked in sweat"

"I was on my way inside" Aya inhaled Yohjis unique scent, he was sad that he kept his activities inside Kritiker a secret but now was too late to tell him, he wasn`t brave enough to break Yohjis heart. The blond still thought his redhead was safe and they could more or less live like a normal couple. His anger faded and Aya felt as if he could start to tell him what was wrong with him but noticed that he needed more time to get these words out.

He tried to tell him while they ate at the little café again but he wasn't able to make a sound, so he made up a few themes therewith Yohji won't be suspicious. But Yohji saw right through him, he could see it in his eyes, the inner conflict and his mouth opened and closed slightly a few times, he knew.

Yohji took Ayas hand "I cooked for you so let's eat and then we can cuddle a bit before my lunch break is over"

Aya smiled at him, he noticed that Yohji had an extraordinary long lunch break but he won`t complain. They didn't want him to be alone and he liked company so he enjoyed it.

"You cooked? Or did Omi cook and you only say you made it?" Aya smirk vanished.

"I really made it" that was something new, his blond really cooked, not sandwiches or deep-frozen food, no he chopped the vegetables, he fried the chicken and he warmed up the rice and sauce.

"I'm shocked" Aya looked at him "Hey I'm able to survive on my own, when I want" Yohji pouted "I knew you weren't as stupid in a kitchen as you want us to believe"

"What can I say, I'm lazy" Yohji kissed him deeply before he served the food "What did you practice this time?"

"Single combat, because someone still hide my katana" Aya gave up to be angry, he was able to get a new one for a mission and his precious Katana was safe at Yohjis room and he knew Yohji did it because he want to keep him safe.

Yohji sighed "Can I keep it longer?" he wanted to avoid a fight so he hoped to solve the problem with a clear question but Ayas answer surprised him.

"You can" Aya liked the food "I like your cooking"

"Good" he smiled "Please tell me, why you love your Katana so much?" he won't drop the topic.

Aya lay his fork down and thought about Yohjis request "I was a graduation present" he said and his voice choke slightly but Yohji had the right to know.

"Who gave it to you?" Yohji wanted to know more "My parents, it wasn't sharp. My parents had never bought a real weapon for us"

Yohji came closer and squeezed Ayas hand "Why is it sharp now?"

"I had to be an adult, I already was a good swordsman so it was the best way to protect what was left, and to seek revenge"

"Aya" he pressed the redhead against his chest that explained why he loved his sword so much "Continue to eat" he kissed the top of his head. He wanted to know more about his former life but wasn't sure how to ask, so he decided to wait until he got an idea. On the other hand it was maybe better to ask directly without second thoughts.

As he cleared the table he had enough from thinking and blurted his question out "How was your former life?" Yohji made a grimace as he saw Ayas shocked face.

Aya was at a loss of words, what should he say? Yohji deserved the truth but he suppressed the memories for so long only his psychiatrist got insight into his childhood.

"It's ok, you don't need to tell me" Yohji sounded a bit disappointed but he accepted Ayas decision.

"My parents worked a lot" Aya started and Yohji was stunned he didn't thought he would get a answer "but they tried to spent as much time with us as possible, so I cared for Aya-chan"

"Who cared for you?" Yohji settled down next to him "We were a real family on weekends; we made short trips or played games"

"Had you friends?" Yohji hoped he had "No, they said I was a beauty but nothing more. I was intelligent that's why I was too boring to speak with. I was invisible and alone"

Yohji pulled Aya onto his lap "You're not alone anymore you know that, do you?"

"Sometimes" Aya lent against Yohjis shoulder "Sometime?"

"I'm used to be alone, my mind says I have you and the kids but my heart and soul feel alone" it hurt to talk but on the other hand it felt good to get rid of his secrets.

"Aya, are you sick?" Yohji asked in a polite and very gentle way, he didn't want to go like a bull at a gate. He and the kids spoke about the possibility of a mental illness and now was the best opportunity to ask him directly.

Ayas heart raced he knew what he wanted to know but he couldn't answer, it wasn't the right time for him "I don't want to talk anymore" he hoped Yohji understood that he wasn't ready.

"It's ok" he had his answer, he was sure his suggestions were right, Aya was sick.

They cuddled for a while; the silence between them was pleasant and comforted Aya. He loved the gentle strokes over his back, Yohjis breathe against his cheek, that was one of the seldom opportunities which made him feel truly loved.

"You look happy" Omi detected as Yohji came back to work, the blond felt a bit guilty for his happiness but Aya had finally opened up.

"We talked" he answered simply, it was their secret until Aya said otherwise.

Omi smiled, it was enough for him "Good" he continued to create a bouquet "Can you help these two ladies?" he pointed at two nerve wrecking girls. Yohji knew them but he wasn't able to deny his help it was his job after all "Can I help you?" he asked polite.

"Yohji, why so polite?" she smirked, they were sure he dumped his blind whore. A relationship never last more than a few weeks if ever "Lucy, what do you want?" he said fretful, he hoped to never see them again.

"Did you dump your whore?" she asked, Omi dropped his scissor while Kens head shot up to look at her.

"He isn't a whore" Yohji hissed "and no we are still together"

"Ah, come on what do you want with a blind guy?" they truly not understood.

"I love him. It doesn't matter if he's blind or not" Yohji wanted to kick them out.

"Liar, you were still not able to get into his pants, am I right?"

Yohjis façade slipped, this was unexpected "That's not your concern" he tried hard not to yell.

"So call us when you fucked him" she caressed his chest "and we'll have some fun again"

Ken grabbed her neck and threw her out of the shop, followed by her friend.

"Thank you" Yohji was grateful "next time I'll break her neck" he whispered as he passed Omi. Yohji looked around for one moment he had the feeling someone watched them but he saw no one who looked suspicious "Imagination".

"Yohji" someone called him as he passed the door which led into the house "Aya, are you all right?" it was unusual for Aya to call for him.

"I'm sorry" Yohji blinked "What for?" he slipped into the house before one of the girls could notice Aya.

"They make your life complicated … because of me" he almost felt like a whore, they name him whore every time they met.

"They insult you, I should be sorry to make your life hard" Yohji brushed his cheek with his warm lips "Believe me you're not a whore, I mean I was your first" he chuckled into Ayas ear "and you're by far more worth than these cheap girls"

"I feel better" Aya nuzzled against Yohjis neck "You should go back to work before they miss you"

"Ah, mood killer" Yohji sighed "That's my job now" Aya laughed while he cupped Yohjis cheeks "Love you" he kissed Yohji before he left.

The medication made him happier and it was easier to tell him that he loves him, it was a great feeling. Unfortunately these feelings last only for a few hours but it was worth it, the fight against his disease was worth everything, the most important thing was Yohji.

"Hey Faith" he took the cat which plodded happily through the house; it looked like he loved his collar too. Every time Aya came close he shook his little head so that the sound of his jingling bell floated cheerful through the air "Are you hungry? Hmm I think so" he smiled as he heard his little tummy rumble a "MEW" and lick on his face was his answer.


	23. Confession

Aya and Yohji visited the little café once a week; they talked and enjoyed the time they had together. But something was strange since a few weeks they had the feeling that someone was watching them.

"I feel a sensation of being watched" Aya was a bit worried "I know" Yohji felt the same.

"but I don't think it's Schwartz or a other assassin group, we wouldn't notice them"

"I hope so" Aya sighed, the feeling was disturbing. Especially since he had important things to tell, after many visits to his psychiatrist and all the training lessons Aya had decided to confess. It was time to tell him that he was still an assassin but being watched made him unsure.

"Do you have something on your mind?" Yohji noticed a dark glow in his lovers eyes, something was troubling him.

"I…" Aya didn't know what to say "I have something to confess"

Yohji was worried, could it be he wants to leave him, did he do something wrong "Tell me" he took Ayas hand.

Aya took a deep breath "I… I'm still working for Kritiker" he shut his eyes; even though he was blind he needed this kind of protection.

Yohji was shocked; this was the last thing he expected. How could Aya work? Why did they use him? How could he keep him safe? "Why?" he was angry.

"They employ blind people and I … I get a special training. My first mission starts in two weeks" he used a calm tone; he didn't want to upset him even more.

"Why did you accept the job?" he burned with anger, not everything was directed against Aya but against Manx and Kritiker.

"I'm an assassin, it's everything I can. I won't allow you to pay for Aya-chan, who knows how long she'll stay comatose" Yohji understood he really did, his redhead was too proud to accept his offer, he was too proud to stay safe for him "You want to leave me"

"No" Aya sounded slightly pained "I want to stay by your side"

"But you accept the job" Yohji stood up and went out of the shop, Aya wanted to cry but he put his pain aside and followed Yohji as fast as he could before he would lose his scent.

"Yohji" he yelled "wait" Yohji continued to walk.

Aya tried to listen but it was too loud and all the people overlay Yohjis scent, he had lost him. He felt insecure and lonely, it was too much "Wait for me" Aya pleaded "Don't leave me alone" those words stung in Yohjis heart, he sounded so young, so vulnerable.

Yohji took a deep breath and turned around, Aya stood a few meters away, he obviously lost Yohji. All of the sudden a shadow appeared and shoved Aya on the street right in front of approaching truck, before the person vanished back into the crowd. Yohjis heart almost stopped as he saw his love die in his mind eye. He ran and caught Ayas wrist before he fell on the street and pulled him close, they fell both backwards on the sidewalk and could feel the wind from the passing truck.

The people stopped and chattered but Aya couldn't understand what they said because loud heartbeats drown out everything but it wasn't his own heart, it was Yohjis. He pressed Aya back hard against his chest and placed his cheek against Ayas, the redhead felt Yohji heart hammer against his shoulder blade. The blond wasn't able to speak, his breath was fast and heavy

_~ He's afraid. Should I say something to calm him down? But what…_

_My heart beats only slightly faster … but his. It feels as if it will jump out of his chest._

_Am I that cold that I don't fear a sudden death anymore? I have to contact Souta soon before I suffer a relapse. Yohji suffered enough._

_Oh, Yohji calm down, I have to calm him down ~_

Aya squeezed Yohjis hand which rested on his chest and enjoyed Yohjis touch while he stroke through his hair. He felt that Yohjis hands shook and a sob escaped him "Yohji, are you hurt?" Aya turned around in his arms to caress the blonds cheek, he offered him all the comfort he wanted "Are you hurt?" Yohji stared at him before he finally shook his head "Good" Aya pulled him into an embrace, he needed it more.

Yohjis head rested against Ayas chest and the redhead caressed his back with one hand like Yohji always did to comfort him

_~ I almost lost him … He almost died. It wasn't even a mission._

_I'll kill her I'm sure she tried to kill him … she'll pay._

_Don't leave me… don't leave me you said, you almost left me behind in this world._

_I almost failed to protect you… but he's alive._

_His touch is so soothing_

…_._

_Why does your heart beat normal? Aren't you afraid? Aren't you shocked? ~_

"Aya" Yohji squeezed him; the people around them had called the police and an ambulance.

It was a scandal how someone could be able to shove a blind teen on the street, thank god he had his friend by his side.

After the paramedics took care of a few scratches they went home.

"Yohji, what happened? You look pale" Omi detected and Aya didn't look better either.

""Someone tried to kill me" Aya said a bit too casual, Omis jaw dropped "Who?" he fumed.

"I'm sure it was the young girl which argued with me about being gay or not" Yohji sat down on the couch and put his feet on the table, he was tiered.

"How did…" Ken wasn't as blunt as normal; somehow he knew he wouldn't like it.

"She shoved him in front of a truck" Yohji shivered at the thought.

"Yohji saved me" Aya said proud "He kept me safe" he settled down next to him.

"Thank you" Aya whispered into his ear "I wasn't ready to die"

Yohji felt how tears shot into his eyes `I wasn't ready` it sounded so simple. It was like I'm not ready I have to change my shirt first before we go, give me one minute "Aya you almost died, doesn't it affect you?" Omi asked confused, how could he be so calm?

"Maybe I saw death too often" Aya was honest "It's a matter of time"

"Stop that" Yohji hissed "Don't talk like that" Aya caressed the blonds cheek "I'm sorry. But you know we can't change our destiny"

"Destiny does not exist! We will keep each other safe; I will write the story of our destiny! Do you understand?" Yohji held Ayas wrist painfully tight but it didn't matter "I understand and I want a voice too, in this matter"

"Of course" Yohji kissed Ayas hand "of course"

The younger blond sniffed slightly "Let us spend the evening together" Ken stood up without a word and left but retuned quickly with a six pack and chips.

"I'll order the lunch" Omi strolled to the phone to get real food before they'll plunder their beer and chips stock.

They spent a happy and calm evening together, forgotten was the previous event at least for a while.

"Aya stay with me tonight, I don't want to be alone" Yohji said before Aya entered his own room "Let me change into something more comfortable"

"Ok" Yohji wanted to talk with him alone.

After Yohji lay down on his bed, Aya knocked "I thought you changed your mind"

"I couldn't find my pyjama, I'm sorry" Aya lay down next to him, he wasn't sure what to do or to say.

Yohji pulled him on top of him, Ayas warmth and the feeling of his soft cheek on his naked chest was comforting "Relax, I have no dirty thoughts"

"That's shocking" Aya caressed Yohjis side "Hey" the blond tickled him.

"You want to talk am I right?" Aya knew there must be a reason "You're right"

"I want to say I'm sorry" Yohji said honest "I was angry because I realized that I couldn't keep you safe any longer" Aya closed his eyes and listened to Yohjis heart beat "I wanted to tell you about it a two and a half months ago but I had no guts. I should have told you about it but … I knew you would be angry. What frightened me the most wasn't your anger but that you could be disappointed"

"I wasn't disappointed, angry yes but not disappointed. I wasn't really angry with you, I was angry with Kritiker"

"I'm disappointed with myself" Aya whispered "I hurt you, I scared you, I make you worry"

"It wasn't your fault. I know you're an assassin. I know you need your work, we hate it but on the other hand we need it to be assassins, it's what we are. And it wasn't your fault that she pushed you in front of a truck; that was my fault I broke her heart"

"It wasn't your fault, you can't control the actions of other people" Aya felt sleepy.

"I'm afraid not" he sighed "Aya, I have an important request. It is really important to me"

Aya tilted his head "Everything you want" Yohji wasn't so sure "Don't hide something so important from me again. It hurt my feelings, even though I understand why you did this"

It depressed him to know that he hurt Yohjis feelings "I was selfish and I'm sorry. I do trust you and I really wanted to tell you" That was enough for Yohji, he loved Aya so much and forgave him almost everything. Important was that he told him about it before he put himself in danger "I want to go with you" Aya looked surprised "Where?" he asked naive.

"The mission" he chuckled "and there is one more thing I wanted to ask. Where did you get the special training?"

"He comes to the roof every day when you work and he vanishes before you appear" Aya explained "He's good and experienced"

Yohjis heart beat a bit faster "Are you jealous?" Aya looked up "Yes" Yohji sighed, he had no reason to feel jealous but he was possessive, that was the way things were.

"Good" Aya continued to listen to his heartbeat "Good?" the blond was a bit surprised.

"I'm sure you love me as long you're possessive and jealous" he meant what he said.

"We're strange" Yohji laughed "Do you ever saw a stranger couple?"

"To tell the truth … No" Aya mocked and got kissed in return.

Yohji took the next day off; he wanted to see Ayas training and especially the agent who spent so much time with his love.

"What does he want?" the agent asked suspicious "I want to watch the training. I want to make sure he'll survive a mission with the skills you teach him" Yohji explained blunt, he didn't like him.

"Are you a teammate?" the agent eyed him "He's my vice" Aya shot back "He leads my team until I get my eyesight back"

"Interesting, he looks lazy" the agent hated the blond, they would never get along with each other.

"Masquerade" Aya smiled, Yohji could be diligent and intelligent, when he wanted to be "Let us start"

The agent didn't like it when Aya ordered him around, he was the boss while they spared "Don't forget I'm not one of your subordinates"

"I don't have subordinates, we are equal. That's how Weiss works" Aya said cold as ice, Yohji missed his cold attitude.

"I see" he started to attack but Aya dodged, he was angry and accordingly dangerous.

The redhead needed only ten minutes to knock the agent out "No one insults my team" Aya panted. Aya feign his fall and the agent thought he was safe until Aya rolled to the side and kicked him. As the agent fell to the ground Aya knocked him out with a hard punch.

Yohji stood on the side with an open mouth, that was creepy. His blind lover was more frightened than before and that was really shocking.

"How was I?" Aya asked satisfied "Creepy my love creepy"

"Why? Because I'm so hot and great?" Aya teased as he approached the blond.

"Yes but in addition to that you're blind and knocked him out in ten minutes, sweetheart I'm enthralled" Yohji smirked "Do we bring him inside or do we leave him here?"

"He can stay here" Aya was unforgiving "He's only a subordinate"

Yohji laughed and put an arm around Ayas shoulder that was the way Aya should be. That was a change he wanted to cherish and support.

"Let us call Manx, I won't give her a choice" Yohji was still cheerful, he would keep an eye on him and they would fight back on back again "I missed you during our missions, I didn't feel safe without your back up. Don't get me wrong I trust Ken and Omi but you and me that's how it should be"

"I could have died of worry while you were on missions. Not because I'm a control freak, even though I am a control freak but when we're together I have a chance to protect you" Aya looked forward to their mission.

They started negotiations with Manx about the mission and after a short while they were successful. Manx liked the idea to integrate him back into his team, she was surprised that Aya was so honest towards Yohji. She thought he kept it a secret "We didn't think you want to work with him this early"

"What do you mean?" Yohji paced through the kitchen while he called "I mean that he hasn't enough experience and that's why we gave him a solo mission. And we were a bit afraid you would throw a temper tantrum"

Yohji sighed "When I learned one thing then it is that Aya won't accept early retirement" he grinned as Aya punched his upper arm "I'm younger than you" he whispered.

Faith slept on Ayas lap, the calm atmosphere and the redheads warmth made him sleepy.

"I'll send the informations … and Yohji, take care of him" Manx didn't mean the mission.

"With my life" he answered slightly annoyed, no one needed to remind him of his task.

Aya caressed Faiths fur "I guess we can go together otherwise you had yelled and cursed"

Yohji laughed and put an arm around Aya "We are a team" he caressed the kittens' ear.

"Oh" Yohji looked confused "What?" he had no clue and even Faith opened an eye.

"I've forgotten to tell Omi and Ken about my job" he was so worried about Yohjis reaction that he forgot the kids.

"Oh" Yohji copied him "I think that will be interesting"

"What will be interesting?" Omi and Ken returned from their secret date.

"When you talk of the devil" Yohji sighed, he felt Aya tense and decided to tell them about it

"We have a mission in one and a half week"

"Good" Ken was in a good mood "Who is the target and how much do we get?"

"Secret and nothing" Yohji replied while he watched Ayas expression.

"How can we work when you play your games with us" Omi nagged, one moment ago he had a beautiful date and now he had to search informations and make preperations for a new job.

Aya glared at Omis direction, he hated his annoyed tone and in this moment he realized that he was the boss again. He had the right to nag and lecture them; he had the right to show him his place "You have nothing to do with the job"

Omi was surprised it was the first time since his blindness that he acted so cold and dangerous. Yohji nuzzled Ayas ear "My boss is back" he whispered and sent a shiver down Ayas spine. He was proud to hear these words but the blonds hot breath was distracting.

"Aya don't get me wrong but don't interfere with our business" Kent tried to sound friendly but Aya fumed.

"Yohji, keep him safe" he lifted Faith up; the mood was too dangerous for the little one.

"Aya?" Omi was confused and Yohjis smirk disturbed him even more.

"Come on fight with me" Aya hissed, Ken stared at him "I can't fight against you"

"Don't worry little one, he will kick his ass" Yohji did as if he tried to comfort the kitten but in reality he tried to provoke the brunette. Faith mewed to encourage his redhead; he saw him train and was sure the strange smelling guy had no chance.

"Aya, he could hurt you" Yohji grimaced that was the most stupid thing to say "Do you want bruises too?" he asked the young blond, Omi looked confused he understood nothing.

Ken sighed but that was a failure. Aya heard him and before the sportsman was able to react he lay face down on the floor "I am the leader so watch your mouth before I degrade you. You could write reports and clean up the mess we made" Aya threatened him but he didn't sound very serious.

Yohji laughed as he saw Omis jaw drop "Enough love you frighten the kids"

Aya grinned satisfied and sought comfort in his lovers arms "I'm not weak" he felt good even though he didn't get the chance to take his pills this day.

"You never was" it was nice to see his lover so calm, his eyes were clear, his aura was bright and he sounded self-confident.

Ken sat on the floor and stared at Aya in awe "Where did you learn to …" he wasn't sure how to describe this.

"I'm a assassin it's important to defend myself and my team" Aya played with his kitten "Like Ii said you have nothing to do with our next mission" Yohji added.

Omi finally understood "Only you and Aya?", "Cool" Ken said cheerful but got hit by Omi.

"It's dangerous" he crossed his arms in front of his chest "He's great and it was a matter of time that he finds a new occupation" Ken defended him, as long as Aya was happy and amiable.

"I think I won't degrade you" Aya teased "Thanks Abyssinian" he replied polite.

Omi took a deep breath and sighed "I know he isn't weak but can't he stay at home a little longer?" Aya approached the young blond "I can't live like a prisoner anymore, I need my freedom"

"I know" Omi looked unsure and before you could say chibi, the young blond took him into a brotherly hug "Take care of you"


	24. First Mission

A/N: Hey rin, to say the truth I didn't forget the cuts I was only too tired and lazy to explain it. I know I should have caught up on it the next times but I had new ideas *sigh*

I want him to bent his arm over his waist so that his arm or hand block the view and when they have sex I thought he blocks his view, further on. And in the heat of the moment Yohji was too dazed to doubt his actions.

I mean the cuts are on the side of his waist and already faded. Cuts fade fast so when you have more interesting things to do you won't see. Even though when I let them sleep with each other more often then it could be a problem, you can't play the hiding game forever.

I hoped no one would ask *shame*

I won't ignore important facts anymore I'm sorryyyyyy *bow*

Thank you very muuuuchh for the review :)

Aya sat in a café and waited for his target, he was nervous like it was his first mission.

But it kinda was his first mission "Aya" Yohji voice echoed through the headset.

"Mhm" he answered, it wasn't good to talk with an imaginary person while you try to bring a target to notice you.

"Are you all right?" he sat on the other side of the café and observed everyone "You look pale"

"It's ok" he whispered barely audible "Thank you" he added as the waitress served his tea.

Yohji knew, he thanked him for his worry and not the waitress for the tea. It was the way he said these words, friendly and loving. Aya only used the tone with him and he wouldn't allow the redhead to use it for someone else. Aya drank his tea very slowly, he heard chattering couples, crying kids, and he could feel Yohjis eyes on him. It was a nerve wracking hour but the target finally appeared.

His gaze wandered through the room and a young redhead earned his whole attention. His eyes were glued on the young man, skin so pale like an angel, hair red like fire and eyes with a gaze fierier then the color of his hair.

He settled down near the bar, he needed some time to make up a tactic to hit on him. He never flirted with a blind man after all.

Yohji watched him with mild interest, the target was at least forty years old, he didn't look athletic but he wasn't weak either. He wore casual clothes and glasses, after a while Yohji came to the conclusion that his appearance was a masquerade. His gaze was calculating and his behavior not so insecure like you would expect.

Finally he made his move "Excuse me, is this seat free?"

"Yes, sit down please" the target was impressed; he wasn't only a beauty he was even polite.

"What's your name pretty boy?!" he asked cheerful, Aya heard a slight amused undertone in his voice "My name is Keiji" Aya purred.

"What's your job? Sorry if I'm nosy but it's rare to meet a blind beauty"

"I'm a florist. I know sounds strange but I'm still good" Aya said seductive.

"You're anything but shy, I like that" the target loved the redhead; he was something special and in addition to that easy to get.

"And I like the frank side of you" Aya liked his lips, he grow even more nervous "We could continue our conversation somewhere else, what do you think?"

"I like the idea" he took Ayas hand and led him out of the shop.

Yohji watched them and felt incredible jealous. The way the target smiled was cute and seductive, for the first time Yohji almost thanked god for Ayas blindness.

Aya played his role with bravura.

_~ He looks so harmless, hard to believe that he's a brutal killer with connections to the head of the regional human trafficking cartel. You look so innocent my love, ohh you switched from innocent to cheeky. You're too sexy when you're cheeky. Be careful he has a dangerous glitter in his eyes, he'll act soon. I'll slice you in thousand tiny pieces when you touch him ~_

"Hey the bill" the waitress yelled "On the table" Yohji yelled back while he hurried to the door. A burly waiter bared his way. Yohji took a deep breath before the thought of a massacre could win. "I laid the money on the table, what did you not understand?" he glared at her.

She blushed as she saw the money near the coffee cup "To hell with the tip now I want the complete change back" Yohji provoked her.

He could burst with anger but he saw his lover fight, he would be all right, he had to be all right.

"Sorry sir" she said polite "Stupid bitch" Yohji hissed before he ran out of the shop.

In a small alley he showed his true face "How do you like it?" he pressed Aya against a wall and ripped his shirt open.

He was so absorbed in the thought to fuck and kill the redhead that he missed the knife Aya pulled out of his trouser. Aya hit him in the ribs and buried his knife deep in his heart.

As he fell lifeless to the ground Aya heard a new arrival but he couldn't recognize the footsteps. It wasn't Yohji. Aya backed away and concentrated on the noises, the person came closer and closer until Aya heard a familiar noise. The stranger pulled a knife out of its sheath "You killed my partner you little whore" he finally said.

"Oh, did I kill your play thing?" Aya mocked.

"Play thing?" he roared "How do you dare to call my brother a play thing"

"He looked like that" Aya provoked him even more, to buy some time therefore he could analyze the situation.

"You'll pay for what you did" he leapt at Aya, but the redhead ducked in time and slit his upper arm open.

"You're good for a blind guy but not good enough" he bowled two trash bins over and created enough noise that Aya lost his track "Gottcha"

"No I got you" Yohji wrapped his wire around his neck and disconnected his air supply with a satisfied grin.

"You're late" Aya tried to calm down "Sorry but I was delayed. The damn waitress thought I was a bill dodger"

"I'm happy you came in time" he didn't want to die not this night. He felt alive for the first time in months.

"Me too" Yohji caressed his cheek before he kissed him "Let us go home" he took Ayas hand.

"We aren't too bloody. Do you want to walk through the park? It's almost night and I don't think we will meet too many people"

"Can we sit near the lake for a while?" Aya still held his hand.

"Of course" Yohji smiled, it was a good sign that Aya wished for something "Do you like it there?"

"I like the smell of the flowers nearby and the whisper of the wind and the lake is soothing" Aya dreamed, he always loved this place especially when the moon light up the surface.

"Are you hungry?" Yohij asked worried, Aya was so nervous he skipped breakfast and lunch even though he tried to shove it into Ayas sweet little mouth.

"Yes, I'm starving" he heard his stomach grumble "Good let us search for a takeout. We can make a little private picnic by the lake" Yohji tried to spent as much time with his redhead as possible. He almost lost him this night because of a stupid waitress.

They bought some food and continued their walk to the park "Aya, I want you to know that I'm sorry for being late"

"I'm not angry with you. You have a good reason" Aya was a bit disappointed at him; he could see it in his eyes. There was a slight glitter "I failed tonight"

"You strangled him I wouldn't call that `failed`" Aya squeezed his hand "I was only a bit disappointed because it was the first time after my accident that we worked together. I had for one moment the feeling we lost our connection. You know what I mean"

"I know. We fight side by side without words we know what to do. But the situation is different maybe we need words from now on" Yohji mused.

"You're right. I can't read in your eyes anymore and I don't know if you're in trouble or not"

Aya wanted nothing more than to see.

"We'll learn it like I promised" Yohji sounded cheerful, it wasn't real but he wanted to cheer his redhead up and as long as he was successful he would even lie a bit about his emotions.

Ayas smile was his loan "We're almost there. I hope we find a cozy place"

"I like the place near the old weeping willow" Aya smiled as he remembered this place.

"Weeping willow?" Yohji asked flabbergasted.

"You can see the sakura trees on the other side of the little lake. It looks like a paradise especially when the blossoms dance with the wind. And yes I see even in a weeping willow a beautiful living thing, we share some feelings"

Yohji stared at him "What have you done with my Aya?" he joked.

"Why?" the young redhead blushed "Oh you're adorable when you blush. I meant that I never heard you speak like that. It's romantic to hear you describe it"

"I think there are a lot of things we don't know about each other" Aya approached him slowly and searched his cheek.

"Yeah that's true" the blond smacked his tongue "but what are relationships without secrets to reveal" he placed butterfly kisses on his neck.

"True" one day he would reveal everything to the blond "Let us find the place and eat my stomach hurts"

"Mood killer" Yohji smiled against his soft skin "Come" he led them to the right place.

They settled down under the old weeping willow and Yohji absorbed the view. Aya was right the sight was beautiful even at night. The moon let the lake glitter and the wind sent the little blossoms on a journey. But the most beautiful sight was Aya, his skin glowed in the moonlight and gave him a mystical aura. His hair looked a shade darker because of the darkness but his eyes shone like jewels "You look like an angel"

"What?" Aya bit in his burger "I said nothing" Yohji replied, it wasn't fair to talk about beauty when he wasn't able to see it. He used the time they spent in silence to absorb and remember every little detail about his lover and their night in the park.

Yohji took Aya into his arms as he saw him shiver "It's cold. Maybe we should go home?!"

"Give me a few minutes" Aya closed his eyes and let the soft breeze take the memories of the mission away.

"Yohji" Aya wasn't sure how to ask "Yeah?" Yohji tightened his embrace, Ayas head was tucked under his chin "I…" the redhead wasn't sure anymore.

"Don't be afraid it's only me" he chuckled to lighten the mood "Can I move in with you?" Aya nibbled on his lower lip.

"Of course" Yohjis heart filled with joy, his lover wanted to take the next step. It felt unreal that Aya wanted to bind their life's closer together but he wanted it, he wanted nothing more than to live with his redhead "Let us build a cozy little home"

Aya felt relieved, he was worried Yohji could deny him the access into his life, of course he was already part of his life but there are differences between an affair and a real life partner.

"I'm glad" he choked the words out "Do you thought I'll say no?" Yohji nuzzled his hair.

"A little part of my mind, yes" Aya answered while he snuggled closer to the blond.

"A little part? I think the biggest part" Yohji laughed gently "You were so nervous" he added as he saw Ayas confusion "You know me too well" Aya started to tickle him.

Their happy laughter echoed like a song through the trees.


	25. Challenge

"Morning Yohji, you're early this morning" Omi mocked him, Yohji was always on time since Ayas accident but today he was even a bit too early "Did you fell out of your bed?"

"I have to do my job, the lazy times are over I have a family to support"

"Family?" Ken asked a bit dumb.

"I took it for granted that Aya cared for us but now it's my job to care for him, oh and to safe your sorry asses" he laughed.

Omi grinned "So you made a step forward?"

"You're too intelligent for your own good" Yohji smirked "Aya wants to move in with me"

"But we already live together" Ken sipped on his coffee, he was still sleepy and his brain worked only with less than fifty percents of its capacity.

"Drink your coffee kid and keep your mouth shut" Yohji reached him the coffee pot.

"Yes daddy" he sat down and closed his eyes.

"That's great" Omi believed in their love "How was the mission?"

"Aya caught the attention of the target in the twinkle of an eye, they left the café and since then I don't really know"

"Why?" Omi asked confused "Because the waitress overlooked the money and a burly waiter bared the way until she noticed I really paid. She got no tip, when she hadn't stopped me she could had bought a bottle of whiskey with the tip. Bad luck" Yohji explained.

"When I reached him, he had already killed the target and fought with the brother of our target. We didn't know there were two of them. He wasn't as stupid as he looked like; he made a lot of noises so Aya wasn't able to follow his movements. But I got him at the last moment"

"Good" Omi was surprised how good they mastered the mission "I'm proud of him"

"Me too" Yohji agreed "me too"

"Let us eat" Omi served the breakfast "We have a lot to do"

Yohjis answer were interrupted by a loud snore "Ken?" he tipped against his shoulder but the sportsman didn't react "Omi what the hell did you do last night?"

The young blond blushed furiously "N..nothing. We watched movies and it got late"

"Movies, huh?" Yohji grinned knowingly "naughty little boys"

Aya slept through the next day he was exhaust and the pills he took secretly weren't innocent either "mhm, he left" Aya mumbled as he noticed Yohjis absence. The place where he lay was already cold. Aya stood up and took a long hot shower before he spent his time with his family "Family" he repeated "a nice word"

Aya went down and almost stumbled over Faith "Hey little one, are you all right?"

He climbed up Ayas clothes and settled down on his shoulder "You're not a parrot" Aya laughed "Mew" the kitten purred in his ear.

"Is something wrong?" Faith scratched him slightly "mew,mew" he knew he wanted to warn him but what happened?

Aya heard footsteps behind him but he never heard them before "Who's there?" he asked with as much self-confidence as possible.

He heard noises from the shop, so he concluded that Yohji and the others were still working otherwise the girls wouldn't chatter so happily.

"What do you want?" he waited for a movement but the stranger didn't move and breathed very low.

Faith hissed dangerously before he jumped from Ayas shoulder and ran away.

"Your kitty has no guts, like you" a muffled voice appeared "Do you fuck him because you need his protection? Or do you want his money? How does he take you on your knees or are you only good enough to suck him off?"

"You can't hurt me with your words" Aya suppressed the hurt he felt but she wasn't right, she knew nothing,

"We will split your relationship. He is our man, he pays well when he tries to woo us and he's amazing in bed. We waited and waited for a chance to win his heart, and then he decided to be gay just for you" she squeaked.

"You're wrong" Aya knew her voice but he couldn't remember where he heard it "You can't change his mind, that's something he must decide for himself. Neither I nor you"

"I'll prove you otherwise" she swore "You'll see"

The woman disappeared through the back door, Aya decided it was too dangerous to follow so he locked up the door and stayed in the kitchen.

Short after Aya closed the door he heard Yohjis footsteps "Aya?" he asked, followed by Faith.

"I'm here" he sat down with a heavy sigh "What happened? Faith impels me to follow him as fast as possible so tell me what is wrong" Yohji kneeled down in front of him.

Faith jumped into his lap "A woman was here she's one of your admirers"

"Did she hurt you?" the blond checked him "No, she and her friends will try to take you away from me, and they accused me to be a money sucking leach" Aya felt even more sad after he repeated her words.

"What else did she say?" Yohji caressed Ayas cheek. The redhead told him everything she said, Yohji felt the rising anger inside his heart "They don't know me. I'm jealous and possessive when I'm in love. But you know how bad tempered I am"

"Yeah" Aya wrapped his arms around Yohji "but you do your work, you care for me and you keep us safe"

Yojhi chuckled "Sounds like you begin to understand" he kissed the redhead until they were breathless "I'm working on it" Aya initiated a second more passionate kiss.

"You're not as sick as I feared" the blond was relieved, he was sure Aya felt better otherwise he wouldn't be so carefree and amiable.

Aya said nothing, he only leaned against Yohjis broad shoulder, Yohji wasn't right but he wouldn't tell him, he wanted to keep the illusion upright as long as possible.

"How did she come in?" Yohji looked around "the security system is online, maybe she slipped through the shop into the house" he mused.

"I know her voice but I don't know where I heard it" Aya said "she must be an inconspicuous person"

"We will shut the door tight from now on. No one will come into our home again" Yohji decided.

"But I can't listen to you anymore and I can't stay here forever" Aya nagged, he knew Yohji wanted his best but it was too much.

"I know you like to spy on us while we work but what if she hurts you? I won't risk your life"

"Don't forget I'm back on duty" Aya raised a brow "I won't die in my own home"

Yohji took a deep breath "Why are you always right?" he rested his chin on top of Ayas head.

"You decides with your heart and I think too much with my brain" Aya inhaled Yohjis scent.

"I should use my head too" Yohji nodded, Aya chuckled "and I my heart"

"Yep" the blond confirmed "Oh and when do you want to move in? I thought maybe tomorrow"

"Tomorrow is good" Aya fondled Faiths little head "Right? Little one"

"Mew" he was happy that his owner was well, he was afraid he found the blond too late. It is creepy to run through a flower shop with all those crazy girls and other strange people.

There were so many legs and different scents, he found the blond only because he got almost hit by high heels and as he jumped to the side he landed almost on Yohjis shoe. He tore on his trouser leg and even scratched him as he looked at him like an idiot.

"Do you have things you want to keep?" Yohji planned it in his mind.

"Only a few pictures and books" he had almost nothing, it was useless to collect oddments.

"That's all?!"

"That's all"

"I thought we could buy new furniture" Yohji suggested.

"Why? You have nice furniture's" Aya was confused.

"The things in your room are yours and the things in my room are mine. … I want things which belong to US" he explained.

"I like that" he was sad because he couldn't see, but he hoped he would regain his eyesight and could look at their little nest.

"Good" he loosened his embrace "Can I leave you? I have to go back"

"Of course. I'm a big boy" Aya smiled "How long do you have to work?"

"Three hours" Yohji kissed his forehead "See you later and when you need something send Faith"

Aya chuckled at the thought while Faith pricked up his ears "Meeew?!"

Omi spent the most of the night with the new security system. He installed a camera at the floor between shop and kitchen; he changed the code of the alarm system and installed motion detectors on the back door and the shop door.

"Omi it's like a prison" Yohji liked it but it was too much.

"We'll only activate it at night and when we are at home and when he's alone"

"Don't tell him, he will slice us into pieces" Yohji pinched his nose "but the most important thing is our safety"

"You mean his safety" Ken grinned and earned a hit on the head for his big mouth.

"I know you want to protect me but I don't want to hear it. I'm not a child" Aya said cold but Yohji saw the tiny smirk.

"Come baby, we have to buy `things` for our love nest" he breathed seductive.

"You're despicable" Aya whispered into his ear.

A shiver ran down his spine and a hot sensation let his groin tingle "Who of us two is wicked?"

Aya tilted his head seductively and the boys laughed wholeheartedly as Yohji flushed even more.

"Isn't it nice how well they get along" Omi stated after they left.

"Aya isn't the same since he left the hospital" Ken was happy too but something wasn't right.

"You're right but I can live with it as long as it isn't negative " Omi played with a strand of Kens hair "I hope we will keep our sanity, I mean he's not so much older"

"No, we are a team and a family. We will support each other and as for him … it was already too late when he joined us" he kissed him "Don't worry, he will heal"

Omi gave in to the touch "I hope you're right, I really like him"

"Should I be jealous" he knew the answer but liked to mock him.

"You know I love them like brothers, sometimes they're even like parents"

"Mama Aya and Daddy Yohji" Ken chuckled as he imagined Aya in a dress "I like the thought"

"I can imagine that you like to make up a few dirty jokes about it" Omi licked his ear.

"Maybe later, at the moment I prefer to do dirty things" he grinned while he led Omi into his room.


	26. Furnitures and disasters

Yohji brought Aya to his favorite store "I like the store. They have the best furniture in town"

"Are they expensive?" Aya worried, he spent the most of his money for the hospital bill and he put aside a lot of money. Therefore his sister had savings when she wakes up or in the case he dies.

"I'll pay so don't worry" the blond sounded cheerful "You have to care for Aya-chan"

That worried him even more "You don't have to spent so much money"

"I know but I want to" he kissed the tip of Ayas nose "I want a big and comfy bed, a spacious wardrobe, a commode, a bookshelf, a table, two comfy chairs and two nightstands"

Aya was stunned, Yohji had planned everything "I even get a bookshelf?" he mumbled.

"You love books so you need a nice bookshelf. I mean when you can see again and that you will" Yohji looked around "Let us find a bed first" he took Ayas hand.

_~ Yohji sounds happy. It's nice how he tries to organize our future, but isn't it his room again when he pays for everything?_

_I shouldn't think so much, he means well. I should be happy instead._

_I never suspected that life and love could be so exhilarative. I love him even more … day by day. I don't deserve you but I want you ~_

"Hmm, which kind of wood do you like?" Yohji disturbed his thoughts.

"Not too bright, I like warm colors" Aya answered "A too bright room looks sterile"

"I know what you mean" Aya had spent a lot of time in sterile rooms and he disliked cold colors too.

"Here" he pulled Aya closer before he sat him down on a soft mattress "It isn't too bright with a slight red touch. Lay down feel the mattress, touch the frame and headboard and then tell me what you think"

"The edges are a bit sharp and I feel the spiral springs" Aya concentrated "Maybe I'm too sensitive"

"Nonsense" Yohji grabbed his hand "It's not good enough for us"

After the fourth try they found a comfy bed "round edges, the wood is smooth … I love the mattress" he numerated "Yohji? Is that a gravure on the head board?" he traced the lines.

"Yes" he answered gently "There are two cats which cuddle with each other"

"Suitable" Aya chuckled "Kittens"

Yohji called a clerk and bought the bed. Aya almost fell from the edge of the bed as he heard the price "Yohji, it's too expensive" he said cold. Aya hoped his leader tone would change his mind but the blond laughed at him.

"No sweetheart, I have enough savings. I didn't spend everything for alcohol and girls" he led him to the wardrobes "With or without mirrors on the doors?" Yohji changed the topic.

"I hate mirrors but it depends on the look, I mean you can't live without mirrors" the redhead mocked.

"True" Yohji confirmed "I like this one" he dragged Aya along "There are two mirrors, on both large doors each side of the middle part, the middle part looks like a smaller wardrobe with double doors which stand on drawers"

"Sounds nice" Aya said honest "Good" Yohji was happy he really liked it.

At the section for chairs and other small things the people thrust their ways through the crowd. Yohji almost lost his redhead because the people elbowed and shoved as if the end of the world was near. It was a torture for Aya, he got an elbow in the ribs, something hit his shinbone and he bumped into an older man "I'm sorry" Aya said without to know who he bumped in.

"Kids! No respect these days. Can't you look where you're going? To jostle an old man I could break me a bone, what a cheek! At the time when I was a kid we held elder in high esteem" he yelled until the people turned around and stared at Aya in disgust.

Yohji felt a jolt as Aya stopped; he almost lost the hold on his hand. The blond stared at the man; he was a bit smaller than Yohji and fit for his age. Yohji suppressed a fit of raving madness before he could give in the urge to strangle him right now but he was ready to throw his good resolutions over board "How do YOU dare to insult him?" he stood straight in front of the man.

The old man looked at him "It's only the truth, he should watch out where he's going, he's not the only one on this world" he said in an arrogant way.

"You are the one without respect" Yohji spat "Here are a lot of people, things like that happen. AND tell me how should he watch where he's going when he can't see?"

The people around them gasped and whispered; now they looked at the old man in disgust and with pity in their eyes at Aya.

"Can't see?" the old man frowned as he looked at the young man. Aya looked at the ground; he was so ashamed and felt hurt, angry, lost and sad at the same time.

"Aya?" Yohji said gently before he approached him "Look up my love" he put an arm around Ayas shoulder and pulled him against his side.

"You're proving that old people nag about the lack of respect but most of the time you're worse, you have to pay attention too and how can you dare to jostle a blind man?" Yohji hissed and dished the dirt on him. He lifted Ayas chin up so everyone could see his eyes, it was embarrassing but Yohji would protect him, he was not alone. Aya repeated it like a mantra to calm down "…protect me, not alone" he mumbled not audible.

The old man noticed the looks he got and left without an apology or an insult, he was too embarrassed to stay any longer.

"Let us continue" Yohji tightened his grip as Aya struggled "You'll stay by my side" he let no room for arguments.

Aya followed his order and they walked arm in arm through the store, ignoring the crowd and stares.

To find the other things were easier and they had a lot of fun, in spite of everything "Do you want to eat?"

Aya thought about it and decided he was hungry "I'll pay" he answered.

"Ok, ok" he knew it was important for him to spend some money on him "Italian?"

"Italian" Aya confirmed "and I think I know a restaurant you'll like"

Yohji smiled and let Aya explain the way "Here we are" he said after a while.

"The food is really good" the blond praised as he tried it "I'm sorry about the argument with the old geezer, it wasn't your fault and he had no right to insult you" he added as he noticed a sad expression which ghosted over his lovers face from time to time.

"It's ok" he said simply and continued to eat "Aya it is not ok. Don't lie to me" Yohji pushed.

"I want to see, that's all" Aya didn't want to speak about his feeling and decided to visit his psychiatrist as fast as possible.

"Really? You know you can tell me what weights on your soul" Yohji was frustrated but he had to be patient, he would lose Aya otherwise.

The redhead thought about it "He hurt my feelings, I felt like a little kid … scolded by his grandpa" it was only fair to share his emotions with him, especially when his lover spent a lot of money on him.

"But he wasn't right" Yohji did not understand why he felt hurt, of course it was embarrassing and unpleasant but it was nothing world-shaking.

"He showed me how weak I am. I can `work` and seek revenge but I'm not able to cope with emotional pain" Aya explained, why was it so difficult to understand?

"He was an old man, you're faster, stronger and more intelligent" it was meant as a compliment but for Aya, it sounded like criticism.

He wasn't in the mood to continue the conversation and ate in silence; Yohji tried to awake their conversation to new life but failed.

Even on their way home, they remained silent. Yohji grabbed Ayas hand but his hand lay lose in his hand, the blond squeezed the hand to provoke a reaction but he got none.

Aya felt how Yohjis anger rose but he was not able to speak, he needed time to think and to handle the events. It was a beautiful day, it really was, the old man was the only minus point.

He enjoyed Yohjis attention and the way he cared for him. Aya was aware of the fact that his behavior was not all right, Yohji did his best and tried to comfort him.

But he wasn't able to speak it was like a blockade in his mouth, he thought about the things he wanted to tell but his brain did not sent the signals to his mouth.

"I go to bed" Yohji went upstairs after they arrived at the Koneko, the kids weren't at home.

Aya thought about a way to make things right

_~ I hurt you. I'm so sorry!_

_It was nothing you did; it's only my sick mind._

_Do you want to be alone? Or should I follow you?_

_What is the right choice?_

_Do I call my doc? No I have to solve some problems without him; I can't depend on him for everything._

_First, I'll train a bit to get a grip on my emotions and then we will see ~_

Yohji closed the door of his room before he hit the wall with all his might "Damn it" it was hard to vent his frustrations not against his lover

_~ What happened this time? Why can't you tell me what you truly think?_

_Truly think? Was it something I said? Have I hurt your feeling without to know it?_

_Or did I miss something? _

_I can't understand him._

_I'm afraid it is over now; I'll give it a second try but not before tomorrow._

_I'm tiered … Looks like I have to sleep alone?! ~_

It was deep at night as Aya slipped into Yohjis room; he wrinkled his nose as he smelled alcohol. He listened to his breathing and movements, the blond was definitely asleep.

Aya walked to the bed, very slowly because he was afraid to wake his sleeping lover.

At least he hoped they were still lovers. He slipped under the blanket and snuggled closer to the blond, as he was sure Yohji was still asleep he wrapped his arm around his waist and rested his head on his shoulder.

It was nice to feel his warmth and to feel his smooth skin against his own let his heart flutter with love.

Aya drifted into reverie while he listened to Yohjis soft snoring.

Yohji woke as the first sunrays hit his eyes, he lifted his head as he felt a heavy weight on his side "Aya" he whispered. Something was not right and he needed some time to think before he remembered the last day.

_~ Why are you here? I thought we will have__ a fight this morning about your and my behavior._

_It's nice to have you in my bed … no our bed. I'm happy it's so easily solved._

_You're so beautiful when you sleep, my heart pounds in my chest, only for you._

_I think our love verges on madness. Is it our job? Which made us so obsessed with feelings like love?! Has Kritiker stolen our sanity long ago? Or are we `only` madly in love?_

_Whatever it is I want to spend my life with you, to love you, even if it is madness I'll stick with you until the world ends ~_

He smiled and pulled the redhead closer "Sleep" he whispered as Aya moaned.

Yohji kissed the top of his head and closed his eyes. He was still tiered because of the alcohol and the worries.


	27. Cognitions

Aya woke in Yohjis arms, the blond watched him for a while "How late?" he yawned.

"Eleven" Yohji tightened his hug.

"You forgave me" Aya noticed "You don't sound angry and you hold me in your arms"

"I'm not really tactful" the blond scratched his nose "but why did you stop to talk with me? It hurt"

"I have this problem from time to time. It isn't my intention to remain silent but

I can't get a word out. I swear it is not my intention to keep you on arms length" Aya hoped he would understand, at least he had to accept it.

"I always thought it was your way to show us that we messed things up. You never used it on me in a private matter so I thought I did something terrible" Yohji was relieved about the confession. It wasn't the lack of affection but his mental state

_~ Shame on me for being happy about something like this. A mental illness isn't good nonetheless I'm relieved ~_

"It's both, I'm too angry to talk to you or I'm too troubled to talk" it was a good feeling to tell him more about himself "and I beg you to believe me when I say it had nothing to do with you. It was a beautiful day and I enjoyed every minute we spent together"

Yohji was glad he didn't vent his anger against Aya last night "I believe you. I had fun too; I liked it to walk hand in hand through the streets"

"It's less embarrassing when you get used to it. I never showed so much affection in public but now… I like it" Aya smiled.

"I hoped you would start to like it, I was a bit worried after our disastrous start, you know the park…" Yohji grimaced he hoped he still had the chance to hurt them.

"I remember" his heart felt heavy but what's past is past "I had a hard time but your affection towards me was stronger than their harsh words. I had doubts in you that night"

"They hit one sore spot after another" he kissed Ayas forehead "but that our relationship survived their poison makes me proud"

Aya snuggled closer and inhaled Yohjis musky scent "Aya, I want our relationship to remain forever so don't get me wrong but … are there more things I should know?" it was a strange feeling to ask but he got so angry that he wanted to hurt his redhead because he didn't know this side of his illness.

"You mean like not talking?" Aya wasn't sure he understood what he wanted to know.

"Yes" Yohji watched him, he observed his facial expressions.

"When I don't want to eat, force me. When I don't want to sleep force me. When I try to destroy myself, stop me and when I say leave, then please stay near" Aya hoped he had not forgotten something important.

Yohji held his breath, he heard things which changed his view. His lovers sickness sounded more fatal than he thought

_~ Can I cope with his illness? He told me only a fraction of his emotional problems._

_My anger and his fragile mind aren't a good mix but when we're lucky we can overcome everything. I'll work on me and he is already working on his illness._

_He talks to me and confesses things he never talked about before._

_The time will show us the right way, I don't want to let go. You need me, only me ~_

"So it wasn't our imagination when we thought you tried to die during our missions?" he realized as he thought about the past.

"No" Aya answered before he could stop himself.

"Do you still want to die?" he needed to know if he had to observe him.

"No" since he got the medicaments and his love bloomed he felt better.

"Have you ever tried to take your own life? I mean not during a mission but I don't know … pills and alcohol" he was afraid, this time the answer could be yes.

Aya didn't know what to say, he wasn't ready to confess his failed suicide attempt "No" he lied. He was terribly sorry but he had to lie.

"I'm relieved" the blond believed him; he found no sign of untruth in his lovers face.

Aya decided to visit Aya-chan and his doc; he had to talk about his lie. It was unforgivable

"I want to visit Aya-chan today"

"When?" Yohji couldn't read the expression the redhead gave him.

"After lunch" he sighed "Can I go alone?" the redhead chose his words carefully.

Yohji took a sharp breath "I'll wait here. I can start to paint the walls" he hated the idea but he knew Aya needed freedom but why now?

"Paint?" Aya turned around until he lay almost on top of Yohji.

"I don't like the white walls, they look so cold. What do you think about something like peach? Or a light yellow?" he licked Ayas jaw and wandered up to his ear.

Aya chuckled "you can decide" he searched Yohjis soft lips and gave him a loving kiss.

Yohjis hand roamed over Ayas back until he stopped over his buttocks "I think, we should stop before it's too late" the blond panted as Aya nipped his neck.

The redhead looked confused, was he already tiered of him? "I promised that we won't have sex as long as you're blind and I want to keep my promise" the blond caressed his cheek.

"And what if I stay blind?" Aya enjoyed the touch.

"We will wait longer and IF you can't see by then we will talk again"

"Can you wait this long?" Aya was afraid it could give Yohji a reason to cheat on him or even leave him.

"I can, I'm a slut but once I'm in love I'm faithful. I thought you know this by now" he pulled Ayas head against his chest.

"You are not a slut, only a playboy and I know you're faithful … It's only" he sighed.

"My old image makes you insecure" Yohji stated "I think I would have doubts too, when you were a womanizer"

"You see, playboy and womanizer sound better than slut" Aya tightened his hug "It is not you who makes me insecure, even though you make my heart weak, I make myself insecure. Oh and before I forget, don't you dare to call yourself a slut ever again" he poked Yohjis shoulder.

Yohji laughed and he really meant it, Aya was a sight for the gods when he pouts "You win, I'm a playboy also known as womanizer"

"At the moment you're only a man-izer" Aya raised a brow "my personal menace"

"Are you mocking me?" Yohji grinned while he rolled around "Too bad now I'm on top"

"Oh well… " Aya caressed Yohjis back with both hands "Only one word"

"Yeah" a shiver ran down his spine as Ayas hands massaged his back.

"Abstinent" he laughed and jumped out of the bed, he knew Yohjis position and rolled sideways.

Yohji looked shocked "You" he jumped up with a huge smile on his face "Time for a punishment"

Aya laughed as Yohji grabbed him and threw him onto the bed "Oh noo, you don't…."

"Ohhh yess" the blond answered happily.

"Ahh" the redhead moaned "please stop it"

"I think not" Yohji pinned him down with his weight "Beg for pardon, sweetheart"

" Never" he struggled until he won the upper hand but Yohji was stronger, he flung his legs around Ayas waist "Hahahaa I give up. Stop tickling me … I beg you" Yohji grinned satisfied "You see, I can make you beg, without to make love to you. You'll see with our new bed we will have more fun, with the suspension"

"You're naughty, but I love you how you are, so don't change too much" Aya said breathless.

"Good to know" the blond chuckled "Now, let us eat and then visit your baby sister" he gave him a slap on the rear.

"You're right" Aya got up "I want to leave as soon as possible, the sooner the better"

"Hm?" Yohji put on his trousers.

"I want to come home as fast as I can" Aya smiled "I want to see you work" his smile faded.

"When you get your eyesight back, I'll work only for you" he patted his lovers head.

"For one moment I forgot that I can't see you" he tilted his head "Strange isn't it. You're so present in my mind that I can see you in my minds-eye"

Yohji didn't know what to say, he couldn't reconstruct how Aya must feel "I'm at a loss of words"

"You don't have to consol me" he gave him encouraging smile "To hold me or touch me is enough"

Yohji closed his eyes and tucked Ayas head under his chin while he took him into a tight embrace "You're easily satisfied"

"I had nothing and now I have everything"

Aya entered the hospital and found a friendly nurse who showed him the way to Aya-chans room "Thank you"

"You're welcome" she smiled even though she knew he couldn't see it. She left them alone and made her way to find her principal.

"Hey Aya" he grope for her hand "Sorry, I left you alone for so long"

He caressed her hand "I got pills against my illness and they're helping, but sometime I still ruin the good mood without a real reason… well I'm working on it" he smiled.

"We moved in together" he said proud "Ok, I stay with him in his room but together is together right? He bought new furniture's and he wants to paint the wall. He creates a warm nest for us. Ohh and he bought a kitten for me; he's so cute you'll like him our little Faith.

He's white and has emerald eyes. I want to see him so much and I want to see you and Yohji but I have some hope left" a knock interrupted him.

Dr. Souta stood in front of the door and listened to the conversation or rather the monologue, it was not correct but he had to get information's when he wants to help him.

As Aya paused he decided the time has come to enter "How are you?" he asked as if nothing happened.

"Good" Aya looked in his direction "What are you doing here?"

"I ordered the nurse to inform me when you visit your sister" he settled down next to the redhead "Can I look at your wrist?"

Aya showed him his arms "The scars are healing well, did someone see them?"

"I hope not" Aya paled "I hid them and I think they had asked when they had found out"

"You're right" he shoved the sleeves back in place "Do you have problems with the medication?"

"No, I gained some weight but I'm not as tiered as at the beginning. I think Yohji likes it when I'm in a good mood"

"That's understandable, he never knew this side of you and hopes that you'll heal" he confirmed "So tell me, what happened since the last time"

Aya told him everything what happened and with the time it got easier to talk about personal matters. The redhead liked it to talk about his fears because he knew Souta understood and had good ideas which actually helped him a lot.

"Old people are often very lonely and search for situations to nag about. They need the attention, I think he vent his frustration on you. It was nothing personal"

"It hurt nonetheless" Aya sighed "I hurt Yohji, afterwards"

"He forgave you, don't torture yourself" the psychiatrist pitied him, the young man wasn't able to differentiate between a harmless situation and a really hurtful situation. His feelings are always the same "Not everything is your fault, don't forget it"

"I know but my head tells me otherwise, I know it's irrational" Aya bit his bottom lip.

"To know these things is a beginning, it`s a sign for your cooperation. I had patients … they heard what I said but they never really listened. They never wondered why I told them all this and they haven't asked themselves why they are who they are" he remembered a few patients.

"What happened to them?" Aya asked interested.

"They're dead. They died during a mission or committed suicide"after all those years the memories still hurt and the last thing he wanted was for Aya to be one of them "I have hope that you'll never be one of them"

"Is it important?" Aya didn't understand why his psychiatrist was so determined to keep him alive.

"You're a good young man and you have seen so much evil in this world. There is a little voice in my head which tells me to save you, to allow you to see a bright future"

"You don't love me or so?" Aya frowned, it couldn't be but it was safer to ask.

Souta laughed "No, don't worry. I like you I really do but not in this way. I love you like a grandson, I know it's not professional but hey I'll retire soon. To hell with the rules" he explained, his main rules were always distance and professionalism.

"When?" Aya liked him too. He was like an uncle or even like the grandpa he never had.

"Next year but I'll open my own praxis, that means you can visit me whenever you want. I worked for Kritiker for the last twenty years I don't think they'll forbid you to continue our therapy" he saw relive in Ayas face.

"I have your trust?" he realized, when had he earned the trust of the young man?

"Yes you have" Aya said "I think I started to trust you after my suicide attempt. You didn't push me and you didn't betray me after I fell"

"To tell the truth, for one moment I thought about it but it's not for me to tell them"

"I'm not ready yet but I'm looking forward to the day. I'm afraid but the burden which weights so heavy on my soul will shrink" the redhead gave Aya-chan a sad smile

"I even lied to him, I told him I never tried to take my own life. I couldn't' tell him…."

"It's ok" Souta soothed "He will understand, believe me "

"Smells nice" Yohji entered the kitchen after he closed the shop.

"The girls were penetrant as always. I'm so tired" Ken yawned.

„You're a sportsman" Yohji mocked as he filled his plate.

"Sport and screeching plagues are two different things" he sighed "I'm glad I have no girl friend"

"I hope so" Omi pouted and flicked against the side of Kens head. Yohji chuckled and envied them but his time would come too.

"Where's your better half?" Ken noticed his distant look.

"He visits Aya-chan" he answered "He wanted to go alone, I'm a bit nervous"

"Are you worried the girl could hurt him?" Omi formed his feelings into a question.

"He's gone for almost four hours now" Yohji looked at his clock "I start to imagine a lot of things she could do to him"

"I take it as a yes" Omi frowned, his older comrade hid something from them "Yohji what happened?"

Ken looked up and watched the older blond while he waited for an answer, Omi never made a mistake so Yohji must have a secret.

"We had a little talk this morning" he ignored their stares "He explained a few things to me and now I have a better idea how to handle him"

"What did he tell you? Are there things we should know?" Ken read his lovers mind.

"Behavioral rules" it wasn't right to tell them, he knew it wasn't fair but he wasn't sure how they would react "they aren't important for you" they wouldn't even notice, it was the typical Aya-like behavior. So why worry about things you accepted as normal?

"Yohji" he earned a stern look "I have to figure him out first" he answered unimpressed.

"Don't you think it's easier when we work together?" Ken interfered.

Yohji knew he was right, it was easier but was it all right to share the informations?

What if he notices a change in their behavior? "Isn't it betrayal?"

Omi dropped his serious façade as he saw Yohjis lost expression "Don't bear the burden alone, we are his family" Omi gestured with his arms "we want to help"

"Omi is right, we can try to help. Maybe we can plan a family-trip or we figure out what he really really likes"

Yohji closed his eyes; he needed time to think about it

_~ I want to talk about it I really do but what if I risk our relationship with the decision…_

_He has so many secrets; one secret for my part won't hurt, right?_

_Forgive me love but I need help, the situation makes me insecure and nervous ~_

"He really tried to die during our missions, sometimes he doesn't talk because he can`t, he refuses to eat or sleep, when he's sad" he started to explain but said not more than necessary.

Omi squeezed his eyes shut while he thought about it "Can't speak?"

"He is so troubled that he can't express what he feels, at least not verbal" Yohji continued patiently.

"So he really is or was suicidal" Ken combed through his hair "We have to keep an eye on him, better six"

"Yeah" Yohji chuckled slightly "I have the permission to force him when he ignores his food or bed"

"He gave you permission?" Omi wondered, he thought the part would be by far more complicated.

"He tried to help me and was honest as he answered my questions" he hoped so.

"That's a good sign" Omi smiled "I believe he's working really hard on it"

"I think you're right" Ken confirmed "He would do everything for you"

_~ Maybe that's part of the problem … ~_

Yohji thought.


	28. Mission two

"You're late" he heard Yohjis cold voice after he opened the living room door.

Yohji sat on the sofa, his head rested on top of his drawn up knees. It wasn't his intention to sound so cold but Aya needed so long. He worked in the shop even though it was his day off; after they closed he started to paint one side of the room. He managed to paint half of the wall until his worry won and he decided to wait downstairs.

"I needed her presence" he approached him "We spend a lot of time together and sometimes I need time for me"

"I'm not angry, only merciless overprotective" he crossed his legs and tilted his head to get a better look at his redhead "How was your day?"

Aya grope for the sofa "We talked a lot, ok I talked" he found an empty space "I still wish she would answer. That she'll wake up while I talk"

"I know" he pulled him closer "She will wake up, I'm sure"

"Yeah" Aya smiled slightly, it was a heartbreaking smile, a smile which promised sadness and hopelessness.

"Come" he patted Ayas shoulder "you need your dinner and then we can spend some time together"

He was really hungry and ate more than normal; Yohji watched him and couldn't suppress a smile. He loved his redhead; he loved his look, his movements, his voice, his eyes and the insecure part of his personality. It would be a lie to say he didn't find Abyssinian extremely sexy too. He always had literally a hard time when the redhead was in mission-mood.

"Are you staring at me?" Aya had a strange feeling "Yes" was Yohjis reply.

"Why?" the young man was embarrassed "I love you, that's why" the blond said blunt.

"Love you too" Yohji loved these words; they sunk deep into his soul. The world was a cold and cruel place but he got a second chance even though he was a killer.

_The Gods can't be as strict as they want us to believe, it must be the will which counts and not the act… ~_

And he would never stop loving him, he was sure a third chance didn't exist and even if, he would never accept it.

"Are you all right?" the blond was too quite, no movements or words only the feeling of being watched.

"Yes. I thought about us" the blond snapped out of his daydream.

"About how screwy we are?" Aya raised a delicate brow, Yohji chuckled softly "You can read my mind"

"What do you thought about?" Aya pushed, he had a feeling it was something important.

"How I deserved a second chance" he answered and took Ayas hand into his own "I lost her but I found an even greater love, why did I get a second chance?"

"You're a good person with a really big heart" the redhead stated "and I don't think that killing bad guys is a minus point. I mean for one victim we kill had to die at least four innocents"

"So you mean God sent you because I'm a hearty good man?" Aya blinked, Yohji sounded so honest "I'm not a kind of angel but when you want to see it like this … yeah"

"You are my angel, heaven-sent or not" Yohji stood up "Let us go to bed, we have to discuss a new mission"

"Again?" Aya almost whined "when did she get here? Maybe we should hide from her. I'll ask Omi to install an anti - Manx radar or something like that"

Yohji laughed at Ayas frustration "You're so cute when you pout" he led him upstairs.

The mission was to spy on a drug dealer; he sold his stuff at a famous club near down town.

Ayas job was to keep his ears open; no one would think that a blind guy could be a spy, so they hoped. The man sold a new and strong kind of drug which killed circa six junkies. In addition to that he kills other dealers to reach the top.

Yohjis job was to watch Ayas back; he would keep an eye on the redhead and kill the target when they had enough informations to find the real boss behind the façade.

"Can you lend me a few clothes? I own nothing for a club like this" Aya asked as they started to get ready.

"Sure" Yohji opened his wardrobe "I think the pants should fit" he took a pair of bondage trousers.

"Bondage trousers?" Aya couldn't imagine how he would look in this kind of pants. He knew Yohji looked adorable but they were so different.

"You always liked them" Yohji remembered the looks he got when he wore them "and I think they will fit you better than me"

Yohji was right he really liked them but never dared to try them on "I always wanted to try bondage clothes" he confessed.

"I know" Aya could hear the smile in his voice "and I know you stared at me when I wore them" the redhead blushed.

"Ahh, you're too observant" Aya whined, that was embarrassing.

"I'm an ex-detective" Yohji grinned "I see and hear, almost, everything" he needed to add the 'almost' because he couldn't figure his lover out.

"I know" the 'almost' relieved him, for one moment he feared the blond knew what he did.

"Put on the trouser so I can search for the perfect shirt" Yohji urged as he looked at his watch.

Aya did as he was told and put them on, Yohji tried hard not to jump at him. The trousers fitted perfectly, he adored Ayas slender waist and his long legs.

The bondage which hung around his legs send a wave of dirty thoughts through his mind, but he shoved them aside for the moment, but he had the intention to keep them in the back of his mind.

"How do I look?" Aya loved the metallic 'click – clack' sounds when he moved. They felt good against his skin and as he touched his legs and ass he noticed how fitting they really were.

"You look great" the blond stopped drooling as Aya spoke "Love, you can keep them"

"Really?" Aya liked the thought to wear them more often "Yeah, really" the blond smiled at his child like happiness about a pair of pants.

"Hmm" Yohji searched for a shirt "That's it" he picked a black long sleeved net shirt with bondages across the front side, the metal shone in the soft light of the room.

"You know it's not a gothic club?!" Aya grinned, while he was careful not to reveal the scars; he knew Yohji choose by his liking and ignored his jeans and satin shirts because of his dirty fantasies.

"Oh, I know but I visited the club one time and, believe me, there are all kinds of people" he had a free hand with choosing clothes.

"What do you wear?" Aya asked interested, Yohji must have picked something special when they could wear what they liked.

"Do you remember my pair of leather pants and my vest which looks a bit like a bullet proof vest?" the blond played with him.

"I remember" Aya gulped, the vest let him look broader and more muscular than he was and the pants showed off his slender waist.

"Doesn't it look like we are a couple?" it wasn't a good idea to signal that they were to together.

"Don't worry, I overheard two old 'affairs' as they said they will show up there tonight, and they look by far more … dark than you and me" Yohji hoped the job was finished in an instant so he and Aya could go clubbing after this, that's why he used his chance to dress him up "Isn't it nice to switch between different scenes from time to time?" he added satisfied.

"Almost every scene has something special and nice, but to tell the truth I prefer Jeans and shirts"

Yohji looked a bit disappointed and Aya knew that "but I love unconventional clothes" he chuckled as he heard the blonds sigh of relieve.

"That was mean" he pouted "you really got me" he saw his fantasies fly away as Aya mentioned his liking for Jeans. And he was sure with 'shirt' he meant his turtleneck.

"We have to go" Omi knocked, the younger boys had to watch the club and to check the informations they get.

Yohji opened the door before Omi got the chance to turn around, his jaw dropped.

"Wow" he sounded shocked "Ken, get the camera" he yelled, that was something they had to keep for the future.

They were already at the living room as Ken appeared "What?" he gasped for air. He heard Omi yell and searched for the camera immediately but as he reached the room they were gone.

"Wow" he frowned as he noticed the two older boys "What the hell happened to you? And what did you do to them?"

He never saw Yohji wear something like this and Aya … never had he thought he would see this day.

"Bad when you can't look through a coat, isn't it?" Yohji grinned, he noticed Kens confused look.

"Photo, photo" Omi clapped his hands, he was afraid they had to go before he got a chance to make memories.

Yohji stepped closer to Aya and put an arm around his shoulder. Aya snuggled closer, he would never admit it but he liked the idea to take photos. He wanted to see them when he gets his eyesight back, if he gets it back.

Ken took a second photo and a third and fourth. Yohji kissed Aya on top of his head, on one Aya actually smiled as Yohji embarrassed him. Omi decided he will buy a new photo album, they had a few photos but it was time to create a real family album.

"Time to go" Yohji interrupted "I think it will be a funny night"

"Fun? We have to kill" Omi nagged "Kid, we do this all the time and have fun the other day"

"That's a point" Ken confirmed, they did this too long to feel bad about a bit happiness.

They had no problems to pass the security, first Aya was too stunning to ignore and second Yohji knew him.

After they entered, they headed for different directions. Aya settled down on a comfy chair near the bar and Yohji chose the dance floor. He could observe his redhead without to look suspicious.

Aya needed some time to get used to the music and the loud voices, but he started to enjoy it.

Yohji was happy that Aya wasn't able to see how many people hit on him "Sorry, I'm married" he told them. It was the easiest way to dump them.

Aya tried to look like someone who needs some good stuff, it wasn't easy and people who didn't know wouldn't notice the little signs but a professional dealer would jump on him to sell some drugs.

After twenty minutes, Yohji noticed a young man. He eyed Aya like a prey "Looks like we have a first contact" he mumbled.

The man sat down next to Aya and watched him carefully "I never saw you before" he yelled.

"It's my first time. A friend said I would like it here" Aya played innocent.

"And?" the man was interested in the cold beauty "He was right. I like it but the club is a bit clean"

"You like it more dusty?" the man grinned, he wasn't only a beauty, he was a potential client.

Aya gave him a wicked smile which took the man's breath away "Come with me" he stood up and waited for Aya to follow.

"I need some help" he reached for his arm and found it. Ayas heart raced, he was afraid to embarrass himself or to create a catastrophe. It was obvious that the dealer hadn't noticed his blindness and he wasn't sure how to react.

He took a deep breath "I had a little accident when I was a kid" he lied.

The young man took Ayas hand "You're self-confident even though you're enclosed by the darkness. I like that" he said after a few endless seconds and led Aya into a back room.

Aya was relived; he got worried as he remained silent for so long "I learned to live with the darkness"

Yohji left the dance floor and settled down on a chair next to the door to the back room. The music wasn't too loud there and he was able to hear voice, he wasn't able to understand the words but he would know when the hell broke loose.

"What exactly do you want?" the young man asked.

"Your name?" Aya said playful, he wasn't so sure what the young man meant.

"You're direct" he stated "I'm Ranmaru"

"What do you have for me?" Aya continued the original topic.

"Everything you want" he caressed Ayas cheek; he really liked the redhead and hoped they get the chance to have some fun.

"Is it good?" Aya raised a brow "My last employer died as his clients noticed that he sold third class stuff"

"Ah, you're a dealer yourself" his hopes burned inside his mind "So you want to work with me?"

"Would be nice" Aya caressed his chest "I think you're good looking and I heard you're one of the best. I like pretty things"

"I'll make a call and ask if I can keep you" he gave Aya a harsh kiss.

Yohji got nervous, his redhead vanished forty minutes ago and he wasn't convinced that Aya was all right. He observed the people in the club but no one looked suspicious but he learned that what you saw wasn't always the truth.

The burly security man made his round and used every chance to flirt with women.

The barkeeper made a young woman so drunk he had to carry her into one of the back rooms, but Yohji had no time to care for her even though he knew what would happened once the door was closed.

When she was lucky she wouldn't remember what happened "Poor girl" he mumbled while he waited for Aya.

The call came fast to an end "The boss wants to meet you in person, he heard about you and was surprised to hear that you chose him as a new boss"

Ayas false identity was a full success, now he had to wait until they got the boss "It's easy for a blind guy to sell some drugs" he smiled "when do I meet your boss?"

"In two hours" Aya was surprised normally they had enough time to plan their job. He hoped Omi and Ken had a good idea to get him out of this "And where?"

"He's coming to us. He is already on the way. Today is your lucky day" he approached the redhead.

"Don't you think it's impolite to do it before your boss comes?" Aya tried to get some time, he couldn't kill him, not now and he would definitely not sleep with him.

"Does that mean you'll have some fun with me after the meeting?" he purred into his right ear. Aya was happy about Yohjis absence. Ranmaru would be so dead.

"Use the time to dance or search someone to get you hot. But don't forget the promise" he wanted the redhead so badly but he was right it wasn't the time for fun.

"Believe me, I'm waiting to hold my promise?!" Aya squeezed his knee. He felt so dirty after the kiss and the false affection he had to show.

He helped Aya to find the way out of the room "See you later" he slapped Ayas ass before he returned into the room. He had a lot to do before his boss arrived.

Yohji had a hard time as he saw his hand on Ayas ass but he had enough self control to stay where he was.

"Abyssinian" Yohji followed him into a silent and dark corner of the club.

"Balinese" Aya felt calm in his presence "The boss comes in two hours"

"That's great then we can finish the job tonight" he watched his lover and looked forward to spent his time with him alone.

Aya didn't notice that he rubbed his lips frequently "Aya, stop it they are already red" Yohji pulled on his sleeve "He kissed me" Aya wanted to puke.

"What did he do to you?" the blond wanted to pull him into his arms but remembered that they were on a mission.

"He kissed me, touched my ass and he wants to have sex after the meeting with the boss" Yohjis body tensed as he heard the word 'sex' "He dies before he gets a chance" he hissed.

Aya gave him a light smile "I love you" he whispered and knew Yohji had heard him.

"He won't come near you again, I promise" Yohji imagined how he would end his life.

"I hope Omi and Ken are ready" Aya hoped they got the chance to eliminate the target before he entered the club but they couldn't be sure if they got the right one so he had to face Ranmaru again. But he wasn't alone, his lover was near.

"They're ready you will see" Yohji comforted him "Are you all right?"

"I feel dirty" he confessed "I feel as if I betrayed you"

"I know you did not want the kiss and sometimes we have no other choice as to get along with the target" he pitied his redhead. It wasn't easy to pretend to be interested in someone when you're already taken.

"I want a shower" Aya sighed "I have to go, it's dangerous when they think it's more than a simple flirt" he stood up and did as if he dumped the blond.

Yohji followed Aya with his eyes. His lover was unhappy with the situation, it wasn't to overlook but he couldn't help. They had to do a good job; otherwise Kritiker would split the team, when they had luck.

Aya danced and talked with different people until Ranmaru called for him, the young man admired his flexibility and elegance "The boss is coming"

Aya nodded and followed him "Hello" the boss sounded young but dangerous.

"Nice to meet you" Aya was polite as ever "So you are the famous head of the group"

"That's right" Aya didn't believe him, he had the feeling as if they played a game with him.

"Why don't I believe it?" he asked blunt and got a laugh in return "You're intelligent young boy" an elder woman approached him slowly.

"Now I'm surprised, it isn't often that a woman controls a syndicate. Respect" Aya could almost feel the slime he left behind.

"My husband died a few years ago and I thought it's better to let them think a man leads them" she liked the young man.

"And you say I'm intelligent" he praised "Enough sweet nothings. Do I get the job?"

She was impressed, he was not only beautiful and intelligent but also courageous "I don't know kid. I think we let you work for as for a while and then we will see"

"Okay" Aya smiled, the job was almost done "I come by later, I think you have to talk"

"You are right pretty boy" Aya left and let out a sigh of relieve.

"Is the boss there?" Yohji pulled him onto the dance floor "Yes she is"

"She?" Yohji was surprised a female drug lord was rare "Yes she took over the business after her husband's death"

"Omi send me a message they will kill her after she leaves the club and we have time enough to kick the boys ass"

"A message?" Aya rose a brow; that was unconventional "It's too loud in here to hear him through the mike"

"All that matters is that they heard what happened inside the backroom" he hoped they hadn't heart the kiss but they couldn't overhear it.

"Omi will call when she left so we have some time for us" Yohji pulled him closer "Do you want to go to a other club, when we're done with the job?"

Aya thought about it "Yes" he wanted to forget the night.

"I know a nice club, I think you will like it" he watched his lover "the club isn't so crowded and the music isn't so loud"

"A romantic little club?" Aya looked up, he was tired and he felt as if someone had a strong grip on his heart.

"Exactly, you can relax and we have the chance to talk… when you want" Yohji didn't want to push him; one thing he learned was not to push too hard when he wasn't ready.

Aya rested his head against Yohjis shoulder and closed his eyes "Thank you"

Yohji did not answer verbally but he laid his hand on Ayas neck and held him against his shoulder. His head rested on top of Ayas head and his other hand lay around his waist. They stood like that for several minutes until Yohjis mobile phone vibrated "It's time" Yohji released his lover and went with him to the back room. This time Aya wasn't afraid.

"Hey I thought you forgot me already" Ranmaru grinned "A tree some. Great idea. The blond is a beauty"

"Sorry boy" Yohji slung his arms around Aya from behind and nuzzled his slender neck "but he's mine"

"What the…" he was confused "Did you trick me?"

"Not really" Aya felt safe in Yohjis arms "I'm here to do my job"

"Your job is to sell our stuff" he grouched "and I can kick you out before you can blink with an eye"

"My job is a bit different" Aya stared at him "Do you want to show him or should I?" he asked the blond.

"I want to show him" Yohji came closer and released his wire "You kissed my boyfriend. I don't like it to share"

"Do you want to take over the syndicate? I can help you?" he panicked.

"We are assassins and our job is it to eliminate you and your boss and as far as I know she's already dead" Yohji smirked as he saw the shocked look on his face.

"Say goodbye" Yohji attacked.


	29. Date

Yohji and Aya entered a nice little club, the music was nice and the people were polite.

No one ran into him or shoved him away "I like the atmosphere" Aya listened to the dark vibes of the music.

"I'm glad" Yohji led them to a table near the bar "Do you want a drink?" he asked after Aya sat down.

"Yes, you can choose" the redhead wasn't experienced and he trusted Yohjis taste with alcohol.

The blond ordered a cocktail which was as red as Ayas hair "It's not too hard"

Aya took a sip, it taste like strawberry, orange and rum "That's good" he took another sip.

Yohji smiled at him "How do you feel?" he looked better.

"Good" Aya looked into his direction "I feel relieved and not so dirty"

"You don't need to feel dirty" Yohji took his hand "It was for the job"

"It's the first time I had problems to play my role"

"You're blind that makes a big difference and you're not a single anymore, maybe you felt uneasy because you knew you have someone who waited for you to return"

Aya thought about it and liked the thought that someone was waiting for him, only for him "You're too empathic" he smiled "Are you sure you weren't a psychiatrist before you came to Weiss?"

"Hmm, yeah I'm sure. I must have a natural talent" he emptied his glass "Can I ask for a dance?"

Aya gulped his drink down and nodded "You can" Yohji pulled him onto the dance floor.

The song was not too fast and sounded happier than the song before. They danced for hours, Yohji scared a few admirers away as they tried to hit on Aya and the redhead stepped on the foot of a woman who hit on his blond. It was an accident, of course.

The music got slower and slower and Yohji held Aya close, they swayed to the melody and enjoyed the warmth of their bodies. Ayas head rested above Yohjis heart and he listened to his strong beat, he liked to listen to Yohjis heart, and his breathing.

It showed him that he was still full of life, not like Aya-chan with her silent heart beat and breathing. He snuggled closer "Aya?" Yohji asked slightly worried "It's nice, I think we should do this more often" the redhead answered.

Yohji couldn't remember when he saw him so relaxed, maybe he never had "You start to like clubbing like I do"

"I like clubbing only with you" Aya didn't open his eyes "Good to know" the blond tightened the embrace. Two songs later and the party was over, they took their coats and decided to walk back to the koneko.

Yohji held Ayas hand as they walked through the empty streets "It was a nice night, thank you"

"You don't need to thank me, I had fun too. And I thought you need some time to relax" the blond answered.

"It was what I needed. I feel good, really good" the events hours ago didn't matter anymore and the imaginary enemy loosened his grip around his heart.

Yohji slung his arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer "It's always interesting how easy it can be to make you happy"

Aya chuckled "I know. Aya-chan always said I'm a big child. I think she was right"

Yohji wanted to say that Aya was a kid but remained silent "No one should grow up completely" he had to answer and it wasn't a lie "Everyone should keep a piece childhood"

"I thought I lost my childish side long ago but with you it shows his face from time to time" Aya was never really child like.

"Great" he heard the smile in Yohjis voice "I'm always a big baby"

"You are at least as serious as I am" Aya said blunt "You are good at pretending but I'm sure your heart and soul are grown up, there is not much space for the young Kudoh"

Yohji was surprised about Ayas honesty but he was right "It doesn't hurt so much when I pretend to be happy … sometime … I believe in it"

"I hope the day will come where you can stop to pretend" Aya tried it too but he wasn't able to believe in it, no matter how hard he tried.

"I'm happy" he really was, even though they had their differences and endless fights.

"Me too" Aya took a deep breath, the night was chilly but the air smelled fresh "and I'm working on our future happiness"

"I know you do" it seemed that his redhead was working really hard on his illness and that let him hope for a brilliant future.

Yohji started to chuckle "I wish you could have seen her face as you stomped with your boots on her feet, she wore only high heeled sandal. I think she can't walk for at least a week"

"That's why she hissed like a threatened cat" Aya blushed slightly

"Yep, she limped from the dance floor like she met a steamroller" he laughed, it was her own fault, he told her we wasn't free.

"I'm innocent, I'm blind I couldn't see where she stood" Aya grinned, it wasn't nice but he had fun.

Yohji laughed louder, it looked like his lover got used to the darkness and was able to make fun of it without to fall back into unhappiness "You're a saint" he mocked.

"Of course, like you said heaven-sent or not I'm an angel" he listened to Yohjis breath and placed a kiss on his cheek after he localized his face.

"That's true, I should learn to hold my big mouth" he captured Ayas lips before he got the chance to turn away.

"It's too late to take it back" Aya panted "Now you have to live with the fact"

"Damn" Yohji sighed "but I think I can live with it"

"Do you feel like kicking some asses?" Aya whispered into his ear "Someone follows us"

"I know" Yohji said amused "We have two choices, the koneko is behind the next corner, so we have the chance to get home before they get us or we fight"

"Fight" Aya looked forward to the fight "Don't kill them"

"Of course not" not without a big paycheck, he thought "We'll knock them out"

"Slow down" Aya stumbled; they paid no attention to the street while they made their little plan.

"I should learn to talk and pay attention at the same time" Yohji half joked "Maybe it was right to choose to fight and not to run"

Aya raised a brow and nodded "Hey guys" a young voice called. One minute later they were surrounded by three men between nineteen and thirty.

"We want your money and when you're nice, maybe you can go home unharmed" the oldest said.

"But I think I borrow the blind guy before we go" a dark haired man said "Urgh, do what you want" the youngest looked disgusted.

Yohji sighed, everyone wanted his boyfriend "Ready love?" he asked casually

"Always" Aya turned around. They stood back to back "Come on. Let us have some fun" Aya smiled he felt the movement of Yohjis strong muscles against his back.

"You" the older man hissed and tried to punch the blond. Yohji grinned and grabbed his fist before he got a chance to reach his face. He turned and twisted his arm until he screamed like a little girl.

Aya listened to the noises around him "Gottcha" he heard one of them, he ran forward and buried his knee into his stomach. The man gasped for air but Aya knocked him out with a punch before he got over the shock of the pain.

He listened to Yohji and it sounded like he had a firm grip on the eldest "Let me go"

"Okay" Yohji pushed him against a wall; he fell unconscious to the ground.

As he turned around he saw how Aya held the third in a stranglehold "He tried to sneak up on you" Aya hissed dangerously but Yohji knew he tried to frighten the kid "Do you want to knock him out?"

Yohji gave his victim a smirk before he broke his nose "Go home kid" and he ran as if the devil himself was behind him.

"That was fun" Yohji looked at them "They will sleep a few hours"

"Let us go home, I'm tiered" Aya reached for Yohji but missed him "Oh" he looked sad after he miscalculated the distance "Only one centimeter more and you had touched my arm" Yohji tried to console him. It looked like the fact that he misjudged the distance had a deep meaning for him.

His face lit up "It is a bit frustrating to grab for the air"

Yohji took Ayas hand "Let's go to bed, they deliver the new furniture tomorrow. So we have a lot to do this evening"

"Do they build the things together or do you have to do it?" Aya asked interested.

"I don't work more than necessary. They do it" Yohji led him back to the Koneko "That means we can sleep in our new room"

"I'm looking forward to it" Aya slung his arms around Yohjis waist as he tried to open the door "Our little home"

"I thought we could hang your Katana on the wall until you can see" Yohji entered the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water before they went into their room.

"I like the idea" he truly did. It was good to know where the Katana was and that he had a chance to defend himself or his family.

"I'm glad" the blond said honest "I don't want to hide it from you… and you can use it but only when you really have to"

He knew Yohji was still worried and he could live with the condition "I'll only use it when the world ends"

Aya heard a sigh of relieve "Come" Yohji helped him undress and covered him up after that.

He crawled under the blanket and snuggled closer to the redhead. Together they drifted into a peaceful reverie.


	30. Moving in

"Do you think they had fun last night?" Ken asked while he sipped on his water.

"It's six p.m." Omi grinned "They definitely had fun"

"Yep we had" Yohji yawned, he was still tired but he had to get the old furniture out of his room.

"The whole mission was a success. Manx is very happy with us" Omi reached Yohji his coffee "We have a few days off, even with the shop"

"Perfect" he gulped his coffee down "I have a lot to do. I have to paint the wall, we get our new furniture tomorrow and we have to get his things into my room"

"Sounds like work" Ken grinned "I'm busy for the next five days, sorry" he was so not sorry.

"I have to learn" Omi and Ken wanted to make a short trip "Ahh, you have a date" Yohji smirked "The see or the mountains?"

"See" Omi could slap himself "You tricked me" he whined.

"When do you drive?" the older blond asked with a satisfied grin on his face.

"Tomorrow" Ken answered; he looked forward to a week alone with his lover.

"Don't be too naughty kid" he saw a wicked glitter in Kens eyes "Say goodbye before you leave. Aya needs a proper see you soon"

"Don't worry it wasn't our intention to vanish over night" Omi nibbled on a cookie.

"Who cooks for our poor Aya?" Omi realized that Aya couldn't cook what he wanted and Yohji was a catastrophe in the kitchen.

"Don't worry" Yohji hadn't the intention to let his lover starve.

"You can't live only from takeout" Ken imagined the mountain of takeout packaging waste.

"I'll cook for him" Yohji said self confident "You?" Ken almost laughed "What do you want to cook whisky soup and coffee pudding?"

"You'll never know" Yohji smiled and Omi doubted his clumsiness, maybe he could cook when he wanted.

"I'll cook this evening" Omi wrapped up his sleeves "At least one good meal until we're back"

Yohji chuckled and strolled out of the kitchen, it was time to wake his sleeping beauty.

"Hey sleepy head it's time to wake up" Yohji whispered into Ayas ear before he placed a gentle kiss on his cheek "Aya" he shook him gently.

"hm" Aya mumbled sleepy "What time is it?" he yawned.

"Short after six p.m." the blond watched his lover "This late" Aya sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"Omi makes dinner for us" Yohji reached him his clothes "But isn't it Kens job today?"

"Yes but Omi is afraid I'll let you starve while they're on their short trip"

"Short trip?" Aya blinked "When…"

"Manx gave us a few days off of work. I figured it out because of Omis clumsiness" the blond chuckled.

"He was always bad at keeping secrets" he got dressed "when he knew that you're a better cook than him"

"Don't you dare to tell him" Yohji got worried, it sounded like work "Don't worry I don't like to share" the redhead smiled at him.

"Now I'm relieved. I was afraid I'll have to work. I prefer it to cook for two" he took Ayas hand "I'm curious what he cooks for you" he dragged him downstairs.

"Hey Aya" Omi chopped vegetables "How was the night?"

"Relaxing" Aya answered "Yohji took me to a great club"

"Nice to hear" Omi fried the chicken "Do you took a cab back?"

"No, we walked" Aya took the chair next to Yohji "HAH" Ken laughed "What did I say"

"Did you smash the bullies' heads?" Omi sighed; he knew he would not like the answer.

"Nooo" Yohji looked at Aya "Or did we?"

"No" Aya replied "We had a calm night" Omi and Ken looked at each other "Sure" Ken grinned "Three hurt criminals around the corner but you're innocent"

"Can't you see the aureole?" Yohji swung his index finger around.

Aya coughed sarcastically "Hey" Yohji took him into a light stranglehold and ruffled his hair "Meeercy" Aya heard the kids laugh about his little misery, he would get them "I'm only polishing your aureole" Yohji mocked "Now it shines bright and clear" he released the poor redhead.

"I'll get my revenge" Aya said in his best leader tone "You should take your soccer and laptop with you; I don't think they'll survive a week with Yohji and me"

Ken ran upstairs to hide his beloved soccer, Aya ginned.

"And you should make sure that your after shave really is after shave. Maybe you should hide your cigarettes too. I don't think flower blossoms taste so good"

"I love you" Yohjji said soft, Aya pocked his shoulder "Crawler" he nagged half hearted.

"The chicken smells burned" Yohji pointed at the pan "No no no" Omi cursed and took the pan from the hot plate.

"And I'll let him starve?" Yohji crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"It was the price for his curiosity " Aya stood up "Italian?" he asked.

"Yes" Yohji stretched his limbs before he followed the redhead "Do you want to join us?"

Omi looked at Yohji and then at his pan "Give me a minute" he threw the burned food into the trash bin.

The four spent a nice evening at the restaurant "How did you find the restaurant? My school is practically next door but I never noticed it" Omi stepped out of the restaurant.

"I tracked down a serial killer in the little alley behind the restaurant" Aya said in a low tone, he wasn't sure if they were alone.

"I can't remember the mission" Ken was confused, normally he remembered their missions. Not every detail but enough to reconstruct the events.

"I was a freelancer at that time" Aya took a deep breath, he loved the night air "I think I killed him four months before I joined Weiss"

"How is it to be a freelancer?" Omi was curios "The only difference is that you're alone. Nobody watches your back and nobody notices your absence" Aya explained.

"Absence?" Aya gave him a gentle smile while Yohji patted his shoulder "Your death" the older blond said.

"Oh" the young blond looked at the ground "That's sad"

Aya approached the boy and grope carefully for his shoulder "You are a part of Weiss, you do not need to worry. We will take care of you" he squeezed his shoulder.

Omi turned around and flung his arms around Ayas chest, the boy was smaller than him and Aya had to look down on him. He wasn't able to see but it felt right to look at him.

The redhead tightened the embrace, he wasn't used to it but he remembered a time where he held his sister like this.

Yohji smiled at them, it was something special so he took a photo with the little camera he used for observations.

Ken remained silent while he watched them, he felt happy for Omi, and it looked like he got the older brother he always wanted.

"Sorry Aya" the young blond loosened the hug "There is nothing to be sorry for" Aya patted his head and earned a smile he couldn't see.

"Time to go home" Yohji put an arm around his lover "Let us stop at a Sushi restaurant maybe they have some left over for Faith"

Aya nodded, it was a nice idea to get some fresh fish for their little fur ball.

They stopped at the kitchen as they heard some noises "What the…" Yohji started to laugh.

Faith hung with his upper body in the trash bin, his little paws and his tail hung in the air while he wailed his tail "Mew"

Yohji was sadistic enough to take a few photos before he took him out of the trash "You smelled the chicken, am I right?" he massaged his little head "Mew"

Omi and Ken stopped laughing "He's adorable" Ken whipped a tear away.

Aya was the only one who couldn't join their laughter "We got a fish for you little one" he searched a plate and placed it on the ground.

Faith jumped from Yohjis arms and landed next to the plate "Meeeew" he sniffed.

"Looks like he likes it" Omi grinned as Faith munched on his dinner.

Yohji sighed "We have some work to do. See you tomorrow boys" he waved.

"I have to store my things in your room until they deliver" Yohji put his clothes into bags and cartons.

"No problem" Aya took a full carton and carried it into his room.

"How you got used to your blindness is admirable" Yohji praised "I'm truly impressed" The redhead moved through the house like nothing happened and he seldom took advantage of his blindness. He was too proud to relay on someone for too long. He built his life back together and the blond knew he had an even bigger part in his life than before. He still felt incredible guilty for what he did but to see his lover so carefree and healthier let him believe once more in destiny.

Aya gave him a brilliant smile "I do what I can" he answered.

Yohji was blinded by his smile, he never saw a brighter and more beautiful smile before and it was directed at him. The blond was happy that no one else was able to see his lover smile "Was that the 'click' of a camera?" Aya asked surprised.

"Ah, yes. I like your smile and thought I could keep it" he blushed. He had hoped Aya would not notice the sound of the photo camera.

Aya tilted his head as if he thought about Yohjis strange behavior "You can do whatever you want"

"I like your smile" he confessed "are you angry with me?"

"No" the redhead chuckled "Baka"

"I know" at first he wasn't so sure Ayas expression was unreadable but he got the impression his lover told the truth.

"How many cartons are left" Aya asked, he started to think that Yohjis dresser was like a black hole.

"Six" the blond put a bag down "SIX, Yohji" the redhead gasped "Here are already seven cartons. How many clothes do you have?"

"Obviously enough for ten cartons and three bags" he stated. Aya frown "Obviously" with a big sigh he headed for the blonds room.

Yohji laughed and followed him "In the cartons are not only my clothes but also books, shoes, work clothes and odds and ends"

"Books? You?" Aya turned his head into his direction. The blond hated his gaze, he hated to stand right in front of him but not been seen "Yeah. Kamasutra … How to satisfy a lover" he summarized.

"You're kidding me?" Aya was afraid he had to try all these things.

"Yap" the redhead was relieved "Most of them are thriller, history books and a few science fiction and fantasy books"

"History? Can I read them?" Aya liked to learn "I can read it to you" Yohji suggested.

"I would like that" he liked books and he liked Yohjis voice so to hell with false pride. In the worst case he would never read a book on his own again and he would be forced to rely on the blond in this matter.

"No problem" he loved it to be useful. He was always worried that he could lose his status as his savior and right hand when he gets his independence back.

"I think that was the last bag" Aya stood at the door to his own room; he realized how much he would miss his little kingdom. It was a safe haven but also the place where he went through his worst nightmares. After he lost more than half of his old team, he decided to work alone. He was tiered of a life between constant sorrow and days of happiness, which changed like the weather. They fought together, they laughed together and most of them even died together. Only Aya and one of his friends were left behind. He wanted to die with them, to follow them into to the darkness of death but he had Aya-chan. He couldn't leave her alone, he had to pay for the hospital and seek revenge it wasn't his time to go. He believed the job would be easier when there was no one to care and worry for but this was an error. He was terribly lonely and it looked like the world turned without him. He saw how they lived their lives, humans are so different. They're rich or poor. They are good or bad. Helpful or selfish. The life they live formed their character and result is the world you see. But all these people had a few things in common. Things he always wanted but wasn't able to reach. A own little family, someone who waited at home, friends, an honorable job.

So he joined Weiss to escape his sorry excuse of a life. He tried to keep them on arms length, not to get involved too deeply but he failed. He got used to them and they found their places in his icy heart. He cursed himself for his failure but with the time he was happy with the fact. He liked their chatter, their laughter and their careful smiles. Of course they had a life as unpleasant as his own life but they were able to make the best out of it and that impressed him deeply. He found what he searched for so long only because of his own weakness.

"I found it" he whispered to himself "What did you find?" Yohji laid a hand on his shoulder.

The sudden contact startled him "What?"

"What did you find?" Yohji repeated "You" was his answer. Yohji shrugged and decided not to ask, he would not understand.

"I have to remove the old furniture" Yohji stretched his back "and then I have to paint. I hope the walls will dry before they deliver"

"We were a bit lazy" Aya stated, they had enough time to prepare the room.

"Yes we were. I think we get easily distracted" the blond continued to work.

It was almost midnight as they finished the preparations "I thought this would never end" the blond grunted.

"I wish I were able to help" Aya sat on the floor and listened to Yohjis movements, sometimes he tried to suppress a chuckle as the blond cursed but he failed. It was too cute when the blond cursed and nagged like a spoiled child.

"You helped me a lot with my clothes and books" Yohji settled down next to Aya "My lazy times are over. I have to care for my family" he pulled Aya between his legs. Ayas back rested against the blonds chest and his head leant against Yohjis neck. Yohji embraced him "We face the window" he started to explain.

"To our right, will stand the wardrobe. On each side is space enough for a plant. Or what do you think?"

"Nice, pot plants would be nice" Aya tried to imagine the room, it must be cozy.

"On the left side, will be our bed with the night stands. I thought you want to sleep as near the window as possible " Yohji hoped he found Ayas taste "I like it to watch the moon when I'm not able to sleep" the redhead said dreamy.

Yohji smiled, so he was right "Next to the door will stand the bookshelf and on the other side of the door the little commode. And between the commode and the bed will stand the table and the two chairs"

Aya liked it very much and was sure he would love the sight "Perfect"

"I'm glad" the blond rubbed his cheek on Ayas head "This will be our kingdom. You, me and Faith"

"What do you think about a cozy basket next to the bookshelf? Near the plant" Aya decided it wasn't fair to sleep in a soft bed while Faith had his little basket.

"Great idea" Yohji forgot their little fur ball, of course the cat didn't want to sleep in the same bed with them every day "Let us finish our room before we buy him a new bed"

"We have enough work for the next two days" Aya sighed, he hated the thought to bring Yohjis and his own clothes back to their room.

"So many clothes and books" Yohji whined and let his head fall on Ayas shoulder "I don't want to"

"We have to do it" Aya was definitely not looking forward to move all the things back.

"I know" He helped Aya up "Let us sleep" they went into Ayas room and settled down on the small bed "Sleep well love" the blond held Aya in his arms.

"Love you" Aya kissed his cheek before, he lay back down and closed his eyes.


	31. Who is Souta

I'm soooo sooooo sorry but I had a lot to do and a serious serious writer's block. I sat in front of my Laptop and thought ?????????? huh , what the heck could I write. I never had a blockade like this. But I promise to write more again a lot more. I still have a lot to do but I'll find the time to update and the next time my brain strikes I'll ask you for help than I'm a lot faster. (Oh you can always utter wishes and so on. Don't think you have to live with all the trash I write, from time to time :-p )

I decided to update yesterday evening but fortune is against us. A workmate called to ask if I can work the graveyard shift she was near a burn out. It's not easy to work as an educator in a supervised flat sharing community. Not bad to make some extra cash even though I'm still a trainee. And yeah I used the time (was not much) to write more.

Okay I want to say it again I'm terribly soooooooorrryyyyyy :-(

They spent the next days with organizing and arranging.

"Free, we are finally free" Yohji jubilated "I invite you to a nice dinner"

"Sounds nice" Aya took a deep breath and regretted it soon, the smell of paint still lingered in the air. Yohji opened the window even wider as he saw the look of disgust on Ayas face "I think we have to let some more air in"

"Thank you" Aya inhaled the fresh air "much better"

"Thought so …. Can I dress you up?" Yohji asked nefarious, he had a pair of leather pants and a blue silk shirt in mind.

The redhead gave him a wicked grin "I like the idea but you have to wear something … sexy too. So I can show you off to the nerve wracking school girls and lascivious housewives"

"Two eye catcher, I like that" Aya grinned while he moved carefully trough the room. He had to get used to the new surrounding and tried hard to avoid bruises.

Yohji watched him "I'll be back in an instant" he frowned.

"Okay" the redhead settled down on the bed, he was still terribly tiered.

Yohji went into the shop "Hey boys" he greeted cheerfully.

"Are you done with the room?" Manx smiled. The shop was closed but unfortunately she had a spare key und used it shamelessly. Why knock when you could get the chance to catch them in the act? But she hadn't such luck, maybe next time, she hoped.

Yohji jumped in shock "Geez, do you want to give me a heart attack" he whined and _why the heck does she know about them, moving in together? _

"Maybe" she smirked "I'm here to talk to Aya"

"Why?" he asked suspicious "Maybe I want to ask him out on a date" she answered.

She chuckled as Yohji façade slipped, his eyes widened and his mouth stood slightly open as if he wanted to say something.

"Don't worry you can keep him" she mocked before she turned serious "I have to discuss some matters with him"

"Do you have a job for him?" Yohji tried to get some information "It's not on me to tell you about our matters, so get him down her" she ordered.

"Give me a minute" Yohji collected flowers before he headed back upstairs. Manx remained where she was and looked around. She was impressed how Weiss created something so beautiful. The flower shop was full of life even though they were killers. They had to run the shop to cover up their nightly activities but she never thought they would put their whole heart into the flower business.

_~ Maybe they seek salvation while creating beautiful bouquets which make people happy._

_The smell and the colors are comforting; the work here must be a nice change to their real occupation. A piece of a happy and normal life, somehow I envy them ~_

"Aya! Manx is here, she wants to talk to you" Yohji arranged the flowers, for the room."Do you know what she wants from you?" he placed roses on the table.

"I don't know and I'm not happy about a conversation with her" Aya remained sitting.

Yohji had a feeling that Aya knew, exactly, what she wanted and that worried him to no end "She's waiting"

Aya sighed "I'm on my way" he stood up and stopped next to Yohji, he caressed the blonds arm and squeezed it slightly before he left the room. Yohji sat down on a chair and ran a hand through his hair, Aya looked sad and the fact that he hid something disturbed him.

"Manx" Aya greeted coldly "What do you want?"

"Can't I visit you?" she tested his reaction.

"You never 'visit' one of us, just for fun" she liked the answer; he was self confident and cold, just like he used to be.

"I want to talk about Souta and you" she gave him a gentle smile, for one moment she had forgotten that he was blind and not his old self "Let us talk somewhere else" Aya hated the idea to talk to her.

"The mission room will do" she led the way. Yohji hid near the shop and listened to the conversation. His mind worked with full force

_~ Who is Souta and what does he have to do with my Aya? Who is he to you?_

_Why does she know so much more than I, that's not fair._

_I can't ask him because I eavesdropped …_

_Maybe I'm imagining things, it can't be something serious, I would notice, wouldn't I?_

_YOHJI…__ stop, stop, stop, STOP_

_I can't let my imagination run wild._

_Aya is my Aya and that will not change and I will wait for him to tell me who he is._

_Yeah a good plan ~_

Yohji went back into his room but wasn't able to stop thinking.

"Souta says you make progresses" Manx sat on the sofa.

"I think so" Aya sat next to her; it wasn't a meeting like all the others before so they decided to drop formalities.

"Will you continue to visit him?" she heard Aya hadn't attended am appointment in a while.

"I will but it's not easy with Yohji. I'm afraid he'll notice when I vanish too often and I'm not ready to face him" he shivered as he imagined Yohji's reaction.

Manx noticed and wondered why he was so afraid of the blond "He'll understand"

"Manx, I tried to kill myself" he tilted his head to look in her direction.

"But I'm sure he'll forgive you, I mean he loves you" she consoled him but without great success, Manx could not believe he would dump his young lover but on the other hand she knew how he could be.

"I hope so, otherwise …. I" he was not able to continue his sentence. Manx knew what he wanted to say "You're strong, you'll even survive him" she let it sound like a joke.

"I really love him" he sounded melancholic "It's far beyond normal"

"Souta said something like that. He said your love is unquestionable and pure" she squeezed his shoulder "Everything will be fine, you'll see"

"Yeah, we will see. I'm not easy to handle"

"You're not** that** bad" she mocked and got a smile in return "By the way Kritiker is proud of you, even blind you're their precious boy" she changed the topic after she realized that the current conversation had hurt him.

"That's good. I don't need to worry, then" Aya felt relieved.

"No, no need to worry" she stated "I have to go"

"Manx" she stopped at the door and looked back at him "be careful" she smiled "I will" was the answer before she disappeared.

"What did she want?" Yohji stared at him, Aya froze he didn't make up a reason for her visit "Kritiker is happy with our work" _partly true_.

"That's it?" he asked suspicious "nothing else?"

"She asked about our relationship and if it gets in our way during missions" he lied without to blush, _hell I'm a bastard _he thought.

"And what did you say?" Yohji sounded strange but Aya did not know why.

"There is no problem" or was there? Aya was unsure.

Yohji remained silent and watched his lover, Aya looked nervous and paler than normal

_~ What did she say to you?_

_And who the hell is Souta? ~_

After two silent minutes he felt pity for his redhead. He looked sad like a scolded child "Let us grab our dinner" the blond stood up and took Ayas hand into his own.


	32. Little date

The restaurant was almost empty; only two other couples sat on the other side of the restaurant.

"Are you feeling better? You seem happy for a while now" Yohji studied the redheads eyes. They were still beautiful but he wished they would get some of their old sparkle back.

"I feel good" Why did everyone ask him that? He mused.

"I'm happy. I was worried we could get some … problems" he said honest.

"Don't think so" Aya munched on his pasta.

"Great" Yohji banned his jealousy deep in his mind. He thought about a new topic as he saw a shadow outside the huge window. The girl triggered something in his mind but he was unsure. Then the answer hit him "She's here" he jumped up and wanted to storm out of the restaurant as Aya grabbed his hand "Don't! She's only a girl, we can't hurt her"

"But she tried to kill you" Yohji hissed "I will not let her go"

"Not like this, Yohji. It's wrong" Aya pleaded, she could not be older than Aya-chan.

"But…" Yohji started but got no chance to finish.

"No" Aya used his best leader tone "Not here, not now and definitely not like this" Yohji opened his mouth to protest but decided to remain silent. His lover was in full Abyssinian mood so he sat down and continued to watch the window but she was gone.

She stood in front of the window and stared at them. She was on her ways back home as she passed by and saw them eat together.

She was shocked to see them so happy and carefree, it was hard to suppress the anger she felt.

Her heart leaped as Yohji looked at her, for one moment she had the illusion, he would leave his whore all alone, only to be with her. But as she saw his angry outburst and the deadly glares he sent into her direction the day dream shattered into a million pieces.

_~ Why does he look so angry?_

_Do you hate me?_

_Does he say something bad about me? Are you jealous? Because I can have him when I really try to catch his heart?!_

_It's a shame you did not die that day but I'll show you what I'm capable of … You'll see._

_He's mine. You're not worth to be his boyfriend. You'll never be able to keep his heart forever, he'll grow tiered of you, he always does ~_

She decided to leave before he did something he would regret, like hit her or something like that. It was not useful to build a relationship on the fundament of guilt. It was time to make a new plan.

"Aya? Why do you protect her?" he finally asked.

"I think she's not older than Aya" he answered "and … I don't know, she's young and totally in love with you"

"She's obsessed with the idea to spend her life with me" Yohji said gentler this time "She's dangerous"

"I know that but she's a kid" Aya stared at him.

"Even kids are dangerous when they have a reason. You should know that!" Yohji sighed, that was low even for him. He took Ayas hand "I want to protect you" he added.

Aya gave him a gentle smile "I know and I'm thankful but I hope we have another choice"

"We will search for a solution to get rid of her, I promise" Yohji understood why Aya did not want her to die and he hated the idea too, but he would do it when had to. He would never risk Ayas safety even it meant to kill a girl.

"Thank you" Aya squeezed his hand "I love you" he whispered.

"Love you too" the blond rubbed his thumb over the soft skin of Ayas hand.

"I know" Ayas eyes gleamed with happiness and the sight took Yohjis breath away.

"Ah, don't look at me like that. You make me nervous" the memories of their heavy fight flooded his mind "No, no, no, NO scratch that. Look at me however you want" he corrected himself.

Aya looked confused until he understood what his lover meant "Don't worry, we will not repeat our mistakes"

Yohji noticed how much Aya trusted him, he trusted him definitely too much and that worried him even more, what if should he ever break his trust? "You're too cute" he did not want to continue the topic.

Aya blushed "I'm not cute" he stammered.

The blond laughed "Oh, you are. Believe me" the waitress served the dessert with a big grin on her face

_~ Yep, definitely a Yaoi fan ~_

He thought and gave her a smirk. She went to the next table, giggling like a love-sick school girl. Yohji took a spoon full of his cheesecake "Open your mouth" he ordered and put the spoon into the redheads mouth. "Mmh, good" Aya blushed again, it was a little extra for the giggling waitress. She looked at them with happiness in her eyes, they were perfect that was exactly how love between man should be. Happy and free. The blond waved enthusiastically at the waitress before they left the restaurant, she waved back and "Good luck" while she held her thumbs up.

Back at home they fed Faith before they decided to call it a night.

"Mew" the little kitten settled down on the end of the bed "I think he does not like his basket" Yohji glanced at their fur ball.

"Maybe he missed us" Aya yawned "We didn't spend enough time with him"

"Hm, do you think?" Yohji frowned. Faith looked at them and shook his head "Mew"

Yohjis frown deepened "Did he… nod?"

"Possibly" Aya replied and hid a grin. He noticed long ago that his kitten was something special.

"O-kay" the blond decided to keep an eye on the creepy cat.

"Good night" Aya closed his eyes.

"Mew" Faith answered; Yohji's head shot up "Good night" he said while he eyed the fur ball.

Yohi could swear he winked at him "I'm getting old" he shook his head

_~ Imagination … it's only my imagination._

_Yeah, that's it! ~_

He lay down and pulled Aya into his arms.

The redhead snuggled closer and started to laugh.

"Aya?" Yohji asked worried "Are you all right?"

"You're afraid of a cat" he whipped a tear away. He tried to control his emotions but the look on Yohjis face, he made up in his mind, after analyzing his movements was hilarious.

"I'm not" the blond pouted "Ohhh… you are" Aya took a deep breath before he suffocates. "No" Yohi grinned, that was something new for him. He never saw his lover laugh so hard, that made him unbelievingly happy. Aya tried to suppress his laughter but failed miserably "I love you, even though I'm laughing at you"

Yohji sat up and pulled Aya into his lap. He stroke through the red hair "I know you love me" The redhead calmed down "Are you angry?"

"No, no. the blond kissed the tip of Ayas nose "I enjoy the sound of your happy laughter"

Aya reached for his face and caressed his cheek while he looked up at him "**You are not** happy for a while now"

"I am happy" he said honest "but I'm worried too"

"Why?" Aya was so observant it was almost creepy.

"I'm worried about you" he explained "our job, our enemies, I worry about everything"

"Why now?" the redhead was surprised.

"I overheard a part of the conversation between Manx and you" he decided not to lie.

He felt Aya tense "What did you hear?"

"Who is Souta?" he said after a while.

"I…" Aya was speechless, he wanted to talk but he couldn't make a sound, what should he say? Was he ready? "Who do you think he is?"

"I'm afraid you found someone else" Yohji sounded awfully sad.

Aya shot up and stared at him. Even though he was blind, Yohji felt as if he could look right into his soul "I would never cheat on you" Aya sounded hurt.

"You do many things behind my back. What should I think?"

"I don't want to tell you about him, not now but I swear I-am-not-cheating-on-you"

Aya made his point clear.

"That's what I wanted to hear" he smiled slightly. Aya did many things but he never lied. "You are the only one I want" the redhead started to caress Yohjis neck. He had aimed for his face but he was to proud to show that he missed his aim "And I'm thankful you stopped fooling around … you changed so much, only for me"

2I only fooled around to ease the pain Asukas death had caused. I hoped to find salvation. Now I found what I searched for so long. **You**" the blond sealed his speech with a loving kiss.

"Give me a little bit more time and I'll be healed of my demons. Almost" Aya said a bit breathless.

"I like it when you're optimistic" Yohji grinned, he believed they had a chance to overcome their inner nightmares "And now sleep, before it gets even sappier"

"Where is your sense of romantic" Aya asked cheeky.

"Where's yours?" the blond shot back.

Aya raised his brows "Sleep well" he grinned and lay down.

"Thought so" Yohji spooned behind him "sweet dreams" he placed a soft kiss on his neck.


	33. Thumbs down Manx

"Hey kitty" Omi patted the soft fur "Are they still asleep?"

"Mew" Faith purred, he loved the attention "mew"

"Long night, huh?" the young blond giggled. He remembered his little honeymoon with his sportsman.

"You're giggling like a maniac" a sleepy voice filled the room "and where is the coffee?"

"Here, you addict" he reached him the pot and ignored the statement about his giggling.

"I don't want to work" Yohji whined shortly before the shop bell rang "I take it back. Can't I take it back?" he pleaded helplessly.

But it was too late; Manx was already there "Call the others. I want you down in the mission room in five minutes"

Yohji and Omi woke their sleeping lovers and dragged them down into the mission room.

"What do you want this time?" Ken yawned, to hell with good manners.

"A rapist" she glared "He raped and killed eight young girls and two women"

"Why can't the police shoot him, or let him rot in jail?" Yohji asked suspicious, he knew rapist where cases for special units.

"He's like a chameleon and extremely dangerous. We would recruit him but even we don't want to employ a serial killer"

"Nice" Yohji grunted "And what are we?"

"You still own some moral" she countered "and you would never force a woman to sleep with you"

"That's true" Yohji was surprised how much trust she had in Weiss "Where can we find him?"

"…." She opened her mouth but wasn't so sure what to say, the boys would hate her. Okay not everyone but Aya. Yeah he would kill her, it will be slow and very painful. She knew how much Aya loved his team and how much he hated it to be separated from his family. He always was pissed when he was hurt and not able to accompany them but this time she had to order him to leave them.

"He visits three of the most popular clubs, but no one knows how he looks like" she started.

"So we observe the clubs and watch the kind of women and young girls he prefers" Omi stated, he felt pity for the girls who tried to get access to a club for adults and had to pay with their young lives.

"That's not the main problem" she coughed slightly, _oh he will kick my sorry ass_.

"Where's the problem?" Aya felt nervous, Manx behavior was suspiciously strange.

"He',hehastostaybehind" she muttered terribly fast, Ayas jaw dropped as he tried to make sense of the rushed words.

"WHAT?" his voice sounded shrill as he understood what she said.

"Stop, maybe I'm stupid but I understood nothing" Yohji looked confused.

"She wants me to stay behind … oh no" Aya loved his team and that was a daunting task.

"You want? Him?" Yohji frowned and looked at Aya before a small smile crept onto his face "He has to stay at home?" he imagined his lover all alone on the couch with dark circles under his eyes and a worried look in his beautiful eyes.

"Stop frowning you makes me more nervous" Aya brushed his shoulder against his.

Yohji was shocked, how could Aya know he was frowning? He waved in front of Ayas face, for one moment he hoped his redhead could see.

"Menace" Aya grabbed his hand "I know you, don't think you can hide your thoughts"

"Oh" the blond sounded disappointed, it broke Ayas heart. He knew how much Yohji wants him to see but he wasn't able to fulfill his wish.

"I accept the job" Omi said and Ken nodded, they were totally unaware of the inner conflicts Aya and Yohji had to overcome.

"It's your choice" Yohji said gently "We can find a way without you staying at home or we say no"

That was so not helpful, it was Ayas duty as a leader to do everything possible to reach their goal and the thought of being at home,alone, while they fought in dark alleys let his blood freeze.

"I'll do it" he sighed, he had no other choice, it was not fair when the boys had to cancel the job for him.

"Me too" Yohji confirmed and collected the records. The boys left the room while they giggled and chattered like the school girls. It was a dirty job but they liked it though.

Manx was relieved; she already made her testament, mentally. It was by far easier as she thought "See you next time" she tried to rush out of the room as a deep voice ordered her to stop "I'll get you for this, you'll pay … not today, not tomorrow but one day is payday. You know how much I hate it to let them go" Aya threatened "See ya" he continued to talk with his lover.

Manx sweat blood and cursed the day she gave the order. From now on she had to take a look over her shoulder when she was alone or near Weiss, for the rest of her life. _Great, really great_ she swore.

"Aya you really don't have to stay here. I can come up with an idea… I don't know" Yohji tried to comfort him.

"You're not responsible for the order. The choice is right but I feel ashamed at the thought. I mean I'm not able to help. I'm disoriented, not fast enough and I would never survive" Aya snuggled closer to Yohji as they lay in their comfy bed.

"I'll search a task for you, something to keep your mind focused. I don't want you to stare into space and worry the whole night", Yohji stroke over Ayas belly. His blindness turned his life upside down and now after he found his new place within Weiss he had to give it up for a while. It was not right to feel so relieved but he was happy at the thought of Aya being at home, alive and safe.

"I like the idea" Ayas cheeks turned slightly red "but …"

"You can't stop worrying no matter what you do" the blond finished for him.

"Yes. It's not the first time you kill without me but this time … it's different. I have to wait, I have enough time to come up with the most terrible thoughts and I can't even see something I can't help should you need me"he rushed. He wasn't so sure himself where the problem lies.

"So your blindness is the problem?" Yohji kissed his forehead "I'm sure you will find a way to safe our sorry asses"

"Thank you" he smiled "I don't feel well recently" Aya added. He needed Yohji, he was sure he had a relapse or would get one soon. The redhead felt safe in his strong arms and enjoyed the warmth which seeped through his body and soul.

"Do you want to talk about it?" the blond tightened his grip around Ayas slender waist.

"I'm not ready but I'm afraid I suffer a relapse of some sort"

"Can I do something for you?"

"Stay with me, maybe we can train a bit and it would be nice if you could read to me"

"I promised to read to you and I swore I will stick with you until the end of the world" Yohji watched his lover, he had rings under his eyes, his skin was a bit pale and he wore a sad aura.

It was worrying and disturbing. It was so nice to see him happy and carefree but it seems to be the end of their cheerful days, Yohji hoped it would be only temporary.

"What would I do without you?" the redhead sighed deeply, the love Yohji had for him was almost painful, the lightheartedly way he kept going even though Aya was so sick was overwhelming. Of course Yohji had a violent temper but it needed time to push him so far.

And Aya knew he could easily push him over the edge with his irritating behavior.

But he stayed and he knew the blond would stay for as long as he let him. From time to time he thought it would be better to end it, for Yohji's sake but he loved him from the bottom of his heart, he realized how selfish he was but hadn't he the right to aim for love and to keep it when he had the chance? "I would like to hear something about history" he changed the topic.

"Sure" Yohji untangled their limbs and crawled out of the bed. He took his book about history and started to read. Aya lay in his lap and listened to his voice and tried to imagine what happened a long long time ago. He dreamed away the reality even though the history of the human race was everything else then cheerful but he could build a happy little dream world of his own. He only had to listen to half of the story and put the nice things together.

After half an hour, Yohji heard a soft snore and smiled "Seems the book is boring" he put the book aside and put out the light. He dragged Aya gently to his side and covered him up while he snuggled up to him.

"What can I do to make it better?" he asked his sleeping lover while he stroke through the soft hair.

_~ The smile on your face is adorable; do you have a nice dream? I hope it includes me. Of course your dream includes me you love me too much. How could I ever be assailed with doubt? You don't need me because of your blindness, you already proved it, but you need me because you want to relay on me. You want to be with me, you need to be spoiled and loved. I stay with you not for nothing. I stay because I need you, too. I hope you understand that it's not only guilt what binds us together. __You hold my heart and my soul and no one will ever change the fact. At least, not without a heavy fight. I have to keep a close eye on you._

_Okay a mental checklist: - eating ….. …………..he did_

_-sleeping ……………..obviously_

_-destructive behavior…nope, I think_

_-bad moods …………..not yet_

_-nightmares ………….not for some time past_

_-strange behavior ……not more than usual_

_- The boys …………...less contact_

_- Faith ………………. lucky kitten_

_-__ Self-esteem ………...too low, today_

_-lover ………………...yep, he talks to me_

_It seems it is not so bad at the moment I hope his soul will heal on its own again._

_Coz I don't know what to do should it escalate._

_Stop thinking it's time to sleep, we will see what we can do when the time has come_ ~

"Sleep well" Yohji yawned and tucked Ayas head under his chin.


	34. Hope

"Morning lover boy" Yohji chimed as Aya cracked an eye open "You're definitely too cheerful" he mumbled sleepy.

"It's a nice morning last night's rain washed away all the greenery and smog. Okay the smog is back but the air smells a lot cleaner, nonetheless" the blond sat on the edge of the bed, Faith lay in his lap and purred softly.

"It's cold" the redhead pulled the comforter over his head "and it's too bright"

"WHAT?" Yohji jumped up and Faith landed gracefully on the floor "Mew?"

"Aya what did you say?" he shook him gently, Aya was confused "You said it is too bright, do you mean it?"

The fog around Ayas sleepy brain cleared and he realized that he could see a few unclear contours "I can see a few contours but they start to fade"

"But I think it's a good sign" Yohji heaved his lover out of the bed "Put on your clothes we have a date with the doc" he let him down and reached him a few clothes.

"But I can't even see the light anymore" he said disappointed, he hoped so much it was the beginning of his healing but his dream shattered like a bubble.

Yohji was relieved that Aya couldn't see the disappointment in his eyes. He was so happy a moment ago. He was sure everything would be all right and now Aya's sad expression tore his heart apart.

"We will go anyway" he did not want to give up his hope, not yet.

They sat in a cold and sterile room while the doc waited for the results.

"Can you see something?" Yohji still had hope.

"Only when the light is extremely bright but nothing more, at least it's not so dark anymore" Aya lay on the bed and sighed. It was not what he had hoped for, he hoped they would say, hey you can see soon but he waited for two hours and there wasn't much hope left.

"Aya, don't look so sad. You're breaking my heart" the blond took his hand and held it tight.

To see Aya in a hospital was a view he hated the most, Aya had to be in their room, in the flower shop or even between blood and gore, of course not his own but what does a murder matter? Not much.

"Sorry" the redhead was nervous "Don't apology, it's okay" he placed a gentle kiss on his lover's palm.

"I hope it is the last time they poke me, damn leeches" Aya nagged, to feel anger was better than the sadness which enclosed his heart.

Yohji knew it was a self-defense mechanism but it helped him too. He really did pity his young lover at the moment, he feared for his eyesight again, blind forever or back to normal.

_~ All the pain because of me. I'll kill Schuldig the next time __we meet, or I'll kill his lover._

_No, Schuldig did not kill my love. It would be not fair to take his lover away._

_I'm so sorry my love. It's my fault, all this is solely my fault ~_

He felt how tears threaten to fall, but he had to be strong. It would be embarrassing to cry in front of a doctor or nurse or even both. And he would definitely not cry here in front of Aya.

"Hey boys" the doc entered the room "I still can't find an answer but I think your physiological state is the reason for your healing. Be patience we are sure you'll see one day" she sounded so cheerful but Aya felt no happiness.

_~ What's up with me? It's as good as a promise. I'll see but why am I not glad?_

_I thought I would jump for joy or at least feel anything._

_What the heck is wrong with me? ~_

"Aya? Are you all right?" Yohji noticed how the color drained from his lover's skin.

Aya rested a hand above his own heart and felt the soft beating "No emotions" he whispered.

"What do you mean?" the blond settled down on the bed and pulled Aya into his arms "You're scaring me"

"I'm not glad. Why am I not happy? Yohji, what's wrong with me" he whispered into his lovers warm chest.

Yohji did not know what to say, he tightened the hug and glanced over to the doc.

She looked thoughtful and left the room. "Hush. Calm down love" was everything he could say "Maybe, you need time to realize that you're actually healing"

Aya did not answer he stared at a point on Yohji's chest, he frightened the blond even more.

The doc reappeared with a worried look in his eyes "Aya come with me"

Aya looked at her and knew immediately where they were going, he left Yohji's comforting embrace and followed her.

Yohji stood up but the doc stopped him "Wait here" she ordered.

The blond was pissed

_~ They do it again. Secret appointments, he vanishes for hours without to tell me where exactly he's going. What the hell happens here? I know you have your secrets but I don't trust Kritiker at all and want to know what the hell they do to you, every time you're here…_

_Your mood is always better when you come back and I'm thankful but what is the price you have to pay? And who takes care of you? Do you found someone to love?_

_Argh, great I'm jealous again._

_Yohji Kudoh calm down and let go of your jealousy._

…………_.._

_Okay, that's better._

_I'll wait in Aya-chans room. I need someone to talk …. Urgh, sure, talking with a comatose girl. I should fear for my sanity ~_

He told a nurse where he was going and stopped outside for a smoke before he wandered into Aya-chans room.

"I heard you have a problem" Souta led him into the room "Tell me what's wrong"

"I … don't know. I'll see but I'm not happy. Why am I not happy?" he frowned, Aya couldn't understand what was happening. He wanted to see and now he doesn't want to.

"What will change when you get your eyesight back?" Aya had to find the answer on his own.

"I can work again. With the team I don't have to stay behind" was the first answer which popped into his mind.

"That could be a reason for your healing. You want so much to protect them that your mind says you have to see to fulfill your self-imposed duty" Souta concluded but it was not the answer he waited for.

"That's good" Aya said absentminded. It was really a good thing but what would change, too?

"Yeah it is. But are there thing you don't want to change?" he tried again.

"Yohji does not have to care for me anymore. He does not have to feel guilty for what he did" he said everything what came to his mind "He'll stop reading to me, he'll stop to touch me, he'll stop to explain things to me because I don't need the kind of help. Will he stop loving me too?"

"No, my boy I don't think he will ever stop loving you" Souta could see the young man fears in his eyes "but I think you found the answer to your question"

"I'm not happy because I like my life how it is, I like it to need him, to have him by my side" Aya felt selfish. Yohji had the right to live his life to his liking. It was not fair to demand all his free time "It's not fair" he murmured.

"What is not fair?" Souta watched him carefully and wrote down some notes.

"He gives me everything, he never complains. He takes care of me without to ask for something in return" Aya felt worse "I think he takes care of you because he wants to" the psychiatrist tried to change his mind.

"I hope so" a tiny smile appeared on his pale face.

"I think so, you'll see" Souta smiled "I want to see you next week. I heard they have a mission without you and doc and I thought we pay a visit"

"You want to visit me?" Aya was perplex, it sounded nice to have company for the night.

"Yeah, you always come to us and we thought it would be more comfortable to treat you at home. She says you need friends and I think she's right"

"Doc is strange" Aya blinked "she cares too much for us"

"She's a friend but it's hardly surprising that she cares for you. I mean Weiss is always here. Concussions, broken bones, stab and/or bullet wounds and so on"

Aya chuckled "We are regular guests, aren't we? "

"Oh yeah" Souta confirmed but Aya could hear his amusement.


	35. Thoughts

"Hey Aya-chan" Yohji held her hand "You're handsome as ever"

He watched the sleeping girl; it was somehow soothing to watch. She looked so calm and angel like. It was a cruel fate to be the prisoner of the own body but in her world seems to be neither cruelty nor fear. At least it looked like she was captured in a peaceable world and he hoped he was right.

"Your brother does not feel so good" he patted her hand "I don't know what the problem is"

He always waited for her to wake up and say 'I'll help you, I'll care for him' but the reality was not that easy.

"I need help. Don't get me wrong I love your brother but I need time for me. We are always together 24/7, the only free time I have is when I work. I didn't notice it until now. I'm so absorbed in our current life. It's so relaxing to be alone for a while. But on the other hand I miss him.

I'll have enough time for me when he can see. He doesn't need me anymore" his heart knotted till it hurt "He doesn't need me" he realized that Aya would be able to live his own life again without the blond.

"What will I do when he leaves me? When our relationship starts to change again? I hold my anger at bay but what when I hit him again, when I yell at him because of bagatelles. I don't want our old relationship back I want to keep what we have" he swallowed hard as his thought turned in wild circles around his mind.

"He left an hour ago" he looked at his watch "I'm worried and I have too much time to think, that's not a good thing"

"Yohji?" the doc stood next to Aya-chans bed, he didn't hear her enter.

"Hey" he looked tired and his eyes did not shine like they normally do.

"The nurse brings Aya in five minutes" she laid a hand on his shoulder "Are you alright?"

"I don't know" Yohji looked at her "I had time to think about things and I'm not sure what I really want and what I feel"

She smiled "You're not the only one who worries about the future"

"Did Aya tell you this?" since when did Aya talk about his feelings with people he doesn't really know. It was even hard for him to get information and he was his lover.

"He doesn't need to say it. I can see it" Yohji was angry, she knew his redhead better than he did and the fact pissed him off.

"Why can't I see it?!" he took a deep breath.

"It's easier to see things when you're not involved" she stroked a strand out of Aya-chans face "Don't you think it's time, little one? I think your brother would like it"

"She's not ready" Yohji smiled sadly "maybe she will never be ready. It would break him"

"He has you" the doc pitied him even more; she didn't want to know how he must feel "I think he needs you as much as he needs his baby sister. Love is intense and it does not matter if it's the love of a brother or the love of a lover"

Yohji smiled and looked dreamily at the young girl.

_~ How would it be with you … full of life and happiness …_

_Would you hate us for what we do? Would you hate your big brother for everything he does for you?_

_It would be nice to be a family, to have you, Aya and the boys around. Maybe we could stop what we do._

_No I don't think so. What should we do? It's everything we have, everything we ever learned._

_We wouldn't survive a normal life, florist, teachers, bank assistants; no, it's not compatible with the way we are. We seek revenge and salvation but that we will never find but we can't live without to try._

_Don't believe even Aya-chan can change that… ~_

The soft noise of a closing door pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Ah, here he is" the doc's cheerful voice filled the room "Okay. I'll leave. I have patients I have to attend to. See ya"

"Hey" Yohji stood up and wound his arms around Ayas slender waist "How do you feel?"

"Good" Aya rested his head against Yohjis broad chest "I think I know why I'm not happy"

"Yeah?" Yohji took Ayas hand and led him to the chair; he settled down on it and pulled Aya onto his lap. He held his redhead in his arms, he felt guilty for his thoughts, Aya needed him even if it cost him his free time "and why?"

"I'm afraid" Aya said simply "I'm afraid our relationship will change"

"It won't change" Yohji kissed his neck "Nothing will change"

"Are you sure?" Aya asked blunt "I don't want our old relationship back. I don't want to be afraid of you. I don't want to be hit because I made a stupid mistake"

Yohji squeezed his eyes shut as he remembered what he did to his lover. He did not want to re-experience the events "No" he whispered "never again" he buried his head between neck and shoulder "I'll never hit you again. I promise"

Aya lay his hand on top of Yohjis and squeezed it tight "I'd like that" he kissed the top of Yohjis head "I love the way we changed our relationship. It's worth to work on it and it's everything I wish for"

"This and Aya-chan" Yohji chuckled "Why certainly!" Aya smiled "but that's nothing I can change. There's nothing I can do"

"She comes back when she's ready" the blond watched her for a while before he took her hand and with the other hand he took Ayas "We will be a complete family, you have to believe" he laid Ayas hand on top of Aya-chans and enclosed them with his own "Family" he repeated.

Aya felt his sisters warmth, it was comforting and he sent a prayer to every God he could think of. He wanted his sister and he wanted his life with Yohji. He knew it was a big wish but hadn't he the right to have some luck from time to time?

"I think it's time to go home" Yohji kissed him "let's make a journey" the idea popped into his mind "Do you like the beach? Or mountains or rather the countryside?"

"I like the beach" Aya felt happiness at the thought to spend a few days alone with the blond away from Weiss, away from a life as a reaper.

"Good choice. So after our job is done we take a few days off" the blond sounded contagiously cheerful.


	36. Declaration of love

When the apostrophes are so important I'll use them. I'm too lazy to search the little button, on my notebook, most of the time. It's not so easy to find it in the dark. I know switch on the light but I don't like it.

My grammar, yeah… I try but in the end I switch back into the grammar of my own language. I'm really sorry.

It seems 'ti"e"red' grows into a nasty habit, I did it again *sigh* but this time … I noticed it.

Hey rin() *wave, wave* I'm sorry it took so long I had to finish a very important essay about personality disorders. I hope my instructors keep their requirements low for a while so I have more time to think about the story. Sometimes, I sit in front of my notebook and think ?!? bloody hell. But I know what I want to write about. It's enough for two or three chapters. I'll do what I can *bow*

"Okay, we'll enter the building at 2 a.m." Omi said and pointed at a blueprint.

"Two guards are guarding the backdoor, six are guarding each floor and the target has four or five body guards. They are ex soldiers or trained in martial arts"

"Nice" Ken cocked his nose "Is there, at least, one positive aspect?"

Omi opened his mouth and shook his head in an insecurely manner.

"I think that's a no" Yohji sipped on his coffee "So when Aya's information are right, they patrol every twenty minutes and change of shift…. was?"

"At one a.m., they need ca. thirty minutes to exchange important news and another fifteen minutes for the previous shift to leave" Aya continued.

Yohji sighed "That's the reason why you're **my** boss and not instead of the reverse"

"You're not that bad" Aya grinned "You're a worthy replacement"

Yohji frowned "I'm not your replacement" he sounded slightly hurt.

Aya smiled "You're my partner and second in command" he grope for Yohjis face and gave him hard kiss on the cheek.

Satisfied, Yohji placed his hand on Aya's butt and gave it a hard squeeze "So, am I your second in command in all situations?" his face lit up with a cheeky grin.

"Come back home, in one piece, and you'll find out" Aya shot back and settled down on his lap.

"Oh,no,no,no,no. Stop that" Ken pointed at the couple as Yohi opened his mouth to send his lover a naughty reply "We talk about the job here, so stop with … urg" he waved hands about the whole conversation.

"How long have you been the boss of Weiss? And why didn't I get the message?" Aya said deadly serious with a light glimmer of mischief in his eyes.

"I…but…no" Ken stammered.

"Ken" Yohji stared at him "It was a joke"

"oh…Oh" he shook his head "sure, it was a joke" he frowned.

Omi grinned as he understood what they were talking about "I like the confusion in his eyes" the young blond giggled.

"Omi" Ken whined helplessly "Not you too"

Aya snapped his finger "We should finish the planning"

"Did the guard tell you about the security system?" Yohji caressed the small of Aya's back.

"Almost" Aya sighed "He said they use cameras and sensors before his idiot of colleague started the bar fight"

Yohji stroke over the thin cut on Aya's cheek "Stop that" Aya swatted at his hand away "I couldn't see the glass and even if I was too busy with kicking asses"

The older blond chuckled "Oh, I'm sure you did" he kissed the cut, gently.

"Maybe" Omi mumbled "I think I can tap the security system and I try to get some insider information"

"You're my favorite genius" Aya patted his head "Take the ice-cream I bought before you start. It's good for your nerves. I think it's even your favorite" he added in a whisper.

The young blonds face lit up like a flash grenade "Ice" he rubbed his hands "Thanks boss"

Aya chuckled and left, the boy was too cute when he was happy and it was fun to lure the innocent child out of his hiding-place, the kid was too serious for his age "Hey, Aya wait" Yohji followed him "Do you want to go for a walk?"

"You have a job to do" Aya turned around "I think you should prepare for tomorrow night"

"I want to spend the evening with you" the blond had a bad feeling and decided to use the time he had left.

"Okay" Aya gave him a small smile "Let me change first, it's cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey" it was almost winter and the temperature dropped steadily.

The blond laughed "Ah, I don't want you to freeze your sweet little butt off"

"Naughty ass fixated boy" the redhead grinned "What was the reason that I love you?"

"Hmm, apart from that I'm fixated on your cuddly ass?! I'm charming, good looking, I'm intelligent well at least not totally dumb … Oh and I'm caring … and uhm…"

"Uh-hu" Aya came closer "good looking? I don't think so" the blond frowned; he always thought he was good looking, wasn't he?

"You're a beauty and gorgeous but simply good looking nooo. Charming? Yes indeed. Intelligent, well that's a matter of opinion. And caring? As far as I'm concerned … you're more than caring. You're the most thoughtful person I ever met" he put his arms around Yohji's neck "Oh in addition to that" he kissed his neck "You're kind-hearted" he kissed his jaw "honest" he kissed his cheek "and you're my all and everything!" he initiated a passionate kiss which left them breathless.

"Wow!" the blond panted "I need five minutes to change" was Aya's only reply before he vanished.

Yohji stood, slightly confused, in the middle of the floor with a silly smile on his face "Now, I love him even more" he mumbled happily before he went downstairs.

"Why do **I** never get a declaration of love like **that**?" Omi nagged, the boys were glued to Ken's door while they tried hard to eavesdrop.

"I'm not creative enough" Ken tried to soothe his lover and earned a `sure-Aya-is-a-poet` look.

"I'll try" Ken capitulated.

"It's not worth the trouble" Omi kissed his lover "I'm old and grey by then" he went back to his laptop "Hey" Ken grinned and threw a pillow at him.


	37. Sing for me

"Ready?" Yohji rose from the couch and took Aya's coat "Let me help you" he maneuvered Aya's arms into the sleeves and fought with the zipper "I think I do it myself" Aya smirked and laid his hands on top of Yohji's.

"Yeah" he was proud how easily his lover managed to zip up his coat "You got used to it" he stated.

"I had a lot of time to get used to a lot of things" Aya turned up his collar "Let's go"

Yohji slipped into his coat and followed "I thought we can go to the little lake, it's almost dark and the moon shines brightly"

"Sounds nice" Aya took Yohji's hand "I can see the tiniest bit of my condensed breath when we pass a lamp" he beamed like a little kid in a candy shop "and soon … I'll see these incredible emerald eyes of yours"

"There are more beautiful things to see" Yohji squeezed his hand "Nope" Aya answered confident "I'll look into your eyes at first then I'll watch the moon, the flowers in the shop oh and not forgetting your murderous drop-dead smile"

"Murderous, uh-hu" the blond smirked and pulled his lover closer "I should be careful not to kill you off"

"Not your style" memories shot through his mind and he shook his head to clear his mind.

"Are you alright?" Yohji was concerned "Yeah" the blond didn't believe him, his smile was a fake and didn't reach his eyes and he had a hunted look in his eyes.

"Don't lie to me" Yohji pulled him closer, they walked close side by side "You are not alright"

Aya started to chuckle, after the first shock of the flood of emotions dies down he decided, it was funny, yet. The irony of life was always legendary; he always knew he chose a hot blooded lover and he knew it would be dangerous to engage himself in a relationship with him, not because his lover was the only dangerous one. He wasn't easy himself and their job was everything else than rosy, no he knew he got hit one day and he knew he would hit him in return but what he never included in his calculations was the possibility to die by his lovers hands. His life seeping through his lovers fingers, without a chance of mercy, till the point of no return.

"I never thought you'll be the one who takes my life"

Yohji understood but did not know what to say except for "That's not funny"

"I still think it's kind of funny" Aya smiled at him "I know I'm nerve-wrecking and I deserve a blow from time to time but I didn't thought I'll drive you so mad that you throw me out"

He wiggled his brows and Yohji started to laugh "It is kinda comical, when you ignore the fact that I almost killed you"

"I'm not dead and it wasn't really you so we can live without guilt" _~ you can live without guilt~ _

"I'll feel guilty for the rest of my life but the feeling will fade and I'm able to live with the blame" it wasn't easy to find convincing arguments, Aya sighed.

"You're so not cooperative. What do I have to do, to convince you?"

"You want me to feel nothing?" the blond frowned.

"I don't want you to eliminate your feelings but blaming yourself can't be healthy" Aya stated.

"I know that but I think it's bearable. I don't feel as bad as one or two months ago"

"I'm relieved" the redhead beamed "I was afraid I would break you one day"

"No" Yohji said in a singsong voice "You're the glue which keeps me in one piece"

"You're a dire as a poet" Aya laughed "That was bad"

"Hey, you're the genius" the blond stopped "Here we are"

"The moon looks beautiful but that's almost everything I'm able to see" Aya scratched his forehead "it's slightly frustrating"

"You'll see soon enough, let me pamper you a bit more" Yohji ruffled the red mop of hair.

"You'll stop pampering me" the redhead pouted "You're so mean"

Yohji's eyebrows rose and he started to chuckle "Ohh, little one "he pinched Aya's cheek "I'll care for you until we're old, weedy and grey" he cupped Aya's face "And after wings have grown to us" he kissed his lover lovingly.

"That wasn't bad at all" Aya beamed, his heart felt warm and fluttered, pleasantly.

"Undiscovered talents" the blond smiled fondly.

"Do you have more talents you hide from me?" Aya leaned in to the touch.

"Maybe" Aya heard the amusement in his voice and grinned "You're a dirty, dirty man Mr. Kudoh"

"What?" the blond asked as innocent as possible.

"Don't think I can't imagine the naughty look in your eyes, Mr. little innocent"

"You're so creepy" he hung his head "How do you do this foreseeing thing?"

Aya smirked "That's easy, you need time, the power of observation and a easily comprehensible lover"

"That's all?" Yohji didn't know he was so transparent, what else could he see?

"Yep" Aya took Yohji's hand; he noticed the change in his mood "Can we walk around the lake?"

Yohji was grateful for the change of topic "Yeah"

They walked for two hours before they decided to end their little date.

"How transparent am I?" he couldn't drop the matter, it was too important to ignore.

"Don't worry I can't read your mind or something" Aya couldn't understand why it was so important.

"I have thoughts about the job and us, and I'm afraid you can see some of them"

"What do you think about?" Aya pushed the matter, he was afraid Yohji could stop talking.

"Do I really want to do my job? Do you need me after your eyes healed? Do I want to fuss over you even though you're well? Things like that" honesty is the best policy.

"Am I a burden? Please, be honest" Aya was scared.

Yohji thought about it and took a deep breath "Sometimes… yes"

Aya's heart stopped, he had problems to breath. He needed a few deep breaths to stop himself from hyperventilating "I'll work on it" he answered.

"No" Yohji stopped and led him to a bench "I don't feel like this very often. It's only … sometimes I need time for me but I have the feeling I have no right to…"

"Did I give you a reason to neglect yourself? Do I occupy all your time?" he looked nervous.

"I work and I take care of you, that's all I do" he sighed and put an arm around his stiff lover and pulled him closer "I lost my balance. It is not your fault. I had the need to care for you because I caused your misery and I got used to it. After our lovely doc kidnapped you for a while, I had time for myself and I realized how much I missed it"

_~ I knew it._

_He got tired of me._

_I have to be more independent. I thought I was independent enough but it looks like I made a mistake._

_I should work in the flower shop, take a few solo missions if necessary and I let him go out._

_I hope it will be enough… ~_

"Aya? Are you here with me?" Yohji tightened his grip around his lover.

"What do we do?" Aya asked with watery eyes, he tried hard to keep his expression neutral.

"Nothing" Yohji replied, Aya looked curious "What do you mean?"

"I go out from time to time or read a book in the living room, that's enough, really" it was all he wanted, he didn't want to live separate lives or stay away from him for days. Everything he wanted was an hour or even an evening.

Aya leaned against Yohji shoulder and hid a sob. Yohji held Ayas head against his neck and rested his chin on top of the red mop of hair "Hush" he whispered sweet nothings "I love you and nothing will ever change the fact that you're my all and everything"

"Love you" Aya whispered and slung his arms around his lover "Don't leave me" he said barely audible.

"Never love, never" Yohji vowed serious and started to sing, too low for other people to hear. It was for Aya, only for him "… I swear. By the moon and stars in the sky. I'll be there… Like the shadow that's by your side. I'll be there. For better or worse till death do us part.

I'll love you with every beat of my heart. I swear……" ( Not mine, what surprise. John Michael Montgomery owns the version of the song)

He felt Aya relax while he rubbed his upper arm. Aya chuckled slightly as Yohji missed a tone but he had to admit his lover had a great voice.


	38. Friends

Yohji and the boys left half an hour ago and Aya was like a cat on hot bricks. He paced up and down, in the living room.

He stopped as the doorbell rang "I thought you wouldn't come"

"Sorry kid but you have to stick with us, the whole night" doc grinned.

"We had an emergency. Sacred lost two members, tonight" Souta sighed, he couldn't get rid of the image of one of the boys. He would follow soon, Souta was sure the boy wasn't able to bury his lover and start anew.

The boy reminded him of Aya, the redhead would never survive Yohji's death. That was as sure as the 'Amen' in the church.

"Who?" Aya closed his eyes; he met them a few years ago during a mission. Sacred and Weiss had to infiltrate Kobayashi enterprise.

"Nanami and Kaito" doc squeezed Aya's shoulder "Aoi and Hayato are alright"

"No, they are not" Aya walked to the couch "Hayato can't live without Kaito. They are… were together for ten years. We have to bury him too. He won't last a week"

Doc looked shocked but Souta nodded "Do you think the same?" she asked.

"Yeah" he answered "I can't help. He lost his sense of life"

"That's sad" she had a hardboiled kind of personality but fates like Hayato's broke her heart.

"They'll be together once and for all" Aya was sure they would be together in the afterlife or whatever would follow when you die.

"How are you?" Souta changed the topic.

"I don't feel well" he confessed, he trusted him with everything and now was the best time to reveal his cracked soul.

Doc settled down to his right and Souta to his left "Come on my boy, what happened?"

"We talked" they knew he spoke about Yohji "I asked if I'm a burden"

"What did he say?" Souta pushed after Aya stopped to talk.

"He said … yes. Sometimes" Doc closed her eyes, she saw something like that coming.

Souta shook his head, it was a matter of time but the timing was more than bad.

"He said he wants to go out from time to time or read a book. He wants only a few hours without my presence and I can understand his decision but it hurt" he continued before they got a chance to interfere.

"Don't you need some space?" Souta was careful, a wrong word and the boy could break.

"I like it, too" he shifted restlessly "but I can't get his words out of my head"

"What exactly did he say?" doc knew how tactful the blond could be, he could be tactful like a steamroller.

The words were burned deep inside his mind and he remembered them word for word.

He took a deep breath and repeated what his lover said "I work and I take care of you, that's all I do. I lost my balance. It is not your fault. I had the need to care for you because I caused your misery and I got used to it. After our lovely doc kidnapped you for a while, I had time for myself and I realized how much I missed it"

"Ohh" doc sighed, hadn't he used the most stupid phrases she would tease him about the 'lovely' but she felt the urge to kick his sorry ass.

"Not exactly tactful" Souta pinched his nasal bone "but I don't think he meant it the way it sounds"

"I'm nothing more than a duty" Aya tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling "misery" he mumbled.

"At least … he's honest" doc tried to find a way into his soul.

"I love his honesty" Aya replied "and I know he loves me... I hope he loves me"

"Oh, sweetie he does love you. I can see it in his eyes. You're by far more than his duty"

"She's right. I told you he was a patient of mine. Even then he loved you. I'm not allowed to tell you what he said but believe me I know he loves you" Souta tried his luck.

They got a little smile in return "Can you help me to be independent?"

"Sure" doc beamed, that was a beginning.

"I have to work in the flower shop; they can't take over my shifts any longer"

"You could make bouquets!" doc loved the idea and put an arm around his shoulder.

"We can try to find the right trick" Souta put an arm around Aya's shoulder.

Aya liked the comforting touches, he felt warm and secure in the arms of his friends.

He liked the way his life developed; he had a great lover, two hyperactive brothers and two best friends.

He wiped tears away; he didn't know when he started to cry but it was alright. Doc and Souta understood and he wasn't ashamed to cry in front of them.

They caressed his arm and shoulder "It's alright to cry" doc rested her head against his shoulder and Souta held Aya's head against his strong chest like the grandfather he wanted him to be.

To have a good cry felt incredible good "I'm sorry" he wiped the salty streaks away.

"Don't apologize" Souta was relieved about Aya's little outburst. He was afraid the redhead could bottle his emotions up 'till the point of no return.

"It's healthy to cry" doc patted his head "You're our friend and friends' car for each other"

Aya took a few deep breaths to stifle the remaining sobs "I never had friends before"

"Never?" doc frowned; Aya was a beautiful, intelligent and loving person. It was hard to believe that Aya wasn't popular. Okay he could be cold and totally creepy but only when you make him angry.

"I was an outsider at school, my family had better things to do and during work…. It's not easy to make friends while you're on the battlefield" was Aya's short reply.

"But Yohji and the boys…?" doc asked.

"They're different. They want to live and they have dreams. Besides we have the flower shop, the shop gives us some kind of freedom. We have the illusion of a normal life even though we kill at night. It's hard to explain"

"I think I know what you mean" she understood what he meant; she was an assassin, too "I was an assassin before I got the chance to be a doctor"

"I was an assassin too before I became a shrink" he chuckled "That was a time"

"Yeah" doc sounded "We did a lot of stupid things"

"I never thought you…" Aya was shocked; they were killers just like him.

"We were on the same team" doc said cheerful "We had a lot of fun, apart from the killing part"

"So you see, it's alright to feel good even though you're a killer" Souta grinned "We were friends and because of that we survived"

"How can you live with what you did?" the redhead asked curiously.

"Did you ever kill an innocent?" doc tried a counter question.

"No" he replied.

She smiled "They deserved death" Souta joined in "Don't you think they deserve to die?"

"They can't kill or torture innocents when we snuff them out" he began to understand what they tried to say. He told himself the same after every mission but it was the first time he believed it.

"Come" Souta took Aya's hand and led him to the shop "Stay up and we make the most beautiful bouquet"

Doc put her hands on Aya's shoulder and followed "I want one too. Do you make a bouquet for me?" she chirped.

Aya smiled a genuine smile "Only for you" he sounded cheerful.

Their plan worked, Aya was lively and they could spend an amusing evening together.

"Okay" doc looked around "I think we take advantage of the beautiful smell" she took a few flowers.

"What's that?" she held a flower under his nose "A rose" he answered self-confident.

"And … that?" Aya sniffed at the flower "Tulip"

"Good" she laid eight different kinds of flowers on his table "Now, perform a miracle" she wiggled her brows.

Souta took desk lamp and put it on Aya's desk "Maybe you can see a bit, the light is extremely bright" he switched the light on.

Aya could see contours and he could spot different colors "At least, I won't create a color mishmash" he chuckled, it was a bit embarrassing.

"Oh boy, don't be embarrassed" he blushed even more. Souta grinned "Practice makes the master"

Aya finished his first bouquet and held it in the light. It looked terrible "Do you know a clown who need a new bouquet, he can put a little water pump in it and nerve a few kids during a birthday party"

"That's one of the reasons I hate clowns. Sniff on the flower and 'splash', no thank you"

doc remembered her fifth birthday and shuddered.

"Next try" Aya sighed, he had to learn this and also quickly.

They worked for two hours 'till Aya made the most beautiful bouquet doc ever saw "That's beautiful, Aya. Great" she was proud.

"You learn fast, my boy" Souta praised like a proud grandfather.

"I can work" Aya beamed "I can work my shift"

"Let us celebrate with a nice piece of citron cake" doc remembered that she brought a self made cake.

"I love your homemade cakes" Souta tidied the mess up.

They needed ten minutes to clean the shop and twenty more minutes to exterminate the poor cake.

"They should be back" Aya began to worry.

Doc and Souta hoped Aya would need more time to notice the delay.

"They're alright" doc tried to calm him down but it wasn't easy to do that when you're nervous yourself.

"They'll be here, soon" Souta had a bad feeling, they already lost one team.

"I don't want to end like Hayato" Aya rubbed his hands "I survived my last team. I don't want to survive Weiss" he panicked.

"Don't panic!" Sout put his arms around Aya "Hush" and caressed his back.

Doc rose from the couch and made a cup of tea "Drink" she ordered.

Aya drank his tea but didn't feel any better "Yohji had a bad feeling about the mission. I wish we had canceled the job"

"Some jobs need more time than others" doc held his hand. She felt like a mother-hen.

Aya rubbed his face "I can't cope with worry and helplessness"

"You can't get used to everything. I was like you" Souta sighed "I've gone nuts when they left me at home. I was injured and wasn't able to accompany them but I thought I walk up the wall"

"I remember the day. He was yelling and cursing like a staff-sergeant. 'You're late', 'Injuries?', 'Did you success?', 'Call when you're late'" she imitated her colleague.

"hem, uhm, yeah" Souta blushed "It's normal to go nuts because of the team" he joked.

Aya laughed, he loved his friends.

The telephone rang; Aya almost dropped his cup "Hello?" he sounded anxious and hopeful at the same time.

Doc and Souta watched him carefully; their worry grew by every passing minute.

Ayas was pale like death and his hands shook awfully as he hung up.


	39. Preparations

"Aya?" doc approached him, slowly. He kneeled on the ground and was frightening quiet.

"Who was on the phone?" Souta kneeled down next to him.

"Manx" Aya gasped, they noticed that the emotion they took for panic was in actually rage.

"Aya, talk to us" Souta pushed.

"They captured them" he hissed, he felt how the rage bubbled under the surface.

"Who…? The police?" doc gritted her teeth.

"The enemy" Aya took a deep breath, he tried hard to calm down.

"What do they do?" Souta wasn't sure if he wanted to hear the answer.

"Nothing" Aya got up "They don't have enough capacities to send a crash crew"

They remained silent for a while "That's typical for Kritiker" Souta roared "That's so typical"

"It's not the first time they leave a team behind" doc explained because of Aya's confusion.

"I won't leave them behind. I bring them back home, where they belong" but the question was, how?

"I'll help you" doc said "I need thirty minutes to collect my weapons"

"Count me in!" Souta decided to protect his little boy and his family. His children weren't thankful. They always took what they could get without a thanks or 'love you dad' but Aya was different. He wasn't his child but he was thankful and loving and a bigger part of his family as his own children. His wife wanted to meet the nice young man who captured a part of his heart and he would make sure that she gets the chance to pamper him.

"No" Aya couldn't accept the offer "You found your way out of active duty. I can't accept your help"

"You have no choice" he heard amusement in her voice.

"But…" Souta hushed him "No buts. We will help, don't you dare to argue"

"Yes, sir" Aya was happy for their help but he was afraid to lose them.

"You'll wait right here while I collect our weapons" doc warned "Don't move"

"Okay" Aya settled down on the couch "Souta and I will think about a plan"

"Good boy" she looked at Souta and nodded "old team?" she mouthed.

Souta thought about it and decided it was implacable to ask for help, he closed his eyes and nodded in agreement.

"Who's on your old team?" Souta jumped as Aya's voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

"My wife and doc's hubby, oh and the creepy nurse who works in the emergency admission"

"Don't tell me nurse Ayaka was an assassin, she gives me the creeps" Souta laughed at Aya's charming comment "Don't let her hear that"

"Definitely not, she has access to big needles" Aya shuddered.

That was the Abyssinian he heard about. He thought about Aya's darker side quite often, he couldn't imagine how the young man and the redoubtably Abyssinian could possibly be the same person. It was interesting how professional he switched between his two personalities.

"I have to make a call" Aya grabbed the phone; Souta looked confused but said nothing.

"Manx, you have to find out where they are" Aya was deadly serious "Now" he hissed threateningly.

"Thirty minutes" and he hung up.

"You're the first one who has the guts to speak with hear like she's a newbie" Souta was impressed. Abyssinian wasn't someone you should take the piss out if you want to survive.

"She loves us and I think she already knew that I'll call, sooner or later" Aya said as if it was the most normal of the world.

"You're friends" Souta realized, the great Abyssinian was able to form a lasting friendship with her.

"We're her favorite team. We take care of her 'problems' and she repays us for the trouble"

"So it's more like give and take" Souta frowned, that couldn't be.

Aya leaned back and smiled "No, it's more than that but you can't say 'your boss is your friend' out loud, it's not fair compared with the others teams"

"You feign a strained working relationship because your friendship could ruin the moral of the other teams" Souta was puzzled.

"All in all, yeah" the phone rang "Okay ….. I'm on my way … . I'm careful" he hung up.

Souta grinned, the good old Manx was worried and he never thought she was able to use phrases like 'be careful'. You always learn something new.

"They're in a warehouse near the building they tried to infiltrate"

"That's good, it's easier to pelt into a warehouse than an office block" Souta racked his brain.

The doorbell disturbed his train of thoughts "Who could this be?"

"Oh, I know who" Aya remained seated "You have a key, don't start to be polite. It's too late to change you behavior anyway"

Souta looked totally puzzled, he wanted to ask as Manx entered the living room "It's not nice to let a lady stay in front of a door" she joked.

"Lady? Where?" Aya looked around and got a head slap in return "Cheeky rascal"

"What do you have?" Aya rose from the couch. Manx was relieved to see him in good health. She was afraid he could break under the pressure of his blindness and his job but it seemed he was still as persistent as ever.

"Blueprints" she waved with them "I thought you possibly need some help"

"Thank you" Aya said polite "Damn I can't see anything" he switched on the light but it wasn't enough.

"Souta, do you go with him?" she knew he would protect Aya.

"The whole team" was his curt reply.

"That's good, he needs help" she nibbled slightly on her lower lip "Souta, I think it's time to use the new medicament we contrived"

"No" he said vehement "the side-effects are dangerous and you can't use it more than one time otherwise he becomes addicted"

"To what extent will the drug influence me" Aya took everything he could get.

"You can see for three to four hours" Manx answered.

"Side-effects?" it didn't matter he made the decision as Manx let him know about the existence of the drug but he wanted to know what to expect.

"Headache, nausea, rapid heartbeat, apnoea, coma…it depends on you" there was a lot more but that was enough for the beginning "We only tested it on three persons, until now"

"Coma?" Aya frowned, that stuff was deadly but he had no choice as to play the lab rat.

"It's like a drug so … cold turkey, my boy" Souta settled down next to him "Think about it. Is it worth all the pain? "

"It is" Aya was sure "how does it work?"

"I'll inject a chemical substance which blocks a few parts of your brain. We made it to work against traumata and so on but like you see it is still dangerous" Souta explained.

The redhead took a deep breath "I'll do it, no matter what happens"

"Aya…"

"No" he gave Souta a rueful smile "I have to do it"

"I know" he sighed "I'll inject the substance ten minutes before we start our mission"

"Thank you" Aya closed his eyes, he was afraid. He saw junkies without their drugs and it looked painful but his team was more important than his well being.

"We're back" doc yelled, fifteen minutes later.

"One hour?" Souta raised a brow "It's not our fault you hid your weapons in one of the twenty cartons in our cellar" his wife answered.

"I hoped you would say no" Souta took her hand "I'm fit and only in my early fifty, I can fight and you know that" she poked his chest.

"I know love" he sighed "I would like to introduce you to Aya aka Abyssinian"

"He's so young" she sounded impressed "I never thought the great Abyssinian is a young adult"

"Hina" Souta scolded "I told you he was young"

"I know but … how old are you, twenty four?" she asked bluntly.

"Twenty" was the sheepish replay, she reminded him of his granny.

She had to handle the information "Leader … with twenty… MANX"

"What? It wasn't my decision but he's the best" she shrugged.

"I believe only what I see" she didn't want to believe that a team of teenager and young adults could be so successful. It wasn't right; they were kids for heaven's sake.

"Hey doc" Aya grinned "where's your hubby. I want to know who was stupid enough to marry you"

"Heeeyyy" she laughed and punched his shoulder "He's the nuisance"

"Hey" he heard a deep voice "Thank you for the help" Aya looked in his direction.

"I have to take care of her" he sounded serious "and I won't let a kid rush headlong into disaster"

Aya laughed, it sounded cold and scary "Welcome to the club of the world-weary kids"

It was time to be Abyssinian; Aya had to wait deep inside his mind until they finished the job.

The adults looked shocked; his aura was strong and cold as ice.

"Abyssinian. Good luck!" Manx pulled him into a short but tight hug "I have to go"

Aya nodded before he left the living room.

"Didn't you say he's a nice guy?" Hina wasn't so sure if Souta told her the truth.

"He's able to draw a line between private and business" he answered self confident.

"Souta is right" doc interfered "He's vulnerable and takes everything to his heart. One wrong word and he'll think about it for days"

"Why is he here?" they heard pity in her voice.

"A ruthless businessman killed his family and his sister is in a coma since then" doc answered.

"He survived his old team and worked as a freelancer after most of them died during a mission" Souta added.

"Weiss gave him a family, everything he ever wanted is here" he spread his arms.

"Take care of him" Manx said before she headed for the door.

"Why? Because Kritiker needs him…." Hina nagged.

"No, because I need them" she left.

"Does she have a sister-complex?" Hina frowned "Weiss is strange and Manx is getting old"

"Hina" Takumi sighed and put an arm around his wife "We're getting old, right doc?"

"No,no,no we're still young" she grinned.

Hina wanted to replay as Aya entered the living room. He wore a long coat, black trousers, a black shirt and heavy steel cap boots.

"What are you fighting with?" Hina was nosy, she couldn't see a weapon.

Aya drew his Katana in to time and swung and turned it in one hand, with ease.

Hina's jaw dropped "Not bad" she praised.

"That will be incredibly interesting" Takumi whispered into doc's ear.

"Certainly" she answered with a grin.


	40. Where are you?

"Aya" Souta looked sad "I give you your injection"

"What injection?" Takumi frowned, doc took his hand "The drug will block his trauma and he can see for a few hours"

"Drugs?" Hina worried "Souta, you can't give him drugs"

"He can and he will" Aya glared at her "I will save my team, it's an acceptable risk"

Hina nodded, she knew he was right but the fact was distressing.

"We go in, in ten minutes" Aya ordered, it wasn't his team but he was the born leader.

"Takumi you secure the upper level" Takumi was able to use every kind of gun and Aya needed his skills as sniper.

"Hina, too" she shot arrows like his little Omi.

"Souta and doc come with me" he mused, Souta used some kind of metal-boomerang with handles so he could throw it or use it like brass knuckles and doc threw deadly needles "Does somebody have another idea?"

"No. I think it's okay" Souta answered. The others remained silent.

"Well, it's time to go" Aya clutched the hilt of his Katana and took a deep breath _~I hope we aren't too late ~_

"Can you see?" doc examined his eyes "Yes" he confirmed, his eyesight retuned a few minutes ago.

"Then let us go" she kissed her husband and wished him luck. Souta did the same; they hoped to survive. They weren't ready to leave this world behind.

They found three guards on the upper level and eliminated them in the twinkling of an eye.

They posted near the railing to gain the best of all possible shot opportunities.

Aya and the others split up to secure the area.

Souta hid behind a wall and listened to two armed enemies "I don't know why we don't kill them", "I don't understand it either, they're useless", "We can torture and threaten them but they remain silent" _~ Come on, where are they~_ Souta thought, impatiently.

"I need a coffee" one of them said.

"Damn it" Souta mumbled and threw his boomerang as they moved in his direction.

The boomerang sliced through the carotid artery of an elderly enemy, on his way back, the boomerang hit the backbone of the second guard.

Souta pulled his boomerang out of his back and continued his search.

Doc looked through rooms and desks to find an indication of Weiss whereabouts but no such luck "No trace" she whispered in the mike.

"Where can they be?" Aya hissed, his worry enclosed his heart and it grew steadily.

"Underground" Hina roared through the mike "do they have a cellar? Like a dungeon"

"You're brilliant" Aya's heart rate sped up.

"Now, we know what to look for" Souta looked around but there was nothing.

They needed half an hour to find a trace. Hina and Takumi walked along the upper level and searched for signs. A transporter left the warehouse and revealed a hatch.

"I found a hatch, wow, and two guards" Takumi whispered and took cover "The hatch is on the west end of the hall"

"On my way" he ran and hid behind a pillar "I can't see the hatch"

"Do you see the pillar with the six on it?" Takumi helped.

"No" Aya looked around "Wait a minute" he ran to the pillar to his left to get a better view "I see the pillar, how far?"

"About six feet to the left" was the curt reply.

Doc and Souta arrived within five minutes "Give us cover" Aya ordered and waited for Takumi and Hina to shoot.

They headed for the hatch as the guards lay dead on the ground "Hush" Souta pressed a finger on his lips "Six different voices" he whispered.

Aya went first and hid in a niche "Doc, take him out" he signaled with his hands and she threw three needles. He died fast and quiet.

They made it to the next turning as they heard a pained scream "Yohji" Aya saw red and stormed into the corridor.

"Aya" doc yelled but Souta held her back "Let him do"

"He can't run headlong into the enemies arms" she gasped.

"He's the boss and knows what he do" Souta believed in him "Don't worry"

"Don't worry? You're kidding me" she shook her head.

Souta gave her an encouraging smile before he followed Aya.

She sighed and ran after him; it wasn't difficult to follow the young man. Aya sliced through flesh and bones and left a trace of dead bodies.

Aya entered the last room in the corridor and stopped "Boys" he whispered. Ken and Omi sat on a bench, their hands cuffed to the wall. Yohji was tied up on a chair beside him stood an old guy with a big and ugly knife in his hand.

The guy didn't stand a chance as Aya sliced through his gut "Go to hell!" the enemy only made a disgusting, gurgling sound before he fell lifeless to the ground.

He took the keys and freed the boys before he cut through Yohji's chains "Come one love, open those beautiful eyes of yours" he patted Yohji's cheek.

"Thank you" Omi smiled "You're our hero" Ken nodded.

"Let us go" Omi rubbed his wrist "That's a great idea young man" doc panted, damn was the swordsman fast, she thought.

"Doc?" Ken rubbed his eyes and realized she was not a hallucination "Help him" she ordered and the boys obeyed.

"Who are they?" Ken asked as they walked out the hatch "My old team" doc answered.

"Why are you here?" Omi was confused, he wasn't expecting that.

"Aya needed help so we came" doc answered while she watched Yohji. He looked battered and dehydrated.

Omi and Ken remained silent it was useless to ask more questions, they won't get a satisfying answer.

They went out of the cellar and were greeted by six guards. Hina and Takumi were busy with two persistent guards. They kicked and ducked until Hina was getting furious and threw one of them over the railing. Takumi grinned and kicked against the guards head and send him flying, over the railing.

Aya was angry and didn't wait for Hina and Takumi to eliminate the remaining guards.

"Get him to safety" Aya ordered and ran for the guards.

Souta and doc dragged the boys out of the warehouse but Hina and Takumi stayed behind.

"Look at him" she whispered "He's … awesome". Anger and hate blazed in his eyes like a wildfire. He broke bones with his bare hands when he had to and sliced them into pieces without hesitation.

"I can't believe he's so young. No wonder they're Kritiker's favorite team" Takumi watched the scenario. The young redhead owned an icy kind of gracefulness and dominance they never saw before.

"They have many years of experience with … you know" she sighed, it was wrong to use young people for the dirty work. They could be her children and the fact hurt. She tried hard to allow them a normal life, girl-friends, dates, graduation balls and so on.

But they never appreciated the effort, they took the money with a false smile of 'thanks' but after graduation they left and seldom call. She was sure they pampered them too much, they kept all evil away and, maybe, this was a failure. But ungrateful children were better than a bunch of talented assassins with a short lifespan.

"I learned an important lesson today" Takumi pursed his lips. Hina threw him a questioning look. "Watch out and never mess with his family" he rose his brows as Aya snapped one guard's neck.

Aya killed them in a jiffy; he had a few small cuts and a bruise on his right cheek "Lame ducks" he mumbled and put away his Katana "Let us go"

"Yes, sir" Hina saluted and got a smile in return. He earned her respect and loyalty.

They left the warehouse and reached their car, Yohji sat on the ground and leaned against the car.

Ayaka and a team of paramedics took care of the boys "Ayaka?" Hina frowned.

"I said I'll never fight again but I never said I'm not helping" she cleaned a cut on Yohji's arm.

"Thank you" Takumi smiled "Nice to see you"

"Yeah, it is" she took a bandage out of her bag and ordered the paramedics around.

"Yohji?" Aya kneeled in front of his lover "Open your pretty eyes" he caressed his cheek.

Aya wanted to see his emerald eyes before the effect of the drug faded "Hm …. Aya…" Yohji groaned; his head hurt.

"I'm here love, I'm here" Aya smiled and cupped his cheek "Are you here with me?"

Yohji opened his eyes; the light hurt "I knew you would come" the blond smiled "You always come" he said weakly.

"Yeah, I take you home" he kissed the blond gently "You worried me" he rested his forehead against Yohji's.

"I'm sorry" he looked at Aya, his eyes widened after his vision cleared enough to see clearly "Aya … your eyes…" he touched his face.

"I can see, nice isn't it?" he lied, Yohji was tired and hurt. It was not the time for the hard truth. Yohji took Aya into a bone-crushing hug.

Hina's jaw dropped, she didn't know that Aya was involved with one of his teammates, his male teammate. She had nothing against homosexuality but she was surprised, she didn't saw that coming.

"I'm so glad" Aya sighed; he felt how the tenseness left his body "What would I do without you?"

"Hmm … a world tour?" Yohji wiggled his brows; he tried to calm his lover down with his little joke.

He got a weak chuckle in return "Menace"

"Hey, I'm your vice it's my job" Yohji mumbled, he got tired and it was difficult to keep the eyes open.

"Yohji?" Aya worried, Ayaka pushed him aside to check Yohji's vitals.

"He's alright, he's tired and his body forced him to rest" she explained.

Aya stared at him; he looked peaceful in his sleep. It hurt to see him in pain. Parts of his face were green and blue. Three fingers on the left hand and two of the right hand were swollen and purple, it looked painful.

"Aya?" he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked right into Omi's eyes as he looked up.

"He's alright" the young boy assured, he kneeled down beside his leader but didn't take his hand from his shoulder.

Ken kneeled down next to Aya and put a hand on his back "Thank you" he changed the topic.

"It's my job" Aya replied but they knew what he really meant. Everyone was looking at him with pity.

Souta watched the scenario in front of him, it was cute how they cared for each other but he was worried about Aya. Especially, as the boys started to talk about his eyesight. He saw how Aya's mood changed. They couldn't know it was only temporary but Aya said nothing to enlighten them "Boys, we should go"

Aya seemed to be thankful for the interruption.


	41. Truth

Sorry I needed longer as planned.

Hey miuran thank you for the review, I tried to finish earlier but I had a little writers block.

I'll write the rest soon. Don't worry I try hard to be faster but sometimes … my mind tries to mess around with me… no ideas in front of my computer but on my way to school or during my lessons I get ideas, but can't write them down.

"Hey teacher stop shut up I have to write it down" would be nice sometimes.

Hi rin *peck on the cheek and a hug* love your comments

----------

Aya sat next to Yohji's bed; Ken and Omi were sleeping on an old couch, next to the door.

They looked cute, arm in arm on the small couch. They were tired and slightly dehydrated and bruised but that was all.

He was happy to have his friends around it was a close call, this time.

_~ I'm useless, they took you hostage and I wasn't there._

_Without Souta and his team … You would be dead._

_Omi our lively genius, I can't imagine a life without his chatter and enthusiasm. The girls and his classmates would be sad, too._

_The children would miss their trainer; he's a great soccer player. He can be grumpy but I like him very much._

_I failed to protect them. Why can't I see? I need my eyesight._

_Yohji was right I am a duty to them, I am a burden and by far not independent enough ~_

Yohji opened his eyes and watched his lover for a while; he was too absorbed in watching the boys, to notice his awakening.

"Hey love" Yohji whispered, his throat was sore and burned hellish.

Aya looked at him with a dazed look in his eyes "Do you want to drink?"

The blond nodded "Would be nice" he croaks.

It wasn't easy to find the cup; he lost his eyesight about two hours ago.

Yohji was unconscious for about six hours and he started to feel the withdrawal symptoms.

He was nervous and his heart fluttered like an overbusy little bird on cocaine. The symptoms were still sporadic but he knew the time slipped through his fingers like sand "How are you?"

"I'm still drowsy and my hands hurt" he tried to look at them but they were heavily bandaged.

"Their broken" Aya glared at his hands "They broke your fingers and you got a slight concussion … and many bruises"

"It's not your fault so don't look like you're the culprit" he knew his redhead, he took the blame for everything what happened in his surroundings.

"But I feel like the culprit" Aya avoided Yohji's eyes. Aya rose from the chair and crawled into the bed. He snuggled closer to the blond "I missed you"

Yohji put an arm around him and pulled him closer "Be careful with your fingers" Aya scolded.

"Yes mum" he said gently "How are you?" something was wrong, he could feel it.

"Good" Yohji didn't believe him and tried to look into his eyes but his next question was interrupted by doc.

"Hey boys" she chirped, her cheerfulness was a fake but reality was too grim "I brought you a change of clothes, I hope you don't mind. Your room is pretty neat. I bet Aya hits you with the broom if you're messy"

"I'm not messy" Yohji said indignantly "I'm neat, when I want to be"

"Really?" she mocked "The main thing is you believe in it" doc winked.

"Mew" a white fur ball entered the room "Mew"

"You're impatient my little friend" doc took him into her arms "He was so alone and I thought it's better to take him"

"Where will he stay?" Aya asked, he loved his kitten and felt uneasy.

"He can stay with you" she answered "but one of you has to take walkies…"

"We'll do it" Omi yawned "but we have to buy a leash first" Ken added while he rubbed his eyes.

"Great" doc beamed and put him on the bed, between Aya and Yohji.

The main reason she brought him along was Aya. He needed comfort after the side effects started to affect him and she was sure Yohji's presence wasn't enough to help him through his withdrawal.

"Okay I call it a day" she realized that Aya didn't tell them about his eyesight and the drugs but they would notice soon enough.

"Have a nice evening" Aya's smile broke her heart. His smile was faked and she could see the tension in his body. He looked as if he was ready to cry "Thank you. See you tomorrow"

"See ya" the boys answered at the same time.

"I think we'll buy a leash for our little Faith" Omi stretched "My muscles are stiff" he stated.

"Yeah, I need some exercise" Ken agreed "Do you need something?"

"No thank you" Aya caressed Yohji's belly.

"Okay" Ken took Omi's hand and led him out of the room.

"What's up?" Yohji used the time they had alone.

"Nothing" Aya closed his eyes and inhaled Yohji's musky scent. It was nice to feel his warmth and to hear his calming heartbeat.

"Stop lying!" the blond had been patient but he was tired and in pain. He wasn't in the mood for Aya's games.

Aya jerked "I…" his hands started to shake, slightly but it was still distressing "I took a medicament to get my eyesight back"

"That's good isn't it?" he asked blind to Aya's feelings.

"The affect dies down after four hours" Yohji stared at him "You can't see anymore?!"

"No" the redhead whispered "The medicament will affect me for a while"

"In what way?" he embraced him unconsciously more firmly.

"It is comparable with a drug withdrawal" Aya looked up to his lover, Yohji prodded against Aya's head to signalize him to continue "It could kill me"

Yohji stiffened. Aya thought the blond stopped breathing "You could…" he wasn't able to continue.

"They don't know what will exactly happen but probably …… nausea, headache, rapid heartbeat, apnoea, coma. Who knows?" was the feeble explanation.

Yohji swallowed but the heavy lump in his throat wouldn't disappear "Why?" he whispered.

"I wanted to save you. Your life came first" his hands shook more visibly. Yohji took one hand and held it tight "Is it a side-effect?"

"Yes, I think I have … more or less two hours left" Aya slung an arm around Yohji's upper body and rested his head on his strong chest.

Yohji pulled him half on top of him, it was a difficult task because of his broken fingers but it was worth the effort.

"I'll be there. We will take care of you" the blond promised

_~ Why? Aya! How could you do that?!_

_Is it worth all the pain or even death?_

_Oh, love. I would do the same but why Aya of all people?_

_He can't see because of me, he's unhappy because of his life and he has a mental disorder, isn't that enough?_

_People believe in gods, they pray and preach but what do they do? Why do they torture us so much? It doesn't matter which religion is right and who or whatever you are, when you exist … help him. Please help him._

_I feel so useless; I can't protect him, not from himself nor from others ~_

"I'm scared" Aya clung to him "Yohji, I'm scared"

The blond felt hot tears behind his eyes; Aya's fate tore at his heart "I know my love. I know" _~ I'm scared shitless too ~_ he thought.

"In case I …. pass away" Aya swallowed "I want you to move on. Find someone else and reach for the happiness the person will offer" he felt tired and his head hurt.

"Oh nooo. Forget it!" Yohji yelled. Aya's statement caught him on the wrong foot "I will never let you go, even if I have to drag your sorry ass out of hell or heaven, whatever. Do you understand?"

Aya's eyes began to water; he looked like a scolded child "Aya, I'm sorry. Don't cry. Please" the blond panicked, he made his lover cry "Hush" he pressed a soft kiss on top of Aya's head.

"I can't control it" he sobbed "I'm whiny and sensitive. I don't know why. But I know that you yelled at me because you worry"

"Well, worry is an understatement. I think the proper formulation is 'freak out' " Aya chuckled dryly at this statement, Yohji looked at his lover, he could see lines of pain on his face and the shaking of his hands intensified. It wasn't easy to hold the hand he held still "Promise to stay"

"I'll stay by your side" Aya breathed heavily "I put one of my favorite songs on your iPod"

"What song?" Yohji frowned. Was it Aya's way to say goodbye? He mused.

Aya smiled "Never forget that I love you and everything I did was worth it. I have no regrets. It was the right thing to use the drug and it was the right choice to join your family" his voices sounded exhausted.

"You promised to stay" a tear escaped and slid down his pale cheek "You promised"

"I want to stay and I'll do everything I can but I'm afraid I have no control over the outcome…" Aya felt Yohji's tears on his skin. It felt comforting.

"Nothing on earth will part us" Yohji held him tight, Aya struggled against his embrace "Aya…?"

"Oh god" he rushed out of the bed and reached the toilet just in time.

Yohji needed a while to join his lover. His muscles were stiff and the bruises hurt like hell so he needed time to crawl out of bed "Are you alright?" _Stupid question_ he thought

"I don't have two hours" Aya lent against the wall, sweat formed on his forehead and his face was white like chalk.

Yohji pressed the emergency button next to his bed and rushed back to the toilet "Hush" he cradled his lover in his arms "It will be alright, you'll see. We are out of here and back home in no time"

Aya shook his head. Yohji's words didn't convince him, he felt dangerously ill and he was scared to leave him behind "I'll try"

"We'll go home. Together" Yohji was persistent "I love you too much to let you go without a helluva of a fight"

The redhead chuckled, that was his Yohji "I thought the same as I took the drug" he snuggled closer.

"Where is the damn doctor?" Yohji muttered under his breath, he caressed Aya's back.

Aya tensed. His body was on fire, he could feel the burning of every muscle and every move hurt "Jeez!" he cursed.

Yohji was overcharged. He was powerless there was nothing he could do to soothe the pain "Hush my love. The pain will go by and you'll roast in the sun during our vacation"

"The beach … only you and me" Aya replied. He looked up into his lovers beautiful face "We'll need a family-packet of sunblocker" he reached for the blonds face with one shaky hand. Yohji leaned in to the touch "A whole barrel. I planned excursions"

"Yeah?" Aya breathed with a smile on his lips as he imagined the vacation.

"I know a nice little restaurant near the beach, you can see the sunset through a huge window.

We can watch the moonlight, the romantic glint on the water, while we walk over the beach, hand in hand.

We can visit museums and I thought we can visit the book fair. They present loads of books, I read they sell classical books too" the blond gabbled, he tried to distract him from the pain and negative thoughts and it looked successful.

Aya calmed down and the pain faded, he knew it would return but he tried to enjoy the few minutes he had and imagined what Yohji said. Aya's arm hangs loosely around Yohji's neck by now but the blond held him tight. He was safe in the arms of his love; Yohji would never let him go "Feel better"

A doctor and a nurse chose the moment to appear "What happened?" the nurse frowned.

"Who are you?" Yohji asked in return, he never saw them before and that made him suspicious.

"I'm Doctor Yamamoto and she's Nurse Mina" Yamamoto introduced.

"Hold on to me" Yohji ordered and lifted his redhead up. His fingers hurt but he ignored the pain "Bedtime"

Aya's body shook, he trembled like an aspen leaf even though his body felt hot from within "This is rock-bottom" he muttered.

"With our luck?" Yohji closed his mouth it wasn't his intention to say it out loud "Sorry"

"You're right and I know it will be … more painful" he felt so tired.

"His name is Yohji and…. the young one is … Aya …" Yohji heard fragment of their talk.

"Read the medical file and shut up" he hissed dangerously "We want a doctor we know"

"I'll do my job tonight the other doctors are busy anyway" Yamamoto glared.

Yohji put Aya down and covered him up "Try to sleep, love" he kissed his forehead.

"Okay Dr. joker, Kritiker doped him so he could rescue his team and now you have to help him through the withdrawal, savvy?" Yamamoto nodded "Good. We will stay by his side until we can take him home and we will keep an eye on you, without a break"

"Who do you think you are?" Yamamoto raged, he was a new doctor and very proud no one had the right to challenge his authority.

"Weiss" Yohji took him into a stranglehold "Save him or die young, your choice" he let go of him and walked back to Aya.

"I have to study his medical file" he turned around "Check his vitals" he ordered before he left.

"Hey Yohji" the boys stopped "What happened?" they rushed to the bed. The nursed looked uncomfortable and kept an eye on them while she checked his blood pressure.

Yohji explained what happened and what Aya did to save them "He did it for us"

Omi took Aya's hand "He'll pull through, right boss?" the last part was for Aya, even though he knew he wouldn't get an answer.

Aya groaned in his uneasy sleep "There's really nothing we can do?" Ken sat on the end of the bed.

"His life lies in his own hands but we can calm him down and give him all the support he needs" Yohji stroke a strand out of Aya's sweaty face.

Yamamoto returned with two security guards "I want you to leave the room during the examination"

Ken grunted "No" he eyed him, the doctor was unsympathetic.

"Yes" he said firmly but the boys didn't move one bit. He gave the security a nod and they approached.

"Only two? Ahhww come on" Ken mocked "Hey Omi! Which one do you want?" he took Faith out of his huge jacket pocket and put him down next to Aya. Faith sniffed and purred before he snuggled closer to the redhead to console him.

"Cat's aren't allowed" a burly guy stated "Too bad! But doc said he can stay and what doc says is law" Omi retorted.

The two kids needed a minute to kick the guards out of the room "Hey, I'm sorry to trouble you but could you take care of him? I know you're tired and all but Yamamoto is a disaster"

"YAMAMOTO" they heard through the speaker, Yohji held the phone far away from his ear "There are only two words to describe him narcissistic and megalomania"

"I heard that" Yamamoto yelled "I hope so" Yohji repeated docs sentence.

"Don't worry Yohji I'm on my way" she yawned "How is his condition?"

"Nausea, ague, slight seizures, he's tired and he's in pain. I'm not sure where it hurts" he numerated "He's asleep right now"

"Good" she sighed "He's exhaust and he will need the strength when he wakes up"

"It's getting worse, am I right?" Yohji snuggled closer to him; the redhead laid a hand on the blonds belly and clung to his shirt. They could hear a soft whimper once in a while.

"Leave" Ken stood in front of the doctor "We don't need you at the moment and doc will be here soon" he shooed.

"I'll file a complaint" he threatened, Aya was only half asleep and started to laugh "Good luck" he didn't take the trouble to open his heavy eyelids. He sounded as tired as he felt.

Yamamoto left the room he felt insulted and was determined to rebuild his pride.

"Where do they find their staff?" Omi nagged "What do you need a good leaving certificate for when your personality is more than dubious"

Aya laughed "I hope he wasn't an assassin before he became a doctor, the poor team. Imagine you have to live with him… " Ken added "Creeeepy"

Aya listened to their banter and enjoyed the atmosphere. Yohji hung up and rivet his attention on Aya "Does it still hurt so much?"

"No" the pain faded almost completely but he evaluates it as a bad sign "Have you found a pretty leash?" he changed the topic.

"Yeah" Omi beamed "It has the same colour as his collar" he held the leash in the light and hoped for Aya to see it.

"I like it" he replied "Do you like it, too?" he looked down at Faith who snored softly.

"Mew" he blinked and looked at the leash before he licked Aya's hand "Mew"

Ken and Omi frowned while Yohji looked unsettled "You're so odd" he poked against Faith's furry ear "Mew" Faith hit his hand with his tail.

Aya took Faith into his arms "Stop the nonsense, he can't stand up to you" the redhead patted the soft fur.

"Hey" Yohji grinned "Don't compare me with a cat"

Ken and Omi laughed, they used the time they had left for jokes, funny memories and to give out private gossip.


	42. Don't leave

Their happy get together lasted for, not quite, an hour.

Aya felt nauseous and he was burning up "Hush" Yohji soothed again.

It was everything he could do. The boys sat next to the bed and they let him feel their presence. Omi held a hand and Ken's elbow rested next to a leg, he made sure to touch him from time to time, be that a bump against his knee or other comforting gestures.

"Can't you help him?" Omi begged but doc shook her head "It has to leave his system. I can't give him the usual medicaments. It's a new kind of drug and I cannot estimate the consequences. The wrong medicament, the wrong dose … and I could kill him" doc explained. She was powerless and knew Aya had to fight on his own.

"Sixteen hours, doc it started sixteen hours ago" Yohji pleaded "How long does the withdrawal take?"

"I don't know" she answered with a big sigh "I wish I would know but…"

"We understand" Ken stopped the flood of questions "But it hurt to see him like this"

"I know" she left the room to get some sleep before she had to take drastic measures.

Doc knew what would come but she hoped Aya would be the first one to survive the damn drug.

"I hate it" Aya cursed "God" his muscles knotted; he rolled to the side and tried to calm down.

Yohji caressed his back

_~ He's so pale; it looks like his blood left his veins instead of the drug._

_So much pain mirrors in his face._

_It's a wonder you're still alive._

_I can't imagine life without him._

_The house would be empty, no one who prepare dinner for us every Saturday._

_No one would wait for my return after a night full of booze and tuck me in._

_I__ would go to bed all alone. No warm body next to me, sure I could search for sexual contact somewhere else but it would not be the same. I need someone I can love with my whole heart, I need cuddling and the pure love only a lover can give._

_I would miss his scent, his beautiful laugh, his breath taking eyes and his smooth skin _

_And his unique personality ~_

Yohji's heart clenched painfully and he panicked, it was so fucking painful to watch him turning and tossing around in the small hospital bed

_~ I can't live without you. I can't!_

_Even my imagination freaks me out._

_It hurts more than Asuka's death. It was painful but it hadn't broken me but this time I'll shatter like a smashed mirror, fallen like a gloomy angel I'll lose my paradise ~_

A cry pulled him out of his thoughts. Aya sat up and hunched over, he wrapped his arms around himself.

"I can't" he panted "I can't … anymore" and screamed in pain.

Yohji pulled him into a tight hug "You can" he whispered into his ear "You can do it"

Aya got muscle cramps and his eyes began to lose their sparkle "Aya?" the blond yelled.

Omi stormed out of the room to call a doctor and to get some fresh air.

"Yo..hji" he closed his eyes "I'm afraid … my remaining strength… is … not enough"

Yohji squeezed his eyes shut "It is enough, believe me you'll pull through…" he choked on his words.

Aya opened his eyes with a smile and touched Yohji's tears strained cheek "Love you" Yohji took his hand and pressed a kiss on his palm "I love you too"

"Be my death" Aya whispered before he passed out. Yohji was confused and did not know what to think about it.

Doc and two nurses stormed into the room and pulled Yohji away from him.

Ken joined Omi in front of the hospital, Faith in tow.

"Hey" he put an arm around his crying lover "Doc takes care of him. I felt superfluous and thought you need me more at the moment"

"What's with Yohji?" Omi sniffed.

"He has not perceived my presence at all" Ken snuggled closer "No one can help him"

"Yohji's future is closely related to Aya's life" Omi rubbed his eyes.

"What do you mean?" Ken was absentminded.

"It simple" Omi shot him a reproachful look "Aya, dead = Yohji, dead; Aya survives = Yohji is happy" now it dawned on him.

"Mew" Faith hissed at the word 'dead' and glared daggers into the boys. Could a look kill the boys would look like pincushions.

"It was only a statement not a curse" Ken patted the little head "Well; I think Yohji is right the cat is strange"

Ken escaped his claws by a narrow margin "Wow, come on don't sulk"

Omi laughed for the first time since Aya's withdrawal began "I love you little one"

Omi smiled. Faith hopped into Omi's lap with a satisfied "Mew"

"I thought you love me" Ken pouted; Omi rested his head on Ken's shoulder "I love you too" he kissed his neck.

They placed Aya in an artificial coma to give his body the chance to regenerate itself.

"His body shut down because of the stress. I can't promise anything but his chances are good" doc squeezed his shoulder and placed an mp3-player next to his and Aya's intertwined hands.

Yohji did not listen to her; he stared at his pale lover. The machines around them beeped continuously, the respirator hissed every few seconds. It sounded scary like a lifeless breath, he was scared that it could actually be his last breath and it was a breath he didn't take on his own.

Yohji knew this could happen it was only a matter of time. No one suffers for over forty-five hours without consequence.

The blond eyed his iPod _~ Do I want to know…? ~ _the cable got entangled and it wasn't easy with three functioning finger to unknot it but he got it.

He got his ear bud, just barely, into his ears. He made himself comfortable in his chair but he let not go of his lover's hand. He searched for Aya's song. A flash lightened the room ~ _mother earth is crying and raging for her baby boy~ _was his grimly thought

A post it stuck to the backside of his iPod

… You know I'm not good with words and I'm not sure I'll get the chance to tell you how much I love you. So I thought the song could probably explain how I feel.

It's not the best love song but I love the text and the melody. It warms my heart and I hope yours too and you have a little reminder of my love to you.

Love you …

_Here we go again._

_We've taken it to the end, with every waking moment we face this silent torment._

Yohji remembered his captivity. He was angry as they caught his team. It was his job to protect them, it was his job as Aya's vice to do it right. But he failed, miserably.

It was a cold night and it wasn't easy to move without making a noise but they did it, they entered the office building and searched for the target.

It was too simple, no one crossed their way and the doors were wide open and not locked.

Omi expressed his worries but it was too late to back out.

They continued their search for at least an hour, they tip toed through the floors and bureaus for nothing.

Yohji broke up the mission, he thought they got wind of Kritiker's assignment and fled but no such luck.

The enemies stood in front of the office building. They used the time Weiss needed to look for them to come together in front of the building.

The first thing they saw after leaving the damn building were barrels of riffles.

_I'd sacrifice,_

_Sacrifice myself to you, right here tonight._

_Because you know that I love you_

…………

The enemy tied them up and dragged them to the next warehouse.

Omi and Ken were tied up on the wall; it appeared to be an old dungeon of some sorts.

A young man hit Omi right across the face "What is your order" Omi spit blood, the young man split his lip. Ken struggled against his shackles "Take your filthy hands away" the man let his finger trace along Omi's cheekbone.

Yohji escaped his kidnapper and punched the young man into the face and polished the dirty grin out of it.

His guard overcame his surprise and knocked Yohji out "Are you alright?" he asked his partner "Jie…" was his mumbled version of a 'yeah'. Yohji broke his nose and it wasn't easy to speak with all the blood.

Yohji's guarded tied him to a chair and waited for him to wake up. He wanted to torture him and the boys were no fun.

_Darkness is all I want to see-_

_I could never put in to words, what it is you mean to me_

The guard grew impatient and slapped Yohji "Wake up" he yelled.

Yohji stirred and blinked, the light was bright and burned in his eyes "Wake up" he repeated.

The blond obeyed "Shut up" he insulted him and collected a few hits.

"What is your order" he asked "Tell me"

"No" Yohji shook his head. He watched his teammates; Omi looked dazed and Ken fumed with rage but they had no chance to escape. The chains were massive and one of the guards stole his picklock.

They asked again and again and again but Yohji remained silent. They hit him and as they lost their patience completely they started to break his fingers.

"What is your order" the first finger broke.

"Who send you?" the second finger broke with a painful snap.

"What do you want?" he took a finger and bent it very slowly until Yohji screamed and his third finger broke.

"How much more can you take?" the guard grinned and twisted finger number four until the bone splintered. Ken and Omi cursed and struggled while Yohji suppressed a scream.

"Answer!" he gritted his teeth and took a hammer "I could spare you the pain but you have to answer like a good boy" Yohji spit his blood in the enemy's face "Fuck you"

"Wrong answer" he struck at his finger and the hammer wracked his bone into pieces. Yohji let out a pitiful scream and after that he heard the voice of his guardian angel.

Aya's voice told him to open his eyes but it was too strenuous and his eyelids ignored his order to open.

_I'd sacrifice,_

_I'd sacrifice myself to you, right here tonight._

_Because you know I love you_

………_._

_Love you,_

_Love you…_

Yohji remembered the love he felt as he heard his lover's voice and felt his soft hands against his skin.

He knew someone dragged him out of the dungeon but he couldn't remember who.

But he remembered Aya …no Abyssinian. He was able to open his eyes for a while and there he was, his proud Abyssinian. He fought like a mad man; he slashed through marrow, bones and guts without the slightest emotion. Aya's first priority was Weiss and their welfare.

"I know you wanted to protect us but why the drug?" Yohji sighed "You're a great fighter even blind you're better than most of the others" he squeezed Aya's hand.

The song made him sad and it brought his memories alive. He caressed Aya's hand with his free hand, he was sure everything his lover needed to survive was strength and a huge portion of love "I know I asked you before but do you want to die?" he wasn't sure if Aya's will to survive was strong enough to keep him alive. He even doubted the strength of his love "I s my love for you enough to keep you here?"

_The candle's burning low_

_At the window to my soul_

_The reaper's at my door now_

_And he's come to take me home_

Yohji's eyes widened and posture stiffened "He's come to take me home…. "

'Be my death' he heard Aya say, again. A huge smile spread out over his face, he finally understood.

Aya waited for him to take him home. He, the assassin, was the reaper in front of his door.

"I'll wait and I'll reach for before you can fall" his rose from the chair and pressed a kiss on Aya's forehead "Rest my love. Wake up when you're ready" he kissed him again.

"I let go of your hand for a little while. I'm tired and doc will kick my ass when I think about sleeping on the plastic chair" he continued to caress his lover's head.

"I sleep in the bed to your right, okay? Good" he wiped a tear away while he trots to his own bed.

_I'd sacrifice,_

_I'd sacrifice myself to you_

_Right here tonight,_

_Because you know I love you_

_(A/N:"Sacrifice" by London after Midnight. I own absolutely nothing and never will *sigh__* but I admire their writing skills and the music)_

"I love you Aya. Sleep well" Yohji fell asleep in an instant.

He was too tired to dream and didn't notice Omi and Ken.

They wanted to check if everything was in order before they went to their own room.

Faith was dead tired and doc went home two hours ago so the boys decided to call it a night, too.


	43. Dreams

I'm so sorry! I'm sooo slow again. I had a lot of tests to write and I got a nervous breakdown in the middle of one of my tests, so I needed time to get the motivation to write back. I was in the mood for nothing.

Do you know the feeling to fail even before you started? It wasn't so difficult but I stressed myself so much I was almost a wreck after a month *sigh*

I babbled enough.

In May I'm busy with my exams and I'm canoe ride with my class for one week (one year ago, we had to choose courses and I was lucky to get the experiential education course including canoeing)

At the end of this month I'm away with the course too, for a weekend and in June too.

So I think it's not so easy to update in May. But I decided to carry a writing pad with me and use every free minute I can get

Love you all and I'm so sorry!

At the end of two chapter are little question because I need help *blush* but you'll see for what so I shut up before I spoil something.

* * *

He was surrounded by darkness. There was no light, no noises and no life.

Yohji walked through the darkness until he reached a crystal clear lake, it was still dark but a small light brightened the area, mildly. It looked like the light of a full moon which let the lake glitter in the dark but there was no moon to see.

A slim figure sat next to the lake, he couldn't see who it was but something drew him closer.

He felt the urge to approach him or her but stopped before he reached the person "Hello?"

he tried to attract attention.

The figure looked up and the small light lit up the face "Aya?" the blonde gasped.

"Where are we?" he came closer but Aya stood up and side stepped "Don't touch" he said in a cold tone. Yohji backed away "…but love" he was confused.

"You don't love me. You have no right to touch me" Aya looked into his eyes. His eyes gleamed in the light; the look in them broke Yohji's heart. His tone and the look in his eyes didn't match. Coldness and sadness competed in a play for dominance.

"But I do love you. You know that" Yohji vindicated himself.

"Do I?" Aya tilted his head "I'm alone, I always was… You're a player, what should I think? That you love someone like me? That you ignore big breast and soft skin, for me?! That you forgot Asuka and I'm not a lousy substitute?! Would you miss me like you miss her?! Tell me"

Yohji swallowed, his lover's words were painful and his heart drummed in his chest "I don't love her anymore and I don't want women. I want you and I would miss you more than I ever missed her. I would break without you!!"

"Truth be told I don't believe a word you say" Aya tilted his head and turned around with the intention to leave.

Yohji reached out to him "Wait" he turned him around and his gaze bore into his eyes.

".you!" Yohji said and kissed him, he put all the love in it he could gather.

"You love me?" Aya's voice softened "Really?"

Yohji smiled; fondly "Really!" he pulled him into a tight hug.

"No" Aya shoved him away "You're lying, you wouldn't miss me"

Before Yohji got the chance to reply a huge figure appeared right behind his lover.

"Come with me" the voice spoke. Yohji couldn't see him, he was cloaked and his robe covered his body and face.

"He stays with me" Yohji grouched "Who are you, anyway?"

"Some people call me angel of death others say grim reaper. Take your pick" he laid a cold hand on Aya's shoulder.

"No!" he reached out but death slapped his hand away "I take him home"

Death started to laugh "No my friend", Aya gave him one last glance before death lead him into the darkness.

Yohji yelled and screamed until he sunk to his knees "Nooo"

Yohji woke up; pure panic enclosed his heart in a firm grip. Yohji's heart raced and he felt the cold sweat on his skin. He looked around and realized that he had dreamed. Aya lay in his bed, his heart was beating and the machine provided him with air.

He walked to Aya as fast he could and grabbed his hand "I love you. I love you" he studded his forehead with butterfly kisses "Don't doubt my love for you" he whispered.

"I say hey my friend, don't let it end. We've got to try, try while we still can. I say hey my friend I don't know when but there's a time our sun will rise again.

What we did, what we said, what we missed and what we had I cry I cry over you" the blond whispered in a singsong tone. Aya loved his voice and asked him to sing for him again but he declined but now was the time to tell him through the text of a song what he couldn't put in to his own words.

(A/N: I borrowed parts of "I cry" by Rotersand. *bow, don't hit me*, oh and I don't own anything. Not a romantic song but I like the refrain, I heard the song at a party few weeks ago and it helped me to get new ideas …what we did, what we said lalalaaaa. It's a pity that he doesn't use this kind of voice more often during the song. I like his deep voice but I think I prefer the way he sings the refrain *puppy eyes, do you want to sing for me? No. Ohhhh, sniff*)

"I'll find the perfect song for you and when I found it I'll propose to you. I'll sink to my knees and sing, only for you. Do you prefer gold or silver? … Silver. Like the romantic glitter on our favorite lake and the moon you love so much" Yohji caressed the back of Aya's hand, with his not broken thump.

A knock on the door interrupted his distressed speech. Omi and Ken entered the room, Faith plodded ahead of them "Mew" he hopped onto Aya's bed carefully avoiding the IV.

"Hey little one, are you alright?" Yohji scratched him behind his ears "Mew" Faith liked his hand and patted him with his little paw "Good" Yohji smiled.

"How are you?" Omi asked and settled down next to Ken, they shared the small couch.

"I had a nightmare but I feel better" he answered "I dreamed he doubts our love and because of that he followed grim reaper into the afterlife. He gave up because I messed up"

"It was only a dream" Ken soothed "Don't take it to heart"

"But what if my dream was a premonition?" Yohji looked back to his lover and studied his face.

"Don't do that to yourself" Omi rose from the couch and took Yohji into his arms "He knows you love him, he would never follow death while you are here. He loves you too much to do so"

Yohji accepted Omi's hug and decided to return it. He never hugged the boy before but it was comforting and, somehow, familiar. Ken watched the scene he felt the urge to join them but it wasn't like him and it felt wrong to interfere.

They heard a soft 'click' as doc took a photo of them; she saw the family album the boys started. She was sure Aya would like to see them act like a family. She was continually impressed how they interact with each other, they killed together, they worked together and they lived together like every other team too. But no one ever created a bond, so strong, like Weiss.

"Can I have a copy of the photo?" Omi asked "We collect photos for a family album"

"No problem" she decided to take more photos "His vitals are good. That was to be expected, he is strong and I'm sure he will not back down"

"He has to take care of us he can't go" Ken threw in "I mean who will be all icy-evil-like to keep us safe. No one is frightening like him"

They chuckled it was the clumsiest compliment and declaration of brotherly love they ever heard.

"He loves you too" doc grinned _~Men~ _she thought _~incorrigible~ _

"How long does he have to stay in an artificial coma?" Yohji stared at Aya, his face was still pale and he was cold like death but his heart beats and the most important thing was that he was still alive.

"Three days, at least" she hoped that Aya would survive the next three days and even more dangerous was the time they end the artificial coma. His body was weak and the chances were high that he might suffer an asystole or shock when his body has to function on its own.

"Is it dangerous?" Omi looked unsure "I mean he calmed down and is in no pain…"

"He will be stressed and I'm not sure how his body will react. We put him into a coma in the middle of a withdrawal, we never did this before"

"I heard you can pull people through a withdrawal with help of an artificial coma?" Ken frowned, he was sure he heard it.

"Yes but it's a new kind of drug. The other test objects didn't survive the first forty-five hours. Aya is the first" she explained "they died before we got the chance to try a coma"

Yohji turned pale "You … do you want to say he's your lab-rat?" he couldn't believe they gave him a drug without to finish their research.

"I don't like it but yeah he is" she stared at Yohji. He tried to calm down, it wasn't her fault and he understood that Aya took the chance Kritiker offered but it was the wrong path they choose. His lover fought for his life while Kritiker waited for the results.

"Kritiker tries to find a solution so no one has to die but it could take years" doc guessed he thought about Kritiker and the drug.

"I know he did what he had to do but I'm angry that Kritiker used his disadvantage to get a new test subject" he knew Kritiker was a perfidious employer and he had to be careful but they stood high with Kritiker so they had not much to worry about. He will never forget again that they were only insignificant pawns on their tremendous chessboard.

"A nurse will bring your breakfast in… about half an hour" she looked at her watch, Kritiker wasn't the right topic in a situation like that "I heard you'll get roast, mash and jelllo for dinner so be good" doc smile at the look of disgust on their faces.

"I permit you to smuggle food into the hospital" she winked and left after she wrote down Aya's vitals and checked on his extra plaster. She used extra large plaster on each wrist to hide the scars. She even made up an excuse for that but nobody asked yet why Aya had more needles and tubes in him than necessary, she was relieved that they were inexperienced enough to miss it.

"She's fuzzy-headed" Ken frowned "but she's the best" Omi scolded.

"That's true" Ken agreed "nonetheless, she has a screw loose"

Yohji and Omi chuckled; Ken was the right one to talk about loose screws and strangeness.

Weiss was a paragon for stark raving bonkers.

"How does he put up with us?" Omi looked at Aya "He's strong, intelligent, good looking and mature"

"And he is nuts" Yohji added "the perfect team leader for a bunch of scatty and immature team members"

"That's for sure" Ken cheered, Omi gave him a strange look "Are you proud of it?" he asked in confusion. He never thought about it that way, were they nuts? Yeah. Were they immature? Out of work, definitely yeah "You're right" he finally agreed.

"You needed two whole minutes to agree?! I thought you figured it out long ago" Ken was proud that Omi was clueless for once.

"I never thought about it this way" he pouted.

"We live up to our name" Yohji sighed while he watched their banter.

The boys stopped and looked at him before they started to laugh, they were strange but it was the best way to cope with the life they had. It was comforting to have some fun while they waited for their friend, and brother, to wake up.

* * *

Do you have an idea for a nice song? I thought ` I swear' is nice but I used it for their date. I thought I could use it again but then I decided to ask you.

Because we are scattered all over the four wind and I'm sure you know a great song I never heard before or never noticed and so on

Thank you


	44. Time to come home

The next three days passed by like chewing-gum, slow, painfully slow. It was nerve-wrecking but Aya's condition was stable, this was a good sign and the only thing that kept Yohji going.

"It's time to wake him up" doc kept up the masquerade.

She was worried but did as if everything was fine.

"Do you hear?" Yohji caressed Aya's belly "Time to come home"

The boys remained silent, they didn't dare to interrupt, and even Faith stopped purring.

"You have to leave the room" doc ordered, he could be well or he could die and it wasn't appealing to know Yohji saw his lover die, should he die. It gave hundred possibilities. Yohji opened his mouth to argue but decided to keep quiet. She was right and he knew it.

"See you soon" Omi tried to sound cheerful; Aya didn't need to know how worried he really was. He was sure the redhead was able to hear them, he couldn't answer but he could hear them. "We are back in an instant" Ken added less cheerful and Faith hopped onto Aya's bed and licked his fingers before he was ready to leave "Mew" he sent a prayer to whoever wants to listen. Humans did it all the time so why not try?

They closed the door behind them "He has to be alright" Yohji sighed, his hands shook very slightly but he could feel his muscles cramp even when no one noticed it.

"He's alright you'll see" Omi gave him an encouraging smile.

Three nurses passed them and vanished in Aya's room.

"I don't like what I see" Yohji licked his lips, he was nervous beyond words.

There was no argument against Yohji's statement so they kept their mouths shut and listened, carefully.

"They heard rushed comments and lot of footsteps, like they started a dance in front of Aya's death bed. Then a nerve-wrecking beep tone put an end to the confusing noises inside the room.

"Oh god" Yohji mumbled "please, no"

Omi laid a hand on his shoulder "He's strong" he believed in what he said, at least a little.

The loud beep tone changed into a rhythmical beep-beep and they let out the breaths they were holding. Yohji felt how his own heart continued to beat and took a deep breath to calm his nerves.

"You see!" Omi beamed "He's strong"

Ken leaned against the wall, it was a welcome support.

Ten minutes later they were allowed to enter the room "Doc?" Omi asked, more or less.

Yohji wasn't in the condition to say something; he rushed to his lover and took his hand.

"He got a seizure and his heart was overpowered by the stress, we gave him something against it and I'm sure he's out of danger" she explained.

She smiled at the utterly overjoyed look on his face "He needs some rest and after his body gathered more strength, he'll wake up" she heard a chorus of relieved sighs.

"Thank you" Omi settled down on the couch, Faith sat in his lap and Ken patted Aya's hand and mumbled something that sounded like 'you scared us here for a moment' before he joined Omi.

"See you in four days" she waved "I get a long weekend"

"You deserve it" Yohji found his voice, she smiled and left.

Yohji kissed Aya's soft lips. He felt a wave of love and relieve wash through his body and soul. It was an incredible feeling.

"Do you want something to eat?" Ken asked after an hour of comfortable silence.

"I'm starving" Yohji noticed for the first time how hungry he was.

"Thought so" Ken grinned, he knew his older co-worker better than he wanted to admit.

"What do you want?" Omi rose from his comfortable piece of furniture.

"I eat everything you can find" was the uncooperative reply, "Take out … Chinese" Omi decided, he was in the mood for Chinese.

"Sounds great" Yohji smiled at them "Take your time, you need it"

Ken nodded before he woke the little fur ball "Time for a walk" he poked against Faith's twitching ear.

Faith yawned and cracked an eye open "Mew" fresh air, food, oh yeah.

The trio left the room.

Yohji crawled into Aya's bed and snuggled closer, his lover's body was warm and alive. He heard every soft breath he took and felt his heartbeat under his palm.

"You scared me" the blond caressed Aya's chest "I'll never forgive Kritiker for using you as a lab-rat" he got no answer, not as if he expected one but a little part in his mind hoped for it.

"I realized that Weiss isn't immortal, sometimes I forget that we're normal human beings. We will run out of luck, one day. But on the other hand what perspective do we have? I don't want to do my old job anymore. It's not safer as Weiss and I don't think Kritiker will let us go that easily"

"Even a normal life is dangerous" Aya whispered, his throat was raw and he didn't bother to open his eyes.

"Hey" Yohji said gently "Nice to have you back"

"Nice to be here" Aya replied, he tilted his upper body so he could rub his cheek against Yohji's shoulder "You're cold"

Yohji smiled and slipped under the blanket "Better?"

"Not much" Aya mumbled, sleepily "but you'll get warmer"

Yohji kissed his forehead and put an arm around his lover's slender waist "Sleep" he tucked Aya's head under his chin.

That was the way the boys found them "Cute" Omi giggled and placed the food on a table next to the bed.

"Let us return to our room" Ken put an arm around Omi's shoulder "Come" he said to Faith but he didn't listen. He jumped on the bed and made himself comfortable on Aya's belly "Traitor" Ken mocked before he left.

Omi stayed behind and shot three photos with the little single-use camera he bought on his way.

Ken and Omi left the hospital two days later, Yohji and Aya had to stay one more week before they got permission to leave. The boys bought a cake and prepared a huge meal.

Aya was by far too thin for their liking and Yohji could use a few extra kilos.

It was lonely without the older boys, the house was too huge for two people and they realized how much fun, love and good times they really shared.

"Eat" Omi pointed at the roast "You too" his gaze wandered to Yohji.

"Which supermarket did you mug?" Yohji frowned.

"Har-har-har" Omi pouted, "Thank you Omi" Aya made him happy.

"You're welcome" Omi smiled "and now eat, eat, eat"

"Yes mother" Yohji saluted before he filled his plate with roast, vegetables, mashed potatoes and sauce. Aya was more elegant and had only half as much as Yohji on his plate "Omi, you're the best cook I've ever met"

"I got used to it" Omi blushed "Ken is a disaster, Yohji is dangerous and you dislike cooking"

"Disaster?" Ken repeated "Dangerous?" Yohji added.

"Ken you can't cook even when your life depends on it, and Yohji's cooking is a dangerous weapon. You can poison the whole army with your food"

Aya laughed and got strange looks, it was strange to see him laugh so freely. His eyes sparkled and his laugh sounded warm and happy. Normally, his eyes remained cold and there wasn't so much happiness in his voice.

"Love you" Yohji ruffled his hair "but I'm not that bad" he winked.

Aya knew he was a good cook and the food poisoning-strategy was a successful trick but he found it funny. Yohji's and Ken's voices sounded hilarious, dumb, shocked and the tiniest bit amused.

It was nice to be alive and it was great to be home. Omi was laughing, Yohji was happy and Ken took a picture. That was the way life should be.


	45. Holiday

After Yohji's fingers healed and Aya recovered, they left for their little journey. One week in a small hotel near the beach. The hotel was old and even the furnishings were as old as the hotel but well restored or recreated.

"How old is the hotel?" Aya asked as far as he could see it was old fashioned.

"It's the old residence of a European merchant, I think it was build around … 19th century" Yohji answered, he wasn't sure but decided to look it up the next time he found a brochure.

"I like it" Aya looked around and tried to create an image of the hotel in his mind. Their room looked comfortable, a huge bed, a soft couch, dark red curtains and fresh flowers on the table.

"It's beautiful" Yohji was amazed; he knew it was an old kind of architecture but it looked even better than he imagined.

"I can hear the sea" Aya opened the window and entered the balcony. The sky was blue and the sun bright. He smelled the fresh salty air "I like that"

Yohji smiled "I know" he slung his arms around his lover "It's cold let us go back inside"

"Okay" Aya turned around in Yohji's arms and put his arms around his middle "I'm glad we're alive. You scared me"

Yohji gave him a sad smile "**You** scared **me**" he stared at the sea. It was close, too close but they survived, this time.

"Yeah" Aya sighed "I scared you because you scared me, doom loop"

"We should stop that" the blond chuckled "but there are things we can't change"

"We have to be more careful" Aya scolded "we're too careless. That's the reason we had to learn, that we're not immortal, the hard way"

"True but we're good and I think we will grow old together" Yohji caressed the side of Aya's neck with his fingertips.

Aya smiled at him and escaped their hug; he caressed Yohji's cheek and smiled sadly before he vanished inside their room. Yohji knew Aya didn't believe in it but wasn't able to say it out loud so he let Aya escape. Yohji looked at the sky, took a deep breath and entered the room "Do you want to go to the art museum?"

"Sure" Aya was surprised that Yohji let him go so easily "do you like art? I don't want to bore you"

"I like art" the blond patted Aya's head "Asuka and I went to the museum once or twice a year"

"Is it okay to go then" Aya frowned, it was Yohji's and Asuka her ritual and it was not his intention to steal her place.

"She's dead and I broke up with her, now it's your place by my side. Not hers"

"I can live with that" Aya smiled.

They spent three hours with looking at paintings and sculptures. It wasn't easy to see some of the painting because of the dim light but Yohji helped him. He explained everything Aya couldn't see and that was enough for the young redhead.

"I'm hungry" Aya's tummy rumbled "Let's search for a nice restaurant" Yohji took his hand and they left the museum.

They walked through a busy part of the small city as they heard someone call for Aya "Hey Ran it's you, isn't it?!" a young man beamed, he held the hand of a beautiful young woman with blond hair.

"Yes" Aya tried to recognize them but it wasn't easy when you can't see them clearly.

"It's me Nanami" the woman smiled "and he's Kouki, remember"

"We were classmates" Aya remembered, they weren't friends but they talked from time to time.

"Haaa, he remembers" she grinned and looked at her boyfriend "I said he remembers us"

"You win" he sighed, that was embarrassing "Do you want to eat with us?"

Aya looked at Yohji he wasn't sure if he wants to eat with them, he was a gay first class assassin with a bi first class assassin boyfriend and he hated his past.

"We have some time left, I think we have time for dinner" Yohji saw his inner conflict and tried to leave some space for Aya's decision.

"Okay" Aya nodded "Great" Nanami grabbed Kouki's hand and dragged him into a little Japanese restaurant.

"Ran, introduce your friend to us" she chirped after they ordered their food.

"His name is Yohji" Aya glared at her in a possessive way.

"Nice to meet you" she didn't notice the cold glare Aya sent "Ran never had a friend. It's nice to see you made friend over the years"

"It's nice to have friends" Aya replied, Yohji grinned "You went to school with him?"

Kouki grinned "Yeah,we talked from time to time. He was frightening so we didn't dare to approach him often"

Yohji laughed, that was his Aya "That's the Ran I know"

"Looks like you didn't change that much" Kouki watched Yohji, he was so different from Aya.

"There was no reason to change" Aya lied, he wasn't the frightened and defenseless kid anymore, he was a killer. One of the best killers you could get.

Yohji knew Aya must have changed a lot but it wasn't the time to ask and there are things which should stay hidden.

"What's your job?" Nanami asked curious.

"We have a flower shop" Aya wasn't sure if he should be proud or ashamed.

"Ohh, a flower shop. I love flowers" she beamed "It must be a nice job"

"It is nice" Yohji answered for Aya "We make people happy and to look in their happy faces makes the work definitely pleasant"

"And you?" Aya asked; he was curious what their life looked like.

"I'm a reporter for a fashion magazine" she was proud of her job.

"Looks like your dream came true" Aya smiled "Yeah" she took the plate the waiter gave her with a big smile on her face.

"I work for a big financial company" Kouki said after they got their dinner.

"Nice" Yohji smiled "It's more lucrative as a flower shop but not as fun" Kouki was a bit angry that Nanami smiled so often at him.

"We earn a lot" Yohji shot back; it wasn't a lie "We have a great life and we have as much free time as we want. I love our shop and our two partners. It's like a family"

"I love it too" Aya smiled, Nanami looked at him in awe. It was the first time she saw him smile like that. He was so beautiful.

"Sounds great. I should visit them, the next time we have holidays" Kouki looked at her and wasn't so happy about it. He works hard for his money and they sell a few flowers and earn a lot of money. That wasn't fair.

"Yeah" he faked a smile, the smile couldn't deceive Yohji. He knew he had won their argument.

"How was the school?" Yohji changed the topic.

"The teachers were strict, it was hard work to achieve good grades or at least moderate grades and they had strict rules. They punished everyone who dared to break the rules"

"Nanami you exaggerate. They weren't that strict, they ignored a good joke here and there" Kouki interfered.

"True. Because of that I got a concussion and a fractured wrist" Aya said emotionless.

"That was not nice. You didn't do anything" she sighed "I think you were too beautiful and intelligent, they couldn't bear it"

"Maybe" Aya munched his vegetables "but I think the main problem was that his girlfriend asked me out on a date"

"Ow" Kouki frowned "that's bad. What was your answer?"

Yohji grinned, he had the same question in mind "No" Aya replied "she wasn't my type. She was mean, perfidious and dumb. I like them clever, honest, endearing, blond and tall"

"Yeah. Did you hear that she married the damn bully and got three children? She isn't a quarter as good looking as then"

"Shit happens" Yohji rose a brow and chuckled softly, he was Aya's type; he liked the idea that life kicked their asses.

"Do you remember my older sister? She was on our final party" Nanami forgot a very important fact.

"I stayed away from voluntary school activities and I had other things to do that day" Aya looked at his plate, it was the day he buried his parents and swore to kill Takatori.

"Oh god. I'm sorry Ran. I forgot" she blushed; she sipped nervously on her water.

"Are you two married?" Yohji changed the topic.

"Uhm. Yeah. Isn't the ring nice" she held up her hand but it was too dark for Aya to see it.

"Can you hold your hand near his face?" Yohji asked as he noticed Aya's frustration.

She looked confused but did as he asked. Aya tilted his head to the left side to get a better look at it "It's a beautiful ring" he smiled.

"Oh my god" she clasped hear hand over hear mouth "You're blind"

Kouki looked at Aya and noticed for the first time the difference in his eyes "How…?"

"I had a car accident, a few weeks ago. I will recover but it needs time. I'm able to see a little when the light is bright enough"

"I didn't notice that you can't see" Kouki was impressed.

"We trained a lot" Aya was proud and everyone could see it "He can make bouquets, cook, enjoy the view of the sea" Yohji looked proud.

"That's good. You don't deserve so much misfortune" Nanami patted his hand. Yohji watched her and he noticed that he wasn't the slightest bit jealous.

"Dou you have a nice girlfriend who takes care of you?"

Yohji was interested in the answer, was Aya ready to tell them about him? Or was he still single during the dinner? The blond decided that it didn't matter. He knew the truth and that was enough.

Aya looked confused, wasn't it obvious that Yohji was more than a friend? "Like I said I like them blond and tall" Aya winked.

They looked dumbly at Aya and waited for an explanation "Come on" Aya frowned.

Yohji took pity on him and put an arm around Aya and pulled him into a breath taking kiss "Got it?" the blond asked with a wicked smile.

"" she got it "You're…?! CUTE" she clapped her hand.

"Yaoi freak" Aya whispered "Yep" Yohji answered. Kouki looked like he saw a dancing elephant in a tutu "Oh no. Nanami forget it" he nagged "You won't write a fanfic about them. We decided to spent hour holidays together and NOT in front of a laptop"

Aya and Yohji looked at each other and blushed "at least tolerant" Yohji blurted.

They started to laugh and spent the rest of the dinner with talking and joking.

"It was nice to see you" Nanami hugged them "We will visit you in a few months"

"I'm looking forward to it" Aya meant what he said.

Kouki shook their hands "See you soon. Bye" they waved.

"That was a nice day" Yohji took Aya's hand and walked towards a book store.

"Yeah. We never talked that much at school. I like them but it was difficult" Aya followed him.

"It's never easy at school. Everyone has to play their part if they want to or not" Yohji didn't like his time in school either.

"A book store?" Aya noticed where they were going.

"I forgot my book and I thought we want to read before we go to bed" they entered the shop.

"Hmm. What do we want to read?" Yohji stood in front of a huge bookcase.

"Do you ever read 'For Edgar'?" Aya asked while he looked through the books.

"No" Yohji searched the book "What's it about?"

"A serial killer murders women and he follows Edgar Allen Poe's guidance" Aya explained "He kills how Poe killed the characters in his stories and so a cat and mouse game begins"

(A/N: Sheldon Rusch wrote the book. I read it years ago but I still remember it, good sign for a book isn't it . Thought one of you might be interested in thrillers and would like to know the author)

"Sounds interesting" Yohji walked to the third bookcase and the fourth and fifth "Ah got it"

Aya stopped his search "It has still the same book cover. It burned down with our house and … my parents"

Yohji remained silent and gave Aya soft peck on his lips. The redhead smiled "Do you want to read something else?"

"No, I'm curious about this one" the blond dragged Aya to the till "I had to read a few poems at school like Annabel Lee, Evening star, the raven and …uhm… a dream something"

"He wrote a dream and a dream within a dream, as far as I know" Aya wasn't sure if he missed a poem with the word dream in the title.

"A dream within a dream, that's it" Yohji beamed "I liked that"

"He wrote beautiful poems, I never read it at school but it was something to kill free time with" Yohji chuckled, it wasn't surprising that Aya read something like that in his free time instead of socialize with others.

"So you spent your time with a lot of girls and alcohol?" Aya concluded.

"I had a girl friend for one and a half year and I spent a lot of time with friends. We learned together, sometimes, and we went to the cinema and talked a lot"

Aya started to laugh "I understand. You did completely the contrary. I was not existent and you were … obvious"

"Both lives sound unsatisfying that way" Yohji paid for the book and took Aya's hand "It's not easy to escape the role people give you and after you escaped you're chained to the next role and so on"

"True" Aya smiled "but we can try to be ourselves and minimize the expectations of others"

"Minimize that will be a problem we tend to surpass all expectations because we are great"

"Hmm, you're right. We're pretty, pretty and pretty, oh and a bit dangerous. It's hard to be so awesome" Aya mocked but Yohji was right, they were good in what they did.

The blond chuckled "Let us go back to the hotel. We take a bath, call the room service and order something to eat while we watch the sunset and then we go to bed, cuddle and read the new book. Is it a plan?"

"Sounds good but food again" Aya frowned "Omi will kill me when we don't put on some weight" the blond replied.

"Okay, we eat again" they walked slowly over the promenade and enjoyed the blue sky and glittering water.

* * *

I don't want their holiday to end here but I don't know what they could do during their stay.

It can be everything, real, imaginary …………

Thank youuuu


	46. Dance with me

Aya was able to escape the bathing plan, he forgot about his scars as he agreed to bath with him. He pretended to sleep and luckily he fell asleep before Yohji returned.

Yohji lay down next to him and watched him sleep; he caressed his lover's temples from time to time or stroked a bang out of his face.

_~ He looks so adorable and happy when he's sleeping. Isn't it too warm for a long sleeved shirt? The room temperature is high. I wonder why you wear them anyway. You seldom wore long sleeved shirts during the night. Your skin is warm and it doesn't look like you're freezing ~_

Aya turned around and snuggled closer, he laid his hand on top of Yohji's chest.

"Hey" Yohji whispered and waited for Aya to open his eyes but he continued to sleep.

"Remind me to tease you about your cuddling habits" he put his hand on top of Aya's and closed his eyes. Aya woke up in the middle of the night and felt Yohji's strong hand on his body. His felt that his sleeve wasn't where he wanted it to be so he tried to pull his hand out of Yohji's grip before his lover could see the reminder of his stupidity. Aya held his breath as he drew his hand back, Yohji moaned softly but remained asleep. The redhead sighed in relieve after he freed his hand, he pulled down his sleeve and watched his sleeping lover.

A single tear slid down his face and he tried to stifle a sob, he hated himself for what he did and he hated himself even more for keeping it a secret. It wasn't fair and he wished he could tell him but the question was how do you explain to your lover that you tried to take your life while he tried everything to protect you? He had to tell him the truth, one day. Aya pressed his hands to his chest while he lent his head against Yohji's shoulder.

_~ What am I supposed to do? I lied to him, I have numerous secrets and I'm a wreck._

_When I tell him about it he will be angry because I lied. If I choose to keep it a secret I have to live with the nagging voice in my mind which tells me that I'm a dirty liar._

_And what if he finds out on his own, he will be more than angry. He will leave me for good._

_Oh god what have I done ~_

"Morning love, time to wake up" Yohji sat on the bed and caressed Aya's head while he talked to him. "Morning" Aya mumbled "What have you planned for today?" he crawled out of the bed and walked into the bathroom.

"I thought we can visit the book fair and I know a nice little restaurant near the beach … maybe, we can spent some time on the beach" he summarized.

"I like that" Aya answered while he put his toothbrush away "Can you read ´from Edgar´ to me?"

"Yeah" the blond smiled "but therefore you have to stay awake"

Aya blushed "I'll try" and changed his clothes.

"Wow, where do we start?" Yohji looked around in awe. He heard that the hall was huge but he didn't think it would be that gigantic.

"I think we start right here" Aya looked around, the light was bright and he could see how crowded and huge the hall was.

"Yeah" the blond took Aya's hand and walked to the first ….

"I think it not for us. Or do you want to know how to make a dress?" the blond grinned.

Aya rose a brow "You have not the build for a dress" he countered.

"Ahh, you're cheeky today" he laughed and dragged Aya to the next store "Ah that's better. Classics"

"Do they have ghost stories by Charles Dickens? Or Sherlock Holmes? I like Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. They burned down with our house too" there was no sadness in his voice this time and Yohji took it for a good sign.

"Here" Yohji led him to the right category "they even have the movie?"

Aya gave Yohji a wicked grin "I like the movie" Yohji grinned "I can't imagine why"

"Strange isn't it" Aya used his best innocent look "Yeah, nice story, hot actors and a stunning hero. I still can't imagine why" Yohji put an arm around Aya's shoulder.

The young man chuckled; he liked to talk nonsense together with his lover. He felt younger and had the feeling he didn't lost his whole youth. He had still the right to be childish when he wanted to and Yohji played along.

"I think I know what we watch this evening" the blond grabbed a DVD and a Sherlock Holmes collector's box with all the books Aya needed.

Yohji decided to rebuild Aya's youth bit by bit, he couldn't bring his parents back but he would do everything to reconstruct his belongings.

"What do you want?" Aya looked at him "History? Thriller?"

"Thriller" the blond smiled "I think they have a rich variety of books for me"

"Yeah" the redhead took Yohji's hand and waited until he led the way.

They spent three more hours there until they got tired and decided to search for a nice little restaurant.

After a nice meal they headed for the beach to watch the sunset.

They searched a nice place and sat down "Can you see the sunset?" Yohji asked he forgot his idea could be frustrating for Aya.

"I see enough" it wasn't a lie, he saw different colors and he could see a bright spot which must be the setting sun.

"It's almost as beautiful as you" Yohji took Aya's hand and kissed his palm "I love you, boss"

"Love you too, vice" Aya smiled. It felt good to hear him say that he loved him and confirm that he's still the number one "I never thought you're a romanticist"

"Only for you" he pulled Aya closer and placed a soft kiss on his forehead.

Not far from their spot was a karaoke bar and they could hear the soft tunes of Everything I do by Bryan Adams.

"Sounds like a wedding" Aya listened carefully, he liked the song but for a wedding?

"It's too stereotyped, everyone use the song"

"You're right" Yohji made a mental note not to forget to ignore the song for his proposal plans.

"He can't sing" Aya stated as the singer who tried his best to copy Bryan Adams missed almost every second tune.

"At least they have fun" Yohji rested his head on Aya's shoulder; he liked the warmth and Aya's scent. He was tired and relaxed, the trip was a good idea and it looked like his lover had his fun too.

The blond had hoped that Aya would talk to him about his secrets and worries but he kept his pretty little mouth. It was frustrating but on the other hand it was nice to see him happy, it was nice to listen to him while he talked about books and movies and his childhood. It was a first step and Yohji could wait for the next.

"What are you thinking about?" Aya asked, Yohji didn't move for ten minutes and that worried him.

"About us" he replied "It was a nice trip and I like it when you're happy"

"You make me happy; it wouldn't be the same without you. You're the only one who makes me feel this way"

Yohji closed his eyes and smiled "Love you, too"

Aya looked surprised it wasn't the reply he expected. He thought Yohji would try to discuss his emotional world and ask question. It was nice not to explain why you feel what you feel.

After the untalented singer came to an end a guy with a really nice voice started to sing.

Aya knew the song, his mother liked it and played it often when he was a child "Dance with me" Aya stood up and held out his hand, a happy and loving expression ghosted over Aya's pale face and Yohji could not resist to take the hand he offered "Of course, my angel"

He took Aya into his arms and they swayed to the music and listened to the singer's beautiful voice.

_~ I feel it in my fingers; I feel it in my toes_

_Love is all around me and so the feeling grows ~_

Aya's pale skin gleamed in the moonlight and gave him a porcelain taint. His eyes sparkled as they swayed, they were warm and Yohji never saw so much love, devotion and feelings he couldn't even describe in his lover's breath taking eyes. Aya rested his head on Yohji's shoulder and he knew, Aya's love was pure and he realized that the redhead still was a young adult, he looked so young without the hard lines of worry and responsibilities in his now carefree face.

The blond stroke a bang out of Aya's eyes and tucked it, with a soft smile, behind his ear.

_~ It's written on the wind,_

_It's everywhere I go, oh yes it is_

_So if you really love me,_

_Come on and let it show ~_

Aya closed his eyes and listened to the music and Yohji's steady heart beat. He remembered his parent's. His mother and he prepared the dinner for the wedding anniversary, they did it every year. She said it was the tradition she treasured most because her husband gave her the most precious presents a woman could wish for, her two beautiful children. She started to hum the song while they prepared the salad and continued to hum until they finished the dessert. One day, he asked her why she always hummed the same song year by year and she answered that his father proposed to her while hearing the song and his father even asked the DJ to play it during their wedding party, it was the first song they danced to that night. She said she was speechless that he remembered and it was the gesture that touched her heart. From then on she knew they would never part. How right she was, Aya thought, bitterly.

_~ You know I love you, I always will,_

_My mind's made up by the way that I feel,_

_There is no beginning; there'll be no end,_

'_Cause on my love,_

_You can depend ~_

Yohji could see a sad little smile on Aya's face "What are you thinking about?" he asked gently, and kissed the top of Aya's head, but they didn't stop to dance the moment was too precious to disturb.

"The song is … was my parent's wedding song and it was the song my father used to propose to my mother. She always hummed it on their wedding anniversary. I like the memory"

Okay so scratch the song of the proposal list "It is a nice song and I love it to dance with you"

Aya remained silent but a big smile spread over his face, he looked into Yohji's eyes and tried hard to see something but he only saw his contours, but it was better than nothing.

He caressed Yohji's cheek, the blond gave in to the touch but continued to sway softly to the music but he was careful not to break the physical contact. The redhead slung his arms around his lover's neck and continued to dance with closed eyes in the arms of his love. Yohji didn't dare to close his eyes, he was afraid he could miss an important expression, a flicker of emotion or even the damn stalker girl. He started to relax but he always had the feeling that his lover's life was in jeopardy.

_~ I see your face before me as I lay on my bed,_

_I cannot get to thinking,_

_Of all the things you said._

_You gave your promise to me and I gave mine to you,_

_I need someone beside me, in everything I do, oh yes I do_

_You know I love you I always will ….. ~_

Aya started to sing the rest of the refrain for Yohji "My mind's made up by the way that I feel. There's no beginning. There'll be no end 'cause on my love you can depend" he smiled and it took Yohji's breath away. That was a beautiful declaration of love and the honest smile Aya gave him was absolutely stunning. Yohji opened his mouth to say something, but Aya noticed the change and put a finger over his mouth. Yohji was surprised and did not know what to expect but his insecurity vanished as Aya came closer. He pressed a soft kiss on Yohji's cheek, on the corner of his mouth, "Let me show how much I love you" he said before he pulled him into a passionate kiss.

"I love you, you know" he whispered breathless after they parted, "I know" Yohji smiled and pulled him into another kiss.

The beach was empty and it was almost completely dark except of the silver light of the moon.

They sank slowly onto the ground, forgotten were worries, responsibilities and promises about 'no-sex-before-you-can-see'.

(A/N: I don't own the song, the text etc. etc. etc., Wet Wet Wet sings and owns their song 'Love is all around'.

I listened to the song again and again while I wrote the chapter to get a feeling for the situation and I think … okay I hope it is at least a bit romantic.

The song was in the charts in the year of my ninths birthday, geez, I'm getting old)


	47. Friends or foes

Aya worked in the shop for almost two weeks now; his bouquets were as popular as ever. The only problems were the girls, not all of them but a few made their life a little uncomfortable.

They were split in two groups, most of the girls liked the Yohji/Aya pairing, that's what they called their new fandom, and the other fraction was the 'killer glance-fraction'.

They were outnumbered but still unpleasant; the boy's tried to get rid of them but failed.

The girls were stubborn and they bought flowers so no one could call the police because they're loitering in the shop and the boys couldn't be rough without attracting too much suspicion.

"Aya?" a young girl asked, her face was tomato red and she wrung her hands.

"Yeah" he looked up and listened to her voice "Do I know you?" he couldn't remember the voice.

"Not really, I'm here often but I only buy flowers twice a year for my mother" she explained.

Aya nodded "Is it time for flowers?"

"No" she said quietly "I—I have a question" she whispered. Aya realized that she was ashamed and made a gesture to signal her to follow him. They stopped at small room in the back of the shop.

"What can I do for you?" he asked gently. She was surprised, she always thought it would be hard to talk to him because he yelled so often and had a terrifying kind of glare "Uhm—I –I have a little problem and I thought you could help because – Uhm –you're gay and so—"

"Do you think you're maybe a lesbian?" He asked out of the blue. She blinked and nodded before she remembered that he couldn't see her "Yes"

"How can I help you?" Aya had a notion that she needed someone to guide her, to help her to accept her homosexuality.

"How long do you know that you – prefer guys?"

"I think I always knew it, I never fell in love with a girl. I think their attractive but I never felt anything else than that. So I realized that I'm different and began to accept myself" he tried to remember.

"How long did you need to accept that you're gay?" she watched him.

"I needed a very long time. There world isn't a tolerant as we wish for but you can reach every goal with friends by your side. Real friends accept you, however you are, black, white, homosexual, crippled …"

"Like Omi and Ken?" she looked at the ground for a moment and thought about her friends.

"Yeah, I wish I would have had friends like them as a child and teenager. It would have been easier for me but better late than never" he smiled "Do you have friends like that?"

"I'm not sure. They always say it's okay to be different but it isn't always like it seems to be" she watched him again "I'm scared"

"When they don't accept you the way you are, than they are not worthy of your friendship"

"You are right but I'm afraid to be alone" she cried, silently.

Aya heard a soft sob and wiped a tear away, his kindness startled her "The world is full of people who would like to be a friend of yours, lesbian or not"

"Try talking with them and should they reject you, what I don't believe, come back here and we talk again, okay?"

She flung her arms around him and thanked him "I know why Yohji chose you, he's cleverer than I thought" he could hear the smile in her voice "He would be an idiot if he let you go but should he ever hurt you tell me and we break his bones" Aya smiled, the young girl was deadly serious.

She left after she gave him a little kiss on the cheek, she waved at Yohji on her way out, who lent against the wall near the doorframe.

"I'm impressed" he entered the room "It looks like teenagers love you"

"She needed help" Aya wasn't sure if Yohji was accusing him of cheating.

"I know. I followed you because I was worried. I wasn't sure if she was a friend or foe" the blond felt uncomfortable because he spied on his lover.

"It's okay but you could have helped her too, you know" Aya approached him.

"No. You did a good job and there was nothing to add. I think she trusts you and a friend is what she needs the most at the moment" Yohji pitied the young girl and hoped, with all his heart, that she would find happiness.  
"I hope it's okay that I told her to come by when she needs help?" Aya was unsure.

"No problem" he pulled Aya into a hug "Don't worry. I'm not angry or jealous. She's young and insecure. She still develops her identity and to realize that you're not like the others is a hard task for her psyche and she'll need time to come out"

"I know" the redhead sighed, no one deserved such difficult problems but it could be her chance to build a strong and self-confident character.

"I'm happy to have you and the boys. We're lucky to have them and the pro Aya/Yohji fraction, I' mean, aside from the 'killer-glance-fraction', we have much support even thought we are homosexual.

"I love you, genius" Aya kissed him "I'll never let you go"

"I'll never want to go" he breathed in his lover's ear.

"Hey good morning young lady" Yohji beamed "Let me guess! You need a beautiful bouquet for your husband?"

The older woman laughed "Good morning young man"

"How are you?" he watched her, she looked good "I'm feeling well"

"Great" he clapped his hands "What do you want this time?"

"You can decide" she trusted them and she was sure they would create something beautiful.

Yohji looked around to check if Aya was still busy or had time to make a new bouquet.

She followed his gaze and detected Aya, he was a beautiful young man "Is he the one you almost lost?" she asked as she noticed the look in Yohji's eyes. It looked like love and guilt; she knew how it looked like because she saw it for years, every time she looked in the mirror.

"Yeah" he gave her a sad smile "He's your boyfriend" she realized, it wasn't the loving gaze of a friend it was the look you give a lover.

"Yes he is" he blushed, "Ah, no problem. Love is love" she patted his shoulder.

He took her hand and introduced her to Aya "Nice to meet you" he smiled.

She waved her hand in front of his face "He can't see?" she asked surprised, she saw the strange look in his eyes and decided to confirm her suspicion but it wasn't less surprising that she was right.

"I can see a little" he aimed for her nose and poked it "You see" he grinned.

She chuckled "You're a funny young man" she liked him; he and the blond were gorgeous.

"It's only temporary. His eyes need some time to heal" Yohji explained.

"That pleases me to no end" she beamed "You're young and there is so much to see, especially your cute boyfriend" she winked.

Aya laughed, the girls turned around to take a look at the person who laughed, their jaws dropped as they realized that the beautiful voice belonged to the redhead.

"I want to see his eyes" he confessed with a smile "I love them and his drop-dead smile, the colour of his hair, his beautiful face …and I want to see my little kitten, right Faith? What are you doing here?" he picked the kitten up who hid behind the counter near Aya's feet.

"Ohh, little one. You're a cute little guy" she enthused about Faith "Emerald eyes like Yohji"

"Aya always says how much he loves my eyes… so I thought he would like some company with emerald eyes while I work" Yohji scratched the back of his head.

She chuckled "You're crazy about him and vice versa. A love like yours is seldom, promise to treasure it" her expression darkened as she remembered her first date with her husband.

"We will" Aya took a flower and placed it in her hair "No one knows what will happen but he we have the present to make memories and internalize what we have" Yohji added and slung his arms around her from behind, he rested his chin on her shoulder and changed the topic "What do you think Aya? Can you make a beautiful bouquet for the grave of her husband?"

Aya's eyes widened but he recovered after a second "Of course I can" he pouted to lighten the mood.

"Good boy" the blond grinned "Do you want to help me to piss of the boys?" Yohji whispered, with a wicked grin on his face.

"Yeah" she patted his hand and he led her to the other side of the room "Don't overdo it" Aya pointed out. Yohji grinned at him "What makes you think that?"

"I know you. I won't help you should they decide to kick your sorry ass" he said in his best leader tone with a slight mocking undertone.

Yohji put a hand over his heart and made grimace before he spent some time with the older woman.

Aya liked that Yohji tried to bring happiness into her life. It must be hard to lose the love of your life and he hoped that he dies first. He did not want to see them go, he already lost one family.

He used more time for the bouquet than necessary he wanted it to be proper and beautiful; he wanted it to be worthy.

"Finished" Aya yelled and waited for them to return.

"Oh, I never saw a bouquet like this" she looked at it in awe. Aya used the best flowers they had and worked with contrasts. The bouquet looked lovely and kinda happy but at the same time worthy for the grave of a beloved husband.

"Dou you like it?" Aya asked unsure, he couldn't identify the meaning of the noises she made.

"I love it my boy" she took the bouquet into her arms and cradled it almost like a child "Thank you"

"You're welcome" Aya said "How much does it cost? It looks expensive" she asked still staring at the flowers.

"It's a present" Aya couldn't take her money, it wasn't right "But…Yohji gave me the flowers as a present the last time too"

"This time **I** give them to you" Aya replied, Yohji gave her a kiss on the cheek before he went behind the counter and put an arm around Aya's shoulder "Take them. We will never take money from you"

"Why?" she was shocked "Because you're a nice lady and I love it to talk to you. And even Aya decided that he likes you and that's impressive"

She laughed, she had no other choice as to take the flowers for free but she realized that friendship and kindness was a greater good to them than money or image. So in the end she paid for the flowers but not with money "Thank you"

"Have a nice day" Yohji waved until she vanished "I really like her"

"She's a great woman" Aya agreed, "but I don't like the stares of the girls. They make me nervous and I don't want to feel nervous at home"

Yohji's ladies stood near the door and stared at him because of the attention he got from his lover, he was almost happy that he couldn't see them glare at him like hyenas.

"I know love but I can't throw them out without to get rough or provoking a catastrophe" he kissed Aya's temple "I'm sorry" he whispered.

"It's not your fault" Aya caressed his cheek "they'll understand… one day"

"Now would be great" the blond sighed "Yeah but our relationship is strong enough" Aya looked at him "You're right" the blond gave him a peck on the lip.

"Go back to work" Aya chuckled and focused on his work, Yohji did as he was told.

"We have to break them up" a girl hissed, a group of six women met in a park near the Koneko.

"The question is, how?" a woman with blond hair sighed "the whore has twisted him around his little finger"

"I have an idea" the youngest announced, she stalked them long enough to know how their relationship worked "Yohji is the jealous type"

"So we have to make him jealous" a brown haired woman in a red dress mused.

"I think it could work" the blond woman grinned, the others nodded.

"We have to be careful but I reckon we'll need a month, or two, to break them up" stalker-girl beamed with joy.

"One or two months?" they mumbled.

"Slowly but steady, Yohji will start to hate him" she laughed almost hysterically.

"You're insane" a barby like woman said "I know" she answered with a sardonic grin on her face. She wanted Yohji and she would do everything to get him. Aya must leave his life, dead or alive.

"We need help" the woman with brown hair smiled "and I know a few people"

"I'll keep an eye on them, you call your friends and you, you and you try to bewitch him and you" she pointed at the blond woman "You ensure that he gets many phone calls and text-messages, and with luck Yohji answers the phone or notices the messages"

"You're brilliant" they clapped and cheered "Come on, we have a lot to do" she ordered and the women deployed.

A/N: I decided on a song for the proposal and I'm sorry I needed this long *bow* but I found a few song which helped me over my writers block. I know what I want to happen but I didn't know how to reach my goals. I wrote a little and deleted it or I sat in front of my laptop and though "Uhm?"

I'm officially an "officially recognized" educator (I don't know the right description in English sorry but I hope you know more or less what I mean)so I have more time because I don't have to study for test or do my homework :p . Ok it's no guaranty for updates but I'm confident.

I've written only half of chapter 48 and I think it's mean to give you only half of it. I'll spend next week in London (I never was in England before. I don't like flying ) so I don't have access to my laptop but I continue to write it (at the Hotel before I go to bed ) and I'll type it down when I'm back. I think you'll get to read it in one or one and a half week, I give my best.

Love you all *hugs and kisses*


	48. Beautiful eyes

Sorry I needed longer than I expected. After I returned from London (nice town by the way) I saw that I didn't get a place at the university, again. 300 places but far over 3000 candidates.

I saw really sad and wasn't in the mood to write. I had to think about my life and decided to look for a permanent job. Should I get a place next year I would be 30 years old when I finish, the year after 31…. I want a family one day and not study until I'm over 30. I think I have to start my life, maybe one day I get another chance *sighed*

I finished the chapter in London like promised but I thought you would like to have the rest of it too. I thought it would be mean to let you wait a week so I decided to post it when I finished the context because chapter 49 would have been a mean cliffhanger :) maybe not but I wanted to make sure :p

Oh and thank you veeeeery much for the reviews *hug*

Two weeks passed and the boys were still very much in love. They hadn't had a fight in weeks, no missions or other complications.

Aya felt relaxed, his head rested on Yohji's chest and the blonds' arm was wrapped around his waist. The blond was still asleep and Aya did not want to wake him so he didn't bother to open his eyes or move.

It was great to wake up, every morning, next to the one you love. He remembered their dance, the old woman Yohji liked so much, the young woman who asked for his help. His life had changed, drastically. He wasn't alone anymore and people depended on him, it was nice to feel useful.

Aya placed a soft kiss on Yohji's naked chest but he didn't stir. He smiled and opened his eyes, a shocked gasp escaped him. He squeezed his eyes shut "Oh god" he felt nauseous but tried to open them again. After he adjusted to the situation the nausea faded "Oh" he whispered and shot up. He startled Yohji who looked at him with sleepy eyes "What's up?" he propped up on his elbow "Aya?" the redhead's breath came in short gasps and Yohji thought he'll hyperventilate any minute.

Aya heard his blood rush in his ear mixed with a soft worried voice, it had to be Yohji, he thought. He looked at him, Yohji's looked wide awake and his eyes were so beautiful.

"Aya? Talk to me" he pleaded and was surprised as Aya cupped his face "You're eyes are beautiful" a wide smile spread over Aya's face as he realized that it wasn't a dream but reality.

Yohji paled, his mouthed opened and closed but no word came out. He flung himself around Aya and hugged him painfully tight.

The redhead smiled and held his lover in his arms; he rubbed soothing circles between his shoulder blades "Hush"

Yohji cried tears of joy, his love could see. The reminder of his betrayal vanished and he hoped they could move on, once and for all.

Aya kissed Yohji's neck "It's okay" he whispered, Yohji looked up and stared into Aya's eyes "I'm so happy" he choked out.

"Me too" Aya smiled and wiped the tears away "Let's grab some breakfast and then we can celebrate"

The blond nodded and let go of his lover, they got dressed and went downstairs.

"Yohji, what happened?" Omi worried, he smiled but his eyes were red and puffy.

"It's my fault that he's in this state" Aya rubbed his hands.

"What did you do?" Ken asked "Did you play too dirty?" he winked.

"Better" Yohji beamed like a headlight "He can see" he grabbed Aya's waist and stared into his amethyst eyes before he kissed the tip of his nose.

Aya blushed "Love you, too", the boys were incredible happy. Ken patted Aya's shoulder and gave him a broad smile and Omi took him into a short but tight hug.

Omi whistled a pop song while he prepared an opulent meal, Ken chattered about soccer and new fan fictions the girls wrote about them.

"Let us take the day off" Omi said "I have a lot to do and it would be nice to eat outwards tonight. Is it okay to celebrate it together?"

"Sure" Aya said it was almost embarrassing but when they want to celebrate so be it.

Yohji looked around but couldn't find their little friend "Faith where are you? Aya wants to see you, little one" they heard a soft jingle before he slipped into the room "Mew"

He waddled to Aya and looked at him; he tilted his little head "Mew?" Aya lifted him up and watched him "He really has beautiful eyes" Faith licked his forehead and purred. He stroke with his little paw over Aya's hand, with caution not to scratch him.

Aya cradled him in his arms "Nice to meet you, young man" and smiled at the fur ball.

Faith closed his eyes and snuggled closer to the warm chest, he felt secure it was so much better than a cold cage in the middle of a shop.

The redhead rocked him into a peaceful sleep "What do we do today?" he looked at his lover.

"We pay doc a visit" he answered but after he saw the expression on his lover's face he added "and then we stroll through the park you like so much" his mood lightened.

"Visiting your sister again?" Doc approached after she saw them enter the hallway.

He hadn't an appointment with Souta and she didn't hear about any injuries. Yohji beamed but didn't say a word, he pushed Aya forwards. Yohji startled him "Hey" he frowned

"He can see" the blond blurted out. Doc looked stunned; did he just say that Aya can see? "Huh?" was the highly intelligent answer.

"He can see" he repeated with a broad smile on his face "He woke up this morning and … he saw me"

"Come with me" she smiled and led him to an empty room. She checked his vitals, examined his eyes and draw blood, to make sure the drug didn't cause any damage.

"Looks like you're healthy" she hid her worries, she wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not. How would their relationship develop from now on? We will see! She sighed inwardly.

Yohji took Aya into his arms and kissed is temple "You can let go of me, I won't vanish"

Aya patted his back, he was embarrassed.

"Don't say that" the blond sighed "you could"

"Could what?" Aya frowned, "Vanish" the blond whispered as if the word were cursed.

Aya's eyes widened and he tightened the hug "I will not vanish; I will stay by your side. Do you understand?"

Doc left the room a while ago but they didn't even notice.

"I promise" Aya pushed him slightly away and cupped his face. He looked at him; lovingly "Do you really think I used you because I needed you for a while? Do you really think that?"

"No" Yohji watched the emotions in his lover's eyes "I don't think you used me"

"Good boy" Aya placed a kiss on his forehead "I loved you before I got blind. I loved you while I was blind and I still love you after I got my eyesight back. Don't you think we had enough hardships to prove our love?"

"Yes, we had" Aya was right, they fought, he hit him and almost took his life but he was still by his side "You must love me, very much"

"I do" the redhead smiled "No one else, only you"

Yohji kissed him "I love you more than life itself" he stroke through the soft red hair "Let's go home"

"Yeah" he took Yohji's hand and dragged him out of the hospital.

Aya and Yohji spent the rest of the day in front of the T.V.; Yohji heard one of the nurses say that she would watch the full moon with her boy friend the next day. He was sure Aya would like to see the full moon and he got more time to make preparation for his little plan. Strictly speaking, it was a huge plan and he had a lot to do, to make it work like planned.

So he canceled their date for tonight and rescheduled it.

They cuddled on the couch while they watched the new Batman movie "Sorry, we're late" Omi apologizes "Are you ready to go?"

"Calm down or do you want a heart attack before you even turn 18?" Yohji grinned. The boy was too excited for his own good. "I take a shower, then and change my clothes" Ken strolled through the living room, he was calm but Yohji could see a glitter of mischief in his eyes.

"Okay" Omi sighed "I'm back in half an hour", "Take your time" Yohji smirked as Omi fled with a blush on his face.

"He`s worrying me" Aya raised a brow "Too much excitement is a bad sign"

"What?" Yohji asked confused. Omi was a good boy and would never harm or intentionally hurt him.

"He's planning a surprise and when he plans a surprise one of us will melt of embarrassment, and now is my turn to blush furiously"

It was always the same, he planned beautiful and loving surprises but he puts so much love in it that you had a hard time not to cry or die of embarrassment and love.

"Tell the truth! You like it, don't you?" Yohji smiled and stroke a strand out of Aya's face and tucked it behind his perfectly shaped ear.

"Yes I do but I don't know how to cope with it"

"You can't handle everything" the blond caressed his cheek "No one can. I'm embarrassed too and do not know what to say"

"You? and speechless?" Aya grinned "Hey" Yohji tickled him, "It looks like they don't need us" Ken put an arm around Omi's shoulder.

"Our kids are growing up" Omi wiped crocodile tears away.

"Come on guys we reserved a table and we're running late already" Ken clapped his hands.

"Yes sir" Yohji stood up and waddled to the wardrobe "Here" he gave Aya his black jacket "I think it's starting to rain soon"

"So you give me your jacket?" he frowned.

"It's better than yours" he explained "And what are you intending to wear? When I have your jacket?" Aya argued.

"I wear this one" he held a jacket up "It's almost as good as the one I gave you"

Yohji's eyes widened, Aya snatched the jacket out of his hand and pushed the other one into his arms "Almost, is good enough for me" Aya put the dark blue jacket on. He went out of the house and left a stunned lover behind "I think he won" Ken patted his back.

"What the hell" Yohji muttered "He doesn't want to take the good jacket away from you. I think he doesn't want you to catch a cold or something" Omii reasoned while he took his own jacket.

"Aya, Aya, Aya. What do I do with you?" he smiled fondly, but he didn't like the message underneath the surface. Nothing was good enough for his redhead but he would teach him to appreciate himself.

They strolled to the restaurant, Aya and Yohji walked hand in hand. The boys were less obvious with showing their affection.

"A table for four" Omi announced as the waiter bowed "Follow me, please" he led them to a table far away from windows and the entrance. Omi asked for a table in the corner of the restaurant as he made the reservation.

He wanted to spend a nice evening with his family. It would have ruined everything to constantly watch the windows or keep an eye on the entrance.

It was unlikely that someone would see them in the back of the restaurant. Omi decided it was safer in case Schwarz or someone else passed by the restaurant. And on the other hand they controlled the situation; they could see everything and the kitchen and emergency exit were near, in case they had to leave in a hurry. Aya watched the restaurant; he still couldn't believe that he was able to see. The whole day he absorbed his surroundings, Yohji, the boys, Faith, doc, the sky, trees and the street with all the life on it. He loved it, especially the love he could see in Yohji's beautiful emerald eyes. It was different, he didn't know what exactly but something changed in his lover. But he would figure it out.

"How is it like to regain your eyesight back after months of darkness?" Ken asked, he thought about it quite often and he decided that it was a good opportunity to ask because Aya was happy about his current situation.

Aya thought about it "I don't know what is scarier, to lose it or regain it. It was scary to wake up in the morning and noticing that the darkness was gone. I thought I was dreaming but then I realized that I was wide awake. The world is more beautiful than before. I never thought I would like these ugly skyscrapers. I never thought I would even miss them" he chuckled.

"I tried to imagine how it feels but it's not easy when you never experienced such a tragedy" Ken was honest and tried not to be blunt. Aya deserved more respect than a cheeky reply.

"I'm not sure if I hate the experience or if I should be thankful" Aya mused.

Yohji had two important questions he wanted to ask but it wasn't the right time. He would take the next chance he got to speak with Aya in private. Ken thought about it and nodded, an experience like this was painful but at the same time you get the chance to learn, to gain new skills. Omi clapped his hands to end the conversation "I have a present for you" he beamed and tried to save him from Ken. He wanted to give it to him after they ate but now was as good as later. He reached him a nicely wrapped package. Aya unwrapped it, carefully, his hands stilled "A photo album" did the album contain the things he missed?

"It's a family album" Omi smiled "We are a family"

"Family" Aya said absentminded, they think he's part of their family, he mused. A broad smile spread over his face but vanished almost instantly as he noticed that the others watched him with strange expressions.

"Don't tell me you don't know?" Omi frowned.

"I…" Aya started but didn't know how to continue, he felt Yohji squeeze his knee "Let him alone" the blond warned. Aya's smile was so happy and they washed it off his face. He wasn't innocent either but it hurt to see the light of happiness fade.

Ken watched Yohji , what did the blond think? And what did he know what they didn't?

He decided to ask at the next best occasion. Omi stared at Yohji, he didn't understand where the problem lay. Ken kicked against his leg as he opened his mouth to complain. He remained silent and shot Aya an apologetic look. Aya opened the album and fixated the first picture. He tried to focus his whole attention on the book. He didn't want to hear what they said and he didn't want to see the look in their eyes so he hid behind the book.

Yohji didn't know what to do to get him back into reality so he moved closer and whispered into his ear "Aya. Everything is alright. The conversation is over and we'll only talk about the pictures and how great it is that you can see. Okay?"

Aya spaced out for five minutes and got them all worried. The waiter served the food and gave him a worried look after he didn't respond.

"Happens sometime" Ken lied and the waiter left without further questions.

But Yohji succeeded and Aya came out of his thoughts. He glanced at Yohji and looked back at the album "I would like that"

"Eat first before its cold. You don't like it cold" Yohji smiled to lighten the mood.

Aya nodded and ate; Yohji gave him a spoon full of his food from time to time so he could try the different dishes, and to use the chance to get some extra calories into him. Aya liked the meat but disliked the sauce on top of the salad. And he didn't like the shot of alcohol in Yohji's dessert.

After they finished eating they ordered something to drink so they had no reason to leave and could occupy the table longer.

"Let's look at the pictures" Yohji suggested.

The first picture was one of the photos Omi took before they left for a mission, Aya's finger ghosted over the picture. Yohji had his arm around Aya's shoulder and smiled lovingly but what surprised him the most was his own smile. It was genuine and so not like him but he remembered the day and the happiness he felt or else he had said someone manipulated it.

"I love that smile of yours" Yohji grinned "utterly adorable" he whispered into his ear and a shiver ran down Aya's spine. "Yeah looks nice" Omi nodded, it was a rare view and because of that they treasured these pictures.

A few pages later Aya began to chuckle, he reached the picture where Faith had his little problem with the trash bin "Sometimes he's a little scatterbrained" Yohji mocked, he knew Faith was a intelligent version of a cat but sometimes …

"He looks dumb sometimes, doesn't he?" Aya remarked while he looked fondly at the photo.

Ken laughed and Omi chuckled. The rest of the evening developed positively. They talked about the photos and appending memories. Aya looked happy, Yohji enjoyed himself and the boys watched their mouths but it didn't reduce their fun.

They left the restaurant ten minutes before closing time and the waiters were happy to get rid of the strange bunch of young adults. Every time they eavesdrop they heard them talk about accidents, gore and 'missions'. In addition to that they had a strange fascination with being happy, wasn't it normal to smile and feel positive emotions? Not for them, obviously.

They came home in the middle of the night and decided to go to bed immediately. Else they were not able to open the shop.

The couple lies on their bed and read a little, they were tired but still too excited to sleep.

Yohji thought about the evening and the questions he wanted to asked, now or never, he thought "Why didn't you tell me how scared you were. I knew it must be scary to lose it but I never thought you could be scared to regain it. I mean we talked about what could happen after you got it back and I thought it would be alright"

"I know we talked and I thought it would be okay, too. But it wasn't like I imagined. I don't know why but my future scared me and the fact that I could see scared me a lot. I – We saw terrible things, we did terrible things. My heart, felt lighter without to see the blood and gore, and the life fading from their eyes"

"Ah, I understand what you mean" he watched his lover and listened carefully to his voice "You didn't tell me the whole truth that night" he realized as he thought about it "and you were more frightened about being blind than you let me know"

"I didn't want to burden you even more. You have your own issues and it's not fair to load my on you too" Yohji was scared himself and he felt so guilty about what happened.

"I would have liked to know. It's too late yet to help you through this, I couldn't support you when you needed me most" he spoke in a calm tone. He wasn't angry at him, slightly disappointed but not angry. He wanted to help but Aya didn't let him.

"It's not a matter of trust or lack of love. I couldn't cope with it that well so I thought I would be better to keep my mouth. I noticed your struggle with your own issues" Aya explained, it wasn't his lover's fault at all.

"I tried to hide it, too" Yohji tried hard to cope with it but obviously he failed. He understood why Aya didn't talk about everything but he hoped he could change it, that he could bring him out of his shell. They kept so many secrets, only to protect one another.

He sighed, deeply "We're incorrigible"

Aya chuckled "I think we are. But we started to talk about everything, not at the time we should but later is better than never"

"That's true" Yohji smiled, they made a huge progress. He had still a question on his mind he couldn't drop.

"Do you really think the experience could possibly be … be positive?" Yohji couldn't even associate something positive with being blind.

"The incident saved our relationship, without Schuldig …" Aya swallowed the big lump which formed in his throat "I would have left you for good"

Yohji's breath hitched and his heart ached terribly "Really?" he choked out and hoped it was a cruel joke.

"Yeah" Aya confirmed, he had reached the point where he thought about leaving Weiss forever. He wanted to go to America or Europe, where ever his talents were needed.

"I planned to go abroad. America or maybe Europe, where ever I'm needed" he explained honest. Yohji rolled around and landed on top of his redhead, he rested his head on his chest and almost clung to him "Was the rift between us really this large?" the blond whispered.

"It was almost insurmountable but we got the turn in time" Aya rubbed soothing circles between Yohji's shoulder blades.

"Don't worry it's the past. I won't leave you" that was the reason he kept his thoughts in his mind, honesty hurt people and he knew sometimes it was better to keep his mouth shout but Yohji deserved the truth, though he made him sad again.

"I was an ass" Yohji confirmed "I wonder why you stayed this long"

"Because I love you, baka" the redhead answered gently, he tightened his grip around the blonds' back. Yohji closed his eyes and rubbed his cheek, absentmindedly, against Aya's chest "Love you too, gorgeous" he relaxed, 'till his breath evened out as he fell asleep.

Aya continued to caress his back and switched off the light with the other hand "You're a good guy" he whispered into the night "the only problem is your temper, but you're too precious to me, I can't give you up anymore"


	49. Plans

Yohji left the house before Aya awoke. He left a note so Aya wouldn't worry; he said that he needed some time to think but he would be back at home about three o'clock. He wasn't sure how much time he needed so he calculated more generous.

He walked through the streets and searched for a beautiful platinum band but the first two jewellers had nothing he liked. They tried hard to sell a pair of rings but they didn't suit his lover. They were too heavy, too elegant to wit feminine but he would never think about Aya as feminine, the other rings were too simple. One of the clerks even tried to sell gold bands to him, even though he asked explicitly for platinum bands. They're prettier and robust.

His second problem was the song, which song should he play? He sighed deeply.

And in addition to his problems he felt like he was being watched. He was relieved that Aya was at home, at least that's the place he should be. But he couldn't call him to make sure he was still there. Aya would be worried and search for him.

_~ I'm sure it's the damn stalker! Oh no, you'll not ruin my plans. I will ask him tonight and you will stay away from him. I'll be a married man pretty soon and then Aya is mine and vice versa. Even you have to understand that my decision is final._

_Okay focus on the wedding band and not on her._

_Where do I get a nice ring? Damn it. There only two jewelers left. I hope I don't have to call Omi for help, his poker face is terribly miserable. Aya knows there is something up within minutes. Ken? No better not, he needed one year to figure out what Omi liked._

_I can't ask Manx, the girls could get a wrong idea and make my life more difficult._

_Oh well, I have to do this on my own ~_

He wandered through the streets for two more hours until he passed by a little jeweler shop. It was the first time he saw it and decided to try his luck.

"Can I help you young man?" the middle aged jeweler asked "I'm searching for platinum bands and I hope I finally make a find" Yohji had still hope left.

He placed a box on top of the counter which he hid behind it. Must be valuable when he hides it behind the counter and not in the glass cabinet, Yohji thought.

"What does the young lady prefer?" the jeweler asked polite.

Yohji hemmed "Actually, it's for a young man" he blushed.

The jeweler smiled "A young man it is, then" he opened the box and shiny platinum bands appeared. Yohji looked at them and a special pair of bands caught his eye. There were very fine tendrils engraved on the whole surface and two very old crosses which were embraced by the tendrils. "the names will be engraved on the empty space between the crosses" the jeweler said as he noticed Yohji's interest "And the name will be embraced by tendrils, too"

"I think I found what I was looking for" the blond smiled "I take them"

They clarified the last formalities "You can fetch them in an hour" the jeweler smiled "I don't need much time for the gravures but we want it to be perfect, right?"

"That's for sure!" Yohji answered and left the shop with a broad smile on his face.

He was lost in thoughts, he tried hard to think about a song but Fortuna was obliging. He heard the perfect song as he passed by a music shop " I'm an idiot" he sighed. Yohji heard the song years ago but he didn't remember it as he tried to list all the love songs he ever heard "How could I miss this" he went into the shop and bought a best of album.

Half an hour later he picked up the rings and went back home. He felt incredible happy but frightened at the same time. He was sure Aya would say yes but a little voice in his head said he could say no.

Aya stood in the kitchen and prepared tea. He felt insecure because of Yohji's note. It was alright for Yohji to take a time-out but the reason worried him. Did he need time for himself or did he need the time to think about the wrongness of their relationship. He loved the blond with all his heart and he didn't doubt Yohji's love for him but he was a ladies' man and Aya wasn't sure if he was enough for the blond, if he was truly happy with a man by his side.

He was so lost in thoughts that he missed Yohji's presence. He slung his arms around Aya's waist and placed a soft kiss on his cheek "Hi, love".

Aya leant in the warmth behinds his back and tilted his head back so his head rested in the crook of Yohji's neck "How was your day?" he looked up.

"Successful and I hope it stays that way" he gave him a conspiratorial smile.

Aya frowned, what did he plan? "Should I know something?"

"Not now but I'll tell you when the time comes" he promised "Do you want to watch a movie?" he changed the topic.

"I want to visit Aya-chan. I'll be back about 7p.m." he answered.

"Okay" he gave him a peck on the lips and released him of the embrace.

"What have you planned for the day?" Aya poured tea in his cup.

"Apart from our date, I planned nothing" he ruffled Aya's hair "but I'll find something to do"

"See you later" the redhead smiled and turned around to leave, Yohji smacked Aya's behind and grinned "See ya"

Aya entered the hospital and went straight to Souta. It was his first appointment since he regained his eyesight and he was a little nervous.

He knocked on the door "Come in" Souta's friendly voice came through the door.

Aya took a deep breath and opened the door "Hello" he greeted.

"Nice to see you" Souta smiled "How are you?"

"I'm fine" Aya sat down, Souta watched him, intensely "Your definition of fine or mine?" he asked.

"I feel good. We get on splendidly and I feel happiness" Aya smile faltered "but I still feel insecure"

"Why is that?" Souta hoped a blooming relationship would be enough.

"He had so many women and I'm not always sure that I'm enough for him. What if I'm not able to give him what he needs?"

"What do you think he needs?" why couldn't he understand that he was everything the blond needed.

"I'm not good at showing emotions, I have problems to talk about them and I tend to destroy people I care about"

"Do you really think you're destroying him?"

"Not now but I'm afraid I could" Aya looked at his hands.

"Not everything is your fault" Souta tried to calm Aya's thoughts down.

"Hard to believe when everyone you love dies around you" Aya sighed.

"Not every relationship ends with death. I know how you feel, I lost many friends during my time as assassin and I lost a girlfriend but I found my wife and it worked out. We were both assassins, we were surrounded by death but we are still alive and together so why should it be different for you? You deserve happiness and a life partner"

Souta was right, he had a chance of a long term relationship with Yohji, to grow old with him "But there other little things" Aya swallowed.

"What things, Aya?" Souta frowned slightly.

"I'm a man" he stated the obvious "What if he wants children, what if he wants a slender and cute woman by his side. Not everyone is open-minded. There are many things I can't give him" Aya added in a rush.

"Calm down" Souta ordered as gentle as possible "He knows all that and I'm sure he thought about it, too"

"Why doesn't he leave me?"

"Because it doesn't matter to him" Souta answered "You're more important than own children or his image"

Aya knew Souta was right, knew Yohji wouldn't waste his time on him if he wanted someone else but the little voice in his head didn't stop. He realized he had to work on his self-esteem to shut them up "I like it when you're right"

"I know you do. I like it too" Souta smiled "I prescribe more medicaments. I think you should take them longer"

"I don't like them" Aya pouted "I hope I don't have to take them all my life"

"I don't think so" Souta said honest, Yohji was good for him and was the best cure. A break up would kill the young redhead but Souta was sure they would never part.

"Next week? Same time?" Aya asked, he wanted to see Aya-chan before he had to return.

"Yes" Souta stood up and escorted him to the door "Take care"

"Ditto" Aya left with a comforting feeling in his chest.


	50. say nothing at all

It was 7 p.m. on the button as Aya opened the door to the Koneko. Yohji sat on the couch and watched a documentary about wild-cats.

"How is she?" he watched his lover, he looked fine and there was nothing suspicious about his behavior. Yohji didn't like when Aya left the house alone but it was not his choice. Aya needed freedom but the damn girl made him nervous. She followed him the whole day so he was sure she followed Aya as well.

"She's fine. Her doctor says her condition is stable but there's still no sign that she would wake up in the near future" he sat down next to Yohji.

"She will wake up I'm sure" he pulled Aya closer and kissed his temple "She is strong and stubborn like you"

Aya chuckled "She may be stubborn and strong but that's all. She's so different from me. She is loving, caring and a good person"

"She snatched your boyfriend away" Yohji grumbled "She's not that nice"

"But she was and I think she's still a better person than me" Aya adored his little sister and would never change his view about her, at least not in the next time.

"And I think you're the better person" Yohji ruffled his head "because I don't know her and I can't believe that someone could possibly be more selfless and gorgeous than you"

"Oh, I know someone" Aya nodded slightly, Yohji frowned "Who?"

"You" Aya smiled and cupped Yohji's face "You're my number one" he kissed him with passion. They parted slightly breathless "I can live with that" Yohji grinned.

"Come" Aya grabbed his lover's arm "Let's go to the park"

Yohji heartbeat sped up, the time for his proposal is finally near "Okay" Yohji had packed a backpack while Aya was gone and placed it next to his jacket.

"A picnic?" the redhead asked surprised, he knew it was a date but they didn't talk about what they could do during their time together.

"Yeah" Yohji beamed "I thought we could grab some take out on our way and eat under the weeping willow"

"I have a feeling of déjà vu" Aya smiled, he liked the idea very much. The last time was pleasant and it was great to repeat it.

"Possibly" Yohji took Aya's hand into his own and strolled out of the house, with Aya in tow.

They bought take out and half an hour later they reached their destination.

Yohji spread out a large woolen blanket and installed his stereo equipment, iPod and speaker.

"You thought of everything" Aya smiled embarrassed as Yohji lit the candles.

"I hope so" Yohji laughed "Let us eat before its cold"

"Yes, sir" Aya grinned; he was starving and was happy to get something between his teeth.

They ate in comfortable silence, it wasn't necessary to disturb the moment with words. They understood each other without them. A soft smile here a loving gaze there, the evening was better than Yohji had imagined. There were three songs left before his special song would hall through the night. They lent against the strong tree and held hands while they watched the beautiful nature.

"Do you want to dance?" Yohji asked, two songs left. Aya nodded and took Yohji's hand.

The blond pressed Aya against his chest, his arms around the slim waist. Aya slung his arms around Yohji's middle and rested his head against his shoulder. The full moon covered them in silver; the water glittered like there lay millions of gems on the ground. Leafs and blossoms sailed with the wind. The weeping willow sang her calm song in duet with the wind.

Only a few seconds before his song started, he was nervous but the look on Aya's face was worth it. The blond pressed a kiss on Aya's forehead and tightened the embrace. Aya looked up at him with confusion in his eyes

_~ Why is he suddenly so possessive? I don't think we're in danger, he's too relaxed. Is there one of his ex-girlfriends? Hm, I see no one and Yohji stares only at me so._

_I'll see what he has on his mind ~_

Yohji's smile widened, he noticed Aya's confusion. His redhead was too cute when he tried to wreck his sweet brain. Aya's eyes widened even more as the answer dawned on him. Yohji winked and began to sing together with the singer on the iPod, he sang quietly but still audible.

_It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart_

_Without saying a word you can light up the dark_

_Try as I may I can never explain_

_What I hear when you don't say a thing_

Aya could touch his heart without a single word. Yohji fell in love with his eyes, his mimic and gestures because Aya never talked much. They reached a point where they started to talk about things but more important were the things he could see in his eyes. Aya was the best prove that eyes are the mirrors of the soul. He knew when Aya lied, he knew when he was in danger and he knew how much he loved him. He needed time to learn to read the signs; their past together wouldn't be that dark when he had tried to look behind Aya's façade earlier.

Aya blinked, he wasn't alert to a declaration like this. Yohji's soft voice, the beautiful voice of the singer and the romantic melody let his heart beat faster. Blood rushed into his face and the words died on his tongue. Yohji was the one who spoke to his heart; his beautiful smile could compensate a power blackout. The redhead always knew when he was in danger; he could feel it in his heart and soul, their link screamed for help.

_The smile on your face lets me know that you need me_

_There is a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me_

_The touch of your hand says you'll catch me, wherever I fall_

_You say it best when you say nothing at all_

Yohji cupped Aya's cheek in one hand and brushed his thumb over his cheekbone.

He was sure Aya would never leave him, he could really see it in his lover's eyes. The twinkle in his eyes, the slight smile on his face when he thought no one was looking. He needed a close call to understand the bond they shared but now their bond was stronger than ever.

Aya watched his lover and understood what he wanted to tell him. He leant in the touch and enjoyed the moment. Yohji tried to tell him what he meant to him and that he didn't need words to love him, he didn't need them to understand him.

He felt the same; Yohji signaled that he needed him with the gentle smile he had reserved only for him. He told him what he felt with his touches, his patience.

_All day long, I can hear people talking out loud_

_But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd_

_Try as they may, the can never defy_

_What's been said between your heart and mine_

Yohji heard the girls talking, he heard their foes scream but nothing matter as long Aya was near. He didn't notice them as long Aya looked at him and the world stopped turning when Aya gave him one of his sincere smiles. In his arms he can forget, he can forget the pain he felt over Asuka, he can forget what they did at night and the hurtful words they shared were meaningless because they weren't true. Aya loved him and he loved Aya, they fought and hurt one another but they never meant what they said from the bottom of their hearts. Lover quarrels were normal and it didn't mean the end for their relationship. They made them stronger.

The voices in Aya's head were silent when Yohji held him. He felt loved and utterly happy in his lover's arms. Problems and bad people seem meaningless when he smiled at him, when he let Aya feel that he loved him.

No one ever truly understood him but Yohji broke through his self protection and he was the only one who was able to drown out the hateful voices, he was more successful than the pills he takes.

Their hearts beat synchronous, like an invisible link connected their hearts. Just at this precious moment Aya felt his heart reach out for Yohji's.

_The smile on your face lets me know that you need me_

_There's a truth in your eyes, saying you'll never leave me_

_The touch of your hand says you'll catch me, wherever I fall_

_You say it best when you say nothing at all_

They swayed with the melody, a breeze stroke through their hair and the moon smiled at the couple. Yohji knew Aya would catch him wherever he fell, he proved it so often. He cared for him whenever he was drunk and made himself vulnerable, he cared for him when he raged and he saved him when the enemy got him, he risked all to save him.

Aya knew Yohji would catch him wherever he fell, he proved it so often. He took care of him when he lost his eyesight, he cared for him during missions, he held him in his arms when the withdrawal pain consumed him and he tried to sooth his mental disorder.

_The smile on your face lets me know that you need me_

_There's a truth in your eyes, saying you'll never leave me_

_The touch of your hand says you'll catch me, wherever I fall_

_You say it best when you say nothing at all_

Yohji pulled Aya's face closer and kissed him, he put all his love into the kiss.

Aya looked angelic when they parted, his face slightly flushed, his mouth were still open and his soft lips were swollen. The redhead looked confused as Yohji pushed him gently away but he didn't break the body contact completely. He held Aya's hand as he sank to the ground, he took a little velvet casket out of his pocket after he kneeled down.

Aya's eyes widened as he realized what Yohji had planned. Yohji opened the casket and revealed the most beautiful platinum band he ever saw.

Aya didn't know what to say, the chorus still sang the refrain, Yohji gleamed in the moonlight. There was so much love in Yohji's eyes; his expression was gentler than he ever saw it. He wanted to say 'yes' he wanted to flung his arms around him but his body wouldn't move and his tongue refused to work.

Yohji's smile didn't falter, he didn't need a verbal answer Aya's eyes said it all. He lifted Aya's hand up and put the ring on his finger and placed a kiss on it.

Aya's body began to move again, at first his expression lit up, a broad smile found his way into Aya's face and a few seconds later he flung himself into his lover's arms.

Yohji welcomed him in a breathtaking embrace and sealed their engagement with a loving but passionate kiss, they didn't say a word.

There was nothing to say.

_You say it best when you say nothing at all_

_(A/N: I own nothing etc, etc, etc, "when you say nothing at all" is Ronan Keating's song but I think you all know that already ;) )_

She wanted to scream to rage and scratch his eyes out of his beautiful face.

It couldn't be true, it couldn't. Her mobile phone creaked in her strong grip.

Yohji asked the damn loser to marry him, it must be a nightmare, she thought and squeezed her eyes shut.

They had to work faster, they had to work real fast when they wanted a chance to break them up. She didn't thought that Yohji would do that, he wasn't meant to be monogamous and he was definitely not meant to be gay.

"I have to call them" she took a deep breath and tried to collect her thoughts "Stay calm, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10" counting was useless she was too angry to calm down.

She left the park and dialed the number of a friend "Emergency meeting, now" she almost yelled.

They met in a solitary part of the park. Most girls looked sleepy and confused "What's the problem?" a blond yawned.

"Yohji- proposed—to—the—damn- BASTARD" she yelled the last part, dangerously and slightly insane.

"He … WHAT?" they asked "Did you just say…. He…popped the question….ohh god" the blond almost choke on her words.

"We have to ruin their relationship real fast" the stalker couldn't believe that Yohji wanted to marry him. He must have bewitched the blond.

"Yohji is serious" a woman with brown hair swallowed "He wants to bind himself to a scapegrace. What should we do?" she panicked.

"We've wasted too much time the thorough planning of our plan" stalker girl hissed "We have to act. You know what you have to do, so do it? Then start working no! Geddit?" they nodded and left. It was too dangerous to spend time with her, she was insane and they knew it but they would continue to use her, as long as she was useful.

She was too young for Yohji, everyone knew that but she refused to believe it.


	51. Surprise

I'm terribly sorry I needed so long. I had a lot to do with finding a job and last December I got one but the job keeps me busy. I work five days nonstop (I'm an educator in a flat sharing community) I live together with the children for five days and then I have five days free. But I have a lot to do in my spare time or I'm too tired and worn out from my shift to write on this story. I had many ideas for other stories and I started to write them, I upload them soon. I hoped to get ideas once I overcome my writers block but I needed longer than I thought. Now I have the flu and can't work or do much so I use the time watching Weiss Kreuz DVD's and writing. It helped a lot to watch it again, to get a feeling for it again.

I want to repeat how sorry I am, it hurt to know I can't write on it (I love to write the story) and it hurt to know you're waiting for me to continue.

I hope you'll forgive me soon, love you all +bow+

Aya and the boys worked in the shop together, they had intended to split shifts again but chose a nice working day together instead.

Omi was humming a cheerful song, he was happy for Yohji and Aya. They came home late with big grins on their faces and Omi questioned them until they spilled the fantastic news.

He was utterly surprised by their revelation, Yohji who only once in his life was faithful to a woman decided to bind himself to a man. Of course he knew Yohji loved Aya with all his heart but a proposal was a huge step and coupled with sever commitments. Yohjii must have thought about it for a long time or else he would never have asked.

Omi was less surprised about Aya's answer, the redhead was hard to convince but once you broke through his protective wall he gave freely what he had. He gave Yohji his heart long ago and would be faithful for all eternity but he had thought Aya would take some time to think about the proposal "They're too cute" Omi mumbled to himself.

Ken was totally surprised as they dropped the bomb. He couldn't believe they risk a marriage, what if they part after a fight? What if one died? How will their commitment affect the team? He wasn't against their bond but he kept his feet on the ground and considered advantages and disadvantages. It wasn't fair but Yohji and Aya were hot headed and unreasonable at times.

Yohji watered the plants and Aya stood behind the counter creating new bouquets as a mob of twenty pupils stormed the shop.

"My sister saw you in the park" a girl squealed "She said you proposed to him" she turned to look at Yohji.

Yohji nodded surprised, the crowed stared at them. The shop was filled with squealing and giggling teens "My sister said she could almost see the magic between you two. The romantic shined like an army of fireflies around you. She believes in things like that. She said she would swear a blue and purple light swirled between you and pulled you closer" she babbled.

The boys stared at her in disbelieve "Huh?" Ken grunted, are they nuts? He asked himself.

"She is a fan of cheesy love novels" a boy made a grimace "That's normal for her"

Ken nodded slowly but continued to frown "And why are you here?"

"To congratulate of course, silly" the girl looked at him as if he was the dumbest human being.

"We heard about it and convene an emergency conference" the young lesbian appeared behind the strange girl "We thought you're nice guys and you bear with our behavior so we decided to give you a present. Oh, and Aya" she wasn't sure how to continue.

He smiled encouragingly "I want to thank you for your help. I told my friends that I'm a lesbian and it's okay, I lost a few friends, though. But I made new ones and my real friends are still by my side" she took the hand of a delicate brunette, apparently her girlfriend "Thank you so much"

Aya beamed at her it was nice to see her happy "You're welcome"

"Hey Rin! Can we start?" she got a nod in return "We mustered our friends together and our school-band"

Rin started to count; she raised her hand and dropped it to signalize the beginning. The boys stared at them in utter surprise, they didn't expect an a cappella, canon version of "You make me wanna" by Blue (A/N: They own it by the way and not me. Surprise, surprise. When Wikipedia is right I was almost 18 when they published the song, wow I'm getting old. I heard it on the radio a while ago and thought it's good to sing in the middle of a flower shop without music equipment)

_You know you make me wanna...  
You know you make me wanna..._

_To start if off I know you know me,  
To come to think of it, it was only last week  
That I had a dream about us, oh  
That's why I'm here, I'm writing this song,  
To tell the truth you know I've been hurting all along,  
Someway let me know, you want me girl._

_Everytime you see me what do you see?  
I feel like I'm a poor man and you're the queen,  
Oh baby, you're the only thing that I really need,  
And baby that's why..._

The girls started with big smiles on their faces.

The boys started with the first part as the girls started the refrain.

_You make me wanna call you  
In the middle of the night,  
You make me wanne hold you  
Till the morning light,  
You make me wanna love,  
You make me wanna fall,  
You make me wanna surrender my soul.  
I know this is a feeling that I just can't fight,  
You're the first and last thing on my mind,  
You make me wanna love,  
You make me wanna fall,  
You make me wanna surrender my soul._

_Well I know that these feelings won't end now,  
They'll just get stronger if I see you again,  
Baby I'm tired of being friends, oh  
I wanna know if you feel the same,  
And could you tell me do you feel my pain?  
Don't leave me in doubt._

_Everytime you see me what do__ you you see?  
I feel like I'm a poor man and you're the queen,  
Oh baby, you're the only thing that I really need  
baby that's why..._

Yohji walked to the other side of the shop and put an arm around Aya's shoulder.

It was a suitable song they choose, Yohji thought. He remembered the time as he fell in love with his stoic teammate. It wasn't easy to approach him and to figure out his sexual preference. Yohji was sure he was hetero but little glances and gestures made him doubt the possibility. He was so happy as he found out that Aya wasn't interested in girls. The thought of Aya had consumed him. He was near but so far away.

"I want to hold you, I want to love you, I want to stay by your side until the day we die" the blond whispered into his lover's ear. Aya smiled at him. He fought against the feelings he developed for Yohji. He was sure he was hetero and would kick his ass if he ever found out what he felt. But the blond had sent him little signs and he gave up fighting. He took the offer and was more than happy "It's like it was written for us"

"Yeah" Yohji kissed his temple "It describes the begin of our relationship pretty well"

"Only the beginning?" Aya smirked; Yohji chuckled and started to sing so low only Aya was able to hear his words.

_I'll take you home real quick  
Sit you down on the couch,  
Pour some Dom Perignon and hit the lights out,  
Baby we can make sweet love, oh  
Then we'll take it nice n slow,  
Gonna touch you like you've never known before,  
We're gonna make love all night._

He girls gave them naughty grins at the last part of the song. They tried to imagine them together but their imaginations got too hot to continue right there.

They stopped to sing until the boys reached the last part. As they started the last refrain the girls joined in. Both groups sang the last refrain two times before they finished their show.

_You make me wanna call you  
In the middle of the night,  
You make me wanne hold you  
Till the morning light,  
You make me wanna love,  
You make me wanna fall,  
You make me wanna surrender my soul.  
I know this is a feeling that I just can't fight,  
You're the first and last thing on my mind,  
You make me wanna love,  
You make me wanna fall,  
You make me wanna surrender my soul._

Omi wiped a tear away and applauded "That was great" he beamed. It was a cute gesture of acceptance. He liked them and was happy to have friends like them. They weren't alone in this world. They might be lonely killers at night but in private they had everything humans could wish for. Family, love, friends and peace. He grabbed Ken's hand and gave it a squeeze "That's how life should be" he whispered.

"Yeah" Ken agreed "Hey I go and buy cakes and you stay right here. My treat" he went out of the shop with a soft smile on his face.

"Thank you it was really beautiful" Aya thanked, he felt good and the little show warmed his heart. He always thought they came to the shop to watch them or get into their pants but he was wrong. They came because they liked them.

"I get lemonade" Yohji beamed, he was almost moved to tears by their display of affection. A little private party was a great idea the least they could do to thank them.

Ken reappeared with a huge bag full of cake, he went around and portioned out the cake "One for Rin…, chin-chan, ranma, Kai, Raylight, AcharI, our little ShonenAiSorcerer, our Craze0girl and grisMori, miuran, !2AN, peng-kachan, KyuuketsukiNekko, our little kitten no chanchan, mimichan, nixxie, chacha, kori chan aaand Layla"

(A/N: I put our and / or little in front of a few names because it sounded kinda strange without. It's like someone calls in the middle of the street LovelessDestiny do you want a cake. Poor child her parents must hate her XD, fortunately not my parents gave me a decent name)

They sat together and talked, they laughed and joked no one had the slightest idea that this was the beginning of their downfall.


	52. Downfall

"I can't believe it" Yohji paced around the living room "How long Aya?"

"I didn't cheat" Aya swore.

"Really?" he crossed his arms in front of his chest "And how do you explain the text messages from what was his name Yuki or how do you explain the guys who talks to you on the street, thanking you for the great night"

"I can't explain it because I don't know" Aya grew frustrated "It's a trap or a bad joke. Please believe me"

"I can't Aya" Yohji closed his eyes "I can't there are so many indications. You leave without me regularly and I overheard heard a call between you and Souta. I thought it was only my imagination but you showed me that you're really an untrustworthy whore"

Aya's eyes widened, Yohji took it as a sign that he was right "Tell me Aya who's Souta" he pushed.

"I-I can't tell you" Aya bit his bottom lip; Yohji huffed and left the room before he did something he would regret.

Aya hugged himself and tried hard to suppress his tears. Everything was going fine "Why now?" he mumbled. He couldn't understand why his life turned upside down in two weeks.

"Aya" Omi kneeled down next to him "Give him some time and he'll come around"

"I'm faithful" Aya took a deep breath "I love him too much to risk our relationship"

"I know you love him but 'mistakes' happen all the time, I can understand when you need some space"

Aya looked up, he couldn't believe what he heard "You think I was unfaithful" he stated and got up.

"Aya" Omi begged "Sit down"

"I need some air" he grabbed his jacket and left.

"We have a big problem" Omi sighed and got up.

"Yeah" Ken lent against the doorframe "and I don't have a clue how to fix the mess"

"They should talk again after they calmed down enough to listen to each other" Omi took Ken's hand.

"I hope that's enough" Ken led his little lover upstairs.

"I don't think so" Omi knew Yohji and Aya were too complicated for a simple solution.

Yohji sat on their bed; head buried in his hands "Why Aya?" his heart ached and felt like it would burst soon. He sat there for hours thinking about the past and the future.

Aya visited Souta and Aya-chan before he made his way back. He opened the bedroom door and was surprised to find Yohji sitting on the bed "Hey" he tried.

"Don't you need me anymore?" Yohji didn't look at him.

"Of course I need you, I never stopped" Aya was hurt by the question.

"You needed me because you were vulnerable and now you throw me away" Yohji didn't listen to Aya.

"I don't throw you away. I love you and I was never unfaithful" Aya defended himself.

Yohji got angry "You played with me" he yelled "I did everything for you, I sacrificed everything to please you and how do you thank me?"

"Yohji listen…" he cut him off, but Aya didn't stop to approach him "I don't want to hear your sorry excuses. I don't want to see you again. Doesn't matter if you get blind again or die, this time I mean it"

Aya's jaw dropped, it felt like a punch to the guts "I never cheated on you. I beg you to believe in me" tears escaped his eyes.

It hurt to see Aya cry but it was nothing compared to his own pain "Leave me alone Aya. Go, just go. Have fun with your little boy toys" Aya reached out for Yohji but he got backhander for his action. Aya touched his burning cheek and left. Yohji sank to the ground and lent against the bed frame, staring at the ceiling, he broke his promise to never hit him again. Hee talked himself into believing that Aya deserved what he got.

Aya packed a few things he had stored in his old room and left the Koneko, he didn't look back as he went away.

"Yohji, where is Aya?" Omi sounded worried.

"I don't know. We had a fight last night and that was the last time I saw him" the blond regretted what he had said the night before. He still loved Aya and wanted him close.

"I can't find him and he doesn't answer his phone" Omi looked nervous.

"He'll come back when he's ready" Yohji gulped his coffee down, he didn't sleep last night and the stress got to him.

"I'm not sure" Ken came down.

Omi gave him a questioning look "His things are gone" Ken answered the unspoken question.

"He didn't come back in our room after the fight" Yohji frowned.

"He had clothes and weapons in his old room and they're gone" Ken had hoped to find Aya in his own room.

"Oh god" Yohji tilted his head back. He was ready to forgive him when he came home. To know he was gone was even worse than the knowledge that his lover was unfaithful.

"I search for him" Ken grabbed his keys and left.

"Me too" Omi got up and followed his lover.

Yohji took his mobile phone and wrote a text message, _Come home please, we need to talk. This time I'll listen, _he wasn't sure if he was able to listen but he had to try.

He sent the messages and hoped for an answer but he got none. Yohji was restless he waited for three hours but there was no trace of his lover.

_~ He's __alone out there. Who'll take care of him when he's lonely and sad?_

_His affairs can't give him what he needs. He needs protection and love. He needs my protection and my love to feel well. What if he gets sick while I'm not there? What if he gets hurt during a solo mission? I shouldn't have let him go. I can't stop loving him no matter how much he hurts me. Maybe he didn't lie? WHAT IF HE SAID THE TRUTH? ~_

The realization hit him hard. He never questioned what they told him, he never searched for the truth. Aya looked so honest and sounded desperate as he told him he was faithful.

Yohji grabbed his jacket and car keys before he rushed out of the Koneko.

He drove to the hospital, the cemetery where Aya's parents are buried, his favorite book stores and cafés but he couldn't find him. No one had seen his lover.

Frustrated and angry at himself he drove back to the Koneko.

"We can't find him" Omi blurted out as Yohji entered "I can't find him either" he replied.

"We have to wait" Ken turned on the T.V.

Yohji nodded and went upstairs. He wasn't in the mood to watch T.V. or talk with his friends.

They waited for a week; Yohji was edgy and short tempered. He missed Aya and hoped he was alright.

"Morning" Manx entered the kitchen and took them by surprise.

"Geez, can't you leave us alone for a while?" Yohji nagged.

"That's not part of my job description" she signaled to follow her.

"What do you got?" Ken was less than interested.

"Human trafficking" she explained "A ship will arrive tomorrow night with fifty young adults. They are meant to work in brothels and for street prostitution. They'll arrive at 11 p.m. at pier fourteen. It's an old warehouse; it shouldn't be difficult to get blueprints. Are you in?"

Ken nodded, he didn't like it but someone had to protect the poor girls and boys.

"Yes" Omi confirmed.

"What was Aya's answer?" Yohji was sure she talked to him first before she came to them.

"He turned the offer down but he's positive that you'll manage it on your own" she replied.

Yohji thought about it and nodded "Okay" it was not the same without Aya but he had no choice. Aya was sure they were good enough and he was determined to prove him how right he was.

Manx bid her goodbye and left without a word about Aya's whereabouts.

"Stop staring into space" Omi patted Yohji's shoulder "We don't have time for self-pity"

"Self-pity?" Yohji glared "I'm worried about him" he got up and prepared his part of the plan.

"That was everything but clever, love" Ken sighed "You have to be more careful"

"Sometimes I'm too honest" he shrugged "but that doesn't mean I'm wrong"

"No" Ken shook his head "but your timing is capable of development"

"Ha-ha" Omi huffed "Go back to work or my timing tonight will definitely not worth your time" he winked.

Ken blushed and went back to his laptop, he knew Omi well enough to know the young man would cancel their nightly encounter.

"The warehouse is easy to oversee" Omi explained two hours later "There's only one huge floor and ten meters above the floor is a, yeah, let me say a huge balcony inside the warehouse. It goes around the building; there are huge windows but nothing more. You can reach the balcony over ladders, no lift, no lifting platform. There are two main entrances and two side doors. The backside of the building verges on the sea and the front is surrounded by streets and other warehouses. I think we have many possibilities to hide should the mission go south"

"Okay" Yohji eyed the blueprint "I take cover … there. Omi can shoot from …there and Ken keeps an eye on them from behind the containers"

Ken nodded; he could kill guards without drawing attention "What do we do with the people on the ship?"

"Send them back" Ken looked at Yohji in shock "It's cold and rainy we can't send them back. What if the boat sinks or they freeze?"

"Don't worry we inform the coast guard after we finish the job. They'll find them in no time" Yohji soothed his worries.

"Aya taught you well" Ken gave him a gentle smile, Yohji lowered his eyes "Yeah, he did" he got up and left for his room.

"One week" Omi sounded self-confident "One week and they're back together"

"I hope so" Ken leaned back in his chair "but therefore Aya has to come home"


	53. Insights

"Ready?" Omi asked, he hid between the steel girders of the roof.

"Yes" Ken took position behind containers.

"Ready" Yohji stood in the shadows next to the windows on the upper part of the hall.

"The boat is coming" Omi informed and watched how the enemy got ready. They opened the side door and left two of eight left the warehouse to receive the 'ware'.

What they didn't know was that the members of Schwarz were on the boat too. Yohji left the shadows and took out one of the guards. His wire slung around the young man's neck and Yohji pulled him up. His neck broke with a sickening crack and his body slumped to the ground. Yohji left the upper floor and hid the body behind a box. Omi fired an arrow and hit the carotid artery of an older guard; Ken ran and pulled him behind a container "Sector clear"

"Bombay take out the two before the boat docks" Yohji hissed, Omi was busy killing a guard who had the impudence to sneak up behind Ken.

The young man obeyed and hit them with his arrows; the bodies fell into the angry and unpropitious sea.

Crawford stood on deck and grinned "The game has begun"

Schuldig joined him "Can you see the outcome?" Crawford smirked "You know the answer, it depends on our performance" Schuldig gave his lover a gentle smile before he vanished below deck.

"Siberian, keep your eyes open. Something is wrong" Yohji watched his surroundings.

"Balinese we have a problem" Omi watched the boat.

"Spit it out" Yohji rolled his eyes.

"They're docking" Omi's eyes widened "Schwarze" he hissed.

"Damn it" Yohji hit against the wall "I'll kill them" memories flooded his mind.

"Hey Balinese" Schuldig yelled as they entered the warehouse.

"Oh, now the surprise is gone" Nagi grinned.

"What do you want?" they could hear him but he hid perfectly in the shadows.

"You know, this and that" Schuldig mocked.

"Stop playing and do your job" Crawford hissed.

"Okay, okay" he put up his hands in surrender.

"It's time to get rid of you, it's unnerving to kick your asses again and again" Crawford pulled out his sword.

"Ditto" Yohji released his wire and missed Schuldig by millimeters. Schuldig jumped out of the way "Not good enough"

Ken attacked Farfarello and Omi shot arrows at Nagi.

"Seems like someone is missing?" Schuldig grinned "Four against three. I like that"

Yohji had enough and attacked without warning "Shut up"

"Is he dead? Did he die as you threw him out of the window? Broke his sweet little neck as he hit the asphalt?" he fueled the burning anger in Yohji.

"He's not dead" he yelled "He's safe"

Schuldig frowned he thought he would have died by now. If not from the impact of the fall than, at least killed by other assassins.

Crawford decided to use the chance and attacked Balinese "Time to end our vendetta"

Yohji ducked just in time "Bastard" he hissed. Schuldig crawled up the ladder and stood on the balcony. He eyed his surrounding and was ready to interfere should his help be needed. Crawford wanted revenge for the last fight and he wouldn't stand in his way. He knew his lover good enough to see his need for release. Weiss stood in their way more than one time and it was unnerving to lose a good reputation. They soiled their reputation so often that they had difficulties to get new contracts. Their luck was that even though they lost more than once against Weiss they were the still on the top together with Weiss.

Omi got hit on the head by a flying metal object. He shook his head to clear his head.

Ken struggled against Farfarello "Let go of me you maniac" Ken saw no other option as to stomp on Farfarellos foot. He hoped no one saw his less-than-ideal solution.

Crawford ripped Yohji's shirt open with his sword and draws some blood. Yohji grimaced as he pressed his hand over the wound.

"Giving up already" Crawford licked his lip "I knew your nothing without your fearless leader" he jumped forward and wielded his sword. Yohji closed his eyes; ready to die but the pain never came.

"Crawford" a deep voice yelled and he stopped his attack centimeters in front of Yohji's heart. Yohji opened his eyes; he knew the voice "Abyssinian" he gasped.

Aya held Schuldig in a stranglehold, his lips turned slowly blue "Let him go" the older man hissed dangerously.

"Not this time" Aya said coldly "I'll take him with me" he smirked.

"What?" Crawford held up his hands in defeat "We can talk about it"

Aya gave him a sardonic grin while he stepped backwards until he reached the window "NOOO" Yohji screamed. Everyone stared at them, the fight forgotten.

"I think you should try it too" Aya whispered into Schuldig's ear "it's fun, say goodbye to Crawford. Our war will end today, I have enough of you. This is for Ouka, Bombay, me and all the others you hurt" he gave Yohji indefinable look before jumped with Schuldig out of the window.

"Let's forget the vendetta for now" Crawford ran out of the warehouse and stared at the sea.

Yohji nodded and followed him "I can't see anything"

"There" Omi pointed at a shadow. Yohji and Crawford dived into the sea and began their search. Yohji took a deep breath and dived he was sure he had seen Aya's coat; he got up to take more air into his lungs before he dived again.

Yohji saw a shadow and reached for it, relieved as he grabbed a familiar hand he pulled him up and swam to the shore. Crawford was busy with Schuldig and wasn't interested in Weiss anymore.

"Come on…wake up" Yohji patted Aya's cheek. Omi tilted Aya's head back and Ken kneeled down next to Aya "Let's start CPR"

Yohji breathed air into his lover's lungs while Ken started cardiac massage "Come on, take a breath" Yohji panted, he was tired and out of breath. He got so frustrated that he hit Aya on the chest "Start breathing" he cupped Aya's cold and pale cheeks "Please"

Aya coughed violently, Ken rolled him on his side so he could cough up the water "Thank god"

Crawford looked at them and gave Yohji a small nod as their gazes met. The fight was over.

"I called doc. She's waiting for us" Omi put his mobile phone away.

Yohji collected all his strength together and lifted Aya up, he carried him to the car. He threw his car keys at Ken, he was too shaken to drive.

Aya's head rested on Yohji's lap. He studied his lover and caressed his head. Aya had dark circles under his eyes, from lack of sleep and his features seemed tense even though he was unconscious.

He spied a fading bruise under his cheekbone and bit on his bottom lip "Sorry" he stroke with his index finger over the bruise.

_~ I'm sorry. I should have listened to you. I should have known something was wrong as you tried so desperately to convince me. Did they set us up? Or did you need space from me? Did I hem you? You said you don't know them. You said you don't know the guy who keeps on sending you text m__essages. It's so hard to believe in you when the evidences are against you. But on the other hand you're not a liar, you are many things but you were never a liar. If you had enough from me you would have said so. You wouldn't cling to a person you dislike._

_You're surrounded by so many secrets I can't even count anymore. There are so many questions you don't want to answer. I don't know what to believe._

_But I know that I love you, faithful or not I'll forgive you the secrets, I'll even forgive unfaithfulness as long you just stay ~_

They reached the hospital pretty fast and Yohji carried him in.

"Wait here" the nurse ordered and they obeyed, they knew the drill.

Yohji nursed a cup of coffee while Omi and Ken organized dry clothes for Yohji. He was cold and his lips slightly blue but his mind was too numb to notice.

"Here" Omi gave him a sweater and sweat pants; it was the best he could find at this hour.

Yohji took the clothes and went to the restroom; he looked into the mirror and studied himself. He was a bastard; he was doomed to a life without happiness because of his mistakes. He tended to ruin everything good he ever had.

"Are you alright?" Omi knocked on the door.

"Yes, give me a minute" Yohji collected his thoughts and changed his clothes. He shivered and hoped he wouldn't develop pneumonia, it was the last thing he need at the moment.

"Come" Omi had waited in front of the door and led him back to the uncomfortable plastic chair.

"Do you want coffee?" Yohji shook his head.

"Do you need a blanket?" Ken saw him shiver, but again he shook his head.

"Doc!" was the first sign of life they witnessed from Yohji in over an hour.

"He's alright" she smiled at him "Slight case of hypothermia and lack of sleep that's all"

Yohji's body relaxed only then he noticed the second doctor "We moved him to the psychiatric unit. He has to stay for at least two weeks" the doctor stared at Yohji.

"Psychiatric unit?" Ken look at doc for help.

"You said he jumped out of the window of his own freewill" she stated, the boys nodded.

"It's his second suicide attempt within a few months" Souta glared at them "He stays until I say he's ready to go home"

"Second suic…" Omi tailed off, he was overcharged by his emotions.

"He slit his wrists and he jumped out of the window, this time because he wanted to. I can't count how often he risked his life even though he didn't need to" the old man pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Are you Souta?" the puzzle pieces clicked into place.

"Yes. I'm his psychiatrist" he confirmed.

"You helped Aya to free us" Omi remembered why he looked so familiar.

"That's true" he nodded "I call you when he's ready to receive visitors"

Yohji nodded, he stared at the ground

_~ Suicide, suicide! Aya, what the hell…._

_That's why you wear longs sleeved shirts. You hide the scars. Are you ashamed? Do you believe I leave once you tell the truth?_

_I'll help you. I'll not leave you alone. We go through it together; I make you see how special you are. You don't deserve the pain._

_You cut your wrists__ open, you slit trough your beautiful wrists. It must have hurt, the cuts in your flesh, the amount of blood purring out of the burning wounds… ~_

Yohji felt sick and rushed to the restroom. He emptied his stomach until nothing was left.

Omi kneeled next to him, stroking soothing circles over his back "Hush" the young man tried to comfort him.

Yohji couldn't get rid of the image in his head "He…he, geez" he threw up again.

"I know" Omi didn't know what to say "I talked to doc, she said he did it at the time we had the huge fight about his status at Weiss"

"I never questioned doc for keeping him for days" Yohji panted, his stomach burned and his mouth tasted like bile.

"It's not your fault. He hid it well, none of us suspected something" Omi felt as guilty as Yohji but he was able to think clearly.

"I'm not sure I can visit him without a break down" Yohji got up.

"He needs you more than anything" Omi smiled "He needs your help"

The older man nodded before he washed his face and tried to get rid of the bitter taste if bile.

Omi offered him a chewing-gum "Strawberry?" Yohji smirked half heartedly.

Omi shook his head "Don't ask" Yohji nodded, from one of his ardent admirer, he mused.

"The nurse said we have permission to see him" Ken waited for them, he looked itchy.

Omi rested a hand on Yohji's back and shoved him gently towards the elevator.

"Hey love. How are you?" Yohji approached him slowly. Aya stared into space. Yohji settled down on the edge of the bed. Aya looked pale and tired. His hands were bound to the handrail "Do you want me to free you?" still no answer.

"I'm sorry. I should have listened, I know it's too late for it but I hope we can talk now" the blond took Aya's hand, examining his wrist. There was a fine line beginning at his wrist and it ended ca. six centimeters up. Yohji sighed; his lover knew how to cut correctly. He was lucky he got help in time or the wounds had been fatal.

"I'm not disappointed because of this" he stroked over the scar "I want you to stay no matter what. Faithful or not it doesn't matter to me. You leaving hurt more than the thought of betrayal. I think I believe you, it's a little late but better now than never" Aya remained silent, he listened from far away but he couldn't show any reaction and he didn't want to. Life hurt too much; in his head it was silent. No one hurt him there; no one pushed him around until he broke. It wasn't peaceful but better than living.

"I asked Doc if I'm allowed bringing Faith with me next time I visit but she said you're not ready" Yohji felt the urge to say something.

He caressed Aya's head. His lover sat on the bed, staring at the T.V. but he was sure he didn't see anything. It was like Aya wasn't there with him, his body yes but not his soul.

"I have to go, the ten minutes are over" he got up and gave Aya a kiss on the cheek.

"How is he?" Omi asked as Yohji left the room, it was his turn to visit and he wanted to know as much as possible before he entered the room.

Yohji's eyes spoke volumes "Yohji" Omi reached for him but the older man stepped aside.

"Don't" he said and left, Yohji forced his tears down. He wouldn't break in the middle of the psychiatric unit.

Omi watched him leave before he entered the room.

"You have to talk one day" Souta entered.

Aya blinked "I know" he whispered.

"Look at me" the older man ordered, Aya tilted his head and gave him a faraway look.

"Why did you do it?"

"He had killed Yohji" Aya replied.

"You could have killed Schuldig without going down with him" Souta knew the answer.

"It hurt and I wanted it to stop, I wanted it to end where it began but you know that already" Aya moved his arm to rub his eyes but he forgot that they had tied him down "Is it necessary?"

"I wouldn't restrain you otherwise" Souta gave him a little smile.

"I don't like it" Aya could free himself but he wouldn't tell him that.

"I know but I'm not sure what you might do"

"I'm not sure" Aya wanted to go back to the little world in his head but Souta stopped him.

"Talk to me about the reason" he pulled the injection out of Aya's arm. Aya couldn't believe that Souta drugged him; he was supposed to be his friend.

"Don't forget I'm your psychiatrist I do what's best for you" Souta rubbed over the puncture.

"He thinks I cheated on him, he was angry and hit me. End of story" Aya was angry.

Souta regretted his act but it was too late "Did you?"

"What? Cheat on him? Of course not" the redhead felt betrayed.

"Aya" he tried to ease the situation but they reached the point of no return.

"Leave" Aya looked away, ready to run if Souta decided to approach him.

Souta studied the young man and decided to obey. Aya needed time and he would grant it as long as his condition improved.

It wasn't easy to think of the future, Yohji and the boys visited every day, trying to start a conversation. After visiting hour doc and Souta appeared to get on his nerves.

It was time to leave, Aya decided. He freed his hands and packed his clothes.


	54. Long way home I

Aya sat on the right one of two huge stones near the shore and watched the sea. Two months have passed since he left home. He still worked for Kritiker but he got jobs all over the world. He needed it to travel, to feel free once in a while.

Sometimes he couldn't remember where he was, Japan, France, Syria. It didn't matter, a job was a job and he would do anything to please Kritiker. He knew as long as they were satisfied they left him alone and kept silent about his whereabouts. Manx promised to keep her mouth shut until he decided it was time to come home. Even though he tried to cover up his tracks Yohji followed him everywhere.

It was nice to know his lover was worried but he needed time for himself, to sort out his feelings and plans for the future.

The time in the hospital was strenuous but nothing compared to his inner turmoil after he left.

He was used to Aya-chans voice in his head, he saw or heard her everywhere he went. A soft chuckle or laugh, he saw her in other girls, like Sakura. In addition to her voice he heard Yohji, he wormed his way into his head like he did with his heart. He heard him even when they were apart, he saw him in other men but they were nothing compared to his lover, neither appealing nor loveable.

_+Flashback+_

Aya listened to Yohji talking about how sorry he was and that he believed in him.

He might not react but he was well aware of Yohji's presence. It was hard to listen and he chose the easy way. He hid in his own mind until it was safe to step out of his dreams.

Yohji held his hand, day by day, stroking with his thumb over his knuckles. It was like a ritual. Yohji sat down on the bed, took his hand and caressed his knuckles while he talked.

"Aya I love you. Come back to me" Yohji begged; he felt helpless. He had asked Souta for advice but he said Aya needed time and there was nothing they could do as long Aya denied his cooperation.

So he came back every day and prayed for a sign "I talked with the girls and they say the damn stalker bitch set us up. I was so stupid and fell for the trick. She paid strangers to talk to you about the nights and sexual encounters they had with you and a friend of hers sent text messages. She knew I would find them sooner or later. I couldn't figure out who the bitch is. The girls asked around and heard rumors. We put the puzzle pieces together, they threatened to rip me into pieces should I fail you. I think I already have. I deserve to and as a jigsaw" he chuckled sadly.

Aya's heart constricted. Yohji figured out the truth, it was alleviative but too late. Yohji should have trusted him. It hurt that Yohji didn't trust him after everything they went through. What disturbed Aya most was the fact that his lover had hit him. He promised to keep his anger in check. He promised not to hurt him but he did. He hit him because he believed in lies instead of him. He still felt his hand connecting with his cheek when he closed his eyes. He heard Yohji's hateful words.

"I learned to make bouquets" Yohji continued to talk "Someone has to make them while you're not around. The girls are asking for you. I said you're on a vacation. They know that we had a fight but they think we sort it out. I hope it doesn't stay a lie. I bought you a new watch" he opened a box "It seems you don't like to use the wire in your old one. I hope you think of me when you use it and don't use the fact that I bought it as an excuse to fall more than ever only to annoy me" the watch was an exact copy of Yohji's.

Yohji hoped Aya acknowledged the gesture. Aya's silence was unnerving and his patience wasn't as strong as he wanted it to be. He put the watch around Aya's wrist, carefully adjusting it to hide the flashiest part of his scar. He must have cut deeper there, Yohji mused. He must have cut slight and then deeper and then less pressure again. It was sickening, he almost lost him and wasn't even aware of it.

"I know it's hard to believe but I love you, I know I have problems, I know I abused you and I know it's inexcusable but I hope you find the strength to forgive me. I want to take you home with me; I want to see you smile again. It's been a long time" he loved Aya's smile, especially his childish kind of smile. He could be cheeky when he wanted to be. Aya didn't move a muscle. He stared at the wall and thought about the things Yohji said. He liked the watch Yohji gave him and he loved that he cared but he didn't deserve it. Aya-chan popped into his mind, her laughter, the happiness in her voice. Takatori took everything away from him. He became a person he loathed to get his revenge. This time he couldn't blame Takatori, he was dead but he didn't change at all. He remained a coldblooded and seriously disturbed killer. He destroyed everything he held dear. He would have killed Omi hadn't he chosen to be part of Weiss. He would have killed Ken if he hadn't chosen to stay with Weiss after the incident with his girlfriend. He would have killed Yohji hadn't he chosen to kill Neu. It was time to take himself out before he destroys his family. He acted against Weiss more than once, he tried to get his revenge, he tried to save Aya-chan on his own without a second thought. Aya realized that he wasn't only a danger for himself, no he endangered his friends. He loved Yohji with all his heart but their unstable relationship brought him and the team to their limits and it was time to draw the line. They proved that they didn't need him anymore; they were able to survive without him watching their backs. He was proud of them. He used the same look on them his parents used to give him and Aya-chan. His parents were proud of him, they loved him and they died protecting them. He was sure they put up a hell of a fight. Parents are parents, they aren't infallible, they aren't undying but they care and that's all that matters. That was the way Aya loved the boys, he protected them even though he needed to be mean and uncaring to reach his goal. He looked out for them, he followed them around when he had to and he killed behind their backs to give them enough freedom to find what they were looking for. Yohji was his biggest help. He knew what Aya did behind their backs; he knew they were never alone while they searched answers to their questions. He might not say anything but Aya knew Yohji was aware of his doing.

"Don't hide from me" Yohji pulled him out of his musing "I'm waiting for you, forever if I have to. If you can't stand talking to me find a different way to let me know what you feel, I beg you, give me a hint" he stood up and gave Aya a gentle kiss before left.

Aya made up his mind and put his things together. He waited for the change of shifts before he sneaked out of the hospital. He was used to make himself invisible. Aya hid behind corners or vanished in ventilation shafts. No one noticed his absence until the next morning.

_+End+Flashback+_

Aya continued to stare at the sea. The sun beamed bright red as it went down letting the sea glitter like a pool of gems. Emerald sparks reminded him of Yohji's eyes, wild and full of life. He smiled softly and tilted his head to look at the stone next to him. Seeing Yohji there, smiling at him.


	55. Long way home II

Yohji sat on a huge stone near the shore, he asked himself how he ended up in Monterey but the painful truth was that it was his own fault. He missed the boys and Japan terribly but it was a small price he had to pay for the love of his life.

The sea looked so peaceful but he could see the storm clouds loom on the horizon. The weather would change soon and then it would match with his inner demons.

It was his fault, everything was his fault. He let Aya down when he needed him most; he displaced everything he believed in because he felt like Aya offended his honour. That was the way Aya must have felt when he smelled of cheep perfume and sex, when he went out without him and drank himself into a stupor. Yohji admired Aya for the gift to believe in him even though the odds were against him.

He fiddled around with the platinum band on his ring finger

_+Flashback+_

Yohji entered the hospital; he was scared of what he might find. The last past days had hurt like hell. Aya didn't respond to him or their friends, he always stared at something while he talked to him. Yohji wasn't sure if Aya even realized he was there.

"Why should it be different today" he mumbled as he pressed the button to call the elevator.

"Yohji" he heard Doc's voice as the doors opened, she pulled him into the elevator.

"Doc?" he frowned, her expression was more than unsettling.

"I searched for you" she didn't smile like she usually did.

"What happened to him?" he felt his stomach churn.

She didn't answer, the elevator doors opened and she dragged him to Aya' room. Souta stood in front of the door "I thought you're not coming today" he rubbed his neck.

"I had a mission last night" he hunted a drug dealer down. It was an easy task.

Souta nodded "Aya is gone" he blurted out, highly unprofessional but humanly.

"Is – is he…" Yohji felt his heart break; did Aya kill himself while he was on a mission? Did Aya end his life in a lonely hospital room? Without loved ones?

"No, he's not dead, not yet" Souta's eyes widened at the thought "He ran away"

Yohji didn't know if he should cry of fear or joy. Aya was still alive but the question was how long? "When…?"

"We saw him yesterday around 9 p.m." Souta blamed himself for his escape; he should have post guards in front of his door.

"It's not your fault " Yohji tried to offer some comfort "It's part of our job to escape silently"

"That's the psychiatric unit for god's sake. They are here for a reason" he spread his arms to empathize his words "No one should escape from here"

"Souta calm down" Doc rested a hand on his shoulder. The last time she heard him curse was twenty years ago.

Yohji remained silent and stared at the door to Aya's room.

"He left a message for you" Souta's voice trembled.

Yohji liked his lower lip, not sure what awaits him in there "Can't you tell me what's in there?"

Souta shook his head "You have to see it yourself" it was the best solution. The message was meant for Yohji for no one else.

He nodded and entered the room. He looked around; he ignored the song until it started again. The room was dimmed by the curtains and it smelled like roses. Yohji studied the mirror "Sorry" was written on it with a red liquid. Yohji touched the thick liquid and was relieved that it wasn't blood "Smells like Betasoidan ointment" he talked to himself.

A little silver object caught his attention as he turned around; he took it from the night table. Yohji slumped down on the bed playing with the platinum band in his hands. He stopped fighting, against his tears. Aya had left for good.

Yohji started to listen to the song Aya left for him as it started from the beginning

_Call you up in the middle of the night.  
Like a firefly without a light,  
you were there like a blow-torch burning.  
I was a key that could use a little turning._

_So tired that I couldn't even sleep.  
So many secrets I couldn't keep.  
Promised myself I wouldn't weep.  
One more promise I couldn't keep._

_It seems no one can help me now  
I'm in too deep. There's no way out.  
This time I have really let myself astray._

_~ No love you didn't lead yourself astray. We lead you; we brought you near the edge and let you fall, no we pushed you over it. How often did you weep yourself to sleep? How often have I missed your cry for help? The scars, the lack of sleep! It's going on for years. How could I miss it? We live together, we sleep together!_

_I knew you have secrets but I never thought they were so serious. I thought you had an ex-lover who was a jerk, or you killed in cold blood without a paycheck and a reason, or you have a grave family secret. I imagined a lot of things but never this. We feared you had problems but you were so happy and you talked me into believing that it wasn't as bad as it seemed._

_How can we pull you out of the doom loop? I can't accept that we're too late. There must be a way to lead you on the right path, to lead you home._

_You might believe there's no way out but we will prove you wrong ~_

_Runaway train never going back.  
Wrong way on a oneway track.  
Seems like I should be getting somewhere  
somehow I'm neither here nor there_.

_~ Why didn't you say how lost you felt? I thought we cleared up your fears for good. You're a part of Weiss, you're part of our family. Where are you going now? USA, Europe? What have you planned for the future? Traveling all over the world? killing or die trying? It's not an option love. The loneliness doesn't suit you. You might have been distant and cold at the time you joined Weiss but that's not the real you. You need us as much as you need the air you breathe. You need our support and the knowledge that we are there for you no matter what. We neglected to show you how much we care but we love you and never told you otherwise ~_

_Can you help me remember how to smile,  
make it somehow all seem worth-while?  
How on earth did I get so jaded?  
Life's mystery seems so faded.  
I can go where no one else can go.  
I know what no one else knows.  
Here I am, just drowning in the rain  
with a ticket for a runaway train._

_Everything seems cut and dry,  
day and night, earth and sky.  
Somehow I just don't believe it._

_~ We made you smile, we needed years but we did it. I can remember it as if it was yesterday. We completed a mission and Omi dragged us to his favorite restaurant because he had the opinion we didn't spend enough time together outside of work. We ate and drank and along the way you gave us a smile. What did we talk about? …I think we talked about embarrassing events during our youth. The most endearing smiles I got from you where during our time together. Our relationship made you cry but most of the time you were able to smile so gentle my heart almost turned into jelly. I wish I had met you before Weiss. You must have been a great person while your family was around. Happy, carefree and full of love but Takatori took it away from you. He stole your youth and your life. I was a P.I. my job was dangerous and I knew it but you were a teen. You became a killer because life made one of you. You have to pay the bill; you have to care for her because you're everything she has left, and vice versa, you have no choice. Being a part timer isn't lucrative and hospital bills are high. Takatori is gone but your nightmares remain. It's too late to change; it's too late to curse the past. We can only try to see the future. Love you'll see. You can't hide, not from me, not from your life. Destiny will find you, doesn't matter how jaded you are or how faded mysteries seem. You'll get what you deserve and that is a life with me and the boys. Aya-chan will join us one day and we will get our happily ever after ~_

_Runaway train never going back.  
Wrong way on a oneway track.  
Seems like I should be getting somewhere  
somehow I'm neither here nor there._

_Bought a ticket for a runaway train  
like a madman laughin' at the rain.  
A little out of touch, little insane.  
It's just easier than dealing with the pain._

_Runaway train never going back.  
Wrong way on a oneway track.  
Seems like I should be getting somewhere  
somehow I'm neither here nor there._

_Runaway train never coming back  
runaway train tearing up the track  
runaway train burning in my veins  
runaway but it always seems the same_

_~ Running away isn't the solution. It makes it worse, you should know that. We see it every day. We do it every god damn day. We run away from our problems, we run away from people we love, we hide from our memories before they tear us apart. But all the running and hiding is what tears us apart in the end. Asukas death destroyed my whole existence, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I searched for love in places I knew there was none. I overcame it the day the truth came out in the open. That was the day I was reborn and opened my heart for you. I learned to handle it, I learned to take risks. Not self-destructing risks but positive risks. I want to live; I want to enjoy it with you. We might be insane, we might be out of touch but like Ken said we are part of Weiss because we are screw ups. You'll never belong somewhere because you belong to us. We cried in the rain together, we laughed together and we fought together. We lost many people we love, but you won't be one of them. You won't be one of our ghosts. I'll find you and take you home. Life won't be different somewhere else. You meet new people, you meet other cultures but you won't find family there. Your family is right here waiting for you ~_

A gentle hand on his shoulder disturbed his thoughts.

"Yohji" Omi put an arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer "Hush"

"There's so much I want to tell him" Yohji's tears died down.

"I know" the young man looked at the ring in Yohji's hand "We will find him. I have connections all over the world"

"He left me" Yohji stated sadly "He's so unhappy he feels the urge to run. I failed him. I couldn't ease his inner demons. He left us behind, he even left his sister behind" the last part was shocking. Aya gave everything up for her, he killed, he got hurt for her sake and he neglected himself to keep her alive. It was surprising that Aya left her behind.

"He knows we take care of her" Omi reasoned "and I have every intention to keep her safe until he comes back"

"She's his little sister" Yohji put Aya's ring on his own finger "He's so broken that he chose to leave her"

"He loves you as much as he loves her" Omi reminded him "It was too much to bear, he'll come back when he's ready"

"I hope you're right" Yohji sighed and got up "I'll pack my stuff and you'll try to find him" it was an order.

Omi nodded "I hope I'm right too" he whispered after Yohji left the room. Omi followed Yohji to the car and they started their new mission.

_+End+Flashback+_

Yohji took a deep breath to calm his nerves. He shivered as the wind blew water in his face. The sea raged and the temperature dropped. He looked to the stone next to him, there sat Aya granting him a smile. He blinked to get the tears and water out of his eyes. The illusion of his lover faded, he was too late "Three days" he mumbled. Aya had left Monterey three days ago after he killed completed his mission.

Now Yohji had to wait for Omi's call only then he could continue to track Aya.

(A/N: Soul Asylum owns their song "Runaway train". I really do love the song. I've listened often to the song over the years, especially when I hate my life, it's pretty often. I even liked it as a child even though my English wasn't good enough to understand the whole meaning but I knew it was special. What does it say about me? Yeah, my stories tell a lot about me)


	56. Amber lights in Amsterdam

Aya walked through Amsterdam, he got the order to infiltrate an assassin group called Seelenbrecher ( A/N: Der Seelenbrecher is a book written by Sebastian Fitzek, I love to hear the audio book when I'm not able to sleep. Seelen = Soul, brecher = breaker)

Manx said they played with their targets until they died. They didn't kill criminals; no they killed for far less. They killed for fun and that pissed Aya off. They had no right to take lives for fun and he would show them how funny dying like a pray could be.

Aya entered a little bar and ordered a drink, Manx told him they were regulars and were always ready to put up a fight.

He observed the bar and noticed a young man in the far corner of the room, he talked with a elderly woman. She gave him a slim envelope after she made sure nobody was watching. Aya put up his glass and hid a small grin. He waited for the woman to leave before he went to the restroom. On his way he dropped his drink and splashed the liquid over the young man's shirt.

"Hey, watch out!" the young man hissed. His hair was purple and his eyes blue. He was a little smaller than Aya but his build was heavier.

"My bad" Aya said in a mocking tone, his tactic was a success. The young man's face turned beet red. Yohji had told him twice that he had an unnatural talent to piss people off.

"Are you kidding me?" stupid question, Aya thought but answered anyway "Not really but I'm interested in your kind of business"

The young man huffed "11 p.m. behind the bar, don't be late" he would kill the redhead "You have no frigging idea with whom you're picking an argument, boy"

Aya raised a brow "We will see, kid" the young man left without a word.

Aya explored the environment, alleys, gloomy buildings and barely illuminated. The perfect environment for a deadly trap.

"Looks like fun" Aya looked up to observe the roofs and found a nice hiding place for the coming night.

He looked at his watch with a gentle smile. He couldn't help it. The watch reminded him of Yohji and he missed him even more every time he looked at it.

Aya decided to take a walk through the city centre to blow the cobwebs away. He had heard that Yohji reached Monterey three days after he finished his job. It was a matter of time that he showed up in Amsterdam, so he had to work fast. Infiltrate, find the boss and kill them all. Simple but time-consuming.

"I f you don't change your attitude you'll lose friends one day" Aya froze and his eyes widened; he turned around and saw a young blond who looked slightly amused at his young brown haired friend.

Aya's heart hammered in his chest as he remembered Yohji, saying the same. They stood in front of the flower shop and Aya intended to leave without a word. Yohji didn't mean what he said that day, they would never leave him because of his attitude but it was Yohji's way to tell him that they needed to work together and not next to each other.

What Yohji said meant a lot to him and he treasured every word he said, his opinion of him was very important. Aya needed Yohji's approval more than anything. Yohji's reaction was the only indication that he was still human and sane.

Aya smiled at the memory and continued to walk before his mood could get the chance to change and he started to cry in front of everyone. A jeweler drew his attention

_~ Yohji's birthday is in a few days. I think I need a little present, he will find it in time. Hmm, silver … yeah silver is perfect. A cross made of amethyst embedded in a crucial silver frame … I think I found what I'm looking for. I know you love, your bad habits and problems. I hope it helps you to overcome your fears ~_

Aya bought the cross and went back to the little hotel he stayed in. He gave the elderly receptionist a small nod before he vanished in his room.

He stared at the cross, dangling from his fingers "Happy birthday, Yohji" he put it back into the box and wrote a letter.

Aya spent the rest of the day with planning his mission; he drew plans and calculated every possibility "I hope it's as easy as I think it is" he was sure Seelenbrecher wasn't clever enough to put up much of a fight.

"Time to go" he looked at his watch, gently caressing the object. He gave the receptionist a little package and an order before he left for the night.

Aya sat on the roof of one of the houses, hidden by the shadow of a chimney. He watched the young man. He hid in an alley and observed the situation. Aya could see the frustration on his face as he couldn't find Aya.

Aya left his hiding place and sneaked up on him "You have a lot to learn, kid" he whispered in his ear.

The young man jumped in shock "How…?"

"You're standing here for fifteen minutes, that's not professional. You should have found a hiding place from where you can oversee the area. I was here the whole time. I saw you, I studied your behavior and they way you think. You would be dead by now, if I wanted to" a shiver ran down the young man's spine "Who are you?"

"Call me Rei" Aya smirked "and you are?"

"L-Lars, my name is Lars" the young man stuttered, highly unprofessional, Aya thought. The boy was either a great actor or a gopher. Aya bet on option two.

"What do we do now, Lars?" Aya listened to the noises of the night and ducked just in time. Lars was less lucky and caught the arrow; he fell dead to the ground.

"He was a candidate for an open post but he obviously failed" a skinny man, around twenty mocked.

"Obviously" Aya raised the brow; he wondered how a boy like Lars ended up as wannabe assassin.

"Come with me, I like the way you think and when I'm right you're the perfect candidate" he motioned Aya to follow him.

They walked through the streets until they reached a rundown apartment building "Nice" Aya said flatly.

"It serves the purpose" the man said. Aya observed the building. First floor five guards, second floor three and none at the third and fourth floor. Their headquarters must be in floor three and four, Aya mused.

_~ No obvious prevention measures, that's a bad sign. Alarm system, hidden guards or fear keeps people away. Why are the guards not hidden? … They work with fear. I can see the danger so I keep away. Bungler__s ~_

"Nice to meet you" a woman greeted him as they entered a conference room "I'm Eva"

"Rei" Aya shook her hand "Nice organization"

"Great isn't it" she smiled sweetly, she liked Rei.

"I need a job and I heard you're looking for employees" he kept his cool.

"Finn said you did good" she looked at the skinny guy "What do you know about us?"

"Fast and greedy. I like that" Aya was disgusted but wasn't permitted to show it.

"We like to kill why not make it for a living?" she continued to smile, Aya smiled back.

"Do you take every job?" he asked.

"Yes. We get rid of grandpa before he gets the chance to change his will, or we kill granny because she hates your lifestyle. We kill your brother because you hate him; we kill your wife so you can collect the assurance. There is nothing we can't do" she patted Aya's chest "I think I've got the perfect first order for you, come" he followed her into a computer room.

"Sem, 34 years old, salesman. His wife commissions our 'help'. He hits her and her children; the police aren't able to stop him. He's clever but we are better"

That was a case Aya could live with "Cause of death?"

"Your choice, dead is dead" she grinned, Rei was intelligent and she liked that very much.

"Do I work alone or will anorexia boy keep an eye on me" he pointed into the shadows of the room.

"How do you do that?" Finn was impressed.

"Experience" Aya smirked "When do we start?"

"Tonight" she walked away and left Aya alone with Finn.

"You have a drug problem" Aya stated, Finn was thin and pale.

"Yeah" Finn rubbed his head "I started years ago and can't quit anymore. I need the money they offer. Drugs are expensive and normal jobs aren't paid so well"

"You don't like what you're doing" Aya eyed him, he felt something inside his stomach he couldn't identify.

Finn looked around "No" he mouthed, he hated what he did and he hated himself even more.

"Let us finish the job" Aya patted Finn's shoulder before he left. Finn looked after him, thinking about Rei and his behavior.

"That was easy", Aya sat on a chair in the conference room. Eva smiled at him, the new guy was a cash cow "I'm impressed"

"He was awesome" Finn beamed "He got in, slit his throat and left. Nobody noticed what happened. I mean his wife slept next to him and she didn't even stir"

"You said you're experienced but I hadn't thought you were that good" she had great plans with him, she gave him his paycheck. He opened it and tried to hide a smile, he never earned as little as Eva offered.

"What's so funny?" she frowned.

"That's the biggest paycheck I ever got" he lied "I love the job and money"

Her smile returned "I'm glad you're satisfied" she looked through records.

"Your next job is special. I give you the information in two day" she kept missions a secret until the time has come to reveal it.

"Go home and enjoy your day off" she caressed his hand; she started to fall for him.

"Rei, wait" Finn followed him "Do you want to hang out with me?"

Aya sighed "I know a nice bar nearby" he needed more information and Finn's invitation was the perfect opportunity.

"How long do you work for Eva?" Aya asked after the second drink.

"I was 14 years old as she recruited me. That was six years ago. I needed money and I wanted to stop to sell my body so I took the offer" Finn looked sad.

"What's with your family?" Aya wanted to know him better.

"I ran away" Finn gulped his drink down "They're still searching for me"

"Why don't you go home? Spend some time in a rehab clinic and start your life over" he felt the urge to save the boy, only once he wanted to save a soul from death and not take revenge after they're long gone, Finn wasn't a job he was a mission he chose of his own free will.

"It's impossible to escape Eva" Finn whispered.

"I s she the head of the organization? She looks young" Aya tried his luck.

"No she isn't but she is second in command. Her old man leads the organization but I never saw him in person" Finn looked nervous "Why do you ask?"

"I like to know for whom I work" it wasn't a lie.

"Do you have girl friend?" Finn liked Rei and hoped to have a chance.

"No" Aya replied.

"Do you have a boy friend?" the question took Aya by surprise, he put his glass down.

"Yes" Yohji was the love of his life there would never be someone else.

"I hoped you'd say no" Finn confessed.

"Sorry" he felt indeed sorry for the young man.

"I'm a screw up, no winder I'm alone" Finn nursed his drink.

Aya remembered the day on the battlefield as Yohji said they had a new addition to the club of screw ups. His heart hurt at the memory. He had thought he was too late but they survived until he came to rescue them. He regretted leaving them alone that day.

"You will find love" Aya comforted "Sometimes love isn't as far away as we think"

"I hope you're right" Finn was lonely.

"I think we should call it a night" Aya suggested "I'm tired"

"See you the day after tomorrow" Finn winked, Aya smiled in return.

Aya tried to collect information during his day off and was more than successful. Rival groups were talkative especially when they're disgusted by their choice of jobs and lack of moral rules.

"Levi van Schriek, age: 54, born inUtrecht. Lawyer" he looked through his notepad "Wife: Isa, 52 years old, maiden name: Vock, born in Haarlem, housewife and ex-secretary. Daughter Eva, 24 years old born in Amsterdam, lawyer, son: Luuk, died 3 years ago murdered at age 18. Case unsolved. He wanted to study medicine…You didn't fit into family business, huh" Aya was sure they killed their own son because he wanted a better life.

Aya made a few phone calls before he left the hotel, Eva wasn't patient and he wanted to please her as long as possible.

"Morning beautiful" she smiled again, he hated her smile.

"Let's get down to business" Aya smiled back, she loved his cool attitude.

"Lisa 6 years old" Aya couldn't believe what he heard "Her stepmother wants to get rid of her. She isn't ready to be a mother and she wants her husband for herself. So little Lisa has to die" she continued to smile.

Aya felt sick "6, that will be easy, what a shame" he played along.

"You can play with her when you want" she stepped closer "You can have her to yourself as long you do the job" Eva touched his chest.

"I don't like children" Aya breathed into her ear, she shivered "You prefer skilled women"

"Let's talk after the job is done" Aya shoved her gently away; he could see the lust in her eyes "I'm looking forward to tonight" she turned her attention back to her computer.

Aya stood in front of Lisa's house, he knew two assassins had followed him. Hee vanished behind the house and waited for them.

"I don't kill children" he hissed as he caught the first assassin "She's 6, she's innocent" Aya slit his throat.

The second assassin tried to take Aya into stranglehold but he wasn't fast around. Aya swung around and pierced his heart "Baka" Aya said in disgust.

"Make your choice Finn" the young man left his hiding place "What gave me away?"

"You're not silent enough" Aya gave him a glare "I offer you the chance to leave. Your parents await you tomorrow evening, central station, 6 p.m. don't be late" Aya merged with the shadows.

Finn stood there for a while and stared at the dead bodies in front of him "Rei" he whispered.

Aya entered the villa at the edge of town, the lights were off and the security system easy to override. He sneaked into the bedroom and killed Levi, he hoped Isa wouldn't wake or else he had to kill her too. She looked peaceful in her sleep; he heard she didn't marry him out of love but rather out of fear. She was pretty and a good catch, no wonder Levi wanted her. Rumors said Levi was a narcissist; he loved pretty things almost as much as he loved himself. He was strong build and looked younger than his age. Aya would swear he wasn't faithful; his wife was pretty but not young anymore. He shook his head before he sneaked out of the house "May you do well Miss Vock" Aya took a deep breath and turned around too leave as dog appeared in the backyard. Aya frowned "Mute alarm" he didn't notice the spare security measure.

"The dog is only the vanguard" he looked around. The dog jumped at him and bit his arm "Damn" Aya hissed. He wasn't fast enough to avoid his sharp teeth "Sorry" Aya panted and cut the beast into pieces.

"Brutus" a middle aged guard shrieked "You" he drew his weapon but got no chance to fire. Aya hid his sword and fled as the lights turned on inside the house. From far away he could hear Lisa scream with horror.

Aya hid in a dark alley near the rundown building of Seelenbrecher. He patched his wound "Geez" Aya hated dogs, he missed his little Faith and hoped Faith was well.

"Stop fighting" he heard a familiar voice, Sven he realized. He was Eva's favorite because he was merciless.

Aya decided to watch them before he interfered.

"Little bastard" he punched the man "I said run and when I say run I mean it. You're not supposed to fight back. You run, I hunt you, it's as simple as that" Sven hiss dangerously low.

"No" the man was strong willed.

"Do it or I come back to get your sweet little daughter. What was her name Luisa? I'm sure her skin is soft and she would enjoy a hard cock, ripping her apart. Giving her what she needs" Sven licked his lips.

"She's 14 you bastard. She is still a kid, to have sex is her own choice not yours" the man spat "She will have sex out of love, I'll make sure of it"

"You won't live long enough to save her" Sven raised his dagger "It's a shame, I would like you to watch us together in her bed, your sex-hungry little girl will scream my name, she will beg for more and I'll do her again and again until she craves for my dick. I make her my slave" Sven laughed. Aya had enough and thrust his Katana in Sven's back; he gurgled and choked on his own blood "You won't touch little girls anymore, see you in hell" Aya hissed.

The man looked at Aya in shock "Go home" Aya turned around to leave "I'll take care of Seelenbrecher" the man watched him leave and sent a prayer to the god's.

"Let us survive, let him success. Free us of Seelenbrecher" he struggled to get up "Good luck, kid" he knew the redhead was an assassin himself but it didn't matter, he saved him, he saved his daughter. That made him a good guy.

"Eva" Aya appeared behind her.

"You" she screamed "You killed him"

"Nah, no reason to yell" he wielded his sword; it glittered dangerously in the light.

"I'll kill you" she grabbed her gun, Aya let her.

"Your lackeys first" Aya jumped out of the way and sliced through bones and flesh, Eva's wannabes were terrible fighter "And you call yourself assassins. Do you even know what it means to be an assassin? Moral, personal opinion, teamwork and humanity are far reaching components of being assassin. You can't do whatever you want. You can't play god. You have to think first, you have to balance pro and cons. And my favorite rule: Don't kill innocents" he explained with ease while he ducked and jumped out of the way.

Eva stared at him after he killed her men "How…?"

"Like I said I gained some experience over the years" Aya stepped closer.

"Who are you?" she tried to be strong.

"They call me Abyssinian" Aya missed his nickname.

"Abyssinian" he could see the wheels turning in her head "I heard about you" her eyes widened.

"I'm very pleased to hear that" Aya's grin faded "You could have chosen a different path"

"and end like my brother? No thank you" she yelled "I chose my path and I'll walk it to the end"

"Okay" Aya threw his Katana before she got the chance to aim at him.

"That-was-a-s-short-life" she looked rueful in her last moment "That's the path you chose" Aya pulled his sword out of her chest.

Aya sat on a bench near central station and waited.

A young man entered the hall and looked nervously around, he fiddled with his fingers.

"FINN" a woman yelled, she started to run "FINN" she flung herself around him.

"Mom" he whispered, he wasn't sure his parents would show up after all these years.

"Finn" a man embraced both of them "Dad" Finn sobbed.

Aya smiled, that was the beginning of a new life. He organized a place in a rehab clinic near his hometown and his parents promised to stick with him, come what may.

Aya sighed deeply and paid the street musician to sing the song he just sang again for a special person before he left Amsterdam with a smile on his face.


	57. Amber lights II

Yohji's plane landed in Amsterdam, he waited nervously for his baggage. Omi had told him that Aya arrived in Amsterdam two days ago and as far as they knew he was still there. He grabbed his bag and hurried to his hotel "Good evening Mr. Yamaguchi" the receptionist greeted.

"Good evening young lady" he flirted back, flirting was a good way to gain information.

"Room 213" she gave him the key "Call if you need anything"

"Thank you" he winked, she blushed.

Yohji rolled his eyes after he turned around. She was pretty but nothing compared to Aya.

Aya was the one he loved and he wouldn't touch anyone else, he was faithful and would stay faithful until the day he died and beyond. Aya might have left him but he was still in his heart and for his part Aya was still his boyfriend and nothing could change that.

Yohji unpacked his things before he walked onto the balcony "Hey Omi" he promised to call him once he arrived.

"Did you find him?" the young man asked hopeful.

"No, I arrived an hour ago. I know it's naïve but I hoped to see him on my way to the hotel" Yohji rubbed his face.

"It's not naïve" Omi understood why Yohji hoped to stumble over Aya "I found information about his mission"

"C'mon" Yohji was impatient.

"Did you ever hear about Seelenbrecher?" Omi asked.

"A bunch of unprofessional and butcherly assassins" Yohji replied.

"That's right" Omi opened a file "They do everything for money no ifs, no bouts. Elderly people, pregnant women, children"

"Assassins without scruple" Yohji stated "Not even Schwarz is soulless"

"They're dangerous" Omi sounded worried "Aya has to be careful or else he will be one of their many victims. They hunt their victims down, they don't act quickly. They let them suffer"

Yohji hung up; he couldn't bear the thought of Aya hunted like an animal.

"Aya what are you doing?" he hung his head, taking deep breaths. Yohji collected his thoughts before he began to search for Aya. He wasn't useful as long his mind wandered astray.

Yohji walked through the streets and asked around. He had to be careful or he could blow Aya's cover and that would end in a tragedy.

"I saw yesterday evening with a young man, a dangerous young man. Looked like a drug addict" the barkeeper told.

"Was it the first time you saw him?" Yohji pushed.

"Yes and I don't think I see him again. Pity, he's pretty" the barkeeper licked his lip. Yohji suppressed the urge to hit him "Why do you think that?" he said instead.

"I don't know, he looked cold and calculating. It was like he planned something. It's a dangerous part of town, murders come and gone"

"You think he's a murder?" Yohji grinned inwardly, Aya had a deadly aura and he loved it.

"I don't know but the boy he was with is member of Seelenbrecher"

Yohji's eyes widened "I'm barkeeper. I see and hear a lot of things but the secret of surviving is to keep your mouth shut" he whispered.

"You know more than you should" Yohji didn't envy him for his knowledge; it was a dangerous game he played.

"Yeah and I'm more than happy to be alive" the barkeeper sighed "You should go" he ordered as two man entered the bar. Yohji did as if he was too drunk to care and staggered out of the bar. Once outside he took position near the bar.

He waited two hours before the guys left the bar, they were drunk and everything but careful "Let's go back" one of them slurred, the other one nodded.

Yohji followed them but it was a dead end. They were assassins but they were members of the wrong group. They worked as killers for a drug dealer and had nothing to do with Aya's mission. He hit against a wall until his knuckles bruised "Ayaaa" he was desperate. Four months without his lover was a long time. He missed him terribly, his smile, his voice, the warmth of his skin and his beautiful soul.

Yohji calmed down and decided to continue his search but without success. He knew Aya was good but it was like he ceased to exist. He was like a ghost.

His mobile phone rang on his way back to the hotel "Yohji" it was Omi.

"Yeah?" Yohji hoped he had found his lover.

"Still no trace" Omi confessed "I heard he asked for a new mission. The result of his mission doesn't show up in the newspaper therefore … I think he hasn't finished the mission, yet"

"But soon" Yohji nibbled on his bottom lip "I have to search harder"

"Yohji" Omi warned "You won't find him when he doesn't want to. I think he gives you permission to follow him but not finding him in person"

"You mean… he knows I'm here?" Yohji imagined his lover. He liked to do that but he was scared he could forget. He was scared his memories could fade.

"Maybe not that you're in Amsterdam right now but I think he knows you'll come to Amsterdam sooner or later" Omi sounded sad.

"I'm tired" it wasn't a lie "I'll call you" he hung up.

Yohji took a quick shower before he went to bed. He took the spare pillow and snuggled up to it. He hated it to sleep alone, he slept alone for months but he couldn't get used to the cold.

+Dream+

"Hey love wake up" Aya kissed him gently.

"Morning" Yohji smiled at him "What time is it?"

"9 a.m. You have to stay up. Today is our wedding" the redhead beamed.

Yohji got up "Today?"

"Don't say you forgot" Aya frowned "No, of course not. I'm sleepy" the blond backpedaled.

Aya chuckled "Good" he kissed Yohji a second time before he got out of bed.

"Aya!" Yohji panicked as Aya walked through the door "I love you"

"I know" he heard a fading voice; he jumped out of bed "AYAA!"

The hall was empty, he looked in every room but they were empty too.

"Ayaaa" he yelled again, waiting for a sign "Noo"

The scenery changed into a office building. He saw himself as he held Aya in a stranglehold "No" he whispered again. He saw himself walking to the window "No, not again" he ran. He jumped forward and grabbed Aya's hand as he flew through the window.

"I've got ya" he panted but Aya seemed unfazed "I will not let you fall"

There was a hint of disappointment in Aya's eyes "Will you try to rescue me? Will you try to make me smile? Will you try to save my soul in this coldness of time?" he tilted his head and let go of Yohji's hand with a smile. He fell into an endless black hole.

(A/N: I don't own "Save me" by Blutengel, Chris Pohl is the genius behind his projects)

+End+Dream+

Yohji awoke with a start "Nooo" he was bathed in sweat. He wondered why Aya said things like that, it was strange. After he caught his breath he realized that the timer on the radio had woken him. He had set the alarm for 6 a.m. and what Aya had said was part of the song on the radio. It was ironic, how fitting the song was. Destiny was mocking him but he would show her that no one had the right to dictate his life. He liked to believe in destiny but not when he lost people he loved. Destiny took Asuka and brought him closer to Aya but he wouldn't accept that destiny took Aya away too "Aya is my destiny, that's final" he got up and took a long shower. It was relaxing and calmed his tense nerves "Let's do it again" Yohji sighed as he got out of the shower.

He walked around for hours until he found a little hotel. It was the kind of hotel Aya liked to use for missions. Small, secluded and easy to defend "It's worth trying" Yohji used his best smile "Good evening ma'am. Have you seen him?" he showed her a picture of Aya.

"Yeah he checked out this morning. He said he'll leave tonight after he finished his contract. He's a hardworking young man" she smiled kindly.

"Is he alright?" Yohji hoped he was.

"His arm was bandaged he said a street dog bit him, damn beasts, apart from that he was fine. I think he lacks some sleep but no wonder when he works so much" the old woman swarmed.

Yohji smiled, Aya had captured her heart within four days "That's good" he turned around to leave as the woman stopped him "You're his friend aren't you?"

"Yes" more than that, he added mentally.

"He left something for you. He said you would show up to get it" she gave him a package.

Yohji was speechless "Farewell boy" the women said before she went back to the counter.

"Thank you" Yohji gave her an honest smile before he left.

He rushed back to his hotel and settled down on his bed, he took a few deep breaths before he got the strength to open the package.

What caught his attention first was letter from Aya

Happy birthday Yohji,

I knew you'd come soon and I hope you get your present in time

Amethysts are known to keep nightmares away and to help you through hard times.

I know you suffer from hard cases of separation anxieties and these anxieties are certainly causing you sleepless nights.

And sleepless nights give you headaches and you hate them more than anything.

I read that Amethyst calm you down, they reduce headaches and clear your mind. It's easier to think and figure things out, stress and anxieties will be reduced.

But the main reason I bought it, is your birthday and I'm sure it looks pretty on you.

I know I can't stop you following me around but I beg you stop!

It's breaking you slowly but steady and I don't want to see you fade. Go home to Omi and Ken. You love the flower shop and you miss the boys, don't tell me otherwise.

I won't believe it.

Start to live again!

It can't be healthy to follow me everywhere.

Yohji please stop before it's too late.

I love you and I don't want to see you fade of loneliness or weary soul; I want to see you live.

For your sake stop searching, I beg you!

I set you free if you want to

Love

Aya

Yohji pressed the letter to his heart while he sobbed uncontrollably "I don't stop. I can't" after a few minutes he regained his control and was able to open the little box. He took the necklace out of the box in awe. The amethyst had the color of Aya's eyes, slightly darker maybe but unmistakable Aya. Yohji put the necklace around his neck, the silver around the amethyst glittered in the light and the amethyst itself looked soothing.

He didn't believe in esoteric but it was a present from Aya, it had the color of his eyes and represented his beautiful soul.

"I won't stop until the day I can hold you in my arms. I want to see your eyes, I want to see your smile" he touched the pendant "I want to laugh with you and I want to joke around. I want so many things, all of them include you. I will not give up my dreams; I'll fight for them with all my might. I'll never set you free and I don't want to be set free"

He went back to bed, dialing Omi's number "Hey"

"He left" Omi blurted out, not asking if Yohji found him or if he heard about it.

"I know" the older man had found Aya's present and that was prove enough that he wouldn't find his love in Amsterdam.

"You heard about it?" Omi asked.

"No but I found something special and he wouldn't have left it if he wanted to be found" Yohji took a shaky breath.

"He killed everyone" Omi sounded impressed "The head of the family, his vice and his troop. "Yohji it was a massacre and Aya alone had killed them. It's like an army stormed the headquarter"

"I don't think he had fun. He does what he has to do. I'm sure somewhere along the way he played good Samaritan" Aya was good at heart and he loved to help. Not that he would say it out loud.

"Yeah, that's Aya" Omi smiled to himself "Manx keeps her mouth shut and I can't ge information about his next mission"

"Observe the passenger lists of the airline and keep an eye on the security cameras of the airport" Yohji ordered.

"Okay. Good night" the young man sighed.

"Good night" decided to take a last walk through Amsterdam, what he didn't know was that he had missed Aya about five minutes when he entered the central station. Yohji settled down on the bench Aya occupied only minutes before, listening to a street musician who gave him a gentle smile and a nod before he started to sing again. Yohji was surprised and looked around, searching for his lover but Yohji realized Aya was long gone.

"I knew you lied as you said you set me free" Yohji leaned back and thought about his next steps

Amberlights in Amsterdam

Slowed me down in no man's land

Chasing dreams and dodging tramps

Playing the cosmopolitan

Driven by your fantasies

Dealing danger and decease

All my love can't set you free in Amsterdam

Crossing bridges one by one

And wandering along the waterfront

Felt the heartbeat flooding the streets

Though the surface is calm still the waters run deep

Drowning in your fantasies

Drifting further from my reach

All my love can't set you free in Amsterdam

Shine on Amsterdam teardrops in my hand

A rough and uncut diamond the heart of Amsterdam

Shine on citylights springtime's scented nights

Like a lovers kiss the feeling's timeless in Amsterdam

Interlude in Amsterdam

With our sweet illusions and passionate plans

Followed the curve to rainbow's end

We were going to fast on a dangerous bend

Driven by your fantasies

Dealing danger and decease

All my love can't set you free in Amsterdam

(A/N: Cora owns her songs "Amsterdam", I own nothing like always. I think I like the text of the German version (I think depends on my mood) a little more but like you can see it doesn't fit when you translate it. I thought you might be interested in the difference between the songs, even though it's the 'same' song. I chose the English version for the chapter because it sounds better within the story and fits with my mood :p. I have to go back to work and I can't post until I'm home again. I have to work longer because I was sick. So I go back to work on Wednesday and come home on Friday the following week, ten days in a row urg)

Nowadays I say 'Once upon a time', Fairytale full of fear and agony, Elves, prince and fairy godmothers, weren't meant to be

"Hold me" you've often said, "How?" I've asked then. Love failed in Amsterdam (A/N: kinda 'Make me stay')

Come! We go to Amsterdam. I know nothing can happen to us.

You and I, we've got it licked, thereby we sat already on the sinking ship

"Stay" I've said, "How?" you've asked me then. Love failed in Amsterdam.

Dream of Amsterdam, which took away our hopes. The gold on the end of the rainbow was what we wanted. Roses shall fall from the sky and never decay.

Come! We go to Amsterdam; it just figured that I can't hold you. Life chose the strongest,

losing when you're count among the weaker.


	58. Viva Las Vegas

Aya screamed silently and raged, throwing things through his hotel room. He had failed. He wasn't able to save the young girl. She was seventeen and still had all her life in front of her.

The case was similar to the Takatori case in the woods. Rich guys hunting down youths and weak people. They not even chose strong victims, no it was more fun to hunt and kill young girls and weak men. They shot her in front of his eyes. The bullets flew through her backbone and emerged from her chest, spilling her hot blood right into his face. Her mouth opened to scream but she couldn't make a sound. Her eyes were wide in fear as she tried desperately to take one last breath. The shotgun had tattered her lung and took away every possibility to make a sound. She fell to the ground; her motionless body lay in a pool of her own blood.

Aya was furious and ignored his own principles and hit the guy. He punched him until his face was a bloody pulp after that he pushed his Katana into his heart. Aya made short work of the remaining hunters. The desert of Nevada resembled a battlefield, old bones mixed with the blood of new victims.

Aya didn't know how he returned to the hotel but he was sure no one followed him.

She reminded him of Yohji. She was middle blond, her eyes were emerald and she was so carefree but her eyes told him how much she had seen in this world. Her laugh was so like Aya-chan.

He missed Yohji from what he knew his lover was alright and didn't quit following him.

Aya stood in front of a mirror watching the old and new wounds he inflicted on his arm, some scarred, some faded and others were still bloody. He was down and out. He travelled around for almost eight months now and his soul was more broken than before "Yohji" he lay down on the bed.

He fell into a restless sleep. The events of the mission mixed with old fears hunted him in his dream.

+Dream+

Aya followed a truck; he had seen how two men dragged a young girl into an alley before they sedated her. The truck stopped in the middle of the desert, they dragged eight young people out of the hold. Three men and five girls. The girls seemed healthy but slender build. The men instead seemed to be sick or mentally retarded. Aya shook his head; he couldn't believe what the human race was capable of.

"Let them free" a middle aged man ordered, they did as they were told. They unlocked the shackles "Run little bunnies run" they grinned murderously.

They waited five minutes before they followed, what the victims didn't know was that they implanted GPS chips under their skin. There wasn't a place to hide.

"I take the sexy brunette" an overweight man said.

"Sure Frank but therefore I get the blond, I love her boobs. What do you think C-cup?"

"Nah, almost D" he licked his lips "Come on Ray, we have a lot to hunt"

They got on their way, Aya was busy killing the youngest hunter as he heard three shots. He ran as fast as he could but the men were dead. They hid together possibly hoping to outnumber the hunters.

Aya looked around searching for a sign, he found tire tracks not far away "Quad bike" the redhead hissed. There were more hunters than he thought. They must have waited in the desert for the hunt to start.

Aya followed the mark, killed the hunter and stole his Quad bike, hoping to safe at least one victim.

He found Frank hovering above the brunette, it seemed he had a sexual kink. Aya had nothing against games in bed but necrophilia and rape were sickening. He slit the man's throat while he was busy touching her bloody body.

Aya covered her body with a blanket he found in a bag on his Quad bike "Rest in peace" he continued his search.

He found the blond, she was out of breath but her eyes begged for help. He got ready to defend her but a shot rang through the night shortly before she reached him. It seemed as if her chest exploded. Blood and gore splattered in his face. He could see her fighting spirit die along with her.

Her face turned into Yohji's before she fell. Blood dripped down his mouth, his chest ripped wide open "Why, why didn't you safe me? You abandoned us. You failed" he hit the ground. His lifeless eyes staring at him, "Murder! You failed protecting us. You walk the path you chose, was it worth it? You have our blood on your hands" the corps was the girl again, her zombie got up, approaching him "Why? Why did I have to die? I'm 17! I had plans, I had dreams" Yohji's ghost appeared behind her "You left me. You killed me" Omi appeared behind him "You killed my family. You're not better than Takatori. You took everything away from me" Ken reached for him "Coldhearted murder, blood-thirsty killer. Screwing with our minds …and then …leave. How dare you to live while our families and friends have to die"

"DIEEEE" their voices screamed at him.

+End+Dream+

Aya awoke bathed in sweat, his throat was too sore to scream. He must have screamed in his sleep, he realized.

"It's time to end it" Aya whispered "It's time to draw the line" he took a shaky breath before he got up and vanished into the night.

Yohji reached Las Vegas in the middle of the night. It was loud, gaudy and dangerous out there. He hated the town already. It was a city full of thieves, marauders and murderer. People got hurt because they lost too many games, people got hurt because they won too many games and they got hurt because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time "Sin city" Yohji whispered "How fitting"

Yohji passed a few whores who sniffed a chance to earn some money "Hey sweetie" she showed off her big boobs. Her skirt was short but her cleavage was even more none existent "Sorry I'm not into whores"

"You know you want to" she took his hand and placed it on her breast, Yohji jerked his hand away, feeling like a cheater "I said no"

"Jerk" she hissed and went back to her friends "Are you gay?" a woman with far too much make-up asked.

"Maybe" he smirked. Yohji saw her nod, everything but surprised "Thought so" she smiled. Yohji huffed and continued to look for a trace.

Omi told him the name of Aya's hotel and he prayed that he wasn't too late again.

"Gottcha" he almost missed the hotel, it was even for this part of town disgraceful "Hello, a single room please" the girl eyed him up.

"Room 314. Sign here" she pointed at a form, Yohji signed it and grabbed the key.

Yohji opened the door and was utterly surprised. The room was clean and well equipped "A hotel for suitors" Yohji chuckled.

Aya was clever, shady from the outside, luxurious from the inside and nobody who asked questions. Yohji put down his bag and left his room, he walked through the hotel in search of Aya's room. He did as if he was drunk and asked an old man if he saw his pal. Yohji had luck and the old man knew where to look "He's passionate isn't he?" the man grinned; he had heard Aya's outburst and thought the young man liked to play rough.

"Yes" Yohji gave him his best smile "I would like to play with him too. Your guys aren't by chance into sharing?" he asked hopefully.

Yohji gave him a glare not trusting himself enough to answer "I wouldn't share either when he were mine" the old man understood and nodded while he answered his own question.

"That's your room Casanova" he winked and left. Yohji picked the lock as fast as he could and slipped into the room.

"Good heavens!" Yohji gasped, the room resembled a battlefield. He looked around and found traces of blood "What the hell happened?"

The furniture and home accessories were scattered all over the room. Yohji started to investigate the room until he came to the conclusion that it wasn't a fight. Aya must have had an emotional outburst, directed at himself and items "I'm not sure if I'm happy that you learned to direct your anger at items or if I should be sad you hurt yourself in the process. I think I'm both" he talked to himself. He needed it to talk. Yohji collected Aya's belongings and sneaked back into his own room.

He had found a bloodstained shirt but there was no indication that the blood was Aya's. The shirt was unscathed "Your notepad" Yohji took the book and flipped through it.

Monterey: Mission complete

New York: Mission complete but too much collateral damage

London: Mission complete, three children dead

Damascus: Failed

Kairo: Mission complete

Amsterdam: Mission complete, one saved soul

….

Las Vegas: Mission complete. I failed again. I couldn't save her. She had your eyes and attitude, you would have liked her.

"You knew I would find it, that's why you're so careless. Or did her death hit you harder than I thought?" he know Aya hated to lose but he got over it, every time. This time Aya was alone, he had to deal with the aftermath of a mission on his own "It was too much to handle"

A poem caught his eyes, it was a poem by Edgar Allen Poe "Dream-Land" he mumbled.

…..

By each spot the most unholy-

In each nook most melancholy,-

There the traveler meets, aghast,

Sheeted Memories of the past-

Shrouded forms that start and sigh

As they pass the wanderer by-

White-robed forms of friends long given,

In agony, to the Earth — and heaven.

…..

Yohji sighed deeply. Aya was hunted by the past, he couldn't let go and the missions added even more ghosts to his collection.

"No wonder he lost it" the caressed the page, there were little blood droplets on the edge.

He pulled out his mobile phone "Omi, you have to find him"

"What happened out there?" Omi frowned.

"His mission blew up in his face" Yohji continued to browse through the book "Is he alright?" Omi though Yohji had found him.

"I don't know. He's room looks like a battlefield and it seems he left in a hurry. He forgot his notepad and a few clothes" he heard Omi sigh "It's not like him" Omi scrolled through the information he had.

"No. Aya is more than conscientious" Yohji stopped at a page, there were a few drawings.

Crosses, swords, graves and rain. On the next page was a picture adhered, Yohji held Aya in his arms with a genuine smile on his face Aya on the other hand seemed less happy, his smile was fake. Yohji tried hard to remember where they took the picture "Is that the way you see us?" he whispered. Ken took the picture a few weeks after the 'incident'; they had a fight the night before the picture was taken. Yohji thought it was forgiven and forgotten apparently he was wrong. Aya remembered everything, each word Yohji had spoken or not, each gesture he made or missed to made.

Aya read the signs and absorbed everything Yohji did and said "What do you think of me?"

"Yohji?" Omi repeated, Yohji's muttering worried him.

"Hmm?" he shook his head.

"I'm talking to you" Omi chided "The police found 14 corps in the desert. I think six were killed by Aya, the other eight were killed by the men Aya hunted down. Five slender girls and three, let me say, defenseless men. They got shot and I don't want to know what else"

"No surprised he lost it" Yohji tried to imagine what Aya had seen and shuddered.

"I try to get photographs from the crime scene" Omi hacked into the database and hoped they process them digital or else he had to contact friends and call in a few favors.

"You'd almost think we're jaded enough to handle it" Yohji studied the notepad.

"Our job makes us oversensitive" Omi hated blood and gore, years ago he would have said 'get over it' but not anymore.

"I'm scared of what he might do" Yohji put the book away; he couldn't stand to look at it.

"I'll find him. I always do" Omi offered comfort.

"Keep me informed!" Yohji sounded tired.

"Always" Omi hung up and began to work "How is he?" Ken put a hand on Omi's shoulder.

"The situation escalates" he yawned "Aya has lost it for good and Yohji freaks out. We have to find him or we lose both of them"

Ken slung his arms around his lover, thankful for his love "Things will turn out well, you'll see"

"I'll believe it when I see it" Omi rubbed his eyes.

"Come to bed" he spun him around and lifted him up.

"Let go of me I have" Omi struggled.

"You're dead tired, you're no help at all when you pass out or make yourself sick" Ken felt bad but he had to protect his own lover.

Omi stopped struggling and fell asleep before they reached their room "Aya" he mumbled as Ken tucked him in.

"He'll come home" Ken stroke through his lover's hair.


	59. Viva Las Vegas II

Two weeks passed and still no trace from Aya. Yohji was edgy and ready to break down. He got a few jobs done while he waited in Vegas for a call. It was like he vanished from the face of earth. Omi had a hard time getting information but they were useless. Kritiker remained silent about Aya's whereabouts and Omi's informants kept their mouths shut. Yohji was worried beyond words. He had seen the pictures of the crime scene; he had seen the corps of the young girl Aya wrote about. She was a pretty young girl and her funeral was beautiful like her, if you can call a funeral beautiful. Yohji had hoped Aya would show up because he felt guilty but he didn't show up.

"Yohji" Omi called to give him an order.

"Have you found him?" Yohji hoped he had.

"No, I call to give you a new order. Sorry" he truly was.

Yohji sighed deeply and rubbed his face "Spit it out"

"A croupier. He manipulates games only to kill the winner and take the money. In addition to that he owns a brothel. Let me say, the girls aren't there on their own free will. He helps them into the states and when they arrive… he gives them jobs. They can't go to the police. They don't speak English and they are scared to go home again. I think their live in China or wherever they come from isn't a cake walk either"

"Oh I'm sure it's hell" Yohji did a few jobs years ago in extremely poor parts of countries.

"He works until 3 a.m. and drives by the brothel on his way home. I heard he isn't nice to his girls and he likes it kinky"

"How much time do I get?" Yohji would do the jobs like he always did since Aya left. No thinking, no feeling. Only kill and leave.

"Take as much time as you need. He isn't going anywhere" Omi noticed Yohji's mood.

"Okay, call me if you hear anything" he hung up before Omi could reply.

Yohji stepped out on the balcony, watching the street. The whores were everything but busy that night. They stood together and talked, looking around once in a while for customers. Most of them weren't pretty, they spent most of their lives on the street and it made them look older than they were. A few young and pretty girls were around too but they would end like their colleagues. Mentally and physically broke. And what for? A few bucks to pay for the next fix? Or to buy food for the children. Yohji sighed deeply, life could be ugly and life was a fight he intended to win. It was too short to resign or walk through it without hope and dreams. Without it you didn't need life, you could end it or ask yourself, your whole life why you had to be born. Yohji knew how it felt to love life and he wanted to feel it again. He would remind Aya of the feeling and they would face life together. But first he had to find him "Where the hell are you?" he looked at the bright illuminated sky. He went inside and switched on his laptop to make preparations for his last job in Vegas. He decided to leave after the job was done. It was useless to stay any longer. Aya was long gone and he would wait for him, always.

Yohji entered the casino to check out his pray, it was the fourth night in a row and he got tired of observing. The man looked young but his eyes showed how much cruelty he possessed for a man his age. The blond played a few rounds and hoped to gain his attention but it seemed the young man had already chosen his next victim. It was a middle aged man, his hair was brown with few grey strands, his eyes brown and tired. He wore a wedding ring and played with a picture he hid in his pocket.

Financial problems, Yohji mused while continued to observe him.

The relived smile on his face as he won two games broke Yohji's heart. The man looked happy and kissed the picture in his hand "Daddy got the money baby girl, daddy did it" he mumbled. Yohji eyes grew wide and he decided to change his plan. He wouldn't approach his goal slowly; he had to act fast to safe him and his family. The man wasn't in Vegas to become rich; he came to safe his child, that wasn't utterly clever but noble. He must have thought it was the last option to safe what he held dear. Yohji looked around and saw the target leave, he slipped through the door before it closed and followed him to the roof. Yohji was surprised how easy it was to follow him. Either they were terribly careless or he ran right into a trap. It transpired that they were stupid for real. Yohji knew the family was feared but that wasn't a reason to ignore safety behind the glitzy façade of the casino. Yohji was almost disappointed at how easy it was to take out the target.

"Who are you?" the target asked as Yohji disturbed his cigarette break.

"Your worst nightmare" Yohji mocked "Aren't there any security measures?"

"The doors to the private rooms are always closed and you need a security chip card to enter" he shrugged as if it was the most normal of the world.

"I followed you up here" Yohji spread his arms "I don't think it's not part of your plan"

"Not really. I knew you would come. A little bird told me they want my head, again"

"Who wants your head?" Yohji had the slight feeling the man mistook him for someone else.

"They" he pointed at Casino a few blocks to the left "They always send wannabe assassins and luckily everyone has his price" he took a long drag of his cigarette.

"Tough! I don't work for them" he pointed in the direction of the Casino "and I'm not a wannabe and I'm definitely not bribable. Okay I am but I choose carefully whom I work for" Yohji grinned at the surprised look on his targets face.

"Who are you?" the man searched for the walkie-talkie he carried with him but Yohji strangled him before he could press the button to make a call. He saw the fear as he struggled to take a breath. The walkie-talkie slid out of his hands and fell with a soft clank to the ground as he finally lost his battle against death. Yohji stared at his victim for a long time before he released him from his wire.

"Viva Las Vegas" Yohji huffed; money wasn't all life had to offer but it seemed Vegas made people forget what was really important. The prospect of money and fame corrupted their souls. Yohji was sure most of them came to Vegas to seek a better life or spend a nice holiday in the famous town but empty bank accounts were what they got. The whores in front of his hotel were the living proof. They lived here all their lives and sank into the moldy remaining of their shattered dreams. Or they came with hope of a carrier only to join all the failed existences into the darkness. The town had shattered the soul of his lover and that he would never forgive. Yohji looked at the sky; the wind blew gently against his skin. It felt like gentle caresses. The town wasn't entirely sordid, he saw the CSI teams and he saw the police who gave their best to make it a better place to live. Every town had dark sides, he had seen them but everything seemed so faked. Maybe it was because Aya had lost it here or because he had spent too much time watching and pitying the girls in front of his window. Yohji realized that it was the first time he thought so much about a town. He analyzed the people, their intentions, dreams and histories.

Yohji took a deep breath, listening to the night. He heard people and music even though he stood on the roof of a high-rise building. It was never quiet and he missed it to sit in the park near the Koneko, together with Aya. It was quiet and beautiful there; he could hear the birds before the sun disappeared to make space for the silver moon and crickets who indicated from time to time that there was indeed life left in the darkness of the night. Loud music drowned out his bitter sweet memories , Cher was performing her song 'If I could turn back time'

Tears ran down his face while he listened, he decided to make Aya listen to a special song once he was back. Maybe it was a good way to make him understand, maybe a song was the best way to show Aya he understood what he did wrong. He truly did understand this time; he had enough time thinking about what he had done. Aya deserved to know how he felt about him leaving, what he felt while he was alone. There were too many secrets between them, neither of them speaking about what they feel, what they have felt after incidents. It was time to end the 'I'm fine' masquerade. It made them both unhappy and it would destroy them sooner or later. Aya started to give him hints and so would he. Aya gave him information and he would give him the truth in return. Yohji wasn't a poet or good with words in general, he was a man who showed what he felt with his heart and actions. That was the reason he like to give Aya songs. He couldn't write them but he sure as hell knew how to choose from the variety of messages highly talented artistes created for the world.

"How could I be so blind" Yohji talked to the wind, whipping angrily at his tears "The signs were so clear. I should have seen it. I should have thought about it. Your long sleeves, the sadness in your eyes, the mood after you visited the hospital, the things you said, the things I knew you hide, the answers you gave. I should have known what was wrong and I shouldn't have reacted that way… I promised to protect him, I promised to never abuse him again. But I did and I can't take it back, whatever I do he'll never forget" Yohji was so angry he wanted to scream but he couldn't. They would find him if he did. So he punched the stone wall instead until his knuckles bled under his leather gloves. He pulled his IPod out of his pocket and turned it on while he took deep breaths. After he caught his breath and calmed his raging emotions down to a bearable level he left the Casino. He wandered aimlessly through the streets.

_Lost in the darkness, hoping for a sign.  
Instead there is only silence,  
can't you hear my screams?  
Never stop hoping.  
Need to know where you are,  
but one thing is for sure,  
you're always in my heart._

Yohji walked through dark alleys, seeing junkies and homeless men and women. He asked himself if anyone was searching for them. Parents? Siblings? Spouses or children? They seemed lost in their dirty and dangerous little world. An older man coughed rather violently, possibly not seeing next spring, Yohji lowered his gaze. Trying to banish his dark thoughts about the man's future, or the lack of it.

Was there anyone who cried for him, night after night? Would he be missed? Possibly not. He would be one of the numerous dead homeless, six feet under in an anonymous grave somewhere on the rear end of a shady graveyard.

"Are you among them? Broken and without hope to go back?" Yohji mumbled while he looked at each of them, he had entered the next alley "No I don't think so. It's worse than death" he pitied them. They had it all and then destiny struck her merciless sword into their backs, leaving them shattered and alone, utterly unprepared. Aya had been unprepared too, Yohji was sure of that. His lover knew he had problems and he knew how to handle himself but what happened in the desert took him by surprise and destroyed his vulnerable soul and self-control in the blink of an eye. He continued to walk through puddles and mud; at least he hoped it was mud, until he reached a crossroad. Leaving the area of the damned. The police had roped off the area; Yohji looked around to make sure they didn't work on the case he created. There lay a young girl on the street, case of hit and run driving, Yohji mused. Her body lay in a strange angle; she had a head wound, obviously by all the blood around her head and the deep gash. Her leg was broken and one of her arms seemed dislocated. Yohji didn't want to think of the internal damage the crashed must have caused in her frail body. Her eyes were still open and he felt as if her dead eyes were staring at him, death was laughing right in his face. She couldn't be older than twenty. Yohji watched the CSI members work. He knew how to cover his tracks but he never cared for people who had to work through the mess they made. They took pictures and it seemed they found something in her hair. Two CSI members caught his attention. A tall dark haired man and a nerdy blond. They shared little touches and looks when they thought no one was looking. Apart from this they worked highly professional. One of their colleagues shook her head and gave them a dirty grin as she caught them. Their relationship wasn't a secret, Yohji realized. It reminded him of his life before Aya disappeared. Sharing secret touches and loving gazes, getting caught repeatedly by their friends. Omi had given him 'the look' more than once.

_I'll find you somewhere.  
I'll keep on trying until my dying day.  
I just need to know whatever has happened,  
the truth will free my soul._

_Lost in the darkness, try to find your way home.  
I want to embrace you and never let you go.  
Almost hope you're in heaven so no one can hurt your soul.  
Living in agony 'cause I just do not know  
where you are_

The lifeless eyes of the girl brought him back to the present. He still felt as if she was looking right into his soul. She would be missed dearly, Yohji thought. There were persons out there waiting for her to return but she would never walk through the door. She would never enclose her loved ones into tight embraces again. She would never be a mom, seeing her children growing up. She didn't get the chance to say goodbye. It was terrible what happened to her but her family would know what happened. They didn't need to search for her, they didn't need to wait and worry until the day they die. There was no hope for a reunion, not in this life. Yohji wasn't sure what he preferred, knowing his loved one was dead or hoping that one day his loved one was coming back. He continued to watch the police while he thought about the answer. The ME lifted her onto a stretcher and brought her to the van, he closed the door. Yohji knew he would bring her home after he cut her open and examined her piece by piece. He realized that he would want to know. He didn't want to wait his whole life for a sign, he wanted to know what happened right away. It was hard to know your lover wasn't coming back, but you had a grave to visit and you knew what happened. Not knowing what happened was pure agony. Was he still alive? Was he hurt? Did he get caught? Tortured? Raped? Drugged? There were so many possibilities of what might have happened. Yohji fled from the crime scene, he couldn't stand it any longer. He wanted to take Aya into his arms, he wanted to know if he's alright, he wanted to kiss him, to marry him on the beach, he wanted to have him back no matter what.

_Wherever you are, I won't stop searching.  
Whatever it takes, I need to know._

_~ Somewhere by Within Temptation _

He would find him or die trying. No matter what the outcome may be they would be reunited one way or another. Yohji ran back to the hotel to collect his things and took the next flight back to Japan. He would wait and keep his eyes and ears open but he needed his friends more than ever.

"How was your vacation?" an old lady next to him asked with a cheerful smile.

"It was rather underwhelming" he replied.

"Sounds sad" she eyed him thoughtfully "Didn't your wishes come true?"

"No they didn't" he stared out of the window, they were somewhere over the sea.

"You look heartbroken, young one" she patted his knee "You'll see there are better days coming up on the horizon"

"I can't see the horizon, everything I see is darkness" he wasn't in the mood to imagine better days.

"You must love her very much" she pitied him.

"He disappeared months ago. I tried to find him but a few weeks ago… I –I can't find a trace" she reminded him of his granny. He had loved her and her death had hit him hard. She even resembled her, he smiled sadly.

"Oh" she clapped her hand over her mouth "That's terrible" he looked at her, she wasn't shocked that his missing lover was a man, she was shocked of the way their ways parted.

"I miss him" Yohji sighed.

"Why did he leave? It's so painful to wait for signs of life" tears shimmered in her eyes.

"We had a huge fight and he left" Yohji eyed her "Do… Do you know how it feels?" she talked as if she knew exactly what he felt.

"I was married, a long time ago. We were so young, we had so many plans but then the war started, they drafted him and … one day I got the message that he was 'missing in action'. I never saw him again" she let her tears fall "I don't know what happened, I don't know if he died, if they kept him imprisoned. Sometimes I dream about him, he gets shot, other times he's standing in front of my door, smiling. I wanted to tell him that I was pregnant with twins. He had a beautiful baby boy and a beautiful baby girl but they never got the chance to meet. They know how he looks because I showed them pictures. I tell them stories about their daddy but they will never know what a great person he was " Yohji sniffed and took her into his arms. He caused her pain, why couldn't he keep his mouth shut? "I'm sorry"

"Don't be" she dried her tears "Forgive an old lady for making a scene"

"There's nothing to forgive" Yohji rubbed her arm "Everyone has the right to grieve"

"You're a charming young man" she smiled at him "You remind me of him"

"Sorry" Yohji blinked.

"Don't be. You are who you are and you have every right to be who you want to be" she sniffled "He would have liked you very much"

"I'm sure I would have liked him too" Yohji tried to sooth her.

"Yeah" she smiled at a memory only she could see "Why did you fight? And why did he leave?" she was interested in his story, maybe she could offer some comfort.

"I was a womanizer once and there are a few girls who can't get the idea into their heads that I'm happy with him. It doesn't matter to me that he's a man but they don't understand the meaning of love. Love isn't bound to gender, love is what you feel when a special person enters your life. They sat us up. They made me believe he cheated on me. He got text messages from strangers and sometimes men came to him and thanked him for the great night they spent together and to ask for a second time or a third. I blew up and didn't listen to what he had to say. I believed them and I lost my trust in him. I hurt him. We fought and I hit him, I told him to never come back. And he did as he was told" Yohji swallowed.

"But that's not what's bothering you most" she looked right through him.

He shook his head "No. He's sick. He has a mental illness, he tends to hurt himself and he blames himself for everything. I found him at the hospital after our argument. He had tried to take his life. I visited everyday and begged for forgiveness but it was too late. He didn't talk to me, I'm not sure he even acknowledged my presence and then … he disappeared. He ran away from me. I followed him for months, my friends helped me to find him but I lost his trace in Vegas and we can't find him ever since. I found a present a few months ago, he left it for me in his hotel, he knew I was following him. He remembered my birthday" Yohji smiled "I think he still loves me but he's on the run … from his emotions, his life … from us. I made many mistakes. I should have known better but I didn't… "

The old woman didn't know what to say, it was more complicated than she thought and she felt that there was more behind their fight than he had told "He'll come back when he's ready"

"I hope so" Yohji looked at his hands, playing with the wedding band around his finger. Her eyes widened "You're married?"

"Not yet. I planned to marry him this summer, on our favorite beach… He left his ring behind as he left and I think our marriage remains a dream"

"Be patient. He'll come home and you'll marry next year" she tried hard to believe in what she said.

"I would like to invite you" Yohji looked shy, not sure why he asked.

"Me?" she was surprised.

"You remind me of my grandmother" the blond confessed "and we don't have any family left. We have our friends but no one else"

"I would like to attend your wedding" she smiled and gave him her telephone number, she giggled. Yohji frowned "I feel like a young girl. Giving my number to prince charming"

Yohji laughed, he really liked her. They continued to talk for hours about this, that and the other.


	60. Decisions

The door to the Koneko opened. Omi jumped up from his chair and ran downstairs; Ken followed him, their hearts filled with hope.

"Yohji?" Omi stopped and stared at his friend. Ken almost bumped into his lover as he stopped abruptly. The young man was scared of Yohji's reason to return home "Is..is.." he couldn't form a sentence.

"I don't know" Yohji shook his head, Omi must have thought he gave up because he found out about Aya's whereabouts. Ken sighed in relive; Yohji wasn't home to tell them Aya died "Why are you here?" he managed to ask.

"I gave up" Yohji put his luggage down "He doesn't want to be found and I respect his decision. I don't like it but he has every right to choose his path"

"And what if he's…" Yohji cut him off "No Ken he isn't dead" yet, he added mentally "I can feel it. I can't say if he's alright but I know deep in my heart that he's alive"

"Are you sure giving up is the right choice?" Omi wasn't sure if they might send Aya a wrong message "Will he think we abandon him?"

"No" Yohji settled down on the couch "He begged me to stop months ago but I didn't listen. This time he made his message clear. He doesn't have the intention to stop running and I don't have the intention to stop following so he took the matter out of my hands" Ken went into the kitchen to get Yohji a beer and food. Omi was too shaken to notice the lousy state Yohji was in. "Omi stop brooding" Yohji sighed "He'll come home when he's ready. We have to believe in it, we have to trust in our feelings"

"I believed for months" Omi looked up at him "I don't think I have enough hope left to believe any longer"

"I'll believe for both of us" Yohji smiled at him. He hadn't much hope left himself but he needed something he could hold on to. He was scared of being the only one who believed that Aya would return one day. Omi stopped to wait for Aya. He was sure, Aya was already dead for Omi. He wasn't sure what Ken thought about the matter but he had a feeling that his young friend gave up months ago. So he was the only one left and he would continue to wait. He would never forget what happened, what he had said, what he had done and what he had seen on his journey, and before. He would never stop hoping, praying and crying until the other half of his soul found his way home "I'll wait, as long as it takes, I'll wait" he said after a few minutes in a serious tone.

Ken put the beer and food on the table. He had listened to the conversation and wasn't sure Yohji could handle the situation "We will wait too" he tried to cheer him up "There is always hope"

Yohji gave him a strange look "What?" he asked.

"Since when is it your job to cheer us up?" the older blond asked.

"Since you guys decided to neglect yourselves and I won't accept any kind of 'giving up' attitude, do you understand?" he looked from Yohji to Omi "Did I make myself clear?" he asked as he got no response.

"He will be proud of you" Yohji gave him a genuine smile "I'll definitely tell him about it"

"Do you think he'll promote him?" Omi grinned as Ken rolled his eyes.

"Of course" Yohji's smile faded "The team needs a new second in command"

"No we do not" Omi frowned "It's your position, why should we need to change it?"

"Because a leader has to trust his vice and I'm not trustworthy" Yohji stated in a matter of fact.

"I think he'll tell you otherwise. He trusts you and I think there is nothing you can do to change it" Ken was sure.

"We will see" he took the beer and closed his eyes. It was nice to be home. He had missed having his friends around. Hotel rooms were lonely and lifeless, especially when you had no one to share them with.

They spent the evening in front of the T.V., no one dared to ask questions about the last few months. Yohji knew Omi had tried to find Aya and Omi knew how terrible it was for Yohji to be unable to find him. Ken broke the silence after they finished their second movie. The silence was unnerving "I give Manx a call. I get on her nerves until she confesses that she knows where he is" Ken stood up and walked to the phone.

Omi and Yohji stared at him, stunned. The call went everything but well.

"What did she say?" Omi pushed.

"She doesn't know anything. She lost his tracks also" Ken sighed.

"Do you think she's lying?" Yohji looked at them.

"She's definitely lying" Ken replied "I could hear it in her voice. I'm not sure if she wants to keep us in the dark or if she got orders to remain silent"

"I'm tired" Yohji stood up and went upstairs.

"I feel sorry for him" Omi switched the T.V. off.

"There's nothing we can do" Ken licked over his bottom lip "We can continue to search" Omi said.

"Yeah" Ken hoped they would find a trace somewhere. They looked to the entrance of the living room as they heard footsteps. Yohji entered, he carried a blanket and his pillow. Faith sat on top of the bundle he carried.

"What are you doing?" Omi frowned.

"I can't stand my room and I don't dare to enter Aya's so I sleep on the couch" he stated.

"You can't sleep on the couch forever" Ken made a mental note to watch his mouth.

Yohji stared at him, he could practically see the wheels turning in his head "I didn't mean it the way I said it. I meant you can't sleep on the couch for days or weeks" Ken corrected.

"I'm not ready yet" Yohji replied, not willing to talk about it more than necessary. Omi hugged him "Good night"

"Good night" he answered. Ken gave him a nod and followed his lover into their room. Yohji tried hard not to watch them leave together. They were a cute couple and they deserved what they had but he couldn't suppress the feeling of jealousy. They were together and shared everything. He wanted that too, but knew it would remain a dream for a long time.

"How are you little one?" he asked Faith as he made his 'bed'.

"Mew" Faith stared at him with big questioning eyes.

"I don't know where he is and when he comes back" he settled down on the couch. Faith jumped onto his lap "Meeew"

"I know. I miss him too. Believe me I tried everything to bring him back home but I failed. I followed him for months but I wasn't fast and smart enough to catch him" the cat rubbed his head against Yohji's chest.

"Love you too little one" he scratched Faith behind the ears "I'm sure he'll come home when he's ready. He has to. What do we do without him? We would be sad right? And I think we would fade away within a year. What do you think?"

Faith looked at him and tilted his head before he lay down and closed his eyes, playing dead cat.

"Yeah, we would" he gave him a soft smile "I'll take care of you until he returns okay? I know you don't like me much but we are a family, we have to hold together. Especially now"

Faith sat up and laid a paw on top of Yohji's hand "Mew" he agreed.

"You're a great cat" he surprised Yohji again and again "You're intelligent and full of surprises. I'm happy I bought you. Bought, sounds mean. I'm happy we adopted you"

"Mew" he made a cocky sound before he lay down next to Yohji's pillow.

"Sleep well" Yohji made himself comfortable. It was the first time in months he slept through the night. Omi and Ken let him sleep as long he wanted, he needed his rest.

They worked at the shop as Yohji strolled in; he looked well rested and not as pale as the night before.

"You don't have to work" Omi whispered.

"I go insane without some distraction" he took his apron.

Omi nodded and continued to work.

"YOHJIIII" he heard screams, he winced.

"Where have you been?" "How are you?" "Where is Aya?" "You look awesome" "So cute" "You were gone for months" they talked at the same time, it was difficult to handle all the questions they threw at him.

"We were on a vacation" he lied "Aya will come home soon, he visits relatives overseas"

"It must be hard without him" a girl sighed, he could see the romantic thoughts in her eyes.

"He'll come home soon" Yohji replied.

"Ohh don't tell me your whore left you" one of the girls who set him up said.

Yohji needed all his strength to keep himself in check and not pounce on her and punch her pretty face into a pulp. He played with the thought to strangle her on her way home but Aya would never forgive him if he did. But the thought was more than tempting.

Ken appeared behind her "You're not welcome in the Koneko, please leave"

"What?" she didn't expect to get banned from the shop.

"Leave, before I call the police" Ken was calm, that with the police was a lie but she bought it. She huffed and left.

"Thank you" Yohji mouthed, he was thankful for his help. He couldn't handle them at the moment.

Ken gave him a gentle smile before he went to a middle aged woman.

"She's so mean" the lesbian said, Yohji found out recently that her name was Amy.

"Yeah, but I don't give a damn about her" he fumed inwardly but gave his best to look at ease "One day she'll learn that she can't have all she wants"

"I wish I could keep calm too but I want to kick her ass" Amy glared at two other girls on the other side of the shop. Yohji followed her gaze and saw more of them, he sighed.

"I know that I love him and I know he loves me" he smiled at her "You love your girlfriend and I'm sure you know how she feels about you"

"I do" she nodded eagerly "Nothing will come between us"

Yohji smiled, he had thought so too but maybe she was cleverer than him. She wouldn't fall for their lies he was sure of that. There was much he could learn from her. Aya was a great teacher. She was so different than a year ago. She was self-confident; she knew what she wanted and what she had. She was so unlike him.

He was new to the gay image he had and it made him insecure but Amy showed him that it wasn't a matter of time but of the heart. He didn't need time to get used to the relationship with Aya and all the things bound to it, no he needed to come clean with himself. He had to accept his life the way it was, no what, could and ifs. He realized how much he had to learn. He took a deep breath and made a life changing decision.

"Good morning, I would like to make an appointment with Souta" Yohji played with the pen he held. He was nervous but confident that he made the right decision.

"Souta" he heard the older man's voice.

"Hello, Yohji here uhm I would like to make an appointment" Yohji stuttered. He was a highly professional assassin and a strong man but that was something entirely different.

"Why do you think you need my help?" Souta sounded neutral, he was still disappointed in Yohji but he knew the young man had issues too which lead to the disaster.

"I need help to find myself, I need to work on my issues and I definitely need an anger management course" Yohji summarized.

Souta was surprised; the young man knew exactly what he wanted. He must have thought a lot about it "Tomorrow 10 a.m."

"Okay, thank you" he hung up. He felt how a heavy weight fell from his heart. He took the first step and it felt good. The next step was to show up the next morning but he was determined to do it. He did it for himself and Aya. Aya had taken the same steps for him and he was proud of his redhead.

"I can do it" he mumbled to himself.

"What can you do?" Omi strolled into the kitchen, Yohji jumped in shock he didn't hear him coming.

"I made an appointment" Yohji hoped it would be easier when his friends knew about it, they could kick him once a while when he felt like giving up "Souta awaits me tomorrow"

"Oh" Omi sat down next to him "I think you made the right choice"

"I hope so" Yohji sipped on his coffee.

"I think his help is what you need. He helped Aya and I'm sure he can make you feel better"

"It wasn't enough to keep him here" he spread his arms.

"No but he survived and learned to deal with his blindness and emotions. What happened was nothing he could have prevented, neither could we"

"Yeah" Yohji stared at his cup "but I could have"

"No Yohji, you couldn't. It's partly your fault, I won't lie, but what happened was something we couldn't control"

"I feel guilty as hell" Yohji lifted Faith up, the cat sneaked into the kitchen.

"I know you do and nobody can help you with your feelings. Only you can allow yourself to heal" Omi lectured.

"I can't" Yohji patted Faith's head, it was soothing "because I know what I did and I can't forgive myself. I made a promise and I failed miserably"

"What did you promise?" Omi hoped he could help.

"I promised I would keep my anger in check, I promised I wouldn't get violent but I did. I did, do you understand what that means? I was so angry I hit him. I broke my promise and hit him because I believed in lies. I ignored what the depths of my heart told me and focused on my anger instead. I felt betrayed and used, but I was wrong, so wrong. I don't understand how I could throw it all away. I believed in people I don't trust, but I mistrusted the person I trust most. How can that be?"

Omi had no answer to that "You're hot-headed" he said not sure what to say next "Your emotions rule your personality. Your emotions make you to the person you are and Aya doesn't mind. He loves you the way you are. He loves you because you are you"

"He left" Yohji stated dryly, Omi had no argument against it.

"I'm sure it was more than that" Omi said after a long pause.

"What?" Yohji asked, he was lost in his thoughts.

"I'm sure your violent outburst wasn't the main reason he left. I think there's more behind it"

"I hit him and told him to leave" Yohji sighed "That's a damn good reason"

"He's sick. We made many mistakes, not only you, we too hurt him. Maybe he needs some time off to think about everything or he wanted to search for a new goal in life. I mean who wants to be an assassin forever?"

"First: He's still an assassin; he wouldn't travel from job to job if he wanted to change his job. Second: He could have some time off without running all over the world to get away from me" Omi was frustrated, he tried hard to make him feel better but he had good arguments against what he said.

"Look, I try to help here okay? Don't shoot down everything I say. It's supposed to cheer you up. Got it?" Omi nagged.

Yohji nodded "Got it"

"Good" Omi rubbed his hands "What do you want for supper?"


	61. Life goes on

Yohji stood in front of the hospital, he took a deep breath and went inside.

Doc stopped him in front of the elevator, she studied him "Who's hurt?" she said finally.

Yohji blinked "No one"

"Oh" a smile spread over her face "That's new"

"Harharhar" Yohji mocked "I have an appointment"

"Souta" she beamed, it was time the blond asked for help "How…?"

"Don't worry he didn't tell me anything, I just guessed and I guessed right"

"Yeah, you did" the blond rubbed his hands "I have to go"

"Sure" she patted his shoulder "Call me if you need something", he nodded.

He stood in front of Souta's office, not sure if he should knock or run.

"Hey boy, come in" Souta opened the door, he knew his clients. Nobody liked to knock on his door; most of them ran and never came back. So he waited in front of his door for a sign that his new client arrived and opened the damn door before they got a chance to escape.

"Hello" Yohji said stiff "How long did you stand next to the door?"

"Almost fifteen minutes" he looked at his watch.

"That's a boring plan" Yohji went inside.

"It worked, didn't it?" Souta grinned triumphantly. Yohji shook his head and chuckled.

"How are you doing?" Souta made himself comfortable.

"I don't feel well" Yohji avoided his gaze.

"What bothers you?"

"I miss him and I can't cope with the whole situation, before and after he left" Yohji replied.

"Talk about it" Souta offered and Yohji told him everything. How he felt, what he did and why he blamed himself.

Souta didn't interrupt his story and listened carefully. They were so much alike, he realized.

Both were insecure, hot-headed and proud. In addition to that they were sensible and they needed care. Love and friendship was what they needed most.

"What do you think you have to do to feel better?" Souta asked.

"I don't know" Yohji wasn't sure what to do "I have to get over it but I can't"

"Why?"

"Why?" Yohji repeated and gave him a confused look "because it's my fault. I did this to him. I did ruin our relationship"

"Yeah you did. But what can you do now"

Yohji opened his mouth and closed it again.

"You can't change the past, there is nothing you can do, but you still have the chance to change the future" Souta explained "You can't live in the past forever, you have to go on"

"I can't move on. He's my life. I don't want to go on without him" Yohji hissed.

"I know you can't but you can work on yourself and stop to repeat past mistakes" Souta tried to make his point clear "You can learn to keep your anger at bay; you can learn to think first, you can learn to listen carefully. There are many things you can do. And when the day of his return arrives you'll see that everything changes for the better" he knew more or less where Aya was and he knew Yohji's will to change would be a great plus for their relationship.

Yohji studied him, something about the way he said it bothered him but he couldn't figure out what exactly.

"You don't believe me" Souta stated "Let's try it out and you'll see I was right"

"You're the strangest psychiatrist I ever met" Yohji sighed.

"It's not the first time we meet" Souta raised a brow.

"No, but I don't remember you being so unconventional"

"It's the age, maybe I get senile" he grinned, Yohji grinned back.

"See you next week" he led Yohji out of the door "See ya" Yohji waved and left as fast as he could.

He decided to pay Aya-chan a visit before he made his way home.

She seemed alright, her condition didn't change at all. Yohji decided everything was better than a turn for the worse.

"Aya must be sick of worry" he took her hand "He didn't abandon you, I hope you know that"

He waited for a sign but got none "I hope you'll wake up soon, he would like that very much. He's sick you know. He hurts himself and I broke him, I'm sorry I'm truly am" he lowered his head "We wanted to marry this summer but he left before we got our dream marriage. I still pray we marry next summer. I would love to have you there. Your brother would cry of joy" he smiled bitterly "I officially invite you to our wedding, whenever it will be. I don't think you want to miss that. I'll find him, I promise. I'll bring him back, I'll reunite our family" he kissed the back of her hand and left, with tears in his eyes.

He stood in his room and took a few deep breaths "It's what you wanted you coward. Don't chicken out because the first session made you feel uncomfortable" he talked to himself while he starred at the mirror. He disliked what he saw and was determined to change that. He would learn to love himself because only than he had the right to be loved by the red head.

Yohji looked around, his room made him uncomfortable. Everything in there screamed for Aya. Their comfy bed, the clothes inside the closet, the book on the nightstand and especially Aya's fading sent on the pillow and blanket. He was surprised to smell him after all these months. It was soothing and painful at the same time.

Aya's smell brought him closer to his lost lover, at least in his dreams but during the day it was a reminder of what he had lost. He didn't want to sleep in his room but he didn't felt the urge to sleep in Aya's old room either. He had no choice. His bed or the couch.

Omi and Ken wouldn't permit such a behavior. They would drag him into his room if they had to or they would give him Ken's old room. Yohji disliked the thought of moving into Ken's room. He liked the sports man but he would never feel at home there. It was Ken's room, it's bound to his emotions, not Yohji's. Alone the thought felt wrong.

"I have to be strong" he lay down on the bed "I'll keep our room warm and alive as long he's gone" Yohji mumbled to himself before he fell asleep for a little while.

To sleep in the room was hell but he would do it nonetheless. He made mistakes and it was time to live with it. Yohji crawled out of bed, he was tired and grumpy.

"Good morning" a young woman said cheerfully as he entered the shop.

"'morning" Yohji mumbled, fighting the urge to run back into the living room.

"Didn't sleep well?" she eyed him "No" he didn't realize that she flirted with him.

"I could help you" she put a hand on his hip, slipping two fingers under his shirt.

Yohji shivered at the touch, images of Aya touching him flooded his mind "Take your hand away" she ignored him, she mistook his reaction for approval.

"I said take your hand away" he hissed.

"Oh come on, I know you could use some pleasure. You're so tense" she smiled at him.

Yohji took a deep breath, leaned forward and whispered into her ear "Take your hands away or I'll break them, bone by bone, if you're lucky"

Her eyes widened and she took her hands away as fast she could "I should go" she turned around and left.

"What did you tell her?" Omi frowned as she ran for her life.

"I break her bones" he replied and continued to work.

Omi gave Ken a worried look but Ken answered with a grin. Omi raised a brow "Don't encourage him"

"He was calm, okay it wasn't a nice thing to say but he tried hard to keep his anger in check. And I could swear was haunted by flashbacks while she touched him. I know that look"

"You're the master of forgotten memories" Omi knew his lover needed a long time to work through his past.  
"You're damn right" Ken smiled and gave Omi a gentle pat against his cheek "Let's get rid of them and close early"

"Yohji get us some takeout and we close up the shop" Omi cheered.

"I'm on it" he grabbed his jacket, happy to get some space between the girls and his raging emotions. He couldn't stand their presence. They came everyday to speak with him or stare at him. They acted as if nothing happened at all. Like it was nothing more than a kind of child's-game they played and won.

Yohji grabbed his mobile phone and called Souta "What happened?" was Souta's first sentence.

"I don't feel good" he sighed "They don't leave me alone. I can't stand them any longer. … I want them dead"

"Meet me at the diner in front of the hospital in 15 minutes" Souta hang up, not leaving Yohji a choice.

Yohji entered the diner, Souta waved at him a gentle smile on his face. The blond joined him and ordered a glass of water.

"What happened?" Souta asked after the waitress turned around.

"A woman touched me and I had flashbacks. I could feel Aya all over me. I told her to let go but she grew more persistent. I told her to stop or I'd break her hands. She ran"

"But it's not the reason you called me" the older man drank his tea.

"I felt the urge to hurt her and I still want to punch the cocky grin out of her face. On the other hand I scared her terribly, she ran as if the devil himself was behind her"

"That's good" Souta put his cup down.

Yohji looked shocked "Good? I almost gave her a heart attack"

"First. You didn't, second: she's still alive and third: you called for help instead of handling it on your own. It's a beginning"

Yohji huffed "You could see it that way" he played with his glass.

"You took the first step by calling me. I'm proud of you, I believe that you can overcome your inner demons with help of your friends and us" he meant all his friends at the hospital.

Yohji remained silent, starring at the wall behind Souta "Don't you believe in it?" Souta asked as he got no response.

"I think I can do it" he listened to his heart. Souta smiled and called for the waitress to order some food "I pay" he continued to smile at Yohji.

They spent an hour at the diner and talked about everything Yohji had on his mind.

It was late as Yohji entered the Koneko, the thought of bringing food back home slipped his mind.

Omi stormed out of the kitchen yelling at him "Where have you been? You can't disappear like that!"

"I met with Souta" Yohji replied, Omi sighed "Tell us when you change your plans. We were worried"

"Sorry" Yohji ruffled the young man's hair "I forgot the food"

"Doesn't matter, Ken cooked" Omi smiled at him.

"And you're still alive? Respect" the young man laughed "Don't let him hear that"

"Don't let me hear what?" Ken appeared in the living room.

"That you're a great friend and don't let it go to your head" Yohji passed him and went upstairs.

"Liar" he heard Ken say, and he smiled.

"Hey Faith" Yohji picked up the little fur ball "How are you?"

"Mew" he looked up at the tall human and tilted his head.

"I'm lonely too" Yohji said "I'll leave for a while next week"

"Mew?" Faith scratched lightly over the fabric of Yohji's shirt.

"I'll go to the beach" he explained "One year ago Aya spent his holydays with me there. We planned to marry there, on the beach, together with our friends. I know it's not legal but the ceremony and the meaning of it is what matters not what's written on some papers"

"Mew" Faith licked his nose and wished him luck. He hoped the journey wouldn't hurt him even more but his human friend seemed to need it to make peace with his memories.

Yohji lay down on the bed and starred at the ceiling, it wasn't so hard anymore to be in his own room. He felt comfortable and Aya's fading scent made him feel secure, that was why he avoided sleeping there. He didn't want to feel something he didn't have any more; he didn't want to remember things he can't reach anymore but he couldn't hide forever.

The blond remembered their little journey, the beach and the beautiful dawn, the books, their talks and the awkward meeting with Aya's, no Ran's friends. They seemed so happy for Aya, no one would believe him when he would tell them it ended in tragedy.

Yohji stood up and got dressed. He lay awake for two hours and he knew sleep wouldn't come. Only more and more memories would flood his mind und drive him insane bit by bit.

Yohji walked to the park near the Koneko, it was full moon and the lake glittered like diamonds. He settled down under their favorite tree and watched the sky. The stars glittered and the moon shone in all its glory. The trees seemed to shine, overcast by ghostly veils. Everything was illuminated by the moon and made the night seem like a dream.

He continued to stare at the sky, silent tears escaped his eyes "I swear… by the moon and the stars and the sky… I'll be there…." he sung barely audible to himself.

Yohji didn't notice that someone was watching him pretty intensely.

He went back to the Koneko and got his car, he drove to the graveyard where Asuka was buried.

"Hey pretty lady" he smiled and sat down next to her grave "I brought you roses. I know you loved them, even though you told me otherwise"

He could almost hear her nag 'stop acting and be honest' "He's still missing and we lost every trace. You know, it hurt a lot as I lost you. It still hurts but today I know our relationship wouldn't had last. I lost my best friend the day you died. Maybe I had never met him if you hadn't died but I believe it's our destiny to be together, I have every intention to write our love story by myself and not to lay my trust in destiny's hand at all but now I'm forced to trust her. She'll give him back to me, she has to" a tear slid down his cheek.

"I want the future of my dreams, no more sorrow and loss. I want my 'apple-pie' life" he caressed Asuka's tomb "You loved the fast way we were living. Always on the run, always close to the edge but I could see in your eyes that you waited for the right one to start a family with. A house outside of Tokyo, three children, a dog and a loving husband, am I right?" he grinned.

"I wish you had gotten the chance to live your dreams. I often wish that it was me that day and not you but when I look into Aya's eyes, when he smiles at me, touches me, than I'm actually happy to be alive and I'm thankful that it wasn't me that day. Can you

believe it? I'm thankful that you died and not me" the wind caressed his face and he could swear he heard a whisper in the wind. Something soothing mixed with the soft blow that rustled through the leaves.

"I have to go home before Omi calls the National Guard" he chuckled and brushed off the dirt from his pants. He looked a last time at the moon before he strolled back to his car.


	62. Dark thoughts

His next shift at the Koneko was more than strange, it was almost alarming how few customers they had and not one of them were part of his fanatical fan club. Omi turned on the radio to break the awkward silence. The few girls didn't say a word and Omi glanced at him as if he wanted to say something.

Maybe he noticed my absence last night; Yohji mused but didn't offer some kind of answer to Omi's unasked question.

He wished he could turn off the radio as they played 'Tears in Heaven' by Eric Clapton but he kept his façade upright. What wondered him most was that neither Omi nor Ken turned it off to protect him.

~ _Maybe they're tired of protecting me. Maybe they decided I have to get through it on my own. I think I relied on their protection for too long. They must be sick and tired of my behavior. I have to get a grip on myself ~_

"Yohji can we talk to you" six girls entered the Koneko, among them was the stalker girl, he was sure of it.

"What do you want?" he was ready to fight.

"We want to say that we are sorry" stalker girl blurted out.

"Are you trying to trick me again? Do you think you can stroll in here and apologies and everything is just fine?" Yohji hissed.

"No but we thought it's a beginning" a blond girl whispered, staring at the floor.

"Why now?"

"I saw you last night. You looked so sad, heartbroken. He doesn't visit his family, right?" stalker girl looked ashamed.

"No I believed in your lies and not in him. He attempted suicide and fled after he realized he had failed" Yohji shouted "Why couldn't you leave us alone, WHY?"

"Because I'm in love with you" Yohji snorted "Love has nothing to do with stalking someone and get in their way of happiness. When you love someone you have to let him go. Love isn't always lovey-dovey, including rose-colored glasses. It can be full of pain and heartache. It's heart work to reach the point of understanding. You have to listen to the other person, respect his decision and you have to let go in case of unrequited love" Yohji said what came to his mind, expecting them to use their own brains to understand what he tried to explain.

"You let him go" a brunette stated.

"I had no choice, he decided for both of us" Yohji tried to calm down.

"Do you know where he is?" stalker girl didn't dare to look at him.

"No. I don't even know if he's still alive" he swallowed the lump that formed in his throat.

"It's not too late" the blond girl said "He'll come back"

Yohji remained silent not able to form a clear thought, his mind raced around Aya and what they've done. He closed his eyes searching for a way to calm his mind; he decided to concentrate on the radio but regretted his idea deeply. He felt sick and paled visibly, Omi tried to lay his hand on his shoulder but Yohji rushed out of the room before he got the chance.

They had played 'Why' by Rascal Flatts, Yohji loved the band but he couldn't bear with them, not today.

He clung to the toilet and retched, bile was all that was left "Yohji?" Omi kneeled down next to him and put his arms around him.

"It's ok" Omi soothed and helped him up "Here" he gave him a toothbrush "Come" Omi led him into the kitchen.

"Drink this" Yohji stared at the cup of tea, he wasn't sure he could keep it down. Luckily he could "Atta boy" Omi rubbed his back.

"Sorry" Yohji mumbled.

"There's nothing to be sorry for" Omi regretted not interfering.

"I told them too much, I hope Aya won't be angry with me" Yohji sipped on his tea.

"Don't worry he won't be angry" Omi was sure.

"I thought I could handle it but I was wrong. I'm still the same old idiot"

"That's not true and you know it. The old Yohji would have followed them and killed them, or make them regret it in a bad way. But you tried to stay calm and made them see how wrong they were without hurting them. You used your emotions to make them see the truth, you were completely honest" Omi hoped what he babbled was useful.

Yohji took a shaky breath "I can't do it anymore"

"What do you mean?" Omi frowned; being honest couldn't be what he meant.

"Go on living" Omi dropped his cup "Yohji!" he warned.

"I know I have to but I don't want to"

"What if he comes back and you're gone?" Omi reasoned. Yohji remained silent.

"What do you think will happen when he comes home to realize that there is only a grave to visit? He'll come home to enclose you in his arms, to talk with you, with the intention to marry you and not to lay flowers upon your grave" Omi forced Yohji to look at him.

"He'll go on" Yohji avoided Omi's gaze.

"You're not honest right now" the younger man pushed "He can't go on. You know how your break up ended"

"He fades away" Yohji sighed.

"Exactly" Omi forced Yohji to look him in the eye "I don't want to lose both of you, do you understand? I don't have a family and Ken as well. We have us, Weiß, that's everything we have left in this world and I don't want to lose what little we have. You're my brother Yohji not by blood but in my heart. My caring big brother, who took me in when the world abandoned me. That applies to Aya, too. Sometimes you're even like parents. I love you Yohji and I love Aya with all my heart. Please, don't take my family away from me" Omi left the kitchen, tears streaming down his face.

Yohji took a deep breath "Damn it" he punched the table, the tableware clattered.


	63. Everything I own

Yohji pulled himself together for the next days and it seemed to make Omi happy.

"See you next week" Yohji put his beg into his car.

"Promise to come back" Omi ordered, Yohji gave him a gentle smile "I promise" he placed a kiss on top of Omi's head "Don't worry so much or you get wrinkles"

Omi chuckled and let him go; Ken gave Yohji an encouraging nod before he left.

Yohji arrived at the hotel and got the same room he shared with Aya. He opened the window and stepped on the balcony.

He took a few deep breaths; the air was fresh and soothing. He loved the sea.

The sea sparkled and the sound of the soft waves sounded like a whisper. The air was chilly but Yohji was too lost in thoughts to notice.

He shivered as he got inside but it didn't bother him, he put on his jacket and took a walk on the beach. It was almost dark and he was nearly alone on the beach, two times a couple passed him, holding hands and chuckling.

Yohji stopped near the karaoke bar and settled down on the cold sand, watching the night sky.

The sea glittered like jewels just like the lake near the Koneko, maybe the sea was even more meaningful.

"I'll do everything to have you back" he mumbled to the moon, while he listened to the people in the bar. He took a deep breath and sung the song for himself and the night sky. Praying for the song to travel across the seas and continents until it reached his destination.

(A/N: I don't own the song "Everything I own", it's Boy Georges masterpiece, he's the talented interpret and owner.)

_- you sheltered me from harm - kept me warm, kept me warm - you gave my life to me - set me free, you set me free - of all the years I ever knew - those finer ones I spent with you -I would give everything I own- give up my life, my heart, my home - I would give everything I own - just to have you back again - just to hold you once again, yeah - you taught me how to cry - I don't know why, I don't know why - you told those lies to me - just set me free, you set me free - of all the years I ever knew - those finer ones I spent with you - I would give everything I own - give up my life, my heart, my home - I would give everything I own… -_

*Yohji remembered the first time he saw Aya.

Manx told them she found a qualified member with leader qualities.

Yohji wasn't excited to meet the new guy, who was a rival for the open leader post. He was sure it was an old, wobbly wannabe without the slightest idea what he got himself into.

"So, where is he?" Yohji sat on the sofa, arms spread over the backrest.

"I wanted to talk with you first" she explained "I thought might have questions"

"What's the difference if you or he answers the questions?" Yohji seemed on edge.

"He will not answer any" she wore a expression which was so overbearingly arrogant that Yohji felt the urge to beat the stuffing out of her, but it wasn't advisable to kill your own superior.

"How old is he?" Yohji gritted his teeth.

"He's, maybe a year, younger than you" she wasn't sure.

"Experience?" was Ken's only interest.

"Sendai Kritiker, Tsushima Kritiker and Tokyo Crashers"

„Crashers?" Omi whistled „But you said he's … what 20?... How comes he changed teams so often?"

"He's kinda anti-social… and he survived most of his teammates" she wasn't going to say more.

"Uh-hu" Yohji crossed his arms in front of his chest "So why is he leader material when he isn't even a team player?"

"I said he's anti-social, not that he isn't a team-player" she reminded.

"Where's the difference?" he frowned.

"You'll see" she got up "Do you have more questions?"

"Why is he here?" Omi asked.

"It's not on me to tell you. Next question?"

Ken sighed "Do you really think it'll go well?"

She grinned at them "We will see" she went upstairs to meet Aya, who had to wait in an alley next to the Koneko.

"That will be fun" Yohji rubbed his face "We're as good as dead"

"We can get him out of the way" Ken suggested "Kill him or make his life a living hell while he's with us"

"Let's meet him first" Omi pleaded "Maybe he isn't as anti-social as Manx wants us to believe"

"They're coming" Yohji interfered

They starred at the stairs, Manx walked down with a smile on her face, followed by a tall, slender red-head with the most beautiful eyes Yohji ever saw. His breath caught in his throat.

_~ These eyes, the color of amethysts and cold as ice…_

_Bare of emotions and the light of life…_

_What happened to you? _

"YOHJI" Manx pulled him out of his reverie "Stop staring at him and listen"

"Sorry" he shrugged and adjusted his sunglasses.

"Introduce yourself" Manx ordered. Yohji's blood froze as he heard the deep and sexy voice for the first time. It felt like an invisible hand tightened around his heart and butterflies send wave of shivers down his body. Yohji mistook it for fear but he had to admit that he liked the icy voice. Goosebumps and a world in slow motion were the first signs of the blooming love Yohji would develop with each passing day.

"Aya. Nickname: Abyssinian. Weapon: Katana" was all he said that day.

Weeks passed and the cuteness Yohji saw the first day he met the icy red-head vanished completely. He started to hate the guy they had to accept as leader.

"Two days until our first mission together" Yohji worried during breakfast.

"Don't worry so much" Omi patted his shoulder "Manx knows what he's capable of. We have to trust her and Persia's judgment"

"Now I'm scared" Yohji said sarcastically.

"Come on. Give him a chance" Omi cheered "I don't want to" Yohji gulped his coffee down.

"Why not?" Ken wasn't sure if he wanted to give him a chance or not.

"I don't trust him. He's younger than I am, he had more teams than necessary and he never shows a hint of emotions"

"Maybe I don't trust you enough to care. Ever thought of that?" Aya stood in the doorway; no one noticed his presence before he spoke.

Omi's jaw dropped "How long do you stand there?"

"I could have killed you" Aya moved towards him "Don't let your guard down, not even here" he spread his arms to emphasize his words.

"Is it a threat?" Yohji stood up.

"No, a warning" Aya filled his cup with tea and left as silent as he came.

"He scared the hell out of me" Ken pressed a hand against his chest.

"He's absolutely scary" Omi agreed.

The four hours they needed to think out a plan were the most unnerving hours he ever spent preparing for a mission and Yohji prayed that the iceberg of leader died or once they came home he would behead Aya with his own hands.

The mission went surprisingly well and they got the job done in less than 30 minutes. Yohji watched the red-head and was stunned by his skills. He attacked and parried with the grace of an angel. Nobody stood a chance against him.

Yohji was jealous and sure that the red-head would be their downfall.

"That was amazing" Omi said in awe.

"If you say so" Aya polished his Katana "Stop being so arrogant. You're not better than we are" Yohji hissed, he hated the cold and arrogant attitude Aya liked to show.

Aya glared at him but remained silent "What? Bit your tongue?"

"Nah, only ignoring you" he put his sword away and grabbed a book from the shelf.

"You!" Yohji tried to tackle the red-head but Ken and Omi grabbed him before he got the chance to do something stupid.

Aya settled down on the arm chair and began to read "Stop ignoring me" the blond hissed.

"Why?" Aya tilted his head and looked at him, for one moment he looked like a curios child, Yohji thought.

"Why?" Yohji repeated dumbly.

"I don't like to repeat myself but yes, why?"

Yohji opened his mouth but he couldn't think of something intelligent to say so he closed his mouth again.

"You can let him go" Omi told Ken, who wasn't sure if he could loosen his hold on Yohji in case he decided to continue doing stupid things.

Ken let go of him, ready to grab him again but his worry was unfounded. The blond was too flabbergasted to react.

"Do you intend to stare at me the whole night or can I read without you staring at me like I'm the main attraction in a zoo?" Aya mocked.

Yohji needed all his willpower, not to pounce on him and smash his pretty face until he was unidentifiable as a human being.

He stormed upstairs into his room and closed his door with a loud `Bang` "Stupid, arrogant idiot. I hate this guy" Yohji raged.

He needed the whole night to calm down. He needed months to get a grip on himself and stop arguing nonstop with Aya. Yohji had realized after a few months that Aya provoked him on purpose but he couldn't figure out why. His favorite thought was that Aya hated him as much as he hated the red-head, but he had to realize the hard way what his heart and soul knew all along, it wasn't all consuming hate he felt it was love. After too many close calls on both sides Yohji began to understand that the arguments were Aya's way to show that he cares, without getting too close and the arrogant way he used to drive Yohji up the wall were his desperate efforts to get Yohji's unshared attention. Therefore he loved him even more.

_- if there's someone you know - that won't let you go - and taking it all for granted - you may lose them one day - someone take them away - and you don't hear a word they say - i would give everything i own - give up my life, my heart, my home - i would give everything i own, yeah - just to have you back again - just to hold you once again -_

Yohji watched and analyzed every word and move the young man made and as time passed by he got an idea who Aya really was. He was an insecure young man, without a family, without friends. He was a lonely child without commitments and it bothered Yohji terribly. He wasn't the master of making friends either but he had girlfriends from time to time or like Aya loved to say he was a whore and screwed everything with a heartbeat.

In addition to that he befriended his teammates, or like Aya said he made unnecessary commitments.

But the truth was that Aya was scared to make commitments and Yohji desperately tried to find the cause. It was his first real challenge to figure the young man out.

In the end it was Omi who found the truth about Aya's motives. The cold and skilled killer they worked with was a worried brother, who did everything in his might to protect what he had left.

Yohji was sure he would give his life for her, like he would have for Asuka if he'd gotten the chance.

The greatest day for Yohji was as they realized that Aya had warmed up to them. He was still arrogant but it was more obvious that he cared about them.

The warmth in the amethyst eyes as he cared for Yohji after a mission had gone wrong sent the most heartwarming feelings through his body since Asuka's death.

He had thought he wasn't able to love that deeply anymore but he was wrong. The love he felt for the young man was even deeper than his love to Asuka. She was a strong and beautiful woman but compared to Aya she seemed so shallow. He would give anything to see the red-head smile, a true smile, not the smirk he liked to use when Yohji threw a temper tantrum after Aya provoked him to no end.

As the day arrived Yohji fell in love all over again. The warm and happy smile directed at him was a memory Yohji treasured. *

"And now you're gone and I haven't seen it coming" Yohji wiped the tears away he hadn't felt before.

Yohji took a hand full of sand and let it slip through his fingers "The sand is running though my fingers like your love and there's nothing I can do to keep it where it belongs, except to wait for the time to turn back or heal all wounds" he stroke over his sleeve, right above a scar he treasured. He got it the day Aya truly cared for him for the first time.

Yohji stood up and went back to the hotel. He drank a few shots of whisky before he was ready to sleep.

All this time he wasn't aware of the fact that someone was watching him from afar, watching and analyzing every move he made.


	64. It's up to you

Yohji awoke the next morning with a headache "Damn Whisky" he rubbed his head and searched through his bag for Aspirin. Yohji knew he should eat to calm don his burning stomach but he wasn't hungry at all. Today as their day, the day they spent together on the beach one year ago.

Yohji went down the street, he wasn't sure what he was looking for but he knew his heart would lead him to his destination. He was mildly surprised as he reached the bookstore they visited the last time. He entered but wasn't interested in the books; he hoped to find his beloved red-head.

"My feelings are playing tricks on me" he could swear he felt Aya's presence "Cruel" he whispered.

He took a deep breath and left without thinking about a destination. He came by the restaurant they visited with Aya's friends and the exhibition hall. Yohji realized that his feelings had nothing to do with foreboding, they only reflected what he wished for and that was a depressing fact he had to accept.

"Hey boy, how are you?" Yohji called Omi.

"We're fine, don't worry. We don't take missions while you're gone" Omi tried to sooth Yohji's worries.

"Atta boy" Yohji took a deep breath "I hoped to find him here"

"I know" Omi said "I hoped you find him too"

"I got the same room, I visited the same places but nothing feels right"

Omi closed his eyes "I know" he struggled for words "Come home when you're ready. We will be there, always"

Yohji smiled sadly "In know you will" and hung up.

He sat on his bed, head in his hands "Where are you?" he cried "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?"

People on the street turned around to look at the hotel to search for the desperate owner of the voice but they couldn't see him. They continued with their own lives, with a little pity in their hearts for the person behind the mystery voice. Only one person didn't go on, the person leaned against the wall of the building waiting for a sign. After a while a seagull flew high up in the sky, looking like it wanted to fly right into the setting sun. Not interested of the impact of his doing. Risking everything he had for a dream "Ready to burn your wings along the way? What for?" the person mumbled and went away, still watching the seagull fly circles above the sea.

Yohji couldn't stand the narrowness of the room, even though the room was big enough for two peple he felt trapped. He washed his face with cold water to lessen the reminders of is emotional outburst. He stared at the mirror for a moment "Who are you?" Yohji didn't feel like himself since Aya left him.

He grabbed his jacket and blond walked along the beach until he was near the Karaoke bar. He watched the sun, half of the red burning fireball already vanished behind the mass of water but the other half seemed so huge and available it was almost scary, as if he could reach it once he reached out for it.

Yohji looked at his favorite spot to make sure no one snatched it from under his nose, as a familiar sight caught his eyes. There sat a person with hair, red as blood, a skin pale like porcelain. He had difficulties to breathe once he realized who the person was. Like the wind he wanted to caress the pale skin and soft hair but was he real…?

_~ Is it a dream? My imagination? Do eye see what I want to see?_

_God, please help. It can't be true, it can't be true ~_

He took deep breaths and closed his eyes for a few seconds, scared to open them again, in case he was gone once he did.

"Have some guts you sissy" he mumbled to himself. He opened his eyes and he was still there. The pain in his heart was unbearable but he didn't know how to approach him.

_~ Will you run, once you notice I'm here? Will you hit me? Scream at me for what I've done? Will you come home…? ~_

Without noticing he began to walk, with each passing step his worries went sky high.

An old woman saw them from afar and shook her head with a big sigh. She walked up to the Bar and asked for a favor. Who could deny an old lady a little favor? She smiled, settled down on a free chair near the window and watched "Don't let him go again, young man" she spoke from afar; then ordered a tea "This will be interesting" the waitress who served the tea looked confused but dismissed her comment "Pensioners" she huffed.

_-It's up to you  
Because I've done everything I can  
I hope that you  
Will say that I'm your lovin' man_

Make up your mind  
And do what you're gonna do  
Well you know how I feel  
So I'm leaving it up to you

It's all so clear  
That I would give everything I own  
To have you near  
Never leave me all alone

I need your love  
So, darling, please be fair  
Let me know where I stand  
And I hope that you say you care-

Aya looked up from the sand to the sea, he felt Yohji's presence. He could feel a tickle in his spine and his heart knew he came closer. His eyes widened slightly as the wind carried a song along the beach, it fitted so well with his thoughts that it hurt.

Yohji had searched for him, he followed him all over the world and it seemed he was still waiting for him.

He called Souta from time to time to make sure his Team was all right, or else he would have come home immediately.

Yohji's state of mind was what worried Souta and Manx most. The blond was faithful to him even though he ran. Omi had called Souta and Souta had called him, to inform him about Yohji's thoughts of suicide. It had worried him deeply and he came back to Japan, not sure what to do next but most important was being near in case Yohji tried something stupid. He followed Yohji for barely two days and he was shocked at what he saw.

His beloved blond was thinner than he was before; his skin lost his beautiful tan. He looked tired and sick, and it was his entire fault. But on the other hand he was convinced he made the right decision. Not for Yohji, or maybe it was a little helpful after all, but for him it was a wise decision. He needed a time out and he used it wisely. He sought out professional help far away from all negative influences and sadly that included to stay away from home.

The bird he saw hours before made him think about Yohji and their relationship. He wasn't sure if continuing would be wise. They loved each other so much that they crossed the line so fast. Love, anger, love, anger … pain... was what they got ou of this.

He tried hard to come clean with his inner self but was it enough to continue?

_~ Will I break the first time he's angry? Or will I be strong, like they taught me to be? I'm scared of the outcome…_

_But I'll never know if I run again._

_Ikarus died to fly higher and higher, he wasn't scared at all, he was without fear and got burned._

_What if I get burned again? How will we end the next time? _

_I care Yohji, I care deeply but I'm scared _

Aya fought the urge to turn around and look at his lover.

He wasn't sure if he was ready at all, his stomach ached with fear.

_-Well I've laid my cards on the table  
And its oh so plain to see  
That I'm ready, willing and able  
To love you faithfully_

It's up to you  
No, it's not for me to say  
You love me too  
Oh, but I hope you feel that way

Make up your mind  
And do what you're gonna do  
Well you know how I feel  
So I'm leaving it up to you-

(A/N: Ricky Nelson owns his song, maybe rather his family and record label, "It's up to you". I own absolutely nothing)

Aya's hands shook and Yohji could see how his beloved red-head turned pale. He was white like a sheet and his long, slender fingers were shaking, not strong but visible.

_~ It's your choice to make, my love. I can't take the decision from you. Your heart has to decide whether you want me back or not. Please, decide quick or I gonna have an heart attack right here ~_

Yohji stood behind Aya and waited for a reaction or a little sign but Aya wasn't ready to turn around. After a few minutes he couldn't wait anymore, he had to do something.

He reached out his hand, not touching Aya but it was meant as an invitation.

Aya felt a presence near the back of his head and wasn't sure what to do so he listened to his heart. He closed his eyes and listened carefully…

_~ Love,_

_Devotion,_

_Fear,_

_Warmth,_

_It's so like you to leave it up to me, but you grew more patient._

_I know you love me and I know it wasn't fair of me to leave you without an answer._

_You proved that you're faithful and you proved your love over and over._

_I've got the feeling I'm not the only one who tried to change._

_What I feel is pure love and devotion. My heart is so warm because of your love. I'm more scared of losing you again as getting burned._

_I know what I have to do, or I will regret it all my life ~_

Aya closed his eyes, took a few deep breaths to calm his mind. He opened his eyes "Now or never" he thought and turned around. What he saw was Yohji's outstretched hand; he stared at it for seconds and took it. Not meeting Yohji's eyes.

Yohji saw Aya's inner turmoil and wasn't sure what to expect, it would be a lie to claim he wasn't surprised. He was indeed surprised as Aya's body tensed and he suddenly turned around with the intention to grab the hand he offered.

Aya wasn't looking at him and he knew why. Aya was as scared as he was. Yohji squeezed the pale hand and pulled him up. Aya stood in front of him and slowly lifted his head to look right into the emerald eyes he loved so much.

What he saw let his heart beat faster, he saw love and tears. Aya raised a hand and wiped the tears away, very gently.

Yohji saw love and fear in his lover's eyes and couldn't stop the tears from falling. He had missed these eyes and the love they held for him. He continued to stare into Aya's eyes even as he felt Aya's gentle fingers on his skin, wiping the tears away.

A pitiful sob escaped Yohji and Aya looked ready to cry. He put his arms around the blond and pulled him close. They clung to each other for dear life.

Aya stroke the blonde's back wishing to ease the pain; he lost the fight against his own tears.

Yohji pressed his face against Aya's neck, inhaling the familiar scent.

The blond felt relieved and all the tension he felt during the year left his body through his tears.

After he calmed down a little he gently kissed Aya's temple and took the younger man's hand, leading him back to the hotel. No one said a single word; they didn't need words at his moment. Everything they needed was one another.

Yohji got rid of his jacket and threw it to the floor before he helped Aya out of his coat.

He sat down on the bed and watched Aya, who poured water in a glass.

Yohji's gaze followed every move he made, a gentle smile escaped the red-head "Drink this" was the first sentence he heard over a year from Aya.

"Thank you" he took the glass. Aya sat down next to him.

"Where have you been?" Yohji stared into his glass.

"Switzerland" Aya put a hand on Yohji's thigh, he could feel the tension under his hands.

"Oh" Yohji drank some water, all the crying had made him thirsty.

"I" Aya struggled for words "I committed myself to an asylum" he rushed.

"You, what?" Yohji looked at him "Why?"

"I needed help. There was no way you or Souta could help me. I would have destroyed everything and everyone I care about. I was a ticking time bomb.

Souta said he knew a great facility in Switzerland. Far away from Kritiker… far away from you. I had to come clean with myself, how can I be honest with you when I constantly lie to myself?" Aya tried to explain and hoped he made sense.

"Therefore you had to run? Aya, an asylum… almost 10 000 km away from me! I know I was an ass, I know you must hate me but …" he choked on his words. Aya cupped Yohji's face and forced the blond to look at him "I don't hate you, I never did. Do you understand?" Yohji didn't answer.

"I love you! But I had to do this, I had to run to find myself. I'm terribly sorry but I had to be selfish. For my sake and for your sake. What good had it been if we had continued to fight? I've seen two possibilities. 1. We would have destroyed one another, 2. Our love would have turned to hate. Neither have I any interest in destroying you nor do I want to feel hate in association with you" he brushed his thump gently over Yohji's cheek bone.

"I've missed you so much" Yohji leaned into the touch.

"I missed you too. Never doubt it" Aya pulled him into gentle kiss "You're tired. Let's go to sleep" he helped Yohji undress and tucked him in ith a gentle kiss on the forehead.

"Stay" Yohji called as Aya turned around "Don't worry I'm not going anywhere" he undressed and settled down on the other side of the bed. Yohji scooted over and laid his arms around his red-head. Aya relaxed in Yohji's arm "I missed this"

"Cuddling?" Yohji grinned and pulled Aya half on top of himself.

"Your presence" Aya listened to Yohji's strong heartbeat "Your warmth, your eyes, your touch, your smile, your personality. I missed everything about you"

"Ditto" Yohji stroke through the soft red hair "Let's forget about the whys and what ifs and begin anew"

"I like that" Aya clung to his lover "I'm sorry"

"There's nothing to be sorry for. We're both at fault" Yohji closed his eyes, enjoying Aya's presence.

"Good night" Aya mumbled.

"Good night" Yohji tightened his grip around Aya, afraid he could disappear.

"I'm not going anywhere. I promise" Aya soothed before he fell asleep.


	65. Happily ever after

The first thing Yohji noticed as he awoke the next morning was the coldness of the bed. He searched frantically for Aya, his brain still half asleep "Aya" he breathed heavily.

Aya ran out of the bathroom "Yohji, I'm here" he touched Yohji's face and forced him to look right into his eyes "I'm right here!"

"I thought you left me again or I dreamt you've come back, I'm not sure what I thought" he babbled.

"I'm real" he kissed Yohji "and I'll stay forever"

Yohji smiled lovingly "You're so pale" Aya caressed Yohji's soft skin "It wasn't my intention to make you sick"

"I know it wasn't but I couldn't help it I was sick with worry" Yohji stroke a bang out of Aya's face "but you're paler than normal too"

"I was scared of you and maybe I still am"

"Why?" the blonds' gaze darkened.

"I was scared you'd reject me" Aya admitted.

"That's it? I just thought you were really scared of me, because I tend to hurt you mentally and physically"

"I decided to risk your temper but I was and am scared I lost your love for me" Aya lay on top of Yohji by now.

"I don't know if I can hold my temper in check forever but I definitely know that my love will never fade. I'm sure it will continue to grow" he kissed the top of Aya's head.

"I'd like that" Aya closed his eyes "We should go home"

"Yeah" Yohji had no intention to leave the bed.

"Omi will kill me" Aya snuggled closer.

"Oh yeah, he will but I think he'll might show mercy" Yohji grinned.

"He's merciless" Aya sighed, Yohji laughed "He's so worried he will kick your ass and bawl at you but he'll not kill you. That would be too easy"

"Oh god" Aya whined, Yohji couldn't suppress a laugh "It's all your own fault. You could have sent a postcard"

Aya punched him half-heartedly in the chest "Love you, asshole"

Yohji slung his arms around Aya and rolled over, Aya was stuck under him "Say it again" the blond grinned.

"Love you, sweetheart?" Aya played along.

"Uh-hu" Yohji began to undress his lover with a wicked grin on his face. Aya was scared of their first love making after a year. He wasn't sure what to expect. Aggression? A quick fuck? But with each touch of Yohji's hands he felt more and more at home. The love radiating from Yohji's eyes confirmed that he made the right decision. He was home, and he came to stay, forever.

"Yohji? I thought you'd stay longer" Omi washed the dishes and didn't turn around as the door opened. Ken sat on the table, writing down some soccer tactics.

"I just wanted to come home as fast as possible" he hid the happiness he felt. Aya stood behind him and waited for them to notice him.

"I know you feel terrible and I'm glad you chose to come home for comfort" Omi was worried Yohji wouldn't come back at all. He put down the last plate before he turned around.

Yohji beamed at him, his hand intertwined with Aya's. Omi stood there, dumbfounded. Ken looked up at his lover and frowned. Omi's eyes were wide and his breathing heavy.

He turned around and looked at Yohji and "AYA" he gasped. He got up and enclosed the older man in his arms. Omi got a grip on himself and did the same.

"Where have you been?" tears glittered in Omi's eyes "I… I thought you're gone for good"

"I had to work through some issues but I left them behind" Aya patted Omi's head "and I should be as good as new"

"We missed you" the young man rubbed his eyes.

"I know you did" and he knew indeed that they had missed him. He learned to believe in people he trusted and he learned to appreciate himself.

"Don't do that again" Ken punched Aya's shoulder, lightly.

"I won't" the redhead promised, Ken's reaction cheered him up even more.

"So where have you been?" Omi crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Kritiker's first class Asylum" Aya blushed slightly, he felt embarrassed.

"Oh" Omi unfolded his arms "Did it help?"

Aya was thankful for Omi's simple question and nodded "It did"

"Good" the young man smiled in relief "Tell us about it" he grabbed Aya's hand and dragged him into the living room.

Aya had hoped Omi would trop the topic but he should have known better.

"Did Manx know about it?" he huffed after Aya told them about the therapy and his harmless adventures in Switzerland.

"Of course" Aya smirked "They all knew where I was"

"And they let us tear the world apart" Ken grunted "That's not fair"

"They promised to remain silent about the matter but they could have told you that I was fine" Aya took a deep breath "They're normally good at finding a way to use the gray area to their liking"

"I think for once they honored your wish" Yohji leaned against Aya's side, he was tired.

Having Aya back took a huge weight from his shoulders and he felt exhaust.

"How is Aya?" Ran put an arm around Yohji to pull him closer.

"She woke up, shortly after Yohji left" Omi said carefully.

"What?" Yohji and Aya said in unison, staring at him.

"She's awake" Omi repeated.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Yohji was angry.

"We wanted to fill her in without you around. Yohji you were in no condition to handle the new situation"

"Omi is right, we considered it advisable to keep you out of the loop for a while" Ken added for his lover.

"Is she angry?" she woke up and he wasn't around to visit her.

"No" Omi shook his head, a sad look crossed his face for a moment "She was very understanding, actually"

"She knew you'd snap sooner or later and she said she remembers a lot of things you told her during her coma, and she remembered strangers talking to her" a smile appeared on Ken's face "She's waiting patiently for you to come home"

"Where is she?" Aya felt the tears in his eyes, he couldn't believe that his nightmare was over.

"At the hospital. Rehabilitation will need a lot of time but apart from muscle loss, she's fine" Omi waited for Yohji to blow up.

"Omi..." the older man hissed, they should have told him something like that. It was important.

Aya pressed a kiss against Yohji's forehead and Yohji felt how his anger left him "It's still not okay" the blond closed his eyes, enjoying Aya's soft lip linger against his skin.

"I know" Omi agreed, it was better to play along, even though he would do it again "We're sorry"

"It's okay, kiddo" Yohji opened his eyes, taking Aya's hand "Come" he stood up and dragged Aya upwards as well "Let's pay her a visit"

The look on Aya's face was priceless, his smile and gleaming eyes took his breath away "Come" he repeated.

Aya nodded.

"RAN" her eyes widened, he looked different but she'd recognize her big brother everywhere.

"Aya" he didn't dare to look at her for long.

"Come here" she ordered, it obvious that he was ashamed.

He sat down on the edge of her bed and took her hand "I missed you so much"

"I'm sorry" tears glittered in her eyes "All those years. You're so tall and broad, your hair changed, too " she reached for a strand of his hair.

"You look the same, aside your more pronounced femininity" it was kind of awkward, she wasn't a little girl anymore, at least her body wasn't but her mind was still so young.

She laughed, he'd missed the sound of her voice "Who is he?" she pointed at Yohji.

Ran stared at the blond for a long time before he smiled "My fiancé"

The statement took Yohji's breath away, he expected a lot of things but not that "I'm Yohji" he choked out while he fought with the overwhelming feeling of surprise and love.

"Nice to meet you" she waved him over "He's pretty"

"I know" Ran chuckled "don't get strange ideas"

"Not my type" she shook her head "So where did you meet?"

"At work" Yohji gave his best to smile "We own a flower shop"

"I know what you're doing" she had asked the two young men if what she heard during her coma was correct or imagined. The men came to the conclusion that she deserved the truth because there was no way she would not get a glimpse of their dark secret, some day.

"You must be disappointed" Ran lowered his gaze, his smile vanished.

"No" she meant what she said "You had to pay the bill, you had to provide for your maintenance and to be honest I'm glad you found and killed him. He deserved it"

"I did a lot more than that over the years" Ran sighed.

"Did they deserve it?"

"Hell yeah, they did" he nodded.

"Then I don't see a problem in your choice of occupation" her gaze softened.

"She's right, you know" Yohji put his hand on the back of Ran's neck "I think i really like you" he said to her.

"I like you as long as you make my brother happy" she glared.

Yohji gasped in shock, she looked so much like his lover when she did that, and she sounded like him "You're so much alike. Creepy"

"She's my baby sister after all" Ran relaxed visibly.

"Damn straight" she nodded enthusiastically.

Yohji couldn't help but laugh at them.

It wasn't easy to break the habit to call Aya, Ran. They always used Aya, even after he revealed his true name.

But now that the real Aya was back, it was absolutely necessary.

She started to work at the flower shop and they had more male customers for a change.

The women were jealous at first until they realized that the pretty girl was actually Aya's sister.

They had so much trouble not to call Ran, Aya that they settled for Aya-chan and Aya-kun.

"Faith, get down" Ran pointed with his finger at the ground and the cat jumped down from the bed "You can't leave all your fur on my suit"

Aya laughed "Nervous, big brother?"

"Positive" he muttered before he took a shaky breath.

"I bet he's just as nervous as you" she laughed again, her brother was adorable when he was flustered.

"Mr. Keep-it-cool" Ran huffed "He's probably flirting with the chambermaid"

"Why should he do that?" she frowned.

"Because he can't handle stress" Aya smiled lovingly "he flirts and does as if nothings out of the ordinary"

"Huh" Aya smirked, she had noticed that he was a womanizer the first day she worked at the shop but Ran swore that he was faithful.

"It's the way he is" Ran said to distract her "I'm his first, if you want to call it that. He had a hard time to cope with being bi"

"Hard to believe he marries you" she blurted out, earning a disapproving glare from her brother "Oh, no I don't mean that. It's just cute how he bedded woman after woman until he realized that he wasn't happy with any woman. And then he settles down with a man"

"You're making no sense" he raised an eyebrow "but you're forgiven. And now help me to get dressed. I hate ties"

She chuckled.

"Yohji keep still" Ken slapped the back of Yohji's head.

"Ow" the older man glared "What was that for?"

"I told you six times to keep still" he nagged "and now let me handle your damn tie"

"Yes, daddy" Yohji rolled his eyes.

"You're sassy" Omi plopped down on the bed "I spoke with Aya. Your lover-boy doesn't behave better than you"

"Exuse me little one but whom you're calling lover-boy?" Yohji put his hands on his hips "Considering your age and relationship status, I'd say the term rather suits you" he pointed at Omi.

The young man stared at him with open mouth.

"See" Yohji patted Ken on the shoulder "Isn't difficutl to shut him up"

"You're nasty mister Kudoh" Ken hid a smirk.

"I know" he nodded self-confident "and now let's go"

"Sure you can handle it?" Omi found his voice.

"Absolutely not but I have to if I want to leave the town as a married man" Yohji took a deep breath before he left his room.

All their guest had come. The old lady from the plane, Ran's former classmates, Manx, Persian Souta and his wife, doc and the rest of the team.

But the most important person was Aya-chan.

The girl, no woman, woke a side in Ran, Yohji never saw before and he loved it.

He was funny and happy, in addition to that Ran lost some of his grouchiness and was a little more open with his emotions.

It was beautiful to see them all.

Yohji stood in front of the altar, Ken was his best man.

Yohji thought for one moment that he would faint as Aya appeared at the other end of the aisle with Omi by his side.

Ran beamed at Yohji while he walked down the aisle to stop at his rightful place.

"Thought you chickened out" Yohji chuckled hysterically.

"Never" Ran smiled "but I'm surprised to see you here"

Yohji laughed and felt how his nervousness faded away "Let's get married then" he gave the priest a nod.

The priest read his text and after they spoke their vows they sealed their union with their platinum bands and a breath taking kiss.

No one dared to raise an objection.

Yohji told Ran how much he loved him and how important he was to him.

He said how sorry he was for their past and how happy he was that they were stronger than before. Yohji promised that nothing could part them. They belonged together and they made it through too many hardships to get separated ever again.

Ran had smiled the whole time, encouraging his soon to be husband to go on.

After a long time it was Ran's turn to vow his undying love.

He apologized for leaving him and thanked him for his love and all the work he put into their relationship. Ran made sure Yohji understood that he would never leave again, not without his husband.

Yohji felt tears in his eyes as Ran thanked him for marrying him, for not turning his back on him.

No, he held his promise. It was summer, a beautiful day and they stood at the beach together with all the most important people in their lives.

Omi and Ken had to fight tears of joy.

Manx wiped a few stray tears away with a tissue Persian had given her. The older man eyed her with a grin.

The sun illuminated the beach orange, it was a warm color accompanied by the pink tint of the sky.

The sea was glittering while the gulls flew circles.

After the ceremony was over they ate and chatted until it was time for the first dance of the evening.

"I chose the song for the two most important person in my life" Aya-chan began "I was in a coma for a very, very long time but my big brother never gave up on me. He continued to care for me and to love me. And I want to thank Yohji for doing the same for my brother. Thank you for loving him and holding on to him no matter what. I'm proud to welcome you into our family. I tried to find the perfect song for your wedding and I learned that the perfect song does not exist. What makes a song precious is what we associate with it so I chose this one" she gestured the DJ to start the music.

_You're never gonna be alone from this moment on_

_If you ever feel like letting go, I won't let you fall_

_You're never gonna be alone, I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone__  
__And now, as long as I can, _

_I'm holding on with both hands_

_'Cause forever I believe That there's nothing I could need but you_

_So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know__  
__You're never gonna be alone from this moment on_

_If you ever feel like letting go, I won't let you fall_

_When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on_

_We're gonna see the world out, I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone__  
_...

A./N.:"Never gonna be alone" Nickelback own their song, and the rights. I don't.

Yohji took Aya's hand with a smile and led him onto the makeshift dance floor.

"I love you" the blond put his arms around Ran and swayed with the music.

Ran put his arms around Yohji's waist and let the older man lead "I love you, too"

They stared into each other's eyes for a long time.

Everything was visible in them.

The love and devotion for each other.

Their hope for a better future and the promise to settle down in the near future, leaving their current life behind.

They wanted to open up their own flower shop somewhere close to the sea.

Buying a pretty house, adopting one or two children and a new cat.

Faith was lonely and needed some company, and he needed the chance to start his own family.

They knew their life would work out alright.

Ran rested his head against Yohji's shoulder "We beat destiny" the redhead smiled softly.

"We did" Yohji rested his cheek against Ran's forehead "We're making our own" the blond smiled broadly.

Aya enjoyed his husbands warmth and knew they were unstoppable.

Neither Schwarz nor death could tear them apart.

Being alive was absolutely worth it.

The End


End file.
